Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I repent for my sins if I don’t feel guilty?

mercy forgiveness repentance tawbahAssalamu alaykum,

I have committed major sins (astagfirullah). It's my fault and I need to make tawbah (repentance). But I don't know what to do. I need to feel remorse and guilt. And I know this is stupid and wrong, but I dont know how. I have tried praying tawbah before many times but every time afterwards, when I thought of the sins, I felt very little or nothing which told me that my tawbah was not accepted and that I'd need to do it again. Eventually I realized that I was just adding to the problem because insincere tawbah would just make Allah angry.

So I stopped and I was looking for answers on another site and they said that remorse comes from remembering Allah. Is this true? And when I came here a post by Muslima01 called "Curing my broken heart" a commenter told her to read durood sharif and istigfar alot. It is helping a bit as I almost cried a few times.

I feel like I shouldn't be looking for answers because my situation is so messed up in the first place. And then I realized that I have to find a way to fix this, so I came here. I'm scared of death. I keep thinking "what if the angel of death comes to me right now?" and I get scared and I keep repeating the durood.

I wish I could feel the guilt forever if it meant I could repent properly and Allah would be pleased with me. I don't know what to do. I definitely don't want to commit the sin again...I don't want to die like this and face punishment. But I don't know how to move forward and with every passing day that I don't make tawbah, I worry I will eventually lose the ability to feel anything and I will be doomed to be a unrepentant sinner and I will never make tawbah. I know this is very wrong and not okay and that I can't blame anyone but myself for this mess. At the beginning I felt awful for 3 days and I wish I could get that back again. The feeling decreased until it almost disappeared. Now with durood it's nowhere near what it used to be but I almost cried a few times.

Please don't pass this over. I get that it's long but I really need your help . I want to be a better muslim and become of the righteous. I pray 5 times a day but I really need to fix myself. What can I do to feel guilt and cry? Is it okay to feel remorse about Allah's displeasure or only about the sin? Remorse about going to hell isn't true remorse is it? Is there a process or is it a thing. I'm really confused and I need your help.

Also, do you have any advice on how I could improve my heart? I feel like my lack is because of an impure heart. How do I fix that? With every day that passes I feel like my imaan is getting lower. I am worried it might be too late. I know if I die now I will be doomed and I don't want that. PLZ HELP. I don't know what to do, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to fix my relationship with Allah as I cant find a way out.

Jazakallah for listening and may Allah reward you for the work you do on this site.

12something

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15 Responses »

  1. The fact that you are seeking advice here in itself, shows you feel guilty enough to seek help..Only thing that will soften your heart will be to continue with your taubah, Sadqa and, fasting..
    Even if you think that you don’t feel guilty and that you are happy with your sins. Continue till you are humbled. Intentions and action both is required.

    La illA ha I’llalh UnTas Subhanika Inn KuntO Minazzdalameen(Doa of prophet Yunus when he repented inside the fish)
    In abundance.Allah loves those who seek forgiveness.. and you are seeking don’t let the Shaytan to think otherwise..
    Or any similar; Astagfurrullah WanAtubuh Ilahi.
    May Allah guid us all to straight path.
    Listen to some scholars too..

  2. The fact that you are seeking advice here in itself, shows you feel guilty enough to seek help..Only thing that will soften your heart will be to continue with your taubah, Sadqa and, fasting..and of course SalaH including Nafill..
    Even if you think that you don’t feel guilty and that you are happy with your sins. Continue till you are humbled. Intentions and action both is required.

    La illA ha I’llalh UnTas Subhanika Inn KuntO Minazzdalameen(Doa of prophet Yunus when he repented inside the fish)
    In abundance.Allah loves those who seek forgiveness.. and you are seeking don’t let the Shaytan to think otherwise..Shaytan butifies sins.
    Or any similar; Astagfurrullah WanAtubuh Ilahi.
    May Allah guid us all to straight path.
    Listen to some scholars too..

    • Thank you for your advice
      But 2 questions
      First if you pray taubah and it's not sincere enough then is that a mockery of taubah, even if you were trying to be sincere? And do you have to remember the sin for always and always or only for the taubah. Because it feels a bit wrong to just make taubah and forget, but do you have to always remember and feel guilt?

      • Asalamualaykum Muslim,

        You don't need to remember the sin necessarily, but you need to learn from it to avoid repeating the same action that led you down the wrong path.

