Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I stop my husband from drinking alcohol?

Man drinking alcohol from a bottle

"He drinks alcohol..."

I am 26 and have been married 8 years. My husband drinks alcohol and does not care about the fact that I despise alcohol. This has caused a lot of issues in our marriage. We are in marriage therapy as well but it seems like nothing will help the issue.

He doesn't drink to the effect of getting drunk, but to me even a drink a night is a big deal (obviously, since it is haram). Other than the issue of alcohol our marriage is in good shape. We are thinking of expanding our family. My question today is about trying to conceive a baby with a man who has alcohol in his system.

Is there anything in Islam, Quran or Hadith that can shed a light on the issue? I feel very uncomfortable knowing that my child will be conceived while there is alcohol in his system, which would affect the sperm as well. Help??

~Upset

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20 Responses »

  1. Upset,

    Tell your husband that you want to have children, but you are not at all happy about his attitude towards alcohol because it is haraam, as Allah says: “O you who believe! Intoxicants (all kinds of alcoholic drinks), gambling, idolatry, and diving arrows are an abomination of Satan’s handiwork. So avoid that so that you may be successful.” (Quran 5: 90) His reaction to this will tell you alot about him as a person and about his stance on religion, although you live with him so I would assume that should already be apparent to you. Is he willing to improve himself?

    Some of the questions one should ask themselves are: If a man drinks alcohol knowing that it is haraam, how much importance can he possibly place on his Deen? By the looks of it, 'very little'. And do you really want your children to be fathered by a man who gives such little importance to his Deen?

    Instead of thinking of having children right now, I believe it is necessary for you find the answers to the above questions and then think about what kind of future you want for your children. Figure out what your final goal is in life, then use that to determine the answers to your own question and the questions I have asked.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Salam,

    the worst thing i would have imagine is a drinking husband, if my husband starts drinking, he wont see me again.

    cos a man who drinks :he cant think properly, physically drinking people they look uglier and uglier with time (subhanallah). Plus they stink,

    not only they cant think properly, but with this condition they cant pray, they are in another world. So you can bring all the Imam from the world, they wont convince him. as he is not afraid of God, as he cant think.

    As our sister said above, the last thing you should be thinking now is to have a child, have mercy for the child, I would feel guilty to have a child in this condition. So many people have had their destroyed and complain about horrible childhood memory when they remember their father or mother drinking.

    Maybe inconscially, u think that having a child will make u busy on something else and give you some joy. But dont be selfish. You should give him a '' hard shock'', take him to hospital for rehab. or leave for a few days so he thinks he is loosing you. But he never thinks that cos he knows u want child from him, he is very relax.

    Think well, inshallah with tthe right choices, you will have healthy family and happy children with happy parents.

    Good luck

    • Good point Sister saraa: In ingesting anything haraam, as long as he continues, his salaat is not accepted until he is clean of it for 40 days.

      The ability to stop drinking alcohol is not difficult unless he is an alcoholic and contrary to popular opinion, you do not have to be a raving drunk to be one. Just the fact that he refuses to stop, seemingly because he cannot either due to alcoholism, arrogance and an ignorance of Allah (swt) should give you caution about having another child, which will NOT change his behavior. If he's just being arrogant about it, the question is, is does he love Allah (swt) enough to stop?

      I found this online and I thought it was appropriate to share:

      "Alcoholism is a primary illness or disorder characterised by some loss of control over drinking, with habituation or addiction to the drug alcohol, causing interference in any major life function, e.g. health, family, job, spiritual, friends,legal."

      Notice there that it doesn't say anything about how much you drink. So having a drinking problem isn't defined by quantity - but rather loss of control, which ultimately causes problems in other areas of your life, i.e. health, work, relationships</em, etc.

      Bottom line is as soon as your drinking begins to effect any areas of your life, you know that there is a problem.

      Also, you say everything else is fine, but assess his stress levels and see if he's using the alcohol to 'unwind' when in fact he could be engaging himself in something else to relax him, namely, you.

  3. Assalamu alaikum,
    first of all it is haram to drink alcohol. It is also very very harmful, you can even die if you drink to much. warn him and ask allah to make him stop drinking and never give up asking. also alcohol can not harm only your husband but can also harm you because if he drinks to much his brain will not function very well and he might try to harm you because of his alcohol.

