Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to end a relationship properly


I'm an unmarried woman of 30. Currently, i'm in love with an un-believer man 6 years younger than me. Not only an unbeliever, but he also does all kinds of maksiyat. Zina (living with his girlfriend--now wife--for months), drinking khamr, eating haraam food, smoking, swearing, you name it. I didn't know these facts when i started to have feelings for him. Knowing these facts right now doesn't change my feelings for him, for he often shows me his weak side, which make me believe that he was a lonely and misguided child who seeks love and approval on the wrong place and ways. We never explicitly say or show our feelings, but we both know what we feel for each others.

I didn't pursue any relationship with him for i know it is haraam, even though my feelings remain. When he got married, i started to distance myself from him. In fact, i am resigning from my job so that i can cure my heart disease properly.

Now he thinks that i don't love him anymore. He is feeling hurt that i ignored, and now leaving him. It hurts me to, but i fear Allah's punishment if i don't stop this. I don't plan on meeting him anymore, but can i let him know, by letter, on my last day at work, that I want him to have a better life, hoping that Allah will show him the right path and open his heart for His hidayah so that he accepted Islam, or should i stay pretending that i don't love him anymore and leave without any explanation?


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4 Responses »

  1. Only you know your situation but I would say I am scared of Allah with having illicit relationships with you and it is haram in my religion and I am not prepared to go to hellfire forever for any human sake. Do you really have feelings for someone who you found out has openly lied to you and hidden truth from you such as zina and the other actions you mentioned. A relationship is based in trust and how can there be a relationship without it. I believe a Muslim husband is waiting for a good kind hearted wife like yourself and you are still very young. Insha'Allah you end the relationship and never look back again. Best thing is to delete numbers and don't keep a copy anywhere just completely block eachother.

  2. Wallaykumasalaam Kaylee,

    I'm sorry about your situation and hope you find peace soon. Remember Allah is always with you.

    You write:

    "I am resigning from my job so that i can cure my heart disease properly."

    I don't think this is necessary or a good idea sister. Work will keep you occupied on other things, having social interaction with other people, and is a good alternate outlet for your energy. It will help you to keep your mind off of this man.

    "Now he thinks that i don't love him anymore."

    If you are really interested in moving on from this, you can't worry about what he thinks. That implies attachment and you are trying to do the opposite.

    "should i stay pretending that i don't love him anymore and leave without any explanation?"

    I sincerely think that this is the best option sister. If, however, you find yourself unable to do this, I would recommend that you write the letter but DON'T read any response that he may have. Just end it with the letter and you'll have peace of mind.

    Inshallah you will get back to doing what you were meant to be doing in this dunya.



  3. Plz help me my ex boyfriend bothering me and one day he called on mobile of my sister in law,s number but she rejected bcz call was coming from unknown but ALLAH helped me next day my sister in law,s mobile damageed by water but after tqo months yesterday she get new mobile i am adraid he will call and may be he can talk with my mother and will little bit about me i cannot bear this fact plz help me i need in urgently and i was making dua since two months and i rwad QURAN today i read trNslation and think that ALLAH forbidding me not do anything but i am afraid what should i do thanks

    • look if you are genuinly scared and worried then really theres nothing wrong with going to police station and telling them that your ex bf is HARASSING you, it is illegal for him to do so and if he calls you or any family members then he will get in serious trouble so probably he wont bother you anymore. also if it continues then you can get injunction where he cant even come near your house or call or anything and if he does then he will get fined or even prison.

      there really is no reason to be scared, i mean who is this person do you want to be with them? are you just playing relationship games? are you genuinly scared, why are you scared? is he violent, have you been violent. really theres a lot of questions here that need answers to find out whats going on.

      i know you might be scared omg i dont want to go police etc. but thats all you can do nothing else otherwise he will keep bothering you for a long time until you do something.

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