Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How will I make my boyfriend love me like he did before?

Broken heartI love my boyfriend very much. But he used to love me before but not now.

I broke my promises several times, i used to scold him alot, but i used to love him too. I even used to tell him evry single thing even if a guy is handsome or something like that.  I knew it would have hurt him but i couldnt hide anything from him. And I dont know why even i used to like someone else.

I dont know why I did so. I was over confident with his love that he wont ever leave me. But one day it became too much and he decided to leave me. He thinks its risky to be with me, i might like other guys even after marriage. He doesnt trust me anymore, then I really burst into tears and realized what i did this 2 years.

I told sorry several times and I said I wont ever do anything and will sacrifice everything for him and I know I can. I was assuring him all these for 10 days, then he decided that he wont leave me. And told me he'll be with me as long as I dont do all this things again.

But now the problem is, even if he came back to me, he doesnt love like before. I am happy that he is with me, I said I will love him like hell, and i'll do everything for him, instead i wont want his love for me. But still it hurts me when i dont get any response from him.

He loved me so much, used to do everything for, me but now??? How can I make him love me again?? Will time heal everything?? Will he love me again?? He now finds me boring, he says he dont believe its me. He says i will again become bad like that. He says he is confused, he says he tries to love me, but he dont know why he couldnt. He says he love me but not like before. He is himself shocked with his sudden change. What will I do now?? I can stay like this without his love forever for my sins for him. But still i want him to love me.

Plz help me!!

Is there any dua that will make him the way he was before?? By the way, our parents knows about us.

I know i was a very bad girl. But now im changed for him, and wont do all this ever. Wont even look at anyone and i say my namaz everyday, pray to ALLAH for winning his heart again but I know i should be patient. But still im afraid if he is going to ever love me like before. No matter what happens, I will be with him forever. But how will I live without his love. He was so amazing, still now I find him amazing but it hurts.

- Jana_Ojana

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11 Responses »

  1. Jana, As-salamu alaykum,

    Let's leave aside for a moment the fact that boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are not allowed in Islam.

    You got what you deserve here. Actions have consequences. You treated the man badly, and you destroyed the love he had for you. You cannot "make him" love you again. Duaa is not a magic spell to make someone fall in love with you. This relationship is ruined and the trust will never return like it was before. It's just limping along now on its last legs but will not continue much further, I am sure.

    I'm happy to hear that you have learned something from this experience and have changed. It's great that you are doing your prayers now Alhamdulillah, and not flirting with men like before. Continue doing this, not for your ex-boyfriend but for Allah, your Creator and Lord.

    Let this man go. Your heart will heal, give it time. And when you meet the man you will marry one day Insha'Allah, respect yourself, and respect him.

    Wael Editor

  2. I can feel the feelings of Jana, a fellow Moslem should forgive each other and ask Allah to be given the right mate and you can guide the world and the hereafter

  3. assalaamoalikum...i have been in a reln wid my boyfrend since 2 yrs....he had a crush on me since he ws 13....n wen he proposed me i dint giv a gud response to him cuz i ws quite shy of all these things....i used to tok to him but neva expressed my feelings to him....but internally i loved him a lottt.....l8r the things changed n i got free wid him...n we got into relationship..he luvd me frm the bottom of ma the tym passed v got physical with each other...his mum used to like me verry much n my family likes the boy too ...v both r muslims but our subcaste doesnt match soo my family steppd back fr our marriage...n had kept lots of restrictions on me...after his family learnt that my parents r nt intrested in this relationship soo they dint take further intrest...n they restricted him to tok me...its been 9 months that we havnt spoken to eachother well..theres no single day i dnt miss him...n he loves me parents hav undastud my luv fr that boy so they hav agreed fr my marriage but the condition is dat they shud send the marriage proposal n my bf is uncomfortable to speak abt us again cuz his parents r old n canny take high tensions....he went uk last week fr further studies.....n he gets lots of marriage proposal...m nsecured if he say yes fr any marriage under pressures...plzz help me out suggest me gud duass..plz dnt tell me to drop him frm ma mind cuzz i hav reaally loved him n i hav got phisical with him...this is the major part i cant forget abt us plzz help me...get him back to me

    • Dear Sabah, Asalaamualaykum,

      You will need to submit your question as a separate post. There is a bit of a queue so you may need to wait a while for a personal answer.

