Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I advise my friend?

Day and night

As-salaaam Alaikum everyone

I would like to get an genuine islamic advice on this matter which i m gonna talk about.

So here it is , theres this husband and wife who has been having constant arguments since the day they got engaged. both have different mentality they both belong from same family but live in different countries.

after the engagement period eventually they got married and they decided that they wont have kids until two years and things were normal for them until the husband visited his family. were his family is little old background people and they encouraged him to have kids and start a family since starting family will decrease the constant fights between them and will increase love ..

But the wife always had different desires in life and she shared with husband to and he was okay with it. But now his mind changed and has been forcing her to get kids and all of a sudden after some while she got pregnant but her pregnancy had complications which made her to abort for medical reasons as it was not a normal pregnancy .

Now the question is she dont want to have kids because she feels that he doesn’t understand her and getting a kid into this will make things even harder for her because he before used to tell her if things dont work we will leave each other so she cant trust him at this point . And the doctors advised her to get pregnant after some time. And third thing hes not financially stable and is not doing anything about it As well .

She want kids in her life and she loves kids too but she wants to have kids after some time and this thing her husband is not getting into his head .

So is it haram for her to ask for time or what can she do in these situations where her husband doesnt get her at all ? Despite the fact of ongoing issues about having kids she also have other issues with him but thats ok because nobody is perfect and its a part of relationship sacrifice is needed and she is sacrificing as he promised her to let her do what she wished to do in her life. ( dont worry those are all halal things she had asked for ) but agaain hes not on his words.

but for now shes confused and dont want to have kids this soon as shes only been married for couple months and shes got this fear inside her because of so much pain that she took in .. she wants her husband to understand her , and for her she wants to have that security that he wont leave her basically that trust which she doesnt have now . And as well as them to get stable in their relationship.

Any genuine advice what can she do with this matter. As shes very stressed. Shes scared if god punished her for not blessing her with kids as her previous pregnancy made her have an emotional trauma on her which her husband doesn’t understand at all .

Please give me any genuine advice as i can share with her dont give me any divorce advices . So share your advices as per what can she do apart from convincing her husband she already did but he doesn’t understand her at all . Share your advice what shall she do in this situation?


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3 Responses »

  1. Having children will not solve marital problems.
    Repeat this at least 1,000 times.

    Your friend might want to consider separating from her husband. If this couple argues often and have differences often they should not be married. Just because you have similar blood lines, tribal affiliations, or economical status that is no guarantee you will get along with someone and like living with them. Brother and sisters don't get along. There are many news reports, films, stories and references to siblings not getting along. Why would this couples background insure that they get along.

    There are so many reasons why this couple might have differences, but if the couple is having problems and the wife does not want to have children right now, she should not be forced to do so. Who wants to bring a child into the world where there are so many problems, where the child's own parents don't get along? The man's parents need to mind their own business. Parents have a strong authority over their children, but getting involved in the timing of the couple having children is going too far and is actually selfish. And again, Having children will not solve marital problems.

    • Nice advice, completely agree with it.

      Another view point for the sister who posted this, the security which she is looking from her husband is incorrect, her source of security of him not leaving her can be only from Allah(swt).

      Marriages get broken after 15-20 yrs as well, after kids are in colleges.. so its nothing like human beings giving security...

  2. Salams. It's always better to do an istikhara before getting married. 99% of marital problems arise because istikhara was never done. Even after doing it, problems arise so without it the gravity of problems would enhance only. This worldly life is an exam from Allah swt. So there will be sorrows followed by happiness as mentioned by Allah swt in Quran. My personal experience says that if marriage is not working out then avoid children because they are the ultimate sufferers from the beginning of their lives. Husband and wife will part their ways but for children they will always be their parents till the judgement day. Broken or nagging families' children are never normal. They develop complexes which hurt their own lives when they grow up and enter their practical phase. It will be selfish of husband and wife to start a family when they both are not willing to give love and sacrifices.

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