Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I get out of this dark phase of unrequitedness?

Lonely lady sitting on a rock

I am a student of engineering and studying in a university in Pakistan.

It was my first semister in which I was taught a subject by one of the senior faculty members. He is in his early thirties where as I am in my early twenties. He, in my notice, had such a glamorous personality, a fine sense of humor, very well dressing sense, grown beard, kind of an attitude I mostly seek for in men (sort of like when they are really ignorant towards females. and really never bother themselves by their presence). It was like for the first three months, which I took to understand that I had started liking him. I daily used to get to my uni as early possible, just so that I could see his face (I am not high for his looks or outer beauty but by his personality, the way he deals with most of his students and colleagues, advising us (the girls) to offer prayer).

He often advises all of us girls in private. He scolds us for being de-tracked towards wrong things. Even I have met him in person for two to three times and he has always treated me so kindly, like an elder. listened to me, liked me as a student, praised me in private company for my skills and even in front of my friends. I know at least that he now own me as a very brilliant and bright student of the batch he is teaching this year.

I already got into him too much that it was impossible for me to take my eyes off him during his lectures and even was abashed for staring him for too long when he finally caught me staring at him.

There was one of his family members studying in the same uni. I got her in my friends circle just beacuse she was one person who could tell me more about him. and she did.

There came a time when I literally felt like never leaving the uni until and unless he had not gone. I had always looked for chances so that I could talk to him. but he had never shown any feelings. no sign, nothing, ignorant as always.

But somehow at different occasions while advising us something or teaching, he used to focus on me more than anybody else.. used to literally stare. but that is I know just because he must would have noticed the strange change in me.

Alas the final day of our first semester came. he wished us best of luck and said he might not teach us in the next semester. That day I cried like hell after getting back to home. I dreamt of him for like consecutive days in a row. Where I saw him teaching us, talking to me, or me getting his help for assignment.

I asked for his number lastly as an excuse to talk to him related to my work. He agreed and gave me.

The day I called him, was not less than a shock where he paused me for a second (while discussing something about papers) talked to his wife and ended the call by saying "you can call me any other time".

I was stunned that what a fool I was to not get a clue of his marriage or why had I not thought of this.

I am badly shattered for wasting my feeings on a married man. If he wasn't married , I would have surely talked to my mother about my emotions and she would never have rejected, as she has given me the permission of a marriage based upon my own likeness.

But for now I feel completely dead, as my whole world has died or if somebody has taken the best thing I loved from me.

How do I regain that very liveliness and charm in my life back? I don't know.

I cannot discuss this with anyone beacuse it would be a pretty stupid thing now, and the other person might laugh at me.. not knowing what I am going through.

Mahveen


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3 Responses »

  1. OP: I asked for his number lastly as an excuse to talk to him related to my work. He agreed and gave me......The day I called him, was not less than a shock where he paused me for a second (while discussing something about papers) talked to his wife and............ ended the call by saying "you can call me any other time".

    You are not dead, you still have feelings for him.Enjoy good memories about him but stop all contacts. Saying "you can call me any time" is like saying "I am also interested".

    OP: He often advises all of us girls in private. He scolds us for being de-tracked towards wrong things.

    He is not supposeed to advise "all you girls" in private. He should not meet any girl in "private":

  2. I think it is total waste of time from your side to think about it .There are lot of people who are there so just forget him and move on ...These things will look foolish when you grow up further in life ..

  3. Your feelings for him were just a simple crush. Delete his number from your phone and use the summer to get involved in another activity that will distract you from your feelings. Join a club, learn a language, volunteer somewhere, go to the mosque, just make sure you are busy. The time and distance the summer vacation will give you will help you completely get over these feelings. Inshallah by the time you go back to school you'll have totally forgotten about him.

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