Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to convince her and her family when they don’t want to listen to me?

i am puberty age and i fell in love with a girl and i think at most unexpected time we spend time together happily like normal relations doing but now i am in trouble. I did zina which i am really ashamed that Allah may forgive me for what i did...i also kiss her on lips etc. but i do these things because in my mind i already thought that we will marry In Sha Allah.. She belongs to "Pathan" family and they are too strict for their daughters... her father said that "he will kill her if she ever talk to any boy" she,s then afraid and promise unintentionally to her father that i will not talk to him now...after that her mother got her hand burn whenever i tried to talk to her or tried to solve the situation and she blames me for this that now she was  breaking the promise by talking to me and thats why my mother hands burn etc bcz she take oath of her mother when her father told her that he will kill her...

i tried to convince her that everything will be alright its not because u talk to me it may be coincidental that she burn her hand while cooking but she keeps blaming herself that all this is because of she is not fulfilling the promise.. She too want to marry me but the fear of her family makes her to keep blaming me and herself for everything....she continues blame me for everything about her respect in family etc. but i don,t want any of this to happen am still trying to make some effort to keep her safe and show everyone that she had respect too so don,t react like this if she talk. But the problem is society they just thing about their culture first...that girl is totally now frightened and am trying to keep her calm and talk to her and telling her advises but she don,t want to listen anything she think everything is done bcz of me....

now i ask myself and Allah what i have done to listen those words from that girl which i loved more than anything...i still love her...but her way of talking made me mad after the incident...whatever she says to me that i hate u etc. but the love for her in my heart never goes down....

we both done zina we meet each other we touch each other and after this incident she is acting like she don,t care anymore what we had done with each other....its my first time ever that i touched a girl and i don,t want to leave her...but she don,t care....i study about it in quran hadees and told her that we done something and we don,t leave each other like that it may show some incident to our childs in future but she kept saying that i don,t want to live with u and i hate u etc. like seriously she offers prayer 5 times a day and she even don,t take this matter any importance that she had something with me that may turn in trouble in future for our lives.....she just saying that i am doing it bcz of my family and myself....like what u took zina for yourself?? she said she had done tobah. but i kept saying that its not the solution we have done something that can only be cover by marriage of each other.

now i had done something and keep convincing her about it that we should be together bcz we both have something...

i said to her that talk to ur brother about me and i will convince my siblings but we not tell about that we had done zina....in case of me i am ready and i will make my siblings yes for her....but she afraid of her brother father everyone that they may kill her so i don,t want to talk about it anymore and Allah will forgive us for what we had done....

now the point is that u are saying this without any talk with ur family and i frankly say its not her fault its her family mental set that makes her totally afraid about talking this.

then i said to her if u don,t want to talk to her family or brother let me do this thing i will make him convince for myself i will meet him and talk about u and everything in detail....but she kept saying that don,t talk to him and don,t come to my home with ur siblings etc. like she is now totally afraid that i might make trouble for her if i talk to her brother and family member about me and her......

But what she,s doing is not the solution the solution is that we had done something we both are agree for marriage but she don,t want to talk to her family about it bcz of her family background and etc. the only solution for what we had done i think is marriage proposal to her family but she is not even try to talk about it due to fear of his brother and father and bcz of her mother health.

i understand her situation and i will wait for her but she even not giving me the surety that she will marry me in future....she said that she will say yes to anyone if her father and brother find someone bcz now there,s nothing in my hand......Like what?? u don,t even care for that the zina u done may bite u in future, atleast try to talk about it with ur family its ur life dude what ur doing u know the right thing and u still doing wrong....if they ever try to kill u they will be answerable to Allah in the day of judgement.

My Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH) said that if u find the level of deen and level of character and conduct is okay u should marry both of them....
am still advising her and still try to make her convince that she had done something and we both feel guilty for this in our lives in future....now we have time we can do something that may not turn into trouble in our live in future by the proposal of marriage.

If the parent forcefully arrange ur marriage then u should strike for it u should stand for urself for ur future life....even my parent tried to do my marriage forcefully they will be answerable to Allah that my child was not happy why u do this to him same condition is fall to her....if they are doing wrong they will be answerable but now we had to do something to make them convince bcz its the future life for both of us.

now my question is that what should i do to convince her?? i said all the thing and ayat to her about what we done but she still not fearing of Allah and still not care for her future....but i love her and i don,t want that she destroy herself my making these foolish decisions.

should i take my proposal to her family?? even if she,s saying that they will not say yes to me bcz they barley know me and she even don,t talk to them bcz of her fear.

3rd is now my mind is full and am tired of this whole scenario what should i do to make peace....something that may change the way of thinking about me and their family may think about this problem in the aspect of Islam....the culture the cast these things are now superior than his or her decision in our society....even my parents are like them but am still on my stance bcz it is about my future. She should also took a stand for this but she,s not doing this..

now in this case boy is not cheating her boy is trying to solve in the aspect of islam but the society and her mind is not even thinking about it. what should i do to make all of them convinced?
the zina will destroy both of us and i don,t want that even not for me and not for her and the proposal i think the best option but she is not ready i don,t not why there is nothing hurdle between a talk.

Qamar

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5 Responses »

  1. If she made Taubah and never talk to you again, she's clear on her side. Allaah can forgive evrrything and she doesn't owe you one penny of her love and devotion especially because she leaves you because she fears Allaah and her parents.
    Stop talking to her and be a man, talk to her father and offer a marriage proposal if you really love her and want her to be with you. Don't blackmail her like what you're doing right now. Real men offer marriage first and they don't run after a girl by twisting ayaat of the Quraan so that she doesn't leave him.
    Make things right. Stop talking to her right now and tell your parents that you want to marry her, then come to her parents. Offer a good mahr, find good job/earn money, then get married and start your love story under the blessing of Allaah.

  2. I didn't read your post, because every time someone uses the word "convince", I have no other suggestion that this:

    You should NEVER have to convince someone to be with you. If someone says they don't want you, then don't act like a desperate fool that begs of that someone to accept you. You take pride in yourself and accept that you're just not that person's type. Finished, done. Move on with your life.

  3. Instead of connecting to the girl , send your parents to her home or talk directly to her brother or father. Was being immodest more bolder or sending over a proposal . Do the right thing the right way.Pray to Allah for ease and making things in your favour . May Allah help you.

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