Woman in my 20’s, want to get married but how?
Assalaamua'laikum,
I am an unmarried, young woman in her 20's. I think it's normal that most of the ladies like me have the desire to get married sooner, not later in their life. I want to seek advice on how do I find someone and get married. The reason is simply because I just feel that I want to get married as soon as possible- it is just the heart says that I want to get a suitable partner and soon.
Please advise what I as a Muslimah should do. My mother really wants me to get married, but it is not because of her request because I myself also want to get married. I also do not know how can I search for a partner and what are the ways to go about it. I do have many friends, and a close friend. My dad said to be patient and I will get my soul mate, while my mum asked me to find someone. But how do I do that then?
JazaakAllah.
-FruitsGreens
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As-salam-alaikum dear sister.
first of all please know that there is nothing wrong if you wish to get married.
our prophet (pbuh) has said to marry the one who is best in the religion and character. So this becomes the basic requirements for your future husband.
Apart from above, you need to list the realistic/ practical expectation you have from your future husband(education/job/salary/family background/family type (nuclear/joint) ,hobbies etc).
If you are working, you also need to determine if you would like to continue working after marriage or would leave the job. i am saying this because such small thing clashes most after marriage between couple. if you are studying then you should decide about it as well.
Regarding searching, i would recommend that you avoid getting into this business directly yourself as such as it can put you in risk in many ways. The best you can do yourself is to get an account on some Islamic matrimonial site/newspaper ( i would strongly recommend here to open the account on behalf of parents, do not do any direct business here) and do not put your name/ photo/ too much personal details there. give the contact nos of your parents only. Discuss in mutual with your parents whatever proposal you get to consider. if you/your parents like someone, take it up slowly in careful manner keeping parents involved in it. I am saying this because a lot of fake people are found on such matrimonial site who just pass the time with girls and god forbid, if you like someone and he turns out to be fake or if the proposal does not work out for any reason, your heart will be at risk. Be neutral and try not to attach yourself with any guy while considering proposals online.
you should ask your parents to find some suitable man for you. they can spread the word among the relatives and friends. You can even ask your close friends about the same.
my point is that you must avoid getting into yourself directly in it. your parents being elders and experienced, know things better than you.
if you happen to meet a guy (this should happen in presence of parents/elders), you must try to know the guy's nature and his expectations from his wife. then you can better evaluate if he meets your requirements and whether you will be able to meet his.
your dad is right to be patient, marriage is a life long commitment, once done, there will be no return or undone. you must be very careful while choosing your life partner and try not to be emotional but practical and take wise decision with mutual discussion and consent of your parents.
I wish you good luck
Your sister.
PS-
I forgot to add that you should do Istikhara as well before taking any final decision.
Make lots of dua to Allah (swt) to guide you and to bless you with a good practicing Muslim husband.
if you want to get into matrimonial sites then let your parents open an account and manage it. do not do it yourself and do not look for someone by yourself. it is better that your parents offer you suggestions. this way you wont fall into anything haram
nice advice from sana and ray of hope, may Allah give you a pious husband, and keep on making dua after every salat, inshallah..
This is what has worked in my social group:
-meet a guy in college, then do nikah very soon after. The college enviro allows us to meet many people and know how they deal with stress. Also, parents can meet most of your social group if you live at home. Do not be those girls who get in a messy relationship. P just saying these are good scoping grounds.
-marry a cousin. My cousins in Canada did this. It worked out great for the guy, his wife is gorgeous and very caring. She also fels like she got a good deal bc compared to pakistani guys, he's very liberal. But my girl cousin is a skater with eyebrow piercings..,she married my cousin from the village. They are good friends but zero chemistry. I personally don't recommend it bc she is so stuck.
-referral. Aunties in the community often say they know such and such family, is it ok if they talk regarding your daughter to them. My mom arranged a wedding of two divorcees this way.
-online sites. I think if a girl and guy are just talking for a long Time, they'll have little to say when they meet in person. also, it could just be flirting. or it could be like what happened to my friend, she talked and laughed with a guy from Arizona, and when he came here, they were both so not into each other. Horribly awkward cuz he stayed here for three days.
But it can be good too...I have my profile set up so accepted members had my moms number. My mom talked very nicely with everyone and in fact the people calling were generally parents or the boy himself. My mom found two very good guys via this channel. My dad said no to one, and other said he needed me to move in with his mom, so I declined bc I don't speak her language. Three of my friends got married from online too.