IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Aoa,

I don't know where to start. I have always found myself in weird and unusual situations. So much so that i can't bring myself to look forward to a better future because everytime i did, something unexpected would happen and i would find myself asking how ? Why ? But i would find comfort in worship. I would tell myself at least Allah is there for me. That this life is a war we have to fight until He calls us back.

I remember year 2011 was the most confusing. I couldn't even cry all i could think of was dying. Thinking about meeting Allah would comfort me. Thinking abt jannah wud bring me to tears and considering i only ever got emotional b/c of my mom, It was a huge deal. Allah talla made me a better person someone who started feeling for everyone not just for my mum. I honestly started to see good in everyone and everything.

Except for my sister. Shes 13 now, 8 years younger than me but extremely spoiled. Only talks about what she wants, likes, misbehaves with everyone but im the only one who doesn't tolerate it. I don't talk to her to avoid fights in the house b/c i was the only one who would reprimand her. She honestly respects no one. Shes the kind of person i wud avoid in society but shes a family!

Sometimes i feel its b/c of that Allah Talla has distanced me from Himself,  b/c i don't talk to a family member (my sister) but when i do its always noisy in the house and when we fight she has the upper hand b/c shes stronger. My older sis was worse than her she used to beat me up and go back on her words but she changed and became someone i looked up to. But i used to get beat up by both of them. They used to be my only concern along with my parents fighting 24/7, my mom always being sick, scary teachers, classmates, friends and my physical insecurities. My mum's happiness was the only thing i ever wanted.

- me947