How do I deal with my trust issues?
One and a half years back I had fallen for a girl after which I was heartbroken in a couple of months. I had not reached a serious level yet and had not done anything bad nor was I thinking. Later I realised that it was good she was not with me, it was like Allah had given me my answer. Later I repented to Allah a lot and promised I will never do it again. I miss her sometimes but then I remember allah. It is decreasing with time.
The problem now is that after that I have started developing trust issues. It was less earlier but it has increased with time. I have stopped trusting many people. I feel many people do these sort of things and never even repent.
I feel I will not be able to trust a girl when it is time for me to find someone for marriage. I feel she will also lie to me. Even if she does not lie, I won't be able to believe her.
I have not done anything serious with any girl, I expect my girl to be the same like me. I want a girl who has waited for me. But I see so many bad people. There are also people who have used the other one only for their pleasure.
I am caught up with many of these thoughts in my mind even though I have no evidence. To clear these doubts, I look very carefully to people so that my doubts are cleared. I see many people as a potential harm. This has affected my friendship and I am not being able to be in touch with them as I do not trust any. This is in a way affecting my daily life.
This was not very strong 8 months to a year back but has shown a significant increase in trust issues in the past 4 to 6 months I guess.
Earlier I used to enjoy many things. I used to have fun with friends. I was more lively. But this has sort of gone now. Due to my trust issues, I do not like to be with any one.
What do I do with this?
Hussain
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Learn and understand Islam properly.HALAL N HARAM.THERE IS NO SUCH THING HAVING BOY FRIEND GIRL FRIEND.YOU ARE ONLY CURSING YOURSELF.THERE IS A MATE FOR EVERYONE BUT NOBODY IS PERFECT!!!UNDERSTAND THIS.YOU LEARN TO PUT YOUR TRUST IN ALLAH.YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO JUDGE AND MAKE OPIONS OR DECISIONS FOR ANYBODY OR ELSE YOU WILL CREATE DESTRUCTION IN MANY WAYS SO BUILD YOUR IMAB OR SHAITAN WILL PLAY WITH YOUR HEAD.
I recommend following this description:
http://legacy.quran.com/3/134:
Those who spend (of that which Allah hath given them) in ease and in adversity, those who control their wrath and are forgiving toward mankind; Allah loveth the good;
People make mistakes in this world because they are trying to improve. Have you been to kindergarten? Do you know the lack of social skills and poor judgement those cute little kids have? That's because they are still growing and learning. For some, they've never matured emotionally past kindergarten and they are in their 60s. So I say, forgive these people, they will make mistakes as they are still learning. You are still learning too, you will make mistakes as well and you would like Allah to forgive you.
So for those people that you don't know well enough to trust, give them the benefit of doubt, don't assume they are not worthy of trust:
http://legacy.quran.com/49/12
O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.
For those that have proven themselves to be incapable of doing what they say they will, give them less trust but do not label them as bad. Think of it as them lacking a skill that prevents them, it could be poor time management, poor project management, poor impulse control.
I hope this helps.