Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How should I face my husband and ask his forgiveness?

Repentance, woman praying

اسلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Good evening sir,
i have a very important question which i wanted to ask since but i couldn't find the right way to ask for it. i am a convert Muslim woman of 27 years and i am happily married for 8 successful years with 3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy. i don't know what has come to me i started to fall in love with a certain boy of 22 years, whom live in the same compound, and he happens to be my husband's nephew [the son of my husband's sister]. for this reason we stayed together almost every day because is in a family house where everyone was there, i can't explain exactly how i've started to have feelings for that boy, or i can say mayb because the way he talks and the way he showed his concern towards me and my families even how he respect my husband and everyone in the society.
i started to develop feelings for him because i lack some of these from my husband, my husband is kinda men who doesn't know how to speak to women and cool them down, he is so ashhhhhh when he speak, and so many things which i can't describe here, back to the page of discussion i have committed a sin which i wnted to ask for forgiveness and i don't know how to do it without causing any problems. i really love that boy to the extent that i don't even love my husband that way, so i use every passion of a woman to attract him but he refuse and i tried and tried many times and i successfully got him even though i had suffered a lot before he listened to me and all that i had to say, but finally shaitan encouraged me to keep doin all the evil of women to call him to me, we did all sort of love, we call and we send each other sms of love, at some points we even romance each other some times, i even left my husband at the middle of the night and go to him just to be hug, i do all this things but we have never known each other internally meaning we have not sex, i tried to convince him and he didn't agree to it he keep saying he can't do it, but i have offered my self to him so many times and he refuses and letter he told me that we should stop all this act because they are not good in the sight of God and i know all this but the love i have for him, i can even sacrifice my husband and my 3 children for him i refuse to listen to him every day i wnted to meet him, if i ask him to come he will refuse then i will meet him my self and he will show his displeasure he will say i am not welcome.
i tried to convince him at last he said he can't die in this condition what is he going to tell Allah when he died in this situation and even me what will i tell Allah or my husband when i get caught? Then i realize that i have to stop this rubbish since a small boy can repent how and why wouldn't i repent too? I immediately ask Allah to forgive me but now my worried is that how should i face my husband and ask for his forgiveness because i knw it will not be easy for someone to forgive this, so please i am asking what is the best way to ask my husband for forgiveness should i ask him or i should continue asking Allah to forgive me? And what will the boy do as a result of that is he going to ask Allah for forgiveness or he should ask my husband? We all have regretted what we did and we have stop it for the passed 8 months, please help i am really confused i don't want to die without been forgiven this is the greatest mistake that i have committed through out all my life. Thanks.
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6 Responses »

  1. Sounds like your borderline obsessive who took advantage of this young boys kind nature. Now you want to burden your husband with "your guilt", of course this will only cause big arguments within your wider family not to mention how your children will feel knowing their mother doesn't love their father.
    You have to own your guilt and suck it up, your the one whos done the sinn, why would you want to announce it to the rest of your family? Its not like its a celebration, if you don't like it then of course its not that difficult to understand, turn to Allah in forgiveness. You don't need to go to university and get a degree in Islam to understand " Repent and turn back to Allah"! Some times I despair how thick humans actually are.

    • Wallahi sister but then you don't know how far shaitan can push you, when I started reading it and got to the point where she seduced him and where she said she could even sacrifice her children I was like Subhanallah she's gone too far. May Allah protect us from evil thoughts and from shaitan. I also think she shouldn't tell her husband and if I can remember there was a hadith of a young boy who committed zina he went to the prophet and told him,the prophet pretended not to hear the boy and turned changing his position, the young boy followed him again him again still saying it he turned again and the boy followed again then the prophet asked that he be purnished. So following this hadith when Allah conceals a secret for you he doesn't like it when you go and expose yourself he knows why he concealed it for you so you should turn to him and ask for forgiveness .I don't think you should tell your husband and I also don't know what to say I'm not sure

  2. salam sis,

    don't tell your husband, the boy also should not talk with your husband about this thing. Just ask forgiveness from Allah. It is not recommended to reveal one's sin to the people. May Allah forgive us all, Ameen

  3. Wow. The day of Judgement is nigh.
    How could a woman say they would sacrifice their husband and children for some man?

    Keep your sin a secret and don’t ever do it again repent and prepare yourself. Allah has kept it a secret, and Allah does not love those that expose the sins they have done in private when He (swt) has kept them covered.

  4. Sister:

    You need to focus on doing taubah, asking Allah to forgive you. Period. Do not discuss your situation with anyone.

    You also need to be aware of the strong possibility that other family members are aware of what hanky panky has been going on between you and your husband's nephew. Sexual attraction can not be hidden, especially around older adults. And people living close to one another. For all you know, your own husband might think something is going on, but may not be certain of it. But do not talk about this to anyone. It is so shameful, it is mercy from Allah that it remains concealed.

    You have a duty to your soul, to your husband and to your family to never ever be alone with your husband's nephew under any circumstances. And you also should know that a 22 year old is not a boy. Stop thinking on that level. He is a man. From what you have explained, he is a man with better morality than you. Keep any conversations with him very short and brief. Delete all your messages to him. And pray that he keeps the details of what has happened confidential or better, focuses on school, his career, a hobby or getting himself a wife -- and living far away from you. Let your behavior indicate that you realize your efforts to behave the way a married woman should.

    Realize that if someone is unhappy in a situation, like no longer being in love with their spouse, those circumstances do not give them permission to do something that is wrong. Most married people who think their marriage is not good and do something they should not do are always regretful when they get caught. However, sometimes they begin to realize what they are doing is wrong and end their bad behavior, grateful that Allah rescued them from a personal nightmare. There are consequences for all our behaviors. In this case, it would ruin lives, especially yours. Have no conduct with any man other than your husband or immediately family. Again, keep your mouth shut. Beg forgiveness from Allah. Only.

    Sometimes when married people step outside of their marriage vows and they are regretful, often they want to confess to make themselves feel better. That does not happen because it makes everything worse. For everyone else. So keep your mouth shut and do taubah to Allah. There is no greater comfort when you want to correct bad deeds than prayers to Allah.

    Establish making taubah by special prayers and dua, fasting and maybe giving wealth away to a person in need or charity. Keep your mouth shut about your bad behavior. Ask for Allah's guidance knowing that Allah accepts our efforts when we turn to Him, no matter what we have done. You have an unhappiness in your heart which lead you to this bad behavior. Ask Allah to help you with this matter.

  5. السلام عليكم ورحمه الله وبركاته

    In Islam it isn't permissible to reveal your sins. If Allah has covered you out of his mercy why go out and reveal your transgressions? Also, any secret that will cause more harm than benefit, you are advised to keep silent. Telling your husband will only jeopardize your marriage and your relationship with your children. Repent to Allah and vow to never commit the same sin again. Nothing makes Shaytan happier than separating a married Muslim couple. Think of the consequences and don't let him win.

    I'd also advise to delete any messages/photos you've had with this man that would incriminate you.

    May Allah forgive you and us.

    Ameen

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