Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I end this un-Islamic relationship?

Interactions between the engaged couple

Assalam o alaikum..I have been seeing this girl  3 years, 2 of them have been casual and this past year we have become very close and "official" as a loose term.

I know this relationship is haram and by no means is Islamic. I have deeply sinned partaking in a lot of haram. She is muslim, of Indonesian descent but not strict... doesn't wear her hijab but she does fast.

My question and difficulty lies in breaking this off. Lately especially during this Ramadan I have gotten closer to Allah and I have deeply repented for my sins, I have been going through a depressive phase where I believe Allah is testing me to get closer to him.

I am due to see her again after 2 weeks after ramadan. But i don't want to go back to those old ways of sinning after I have repented. However I do really really like her and I know she feels the same for me. This will be so hard, What should i do, how should I break this off?

enesoz


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6 Responses »

  1. Wailekum asalaam,
    Yes, you should not go back to your old way of life as you have said you do not want to do those sins again. The best way is to speak to her about your new feelings and try to ask her to change her ways and became a better muslim.

    You are 100% correct there is no boyfriend and gf in islam. The only way is marridge and talk to her how you feel and if she feels tge same.

    • Outlaw: You are 100% correct there is no boyfriend and gf in islam

      You mean this poor guy did not know this when he was doing things with that girl for 3 years.

  2. Salaam Brother,

    I would suggest you listen to the lecture on youtube by Shaykh Hasan Ali titled, " From Addiction and sin to devotion within " , Inshallah you will get steps to recover from this Haraam relationship.

    Also I would suggest you memorise and keep making the dua in the Quran in Chapter 3 Verse no.8

    May Allah keep you steadfast on deen.

  3. OP: I am due to see her again after 2 weeks after ramadan. But i don't want to go back to those old ways of sinning after I have repented. However I do really really like her and I know she feels the same for me. This will be so hard, What should i do, how should I break this off?

    Do the right thing and marry her. She is muslim, of Indonesian descent but not strict... doesn't wear her hijab but she does fast. You knew every thing and had sexual relationship with her. Now you are looking for a nice way to get rid of her.

  4. You end it by ending it.
    .

    If you love her and are old enough, mature enough for a committed relationship....You marry the girl, meet her parents and stop fooling around and just get married. And obviously stop meeting other women!

    Or you just end all communication. Send an email explaining your thoughts and just stop responding after that.

    You have a decision to make and some serious thinking to do about what you want to do in life and the kind of man you want to be.

    The good news is, that Allah is most forgiving most merciful, just don't repeat the same mistake twice.

  5. Assalam wa alikum

    My advice is for you to seriously think about whether you want to marry her, you say you like her. You used the word like that means that you may not feel deeply enough to marry her. As much as it would be hard for you, you have to stay away from her and if you really can't then you need to marry her so you must approach her parents or ask your parents to approach her parents and inshaaAllah if it is good for both of you, then you'd both marry each other.

    Also now that you realised your mistake, think seriously why you sinned, you both chose to sin so you are both equal in the blame. If you know yourself and understand what happened for you to sin then you have a better chance of staying away from doing such things again. You also need to understand why it is wrong to have relations before marriage. InshaaAllah that the muslim sister has also realised the relationship between you two was wrong and need to be stopped and that she sincerely repents too.

    And most importantly remember as Samira above pointed out Allah is most forgiving most merciful.

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