        Also, once you have repented for your sin, you needn't always think of your sin and feel guilty. I mean, if that's how you feel, don't beat yourself up about it, but it isn't necessary once Allah has accepted your Tawbah. And you'll know when Allah has accepted your Tawbah, because you will feel more educated, enlightened, and determined to worship in a more genuine way.

        Don't overthink this. Do your best to repent...the best repentance is simply not repeating the same action again...that in itself is sincerity.

        Best,

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

      • Continue with the Durood sharif and Astaghfar.. add more forms of Zikr and recitation of Quran daily.. This will improve everything overtime, keep doing daily

  3. Asalamo alaikum brother/sister,

    I don't know if the sin you're talking about is the sin of zina, but I highly recommend you watch this lecture of sjeikh Omar El Banna, an Australian imam.
    It will consume some of your time, but this lecture is really important if you're looking for help regarding feeling sorry for your sins and ACTUALLY repent the Islamic way.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TcAiH0jI4X0

    And I don't know if you're aware of this, but these are the blessed days of Dhu al-Hijjah. If you fast these days and especially on the day of Arafah, all your sins of the past year and the oncoming year will be forgiven.
    This is truly the mercy of Allah swt.
    I recommend you read more about the truly HUGE benefits of fasting these days...

    And most importantly, there can be NO repentance if you commit those same sins again, so please be aware of this.
    You will risk the wrath of Allah swt if you fall into the same trap again. And repenting for your sins will become even more difficult.

    May Allah swt make it easier for all of us, ameen.

  4. see the following short videos on benefits of Prayers on the prophet Alaihi salam (Durood sharif )

    https://youtu.be/HVScDiJ_Tys

    https://youtu.be/BgqSi4cPaU0

    the videos are of arab scholars with english subtitles
    Wallahi, durood Sharif changed my life.

  5. Thank you guys alot for your help it really makes me feel better to read your advice
    But I have another question. Can you continue to repeat taubah, despite my problem? Does it help with remorse or is it just a waste of time as taubah isnt accepted without remorse?

  6. Muslim,

    I honestly feel like you are overanalyzing this. Do you plan on repeating the sin, or have you learned from it and vow to never repeat it, regardless of whether you feel guilty or not? Because the point of repentance is to have learned not to repeat and choosing a different action next time. We are not in control of our thoughts and feelings, but we are in control of our actions, and Allah does not judge us on the former.

    And Allah knows best,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

    • Nor
      Thank you so much for that comment it really helps and I wish I could trust you on that but my worry is I know that my sins wont be forgiven unless I make sincere tauba. Does the rule of not being judged on thoughts apply to tauba aswell? Tbh I'm analysing because I know I'd love to take the easy route of just believing I am forgiven and I'm worried that if I do that I'll be in trouble in akhirah
      Also, is it really enough to just swear that you'll never do that again? Because I know I'd rather die than do those things, but I need to have remorse too. It's very complex

      • Asalamualaykum 12something, No...it is not enough to swear you will never do that again....and I wouldn't even recommend that because you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself that way, all at once. You have to take it day by day and actually try to refrain from the sin on a daily basis to be successful. You will have to choose the right path over and over until it becomes easier and natural. But I know you are capable and strong. Just don't be too hard on yourself. Ask for forgiveness as many times as you need to in order to feel comfortable. You'll know when you've done everything you can to repent. There are people who don't even have a conscience and feel no guilt, but they still know right from wrong and can act in accordance. Allah knows everything in someone's heart without them uttering a word. Best, Nor, IslamicAnswers

    • But Nor the sins were a one time thing I dont usually commit so I suppose I need to put in an effort to constant durood and istigfar and hopefully itll change me inshallah

  7. Hey Nor
    I still need your advice.
    Remember when I said I'd continue with istigfar and durood?
    I'm sorry I didnt. I have a new problem. Whenever I start reading istigfar I stop because I feel like I'm not guilty and that I'm happy with the sins (astagfirullah). Should I just continue trying to say it to the best of my ability despite what I think and feel? Also, every time I think of something bad it feels like my heart agrees with it and that bothers me
    Also, I have a
    really bad waswasa problem. Awful. Do you know how to fight extreme waswas, because I feel like ignoring it makes it worse

    • Also, I fear that if i just recite durood and istigfar i will forget how severe my problem is. I feel I'm taking this too lightly. Do you have any suggestions on how to fear Allah and wake myself up from this. It's not good because I know I have a big problem, so I dont know why I keep forgetting. It's like my head is responsible and heart is disgusting. Do I just continue no matter what my heart says? I feel like everytime I remember I get a whisper in my head and my heart feels that way and then I give up

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