Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My BEST-friend is Christian. How can I lead her to the beautiful light that is Islam and to Allah (swt) the Most Merciful?

Salams eveybody,

I have a bit of a problem!

As a muslim humdellah, I have learnt the beauty that Islam holds. However I have also become aware of the punishment, and hardships one will face in refusing to accept Islam.

muslim christian best friends

She's my best friend

I have grown up in an area surrounded my many Christians and Athiests, and humdellah I have been able to stay strong within my faith, and not be led astray.

My best friend however, is Christian. I have been the best of friends with her for over 8 years, and I truly love her. I do not see her as a friend, rather a sister. In that being said, it brings me to tears to even think, that she will be punished in the hereafter for not accepting Islam. I have attended courses and red up on what the punishment in hell is, and it kills me to think that she will face this. Its as if  i feel that one of my own brothers or sisters will face this, and its not a good feeling at all.  🙁

She is the most beautiful human being I have met. She's so giving and honest. And I only want the best for her. The best being the gift of Islam.

However, shes quite a devout Christian. She attends church on weekends, and even went to her 'Holy Land' whilst visiting her family in Palestine. I have dropped hints here and there about the greatness of Islam to her. I pray in front of her, and even in her house, I quote her Allah's (swt) words from the Quran when she's down, and even let her know how important Jesus was to us as a prophet. But still nothing seems to work.

She tells me in general conversation how she would never change her religion for her future partner, even if she was in love with him and this just shows me how unwilling she is, to revert to Islam.

So, sorry for taking long to get to the point,but I need some guidence. I need to know what I can due to help her see the truth. I know her family would probably disown her if she reverted, but that shouldn't matter because she would have me and my family to welcome her with open arms.

I make du'a for her, that inchallah ya rub, she will be led to the light. But thats all I feel I can do.

Can anybody help me in guiding her to the right path. I need help. This seriously is eating me up inside, to the point where I feel sick when I look at her, knowing her future.

Please help!

May Allah (swt) bestow his blessings amongst all of  you here, and the sisters and brothers that have provided this site for us!

Salams 🙂

- sarah1234


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27 Responses »

  1. OP: I know her family would probably disown her if she reverted, but that shouldn't matter because she would have me and my family to welcome her with open arms.

    Just be a good role model to her. It is nice to know you are ready to accept her with open arms if her family disowns her. Every one should have a friend like you.

  2. I'd like to say that Im outraged about this post ! I reckon this is a Muslim forum such a post would be difficult in a laic forum.

    First and foremost why not JUST respecting your friend's faith take her as SHE is ?

    Too many people of different faith disrespect toehrs faith or consider it as lower to theirs ! Ever wondered why ?

    I wonder why and despite the urban life and western education in multi racial multi-confessional population I still see these patterns of disrespecting someone else's faith !

    Why do people put all their hopes and unfortunately their dislikes too in their religion ?

    • You and we are coming from completely different perspectives. You're coming from this unfortunately common perspective in the West that nothing is objectively true (except perhaps science). Everything is relative. One culture is as good as another, one religion as good as another.

      We don't think that way. We happen to believe that our religion is true. That's why we follow it.

      It stands to reason, then, that other religions are false, to one degree or another. They may contain some good principles or moral guidelines, but their theistic philosophy is wrong. A Muslim who cares about a non-Muslim will want to share with them what they believe to be true, precisely because they do care.

      Frankly, I would think this was obvious. Why adopt a religion if you don't believe in it? That is why many religions proselytize. You've never had Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons come to your door? Were you outraged then too?

      Or what about politics? The Democratic party believes the country should be run one way, and the Republican party thinks it should be run another way. They debate, argue, try to convince each other, and struggle for the right to make laws that affect everyone's lives. Is that outrageous as well? How is it any different?

      Believing in your own religion, and disbelieving in others, doesn't mean that we don't respect other people. I have many good non-Muslim friends who I really value as people.

      So save your outrage, please.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Thank you for your reply which confirm that there is in your way of thinking/believing/doing a total disrespect of other people's faith.

        Allah is only True to you not to Christian's and to countless people of other faith Allah means nothing and has no value whatsoever, though you as a person you may have a value to them.

        I have friends and work with people of different confessions, Muslims, Christians, Buddhists etc. some have none I respect them as a people their religion, religious rituals is meaningless and thats how it should be in our multi-confessional multi-racial societies.

