Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I help my best friend realise the enourmity of her sin?


I heard u give really good advice, as my friend emailed u asking about a frend who lost her virginity willingly.  Well the that friend in fact is my best frend and I have the same problem. But nothing about forgiving.


I just dont know whether to trust her or not, as i feel very uncomfortable around.
And another one of my frends is trying to advice her about the consequences and what she must do (wearing a hijab)  but she just doesn't seem to feel the guilt of her actions.

As a best friend, I cant explain to her cuz i wud be a hypercrit as i dont wear one myself.  But when my friend advises her she comes to me to tell me that she cant do that coz her family dont do stuff like that.

And also she always compares herself to me and i dont like it cuz im not that type to lose my virginity willingly n den deny my frends advice.  At first wen she told me wat she had done, i didnt take it to mind. But now I feel disgusted around her. As a best friend, I dont want her to influence me to do bad things. Even though i know i wouldnt, but i still would have the thought in my head.

I would want to ask you how do I help my best frend from realising what she has done is bad and make her feel guilty of her actions???

I look forward hearing from you...thank you

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4 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    A question for your question. You mentioned that you do not wear hijab, and would feel hypocritical to tell your friend to wear one because you don't yourself.

    Do you feel guilty for the wrong action of not wearing a hijab? Would you feel more guilty if someone told you it was wrong what you are doing, even though I imagine you already know it's haram?

    If your answer is no, you do not feel guilt for going around uncovered, then that is your answer regarding your friend. Guilt, or feeling of conviction for wrongdoing, are states that cannot be forced by someone onto another. Sincere repentance can only come from within.

    If your answer is yes, you do feel guilty, then why do you continue to sin? Maybe it's because you're weak and it's hard for you to stay consistent about it. Perhaps it's hard for your friend as well, because of her own weaknesses.

    Whether your friend compares herself to you or not, it seems like you are doing the same with her. You are looking at your sin of going without hijab, and believing you are somehow better than her because your sin wasn't her sin of fornication. You are coming to this site for advice on how you can help "fix" her, but not asking how you can help yourself with your own shortcomings. Here's something for you to consider, who are you able to help more: your friend to stop committing haram sexual acts, or yourself, by wearing hijab as you should?

    The Prophet Muhammad (saws) once said something to the effect of: "Help your brother whether he is doing right or whether he is doing wrong", to which the companions replied, "we know how to help our brother if he is doing right, but how do we help him if he is doing wrong?" The Prophet (saws) answered, "help him by showing him the right thing to do, and assisting him in that way".

    Your friend probably already knows the right thing to do, so how can you help her do it? By being as good of an example to her as you can. Instead of worrying about how she can "bring you down", focus on how you can be a good influence to her. Start wearing your hijab again. Try to remain consistent in your salat. Be kind to her, be a good friend who listens with care instead of judgment. Be a model of what a good Muslimah would be, and Insha'Allah it will woo her and strengthen her to follow that path as well. If you earnestly try this and find that it is not working out for her or is sabotaging your progress, then maybe you should look for some new sisters to have as friends, sisters who are more focused on traveling the same path you want to.

    • To be honest I couldn't even give a more beautiful answer even if I tried... SoebhaanAllah, may I learn from you my brothers and sisters.

      Begum, really I think you should really really really follow this advice and do whats right.

      Alhamdulilah, InshAllah!

  2. Assalam O Alaikum Begum:)-

    Since Sister Amy has advised you both friends beautifully, there is nothing much left that I could write. However, last night while watching some beautiful videos of late Sheikh Ahmed Deedat (May Allah bless him with Jannah for his services toward the religion), I came across a very beautiful video and I hope you will find it very helpful as well. It address all the issues women have especially in the West with Hijab. Here is the link:)-

    I hope that it will help you made you mind Insha Allah.

    Wasalam MKS1982:)-

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