How do I prove myself to his parents?
I'm a 16 yr old Native American girl. I'm part of the Catwaba and Sika sika (Blackfoot ) nation. I have went through hell since I was young and as I got older my troubles got worse. Anway in 2011 of July I did something on facebook that literally changed my life my life forever !!! At that time me , my half brother and my mother where living at a church camp. We were evicted from our previous home because we couldn't afford the rent. This church camp let us stay there aslong as my mom worked in the church's kitchen. My mother had just got rid of her cancer and it completely changed her. She was angry and VERY abusive. So I was getting abused by her and my cousin had recently molested me. He raped and molested me since I was little but he had stopped for a while and that recent molestation brought back all of my repressed memories of it. During that time I felt completely useless and disgusting and I wasn't getting any love at all from my mother , just beatings and verbal abuse. I started adding people I didn't know on facebook. I found relief and comfort talking to them because they didn't judge me and it helped with my loneliness. I felt love from these strangers ( notย in a sexual way ! Just thought I should clarify that lol )
Anyway , I added this boy named Mohammed and the first thing I noticed about him was how caring and polite he was !!
We talked as friends for a few months and then he asked me to be his " fb girl friend " haha. I didn't think much of it and said ok. It was sort of like an innocent joke you could say.
We kept talking and became BEST friends.
I had no intentions of a relationship and I don't think he did either. Just internet friends.
But then our talking had went on for 10 months ! We started saying I love you. It felt too natural saying it.
We talked and still do , like best friends , not like silly 'boy friend and girl friend '
Then he gave me a video of himself. It was too funny and sweet. I could tell how scared he was in it hahaha. In the video told he had something very important to ask me and then in April of 2012 he asked me if I would marry him. I know it sounds silly but he meant sometime in the furture , once we both finish college. I said yes. Later he told me that if we were to marry that I would have to become Muslim. I was completely open to it !! I wasn't born into any religion and my family isn't very religious. Native Indians are more spiritual than religious.
Before I had looked for a religion and tried to learn about them but none made sense to me.
He started sending me TONS of messages about Islam and I began to love it. Im proud to say that I am now a Muslim thanks to him teaching and showing me Islam ๐
I still have quite a lot of learning to do though.
I didn't become Muslim for him but I was open to learning it because of him.
Anyway now we've been together for other 3 years Masha Allah ๐ and I am 1000% positive he's real now lol.
We skyped for the first time this January and I can't explain to you how much fun it was ! We skype call each other very often now and enjoy it everytime. I have talked with his friends , some I have video chatted with. And he has gave me information to see his ID cards for exams.
So he is a real person ๐
I would describe our relationship as a strong companionship and an extremely great friendship. We don't talk like boy friend and girl friends , we talk like best friends who love each other more than anything.
We talk about the weirdest stuff. I never would've thought I would find someone as silly and weird as me but he is almost the same amount of weirdness lol.
Now here is the big problem. His parents do not know about me.....
He has AMAZING parents. And I can tell how much he loves them and how much they care for him. Especially his father. His father is a great man and he looks up to him. I do not know my father. All I know is he is supposedly desi. I don't know his name or anything and I never will. Mohammed said that his father can be like a father to me once we meet and stuff and it means a lot to me.
Mohammed is Indian and he has a lot of pressure on him not to let his parents down. He has hurt his parents before and he is very afraid of hurting them again.
He recently got into an amazing college in New Delhi and moved into the hostel. He has told me that he will tell his parents about me soon and im way too scared for him ๐ He told that his parents will most likely beat him up or stop talking to him ( I know they won't , but he is expecting the worse ))
Mohammed broke up with me a couple months ago because he got scared that I wasn't real. He said I was too good to be true , it flattered me but completely destroyed my life.
I cried until I couldn't see but being an Indian , I do not give up. I have the blood of crazy warriors and if I need or want something I will fight for it. I got enrolled into a volunteering aboard program. I was going to go to Delhi with the program and meet him to prove myself. But SHUKR ALLAH he came back and apologized. He had just freaked out and got scared.
I need help knowing how to impress his parents and I hoping that you're possibly a parent. What would you do if Mohammed was your son ?
I am not all expecting his parents to trust me when he tells them about me and I talk with them. If I were them I would be very weary of this unknown girl myself. This world is too dangerous and trust , especially with a stranger , should be hard to get.
We've planned that once tells his parents about me I will come there to prove myself. Me and my family are poor so I am starting a job at Mc Donalds to earn the money for air fare.
