How can I set my life back on the right path after all the mistakes I’ve made?
Help. I was arranged marriaged to a cousin. After marriage he ran away in the UK somewhere. I met my boyfriend a few years later we have had child through IVF conception. But I still not Islamically divorced from my arranged marriage husband. Now my child's father has nothing to do with us says it would bring shame on his family.
I have now met a mature gentlemen Muslim who knows my situation but now I want to do it right as not fair on my girl and I want to get into my religion again please forgive me. I am single mum so I can't afford 400 pounds for khula from Sharia Council in London and there is no one locally that can help me get Islamically divorced.
Does anyone know where I can get islamically divorced for free as I cannot find any local Imam and I do not where my husband is, not one bit as family are at war.
And what happens inshalah when I do get married again with regards to my daughter? Does her dad have any rights in her future even though he has never supported us financially or any other way?
In Islam can my daughter call my new husband dad and does he have to adopt her? She has my surname as her dad did not allow me to put his name on birth certificate. I am truly sorry to God and seek forgiveness. I also had an abortion.
I need help as feel my religion is important to me yes I know its fine to say now but I am truly sorry.
How do I seek forgiveness please help I so isolated from muslim community here they hate me.
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1. Ask for Allah's forgiveness Allah is merciful.
2. Get your family to help you get a divorce before you get married to this man even though you know that he is a good Muslim man you don't know him personally so I suggest you get your wali to find out more about the man your about to marry also ask yourself can you trust this man that you are about to get married to? is he going to abandon you like your previous husband did? does he know what happened to your previous marriage its important that he knows so he doesn't dare do the same to you.
3. If you do get married to this man your daughter can call him dad!
I think your boyfriend is pretty pathetic he said that it would bring shame on his family but what he did was pretty shameful and immature being in a relationship with you outside of marriage.
Dear Sister, Asalaamualaykum,
I feel for you and I pray sincerely that you have truly and honestly returned to Allah's path. You are my sister in Islam and I do not want you to fall any further. I want you to repent and straighten yourself and live as a Muslimah with dignity and respect. Islam makes a way out for everything insha'Allah, as Allah wants you to come back on the right path.
So, firstly sister, make sincere tawbah, you know full well that you have stained your soul by committing adultery and abortion - as both are utterly haraam; BUT this is not the end of the road for you. As you are already experiencing, you know there are extreme difficulties that you are now suffering due to these wrongs. This is the bitter part of the consequences that you may have to bear for a long time to come yet. But turning back to Allah through istigfaar will begin to turn pain into sweetness of faith insha'Allah as Allah promises to forgive if we sincerely repent.
Allah says in Surah Zumar, Ayah 53, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."
Secondly sister, I urge you to keep your distance from this 'third' man. He is not your husband yet and you have alot of lose ends that need tying up before you can re-marry, because you are still married to the first man, albeit he is absent.
If you are going to divorce, you need to:
- Divorce his Islamically and;
- If you had a British marriage/registry, then you also need to divorce him according to British Law aswell;
With regards to your child, unfortunately, she is illegitimate since she was born through zina.
1) Since you had your illegitimate daughter whilst in 'a marriage', if your current husband was willing to accept her, she would take on your husband's name. But this scenario is not applicable as your husband is absent.
2) Due to this she has no right to be attributed to her biological father, she cannot take his name neither does she have any right upon his inheritance either, unless he wishes to take responsibility. However, this is not applicable either, since you state that the biological father does not want anything to do with either of you.
3) So in your current case, your daughter will take on your name.
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I understand that you are a single mother without any family support and you must be struggling financially too. Are you working? What is your source of income? Do you have a safe place to live with your daughter? I am very concerned about you so, please write back here so I can put you in touch with people who may be able to offer you Professional Advice and practical help and support. I want to put you in touch with a UK Family Lawyer to set you in the direction with regards to your divorce and I also want to put you in touch with the Shariah council so you can initiate the Islamic divorce too - if that is what you are going to do.
I appreciate you are short of money at the moment, but please do not let that stop you from contacting me here. Alhumdulillah, you have turned back to Allah and have sought help and you clearly want to get married again and live a dignified life, so have yaqeen/faith that Allah will help you with this. Insha'Allah we will find a way to help you go forward. Insha'Allah you will reply.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor