Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to cope in a mixed gender class?



My class are mostly guys, I currently have 3 girls in my class. 1 of the girl is my friend, but she also has male friends. And in our friends group is also mixed. In class we usually sit together with the guy friends, and when it is break we also sit together. So it is very hard to keep the boundaries with the guys, as we sit and talk in a group. And I am around them almost all the time. Now the other two girls also have guy friends, where they sit together with during class. What these two girls do in the break am not sure. I am the only muslim in this group, so they don't hold the same boundaries I would like to hold.

Now I thought about doing homeschooling, but my parents don't like that idea. And I don't want to risk going to another school, as I am able to pray at this school. And I won't have that security if i go to another school. Currently I only see two options: either to be alone during breaks, and maybe study. Or go with the flow, and attend our friend group during breaks, and then to try to stay quiet, and then to only try to give my attention to the girls. But I don't know if I would be able to ingore the guys, and they also sometimes like to joke with me. and I noticed that I cross the boundaries very easily.

What is best to do in such a situation, or do you think there would be another solution?



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3 Responses »

  1. OP: But I don't know if I would be able to ingore the guys, and they also sometimes like to joke with me. and I noticed that I cross the boundaries very easily.

    No one is forcing you to talk to guys. You have to make a choice where you feel comfortable.

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    Please spend your extra time studying, volunteering within the school and advancing in whatever you excel in. Life is short, this time will pass. It is completely possible to not talk to the boys and to ignore them or at least only talk when necessary. It merely take practice. Extra time studying will help your marks and will ease your anxiety as to what to do with that time.

    May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

  3. I am glad you asked about this and I think this can be a good chance for you to work on assertiveness and establishing boundaries. Life is mixed-gender, and no one can go through life not talking to the opposite gender. When you graduate this school you will probably attend a mixed college and then a mixed workplace. So it's best to learn how to deal with such situations now. You say you're the only one who feels this way, but a lot of girls may be uncomfortable with the ways boys treat them but aren't able to assert themselves, so you have the opportunity to show how a strong Muslim woman conducts herself in public. What I've always seen works is to say clearly what my expectations are. If a boy says a joke that's inappropriate, don't just laugh with everyone to be polite. Say clearly and calmly, 'I don't think that's funny.' If they ask why, simply say, 'I think it's inappropriate.' And end the conversation there. If they insist on their behavior, then you should get up and leave. If they're really your friends, they'll be more respectful of you. If a boy tries to hug your or hold your hand, simply step back and say, I don't like to hold hands, or I'm not that into hugs. People should respect your personal space.

    I hope these suggestions help you. If you practice being assertive now, you'll be a strong and confident young woman inshallah.

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