Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I forgive him for what he did?

eman dua despair faith

My ex is very bad, he always lied about loving me and marrying me but all he wanted was kissing and forcing me for sex. He doesn't feel bad for hurting and making me cry and disrespect me.

I prayed a million times, he hurt me. How I wish he was sorry, how i wish he would change into a good man.

How do i forgive him, in the name of Allah?

- soumya


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15 Responses »

  1. What are you waiting for? Break up with him get a life ask your parents to look spouse for you get married to a man who will be your true partner. How can you dream about be with this man? You will destroy your life more if you take that step...

  2. May be that is what he learned while growing up. He probably is insecure man with low self esteem.

    You can thank God for saving yoou life long disrespect and beatings. Next time don't get involved physically untill you are married for real.

  3. 🙁 y boys dnt feel girls feeling.
    i had a boy friend we met last yr at fb and thn fal in love he was one of ma frnds frnd. we chat and get close to each other, he never comit me for mariage but he came close to me and we had a relationship.. had sex 0n skype not much but did. for me that relationship became m0re precious i trustd 0n him that he ll never left me... but aftr few m0nths he got engagd and said i cant go against with me parents just for 1 person .. and i becoming ill got paralysed.. but he didnt change his decision.. i was asking hIm dnt marry her for last 7 month, but he dnt wana go against with his famly. nw i dont wana mary him but my question is, what ever he did, was right? i forgve him but stil want him to relaize what he had done was wrong

    • Interesting story!

    • Ya both did sex on skype. No one can feel the feelings of others. When a non-mahram boy is with a girl he is most likely interested in her body and his own sexual feelings. Many boys/men tell lies (like I love you, I want to marry you etc) to get sexual with a girl.

      He got what he could from you and now does not need you. Just forget about him, he is not going to change his behavior. He may be with another girl. End this relationship even if he comes back. NEVER meet him alone.

      • what ever he did was right? like he left b.coz istikhara result was positive for that girl... i dnt knw he did that istikhara in comparison or individual. but he gave me this reason. i askd him million time but he only say i wanted u in ma life but i cnt go against with ma parents just for u. why u r so selfish that u r just thinking about your self and these word hurt me coz i want him in ma life n0t 0nly b.coz i love him but i shared those feling with him.
        i left him but felng guilty i couldnt understand him what eva he did was right?

        • aamal: what ever he did was right?

          Sex before marriage is not right for both of you. He did lie to you.
          He could have just made up parents involvement just as an excuse.

          Many men desire sex and try to do it before marriage. Some are succesful. but all men want to marry a virgin girl. I am surprised you still love him.

          • But y all men want a virgen girl...? Y the cant understanding the problume of girl..and who the hell is he...Allah know every thing then Allah make promise to forgive us.. So y they can't understand.. A girl feeling..?

  4. i have recently read this. may be it would be helpful for u.

    Imaam Ibn Al-Qayyim
    (Rahimahullaah) said:
    “And the cure for this deadly illness
    (i.e. love before marriage) is for the
    person that is afflicted to realize
    that this love is only due to his/her
    own delusions and ignorance..
    So upon such a person is to first
    and foremost strengthen their
    Tawheed and reliance upon Allaah,
    and secondly to increase in worship
    and busy themselves with it, so
    much so that they do not have any
    spare time letting their minds
    wander and think about their
    beloved.
    And they should call upon Allaah to
    protect them and save them from
    this evil, just as Prophet Yusuf called
    upon Allaah and he was saved. And
    they should do as he did, be as he
    was, in terms of ikhlaas (sincerity)
    and remembering Allaah in
    abundance.
    This is because if the heart is filled
    with ikhlaas for the sake of Allaah,
    there will be no space left for any
    unlawful love to be present, rather
    this only happens to a heart that is
    empty and has no ikhlaas
    whatsoever.
    And let such people remind
    themselves that whatever Allaah has
    decreed for them is only in their
    own best interests, and when Allaah
    commands something it is never to
    cause harm or misery to His slaves.
    And let them also remind
    themselves that their unlawful love
    does not benefit them, neither in
    this world or the hereafter! As for
    this world then they will be so
    preoccupied with their love that it
    will cripple them and will cause
    them to live in a fantasy world. And
    as for the hereafter then it will
    cause them to be preoccupied with
    the love of the creation instead of
    love for the Creator!
    These people need to be reminded,
    that the one who is emerged in
    something will never see its ill
    effects, neither will the person who
    has never experienced such things.
    The only people who will be able to
    relate to them are those who have
    experienced the same thing but
    have been saved. Such people can
    look back and realize how evil it is.”
    [ad-Daa’ wa ad-Dawaa p. 300].

  5. Sister,

    Unfortunately, the world is littered with men and women alike who use people and care little about their actions and how life altering it can be for some. This is why there is no such thing as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" in Islam.

    Use the holy month of Ramadan to repent for your past transgressions and begin anew with a clean slate. Leave this man in your past as he is no good for you. He will only drag you down or worse yet, impregnate you and leave you with a child to raise on your own.

    Salam

  6. he just misuses me. if he realy care for me. he never ever ask for his desire .. it was also my mistake y i atempt such a great sin .. and if he realy loves me he never eva left me paralyzed for a lyf al0ne as he knows the reas0n. i became ill b.coz he got engaged with other after ..... :'( although we just had that 0n skyp bt stil. it mean alot for me.

  7. Aamal,

    Please stop repeating what your saying and being so desperate. Life is hard and you will get evil people like this guy who prey on women. But you were just as wrong as him I mean seriously you had sex on Skype? In my opinion that's a next level to actually having proper sex. I'm a woman and I would find that impossible and uncomfortable. I know it's easy to make a mistake we have all done them but we as women need to protect ourselves. You need to repent for your mistake and move on this guy is not worth a thought. You need to stop with the illness stuff too if you know he left you in your time of need then what does that say to you? Stop dwelling and move on inshAllah Allah will find you a good guy.

  8. Allah be with you, i understand you pain but the best thing is to forgive him

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