Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t divorce her… how to handle life with second wife

Husband RemarriedAsalam alaikum

I am married and we have 3 children. We totally don't get along with each other anymore... I married a second wife without telling her and telling the other woman....

I told my first wife so many times to go and that I don't love her but she told me she wants to stay with her children. The other woman can't leave me because of love..... both women hate each other so much.

I would have divorced my first wife immediately if we didn't have children. I told her if she wants to stay with her children in my house it is ok for me. This is the only reason to stay married.

My question therefore is to let her live in my house with the children.. i care for her but we don´t have any intimate contact anymore as she agreed on this way of life... may this be a sin for me?

Thank you very much!

- Kimo491976

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5 Responses »

  1. Assalamu'alaikum my brother,

    I hope your family and you are well. The answer you seek is with The One who created for you your trial and all our trials and therefore only Allah (SWT) The One who formed this question in you has the answer. We, the muslims on this page who seek Allah's Kindness and Mercy will try to help you, a brother in Islam like we have been instructed by our Lord The Almighty and the All-Knowing and by our Prophet (PBUH) because of our love for our Creator and the greatest reward of Jannah.

    Your situation is a difficult one from what you have explained and only Allah, the All-Knowing, truly knows the reasons and solutions behind it and He already knows what your reaction to this situation will be. In'sha'Allah it is a rewarding reaction.

    You have married the second wife my brother without informing her of your previous marriage. If I am correct in my understanding, then this is a lie. A lie is truly a sin and you should know just how differently modern society and our Lord (SWT) and Prophets (Peace be upon them) view the extremity of a 'simple' lie.

    It was narrated that Samurah ibn Jundub (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) often used to say to his companions, ‘Has anyone among you seen a dream?’ Then whoever Allah willed would tell of his dream. One day he said to us, ‘Two (angels) came to me last night and woke me up, then they said to me, ‘Let’s go!’… so we set out and came to a man who was lying flat on his back and another man standing over his head with an iron hook, and behold, he would put the hook in one side of the man's mouth and tear off that side of his face to the back (of the neck) and similarly tear his nose from front to back and his eye from front to back. Then he turned to the other side of the man's face and did just as he had done with the other side. Hardly had he completed this side when the first side was restored to its normal state. Then he went back and did that all over again. I said to my two companions, 'Subhaan Allah! Who are these two persons?' They said to me, ‘Move on, move on!' (Then he said, describing how the two angels explained the things that he had seen): ‘As for the man you came across, the sides of whose mouth, nostrils and eyes were being torn off from front to back, he is the symbol of the man who goes out of his house in the morning and tells so many lies that it spreads all over the world.’”

    This is from:

    From this we must understand how important it is for us to quickly ask Allah for forgiveness because He is the Most Forgiving so we do not need to face this unimaginable punishment in the Hereafter. We are instructed by our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), one of Allah's greatest servants including our other Prophets, to not even lie as a joke or to a child let alone our wives, our gifts from Allah, the most Beneficent. Therefore, we should all ask for forgiveness this Ramadan and for the rest of our lives, in prayer, in zikr, in our subconscious thoughts which only Allah (SWT) sees and controls it. You should leave all pride behind and kick it to the curb with shaytan (Ayatul-Kursi will help you with this) and ask for forgiveness from your 2nd wife for your mistake with humility. In'sha'Allah she will forgive you.

    As for your your situation with your first wife, if you both feel it is best for your children and the benefit and heart of your 1st wife to be happy living in you house, you cannot divorce her for this to happen. Our messenger and Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) instructed when to only take more than one wife if he can EQUALLY love and support all his wives. If he cannot and risks upsetting another therefore, he shouldn't. You should therefore, whatever you buy or whatever words of love you say, divide these things equally. If your 2nd wife is unhappy with your arrangements, ask her to fear Allah and help you as your wife, excel in this life and achieve Jannah by helping you maintain the happiness of those around you. Remind her and yourself that our Prophet (PBUH) reminded us that all of us are shepherds and we are responsible for our flock. Therefore, we are instructed to guide our flock, our family and friends chosen by the Best of Choosers, Allah the Almighty and All-Powerful, to the path of the righteous and to Jannah. Your wives also have these flocks and they should along with you keep everyone in their flock satisfied at heart and help them reach Jannah as they wish to do so. We should want for our Muslim brothers and sisters what we want for ourselves.

    Furthermore my brother, the Prophet (PBUH) and Allah (SWT) remind us that this life is nothing but a test which The Best of Creators has Created for us and therefore we should take these trials as an opportunity to prove to Allah that we are worthy and faithful slaves for Jannah. Never lose hope for despair rots our hearts. Have faith that Allah is the All-Knowing, All-Wise and All-Forgiving and therefore we can make these 'hard' situations into proof for our Obedience and Patience - the essence of Islam.

    May Allah the All-Forgiving and Merciful bless us with light in our hearts to guide us to the path of the righteous towards Jannah and strengthen our faith in Him to overcome the trials of this world. May Allah, the All-Loving, benefit and bless those we have both attained our knowledge from and the creators of the websites we are reminded of our Islam from with a place in Jannah and light in their hearts.


    Assalamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah

  2. Assalamualaikum brother

    you have 3 children from her and you don't love her then why did u start a family with her what choice u have left for her how easy it i for u to decide Yaa Allah do u ever know how its hurts and destroys others life ,i am confused what are your intentions actually , but let me tell you what u are doing is wrong she is mother of your children then how can you disrespect her by telling her to leave u this is so wrong atleast not as your wife but thinking her as mother of your children respect her and give her love what she deserves, Love what Allah has blessed u with and you will find peace .


  3. Brother, you need to crawl back under rock you came out of. You hurt your wife and mother of your children by lying, cheating and getting married behind her back your worry is that keeping her in the house is a sin!

    People like you are a disgrace to mankind and Muslims everywhere. Do your first wife a favour and divorce her. Let her keep the kids and the house and you and your second wife can go off in the sunset and live happily ever after.

    What example are you setting for your children? Leave her alone, she will make a better for herself and the children without you.

  4. The other woman is a toxic snake who will happily see ur kids in the gutter so she can grab their family home for herself. Btw ur well suited to that type of woman but you have ruined the lives of your first wife and children. As MMATIN said, you should leave the house instead, problem solved.

    • How you managed to get two wives is beyond me, you sound like a baby, when things don't go your way, hey ho just spit your dummy out. Your first wife would be better off without you, saves her from changing your nappy!

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