Also I am a weaver. I hand weave purses , bags and wallets. So I'll sell those for cash too.
I'm starting on two beautiful bags for his mother and sister ๐
Also Mohammed loves dragon flies so I am weaving him a blanket with Dragon flies on it.
I will give them those gifts once I go there Insha Allah ๐
About impressing them , I already dress VERY modestly but I do not wear hijab ( no one in his family does ) but I do wear a scarf lightly around my head. I get great grades in school and I will give them a password to access my grades and school records online. I am very religious even though I don't know enough yet about Islam.
I live In a tiny town in the middle of the desert . The culture is all catholic and mexican so islamic books and things related to it aren't here ๐ I will get a Quran soon Insha Allah. I am very serious about Islam and I want to become the best muslim as possible.
I think and have been told I am very nice and I have a good heart.
ย I think earning almost 2000$ on my own to come see their son will prove a lot to them but I am unsure. Im afraid they won't even me a chance to prove myself ๐
I am afraid of the pain Mohammed will go through because of me. Im just afraid and confused on what to do.
Also I am beyond terrified of flying. You have no clue how scared I am ! This will be a huge challenge for me. But I can overcome any fear for him ๐
We have planned our future out together. What we have planned is this: I will go there next year in the summer to meet him and his parents. The next year he will come here to meet my family. Once he finishes college which will be in 4 years or so , I will move there and get married. In Delhi I want to open up a homeless shelter , a very nice and big one. I'd like to try to help the people at the shelter go to school and find a decent job. I'm not all the way sure of what I want to do but opening the shelter is #1.
ย Im sorry I just rambled a lot. Im feeing very sick and tired so I'm having a hard time explaining this ๐
Insha Allah you understand me and can help me.
Just so you know I am very serious about this and I am very mature for my age. Going through so much has made my soul feel old.
Anyway thank you very much for taking the time to read my question , Insha Allah I will get an answer.
Native Pride 1341
4 Responses »
Leave a Response
asalamu alaikum,
welcome sis to the path of Islam. now, I can see you are excited in marrying that person, and visit India, but I don't wanna burst your bubble. I would like to say, before anything else make sure he has spoken to his parents, since you use Skype, talk with the father, may your mother also speak to his father before anything else.
although the whole idea on online meeting, is a bit far fetched for me. its hard to tell if they are genuine, or just want the green card. don't get me wrong I'm not doubting he's validity. always keep options open.
you asked, what would I do if Mohammed was my son? I would definitely give you a chance. truthfully I more worried about you.
so please make sure, he has spoken to his parents, since you use Skype, talk with the father, may your mother also speak to his father before anything.
also may I share a website, http://www.islamtomorrow.com/quran/index.asp you can download the Quran, plus the English meanings.
ma salama..
AsSalaamu Alaikum Little Sister,
I just want to say something briefly to you, and it applies to this experience you are having with Mohammed and his family and the whole rest of your life. That Allah has brought you into the fold of Islam is a sign of His mercy and love for you. Whether people, Muslim or not, can accept you, is no reflection on you, but more likely a reflection of their provincial thinking. I personally think you are just lovely. So many things you said about who you are, what you have experienced, and who you want to be, moved me. Let me advise you not to worry about changing a single thing about yourself until you learn that changing that thing would bring the pleasure and mercy of Allah. Always remember, Little One, that all the good things; the love and relief you have experienced, are from Allah. See His love for you in those good things and you will be fine no matter what happens. When bad things happen, say Alhamdulillah, and have faith that there is good in it for you. The best thing about you is your hopefulness. The test of life is to hold on to that even through heartbreak.
โI have the blood of crazy warriorsโ--- I love it. So then strengthen yourself, with knowledge of Islam.
Much Love,
Your Sister Hana (of the tribe, Unkechaug)
and I support Brother Ahmed's advice to you. I am not as concerned about the internet aspect of your relationship, but more worried for you that promises of marriage have been made, years have passed, and parents have not been involved. You both are young, but when a Muslim man or boy discusses marriage with a girl, parents are supposed to be involved. I understand the circumstances of your situation. In fact, many of your brothers and sisters in Islam may be more familiar with this kind of situation than you are. It is very common. That is why it is very concerning that parents are not involved, as they are one of the most important elements of Islamic marriage. I understand your position, so I will just urge you to learn more about Islam and how wonderfully it protects women, and generous hearts like yours.
Simply 'wow ' what good manners achieve. You girl, get your man! And he'll want you, tell his parents you'll brig him to America, that will silence them, however that is a very ugly way to convince them, as a last resort.