        Yes Im outraged when any one from any religion comes to me and try to coax me however that is done, into their belief.

        Religion should be a private matter and remain so

        Peace out

        • OP: I know her family would probably disown her if she reverted, but that shouldn't matter because she would have me and my family to welcome her with open arms.

          Just be a good role model to her. It is nice to know you are ready to accept her with open arms if her family disowns her. Every one should have a friend like you.

        • "Allah is only True to you not to Christian's"

          You're only showing your ignorance."Allah" is the name for God in Arabic. Arabic-speaking Christians (of which there are millions) also use the word Allah, as do Arabic-speaking Jews.

          Your idea of how things "should be" in multi-confessional societies is, frankly, narrow-minded and frightening. It almost sounds like you would repeal freedom of speech if you could. You say that you respect your friends, but their religion is meaningless. How can you respect them if you consider their most cherished beliefs to be meaningless? While I might disagree with a Christian or a Buddhist, I still see wisdom and value in their faith. I think it's you who is disrespectful, not me.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Respect: I'd like to say that Im outraged about this post ! I reckon this is a Muslim forum such a post would be difficult in a laic forum.

      She has a right to talk to her friend about her religion. She also has a right to live in a non-Muslim country if she feels she can have a better life.

      You have a right to talk about your religion to any one.

      • She has a right to anything she wants everyone's freedom ends where it reduces that of another person !

        Everybody can talk trying to make every effort so that one's best friend or whoever else convert to another religion because one gives no credit to that of the the other is another thing and it certainly is not friendship, friendship is based on respect.

        Muslim people should start to be a little more humble about what they believe is the truth for others specially so when they live in secular western countries.

        Anyway this is obviously a Muslim forum my truth isnt yours so i will let you rant about your own truth and I will go to mine.

        • Talking to someone, even trying to convince them that your belief is right, does not reduce their freedom. Whether or not it's disrespectful or is against the idea of friendship, is something you and we will disagree on.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Sorry i made an error pls. I wanted saying this is how God direct good and innocent people like you so that they would be saved from the torment of the hell fire. . . . . Pls sister, always consider looking into islam... Its a very beautiful religion

    • Thank you so much for your advice Mohd. I am a Catholic Christian and very devout to my faith. I have in the passed few months researched Islam and what being a muslim meant. And can I just say I have never seen such dedicated people in my life, I truly respect Islam from the bottom of my heart! It is one of the few good things in this world and teaches nothing but love and loyalty to God. Also, I think that anyone who is a muslim deserves the utmost respect and I'm very sad that I live in such a prejudice country that isn't always so kind. I actually have started to take on some parts of Islam. I still love Jesus as my savior but I learned alot and am so thankful that God has shone me what true Islam is. God bless you 🙂

  4. You sound like a very nice fellow and may God (ALLAH) bless you and guide you to his way. . . . . You really sound quiet innocent and you are really good hearted and should i say open minded sister ... You know, this is how God (who is never unjust) direct good and innocent people like you to the right direction so that they could be saved for the torment of hell fire. Now that HE has exposed to HIS PATH - HIS RELIGION , Everything lies on you now... I will keep on praying for you and 'GOD WILLING, you will not die until you fully embrace His path (islam), not least so that you would be saved from the torment of the hereafter. And so that Allah would admit you to His gardens of paradise in the blessed heaven..

  5. Hi, I am Catholic but I'm undecided about Islam meaning I'm decind if I want to practice both or just one. But my advice to you is to let it go. I know you are concerned for your freind and God bless you for doing so, but you have to trust that God is leading you both. I believe that God loves everyone and those who agnoledge the one true God whether they be Jew, Christian, or Muslim, that they are His children. So know that God loves your freind as much as He loves you, and the fact that she loves Him too should gove you strength. And does it not say in the Qu'ran that Christians and Jews will have their reward too? Leave her destiny to God and be strong in your own faith. Blessed be upon you and your freind 🙂 Hope this helped 🙂