    Salam

  4. I am having same issue with my husband, he is trying to stop and everytime goes back hes not a drunk but i want him to stp completely, he tends to do it more so when he is sad I pray he stops one day soon

  5. Asalaam alaikum,

    Alcohol is a natural depressant and it is becoming your husband's 'partner' of consolation when he is sad. It does not matter if he is completely drunk, as he fits within the definition of being an alcoholic, since he cannot break free from it. Try to find an Alcoholic Anonymous group that he can attend. It seems that your husband also has issues in communicating his emotions effectively, which is his root problem.

    Please see this article to understand what may be happening:
    http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/depression/alcoholanddepression_000486.htm

  6. I'm European married Malay. My husband drink and i hate it. I don't know what to do, i want to live him but i have no where to go. I have no family in Singapore it just me and my kids.. hate my life......

    • Alya,

      Please log in and submit your question as a separate post. Try to add more details so we can help you as much as possible insha'Allah.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. I am a mother of two young kids.My husabnd has a good job and he is taking care of us but the main issue is, he drinks alcohol.

    I try to follow Islam and even my kids study Quran every day...i tried a lot to stop him from drinking but he just promise and can't actually do it or may be don't wanna stop. I do dua from Allah because don't know what to do.If i think to leave him there is no one to support me ...right now can't start any job because my kids are young.Otherwise he s a normal and caring person.If he leave alcohol i can say he would be a best person.

    I hate my life....sometime feel guilty for his deeds...i am from a very islamic family....i consider drinking a sin.

    Please advise me what to do.

    Helpless and lost

    M..K

    .

    • momel, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we'll try to advise you, Insha'Allah. My short answer to you is be patient with your husband, pray to Allah to guide him, and try to become friends with good Muslim couples who will be a good influence on your husband.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • i am seeking help with mu terrible situation ,i have been married for 18 years now
      my husband is an alcoholic ,he drinks every night,for the past 18 years,even before that
      i have five kids from him,i did all what i can do to let the boat run and not to destroy the family but he is getting worse and worse day after day
      iseparated from him for almost a year ,then he ask me to come back again,i accpeted
      now we are seprated again
      he has a very bad tongue ,he always tell me where ihe drinks it is his place of pleasure
      i cant question him ,my duties only is to clean ,cook,take care of kids
      he is very carless man,has no mercy towards me
      i came up from a very good family,well educated ,i worh plus i take responsbilty of my my five kids by myself
      i applied for divorce
      i need to know ,the route i choose now is against god
      by getting divorce ,do i consider a destructive person,
      i try to tolerate him for long time,he is a verbal abuser,emotional abuser and way more than that
      please ,i need an immediate advice ,i am on the board of having a nervousbreakdown

      • ghada, normally I would tell you to please log in and write your question as a separate post (and you can do that if you want to receive detailed advice). But I can give you a short answer now: divorce is intended exactly for situations like this. So you are not doing anything wrong by divorcing him. You tolerated much, much more than most people would. Time to move on now.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Thank you so much for the advice...actually i posted this question as separate post as well.
    But i am not sure how to do it correctly as i m new on this site...it says pending..that's why i posted here.

  9. I have married for 7 years my husband is good person but drinks every night. Like to get high and when I was younger I didn't mind it. Know that we have a child it's getting worse we fight a lot and also was having gambling problems. He try's to stop but it only last a week. I want to leave but something always stops me. What should I do?

    • Nazgul, please log in and write your question as a separate post. Give us more details about your situation, for example your ability to live on your own, or your parents' thoughts on this matter, etc.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  10. This video will really help you stop drinking.

  11. Even my husband drinks .. Which i really hate, wenever he drinks v get into argument n tat ends in a big fight.. He says to leave him n go as he wont stop drinking at any cost...Am really confusd dnt knw wt to do n am nw preg .. Am scared cuz i dnt want my baby to hav a dad who does haram.. Scared n worried cuz wt if he also bcum lik his dad in future.. i pray tahajud n offer all my prayers read quran but my husband does all haram stuffs .. I dnt knw y allah bought us 2gther.

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