Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I get people to stay in my life?

Folk magic, magic potion

I am 45 years of age. I have bandish in getting married, difficulties at work and also I am unable to make friends.

I want to marry this person but after a few weeks,  my friendship ends.

What should I do? How do you make a friend stay?

It's not my fault. We have bandish from this aunt of ours...

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1 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Others have asked questions very similar to yours. I am copy/pasting a response by our chief editor, Wael, because I feel that the same would apply to your situation and I truly can't say it any better than he is:

    When a pattern keeps occurring over and over again, the obvious step is to ask ourselves why? For example, if, every time I go for a walk, I fall down and get hurt, is it reasonable to try to blame the sidewalk? No, it's much more reasonable for me to visit the doctor and find out if I have a problem with my legs, or an inner-ear problem affecting my balance.

    It's easy to blame anyone and everyone else, but more often the answer is within ourselves. It's also very easy to say, "Oh, it's magic," because such a saying allows us to avoid taking responsibility and working on our own character and behavior. I do believe that magic exists, but I think it's extremely rare and that people use it as an excuse and a cop-out far too often, when it would be more productive to work on their own character and behavior.

    Many people avoid the important step of self-analysis, of looking at ourselves honestly and asking in what way are we responsible for our own situations. People avoid this because it's difficult, but avoidance is not an answer.

    That's why I suggested talking to these men and asking them frankly why they changed their minds. To me this seems like such an obvious step that I am amazed that anyone would dispute it. How can you solve a problem if you don't have information?

    Of course as Muslims we believe in Qadr, and we know that sometimes things happen to us from beyond our control, and we must accept them. But those are things such as birth and death, illness, the natural gifts we have been given, or natural disasters and other tragedies.

    When it comes to personal relationships, more often what happens to us is a result of our own choices. Even when we are mistreated or deceived by someone else, we have a choice in how to respond. We can learn from what happened and become stronger and wiser, or we can fall into a fatalistic and victimized mentality, which only leads to more suffering.

    In the end it's not about blame, it's about solving the problem, and to solve the problem we must be honest with ourselves and with others. Of course we should always turn to Allah and seek His help and guidance. This is a given. But remember that Allah says in the Quran, "Allah does not change a people until they change what is within themselves." I have learned that we can never truly address our problems, or find healing and forgiveness for our past mistakes, until we admit our mistakes to ourselves and to Allah, and look honestly at our own behavior.

    Taken from post: with some minor editing done by me.

    Another suggestion that he made was to ask the people in question why they are rejecting you, or what you might be doing to "turn them off". I suggest you consider doing the same with those you've tried to befriend or marry.

    -Amy Editor

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