    • I think you are refering to this verse "VERILY, THOSE WHO BELIEVE (ie muslims) AND THOSE WHO ARE JEWS AND CHRISTIANS, AND SABIANS, WHOEVER BELIEVES IN ALLAH AND THE LAST DAY AND DOES RIGHTEOUS GOOD DEEDS SHALL HAVE THEIR REWARD WITH THEIR LORD (Allah), ON THEM SHALL BE NO FEAR, NOR SHALL THEY GRIEVE." koran2:62 . . . . . The conditions are WHOEVER BELEIVE IN ALLAH AND THE LAST DAY AND DOES RIGHTEOUS GOOD DEEDS. now the big question is do the jews, christians, and sabians accept and beleive in these conditions??? Do they truely beleive in Allah??? If they do, then why didn't they beleive in His revelation -HIS source of guidance (ie the koran)???, why didn't they beleive in His last and final prophet and massanger (muhammad SAW)??? Compare this verse "WHOEVER SEEKS A RELIGION OTHER THAN ISLAM, IT WILL NEVER BE ACCEPTED OF HIM(or her), AND IN THE HEREAFTER HE (or she) WILL BE ONE OF THE LOSERS (ie dwellers of hell fire and they shall abide therein forever)". Koran3:85.

      • Being raised Catholic I was never told of Muhamed nor was I ever given the basic knowlege of what Islam is. it has been just recently that I have made an attempt to understand it because of all the prejudice going around. I'm glad to say I have found that the religion is peaceful and beautiful in every way. But being raised in a Christian home I was never exposed to any kind of Islamic knowlege neither is any of my freinds or family. I didnt even know what islam was until 911 (I know that the terrorists weren't representing Islam they were alquida). It's like a muslim being raised in Iran or Iraq or Aghganastan (sorry if i spelled that right) many of them arent exposed to Christianity or other religions because like here in america we have one main national religion under which we were founded. So if someone has never heard of Islam and grew up as "a person of the book" we still have the same love for Allah that you do and all muslims.

  6. Hey sweetie,
    I am a christian and have been one since I was aged 9. I'm devout about Jesus just like you are very devout about Allah. Don't you think that God is guiding you both, except that you both have very different beliefs? I'm starting to feel that whether you are islamic or christian both paths will lead you straight to God. Definitely expect your sister to be with you in paradise. God's love will get you both there. God bless

  7. I know that you think that you are doing the right thing by trying to convert someone to your religion but how would you feel if a Christian wants to convert you to Christianity? The truth lies in the mind of the people. Muslims believe that Islam in the truth whereas Christians believe that Christianity is the truth. Christians have their own mind set and they think that Christianity is the way and not Islam. It is not advisable for you to try and convert someone to you religion just because you think your religion is the way. I would agree with what Aisha said so there is no need for you to do such things.

    • "someone", it's a free world. Christians try to convert Muslims all the time. They send missionaries all over the Muslim world, they distribute Bibles by the millions, they come knocking on our doors. And you're right, we Muslims believe our religion is true, so we have an obligation to share it. If you saw your friend walking down the street and about to fall into a deep hole, wouldn't you want to save her? We believe that Islam is the salvation, so how can we fail to share it? As long as we do not use force, we are free to use words, books, websites and any other means to share our message and try to bring people to the light of Islam.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Islam is not a made up story.

      It is the religion of all Prophets. To worship One God. Even Jesus worshipped one God. Hence, Islam is based on truth and a religion much older than people think.

      Christianity on the other hand is based on worship of Christ, which is absolutely a new concept, just 2000 years old by joining a new partner with Allah or God, called son of Allah or son of God.

      Can you answer me a simple question please?

      Before Jesus, did people worship a Trinity? Did Moses worship Trinity? And before him did Abraham worship Trinity? And before him did Noah worship Trinity? And before him did Adam worship Trinity?

      Someone, if you have an unbiased and truthseeking mind, you will at once realized that "Jesus whom the Christian worship as God and son of God is a "raised" god, not "raised" from death, but "raised" by people as a new god. A god brought in to existence "by people" 2000 years back.

      You understand the difference?

      It is God who brings people in to existence, here people have brought a "god" in to existence and this opposite case can never be the true religion where god is brought in to existence by people.

      Islam is based on firm Truth : La ilaaha illallaah. There is no god except God. Ilaahun wahiid. One God.

      If you could answer my above question and point me out one place where people before 2000 years ago worshipped a Trinity of God, Holy Spirit and Jesus.

