Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to have long distance intimacy?



Recently i did nikaah, but my wife is living in another country. It would take 1 year for her to come live with me. Anyway my problem is that, whenever i speak to her on phone or skype i get sexual urges and i end up masturbating in the end. I told my wife about this problem, but she doesn't take it that seriously. Sometimes i ignore her and not receive her phone call, out of fear of doing masturbation. I try very hard, fasting, exercise, quit watching TV, but it is really hard to control when i speak to my wife on phone. I know phone sex is halaal with wife, but not masturbation.

Please if you guys can give me some useful tips. Thank you!



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10 Responses »

  1. Bro i would suggest you go meet her once or twice every few months.
    that would give you some relief.

    being a man i understand its very difficult to control yourself but she is your wife and you can visit her and have physical relations with her.

    Allah knows best.

    • brother,

      I cant afford to pay $1200 for Airline tickets every 3 to 4 months.

      You know what bothers me that most scholars dont care to help youth and debate on this topic and find a holistic solution to the problem of masturbation. I personally feel that masturbation sin should be relaxed or considered makruh for a man who is married. Because he is masturbating by looking at his wife picture etc.
      There are so many youths who have lost self esteem, are depressed, because of this natural habit.

  2. Wael, can you please remove me from the moderation list?
    i dont think i have posted anything rude for a very long time now.


    • wulk, your email is not on the moderation list. I don't know why your comments are held for moderation. The program is a bit buggy in this area. There are a few others, like Saba, and Precious Star, who also get held for moderation despite not being on the list. Perhaps it will addressed in the next program update, Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

  3. You have to be very patience, your wife could be very shy all this is new to her as well. I personally think you need to control yourself and hope for the best. Most people go through this your not alone but be patience in no time you will be together inshAllah.

  4. Well according to this fatwa by Shaykh Muhammad Saalih al-Munajjid, it is entirely permissible to have phone/videochat sex with your wife, It is also permissible if one fears zina to masturbate while doing it too. These however are all the opinions of this certain scholar so take it with a grain of salt. But then again if you two are from the Indian subcontinent it might not be socially acceptable to be talking like that in the first place, since there is no Rukhsati yet. Keep your hands off the screen capture button!

    • Perhaps Shaykh Al-Munajjid does not know much about technology and does not realize that video chats can be recorded, might be archived on the chat company's server, and could even be intercepted by someone with malicious intent.

      Wael Editor

      • That is like saying that don't have sex at your home because someone can sneak into your house and peak through your windows. If someone with malicious intents is putting that much effort in, you're not the one at fault. Most of the services storing data store it as a cache to improve performance not to keep, and try to ensure it is inaccessible by others and even themselves (only accessible to networking and/or data softwares), and it gets overwritten after some time.

        • True, but the chat could be easily recorded by the other party without your consent. That may not be a problem unless the couple splits up, in which case the man could post the video publicly to humiliate the woman. I've read about a woman committing suicide in exactly such a case.

          It's simply a bad idea.


  5. Recently i did nikah. My husband is in austrailia. I want to go with him i have my visa but he is allway listening his parents and his parents not agree that we live together i dont know what can i do? What quran should say about this?

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