How should I change myself?
Asalam alikum
I'm a 19 year old guy and i have done lots and lots of "gunnah" and my sins were mostly related to sex I've watched dirty videos alot I've masturbate alot and even i have done sex on chats i've share private pictures with the other girl i've lied alot to them but the day i realised that i've commited biggest sin then i asked for forgiveness from those girls with whom i was doing sex chat i dumped myself in that much wrong way that i was about to do real sex i was finding sex partners astaghfirullah but i didn't did that. i feel really really ashamed of myself and I'm a student and from last 4/5/6 years im continually failing in my studies exam even now my parents are tired from my results but they don't know about my sins which i have written ☝and now the reasons started coming into my mind why I'm getting failed in exams just because of these sins im facing failures i have read some previous peoples review about there own sins but uptill now i guess I'm the biggest sinner my heart is scared from Allah's azaab from Allah's call and i just want forgiveness from Allah and i want to know is there any way of asking for forgivness after doing such haraam and gunnah e kabira? And how can i divert my mind my thoughts from these haraam stuffs please need some help and sorry for my bad english.
Shuraim
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Salaam alaikum. Masturbation and porn are a vicious cycle. Start with the company you keep. Find friends of character that can keep you busy in non haraam ways. Go to the masjid and make friends there. Next challenge yourself to lower your gaze. That means start by not looking at the hot chick in the ad on your phone or in a music video. You gotta ask yourself who is in charge of your body. Is it you or your ding dong? Perofrm your salaat. Focus on that. Pray two rakaat every time you masturbate. Btw you have to perform ghusl every time you stroke one out. Some days you will be better than your desires, other days you will not be but this doesn't end just cause you broke down and gave into your sexual desires. Can you get married? That's another option to help. It doesn't fix this problem but it can help a lot.
Delete any saved porn videos or images. Worse case you will find new ones and you will need to delete those too. Garbage will always come into your mind, be a janitor because you will need to learn to constantly clean up this filth. There is no fix, there is only the struggle and journey.
simple. recite 1000 to 10000, Astaghfirullah.. Astaghfirullah ya karim.. in few days you will see big change. and you will remember me .
just do this as this has been advised in hadith and by all scholars