      171. O People of the Scripture! Do not exaggerate in your religion nor utter aught concerning Allah save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, was only a messenger of Allah, and His word which He conveyed unto Mary, and a spirit from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers, and say not "Three". Cease! (it is) better for you! Allah is only One God. Far is it removed from His transcendent majesty that he should have a son. His is all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth. And Allah is sufficient as Defender. - Surah An Nisaa.

      I am sorry if my words hurt your feelings. But did not I speak the truth?

      If I said any lies, you are most welcome to point them out. Invitation to the Truth is open to you "Someone".

      Peace,
      Munib.

      • I would like to add something, in the verese I quoted from the Qur'an, Allah says:

        " So believe in Allah and His messengers,"

        Which is to believe that Allah or God and His Messengers, Adam, Noah, Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Jesus, Muhammad and others (peace be upon them) brought the true Message: God is One. And none of them brought the message : Jesus is God, worship him. None of them.

        So follow the true path someone. Had there been a guidance better than the Qur'an, I would be the first one to follow it, but there is nothing like the Qur'an which I ever witnessed in my life.

        Peace,
        Munib.

  8. Hi,

    If you truly love your friend you will not expect from her to change.
    See the good in her as she sees the good in you.
    If she had to ask you to change religion would you for her?
    I really doubt that so don't do something to others that
    which you don't want them to do to you.

    Love her with your heart not with your mind

  9. We all know that Allah is the most Merciful, and even if your friend is not Muslim, insha-Allah i believe that Allah will be merciful to her if she does good deeds. The punishment for the disbelievers refer to those who do bad deeds and spread injustice. Insha-Allah she will be saved.

    • Whosoever joins a partner with Allah, Allah will not forgive.

      48. Lo! Allah forgiveth not that a partner should be ascribed unto Him. He forgiveth (all) save that to whom He will. Whoso ascribeth partners to Allah, he hath indeed invented a tremendous sin. - Surah Nisaa.

      Salaam,
      Your brother.

  10. Sister Sarah, As-salamu alaykum,

    You say, "I feel sick when I look at her, knowing her future."

    You need to stop that. You do not know her future, nor do I, or any other human being on this planet. It's extremely arrogant of us to think that we know anyone's fate. Allah is the judge. Only He knows your friend's destiny. By dwelling on morbid thoughts you are not helping your friend. It may even be that your friend is picking up on some of that negativity, which certainly would not help in guiding her to Islam.

    You also assume that her family will disown her if she converts, and once again you are assuming a worst case scenario. You can't approach anyone with that kind of negativity in your mind because it will taint your words and actions.

    With that said, I suggest three things:

    1. Continue doing the good things you do. Keep on with your sincere friendship to her, and showing her the goodness of Islam, and making dua' for her. SisterZ has rightly written about the importance of dua', so I won't repeat everything she wrote.

    2. Ask her to become Muslim. Why not? Say something like, "You know I love you like a sister. How about if you become Muslim? That way we will be sisters in faith as well. You know Islam is a beautiful religion. How do you feel about accepting Islam?" No doubt she will object, but instead of arguing, listen to her carefully. This way you'll know what are her specific objections to becoming Muslim. Don't feel a need to argue right away. Whatever she says, think about it, and when you feel you have a genuine solution then bring it up another day, but again don't push. The idea is to engage her in discussion without making her feel pressured.

    3. I encourage you to make some Muslim friends as well. I'm not saying to give up on your Christian friend, not at all. But it's nice to have friends who encourage us in our faith. Friends who pray with us, read Quran with us, and learn the deen with us.

    In the end remember that Allah is Al-Hadi, The Guide. Our job is only to convey the message. The most important things we can bring to this job are sincerity, purity of intention, and a positive attitude. The end is with Allah.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Thanks for adding that Wael.

      I didn't realise how easy and 'OK' it is to just simply ask. Sometimes we fear the unknown because we think we already know the outcome. But Alhumdulillah, you made it sound so simple and straightforward and it makes so much sense.

      A possible scenario is this: That Sarah poses the question to her Christian friend. Her friend gives her reasons as to why she does not want to accept Islam. But the question will have been raised in her mind triggering her to at some point think and reflect.

      SisterZ

      • Whosoever disbelieve in islam and refuse to be muslim, and die in that state of disbelieve, then such person destination is hell fire and he/she shall dwell therein forever. This is what Allah clearly said in the koran. "ALLAH HAS PROMISED THOSE WHO BELIEVE (in the oneness of Allah - islamic monotheism) AND DO DEEDS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, THAT FOR THEM THERE IS FORGIVENESS AND A GREAT REWARD (ie paradise)" "AND THOSE WHO DISBELIEVE AND DENY OUR REVELATIONS (verses of the koran) ARE THOSE WHO WILL BE THE DWELLERS OF THE HELL FIRE " koran5:9-10 "AND WHOEVER SEEKS A RELIGION OTHER THAN ISLAM, IT WILL NEVER BE ACCEPTED OF HIM (or her), AND IN THE HEREAFTER HE (or she) WILL BE ONE OF THE LOSERS (because there destination would be hell fire and they shall abide therein forever) koran3:85.

  11. Walaykumsalaam Sarah,

    SubhaanAllah Sister, what a beautiful agent of Allah you are. Inviting others to Islam (Dawah) is an obligation for us all, and this is written in Surah Al-Asr as we can see in the translation: Quran, Surah Al-Asr (The time): "By the time. Verily! Man is in loss, Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth which Allah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds, and recommend one another to patience.'

    Furthermore it is truely lovely that you care for your friend so much and want to rescue her from the punishment of disbelieving. Our beloved Rasool(saw) said: The Prophet(saw) said: 'You are not a true believer until you love for your sister what you love for yourself.'

    ***

    It is sad when we care for someone so much and yet we know what fate lies ahead due to their disbelief. But Sister, we can only invite others to the truth, this is what we will be held accountable for. Whether the person accepts Islam or not is entirely up to Allah(swt). So how can we invite people to Islam? There are many ways but we must adapt our approach according to whom we are targeting. We are not all Sheikhs or Scholars or anywhere near those like Dr Zakir Naik; so do not feel that you have to hold lectures and talks etc to promote Islam. Our good manners and morals can sometimes speak more than our words can convey.

    Your Effort: So keep doing what you are doing. Being a good, striving and practising Muslimah is one of the best things you can do. If you do this, then you are representing Islam in a positive manner. Be steadfast in praying your five daily Salaah with khushoo, even when you are with her and when you are going out, be gentle in speech, be good in manners, patient, kind to all, invite her for dinner etc. When its Eid, invite her to dinner and tell her what Eid is about. When its time for Hajj, tell her what Hajj is about. She may be amazed to know that Eid and Hajj are linked to Ibrahim(as) who is also very revered by Jews and Christians. I can imagine it must be frustrating, but we can all only do what we are capable of doing. Keep learning about Islam from teh Quran and Sunnah, so that you are representing the true Islam to her.

    Dua: Also keep making dua that Allah guides your friend to Islam; dua is known as a weapon of the believer. The Prophet (saw) said: "The quickest prayer to be answered is a man's supplication for his brother in his absence." [Bukhari] Furthermore, Ibn Umar (ra) narrated that before he accepted Islam, the Prophet (saw) had prayed: ‘Oh Allah strengthen Islam with whoever is more beloved to you, Umar ibn al Khattab or Abu Jahl ibn Hisham’. Umar(ra) had been extremely against Islam but soon after this dua, Umar (ra) accepted Islam maashAllah! So always make dua.

    Our Rasool(saw) tried to convince his beloved uncle Abu Talib to accept Islam but he would not. Imagine how sad our Rasool(saw) was when he sat with his Uncle on his death bed watching him take his last few breaths, knowing that he he still would not accept. Allah(swt) then revealed an Ayah concerning Abu Talib: "Verily, you (O Muhammad) guide not whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He knows best those who are the guided." (Quran, Surah: 28:56) Maybe part of the reason for revealing this Ayah to our Prophet(saw), was to lighten his burden, to remove his guilt, so he would understand that it was only his duty to invite others to Islam and thereafter up to Allah to make them to accept. So let this Ayah speak to you too.

    ***

    So dear Sister, seize each and every opportunity you can to be a good Muslimah as a form of dawah and Allah will reward you for your beautiful intention. Keep striving, keep your friendship with her for the sake of Allah, with a view to inviting her to Islam through your example and leave the rest to Allah. You can only but do dawah/invite and make dua for your friend.

    May Allah reward you for your sincere intentions and bring your friend to Islam. And may Allah(swt) make us love for others what we love for ourselves and may we love to meet a pleased Allah(swt) in our Hereafter, Aameen!!!

    Best Wishes

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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