      However, in the meantime you may want to read through the many questions that have been posted on this website previously; some of them address the same issues as you have mentioned. So I am sure you will find the answers very helpful inshaAllah.

      May Allah cover you with His(swt) Protection, aameen,

      SisterZ Editor

  4. I know exactly how u feel... My heart and prayers go out to u. I am in love with someone myself and vowed I will never marry anyone else nor let anyone else touch me. I had a tagged account online and met many friends but never chatted much with any guys. Because i was taken and happy with my love I had. i got emails one day with pictures attached and I thought it was from the girls that I ahd as friends on the tagged. unfortunately, it was pictures of guys and I noticed when I opened them and tried to delete them off my laptop and had opened them several times but only to get them off my computer somehow. Anyway,.. it was a stupid mistake and I I wasn't even talking to the guys. My boyfriend saw them on my laptop as downloads and when he did.. he was so upset. I know how it all looked but swore to him I ahd not been chatting with them or even knew them. I have went to temple and prayed, repented, and even changed alot of things that my boyfriend had asked me to change before. Thing is... I love him so much and I thought he loved me too. I want to believe he does. But he says he is having a hard time forgiving. I am giving him time and he sometimes emails and calls still but still,.. my life is so incomplete without him. I was told I need to be punished for my crimes and think about what all I had done and I have been doing that for several months now... Yet, trying to be patient and give him time. But all the time, everyday, every hour, everynight, at work, at home, I am constantly praying, asking God to help him t forgive me and bring him bac to me. I know that God has forgiven me but how do I convince my boyfriend to forgive me? We can do this together and I vowed to him and GOD, never to be with another because u only love once in life.... is my belief... that one true, real love...

    **My advice or suggestion to u... DON'T give up. Hold on to your faith. Keep praying, realize the wrong that it was done but never do it again and don't just tell them u are sorry or u know u did wrong, etc. Show them. Let them see it in your actions. But, don't give up.....

    Keep praying.

  5. WHAT IS WRONG SISTERS!!?? Having boyfriends is Strictly HARAM is Islam!! You have to repent from boyfriends straight away and fear Allah, i am sorry but there is no sympathy for you for doing it only sympathy for your punishment if you do not obay your creator who has DIRECTLY orderd the believers in the Quran to not have boyfriends and girlfriends.

    Please make taubah (repentence) and marry the Halal way, everytime you kiss hold hands and have sex with your boyfriend and girlfriend it iis Zina and is punishment

    Inshallah you will not take this lightly, You need to fear Allah and repent, Thats why Allah is not aqccepting Dua to get back 'Boyfriends'.. do you think Allah will accept the dua that goes against his own commandment? Its the same as saying to Allah ''Oh Allah, I have no wine left please provide me with some''.. there is no difference sisters

    Inshallah you will repent

  6. @Ubaydullah I know in Islam dating is harram. We are now living in certain situations where people have to make choices for themselves how they want to live there life regardless of our religion. There are good people very less has time goes on and there seem’s to be very bad people more and more no matter which country you are in or born from. My issue is I don’t agree with arrange marriages anymore nor I agree with doing such activities before marriage. There seems a lot of unnecessary pain cause to women in Islam today and makes me think twice of marriage and mainly either coming from a husband’s wrong doing or in laws. Everyone knows marriage isn’t a joke only happens once so you tell me is it fair for either the boys or girls to marry and have an arrange marriage knowing that person they are marring isn’t the one and they dont actually love them. They have no idea what kind of person they are marrying because in my job i see it everyday where women are being abused and pushed from one pillar post to the next

  7. Salam, Jana..

    I am having exact problem like what u had. I knew love before marriage is haram but we knew where and how to control it. I leave my ex bf before on the day we supposed to get our marriage's permission letter for my recent bf. Why? Because I realize that I love him so much and all my hope on him. For 3 month , my ex was keep on begging me to come back and continue the marriage but I refused cause I don't love him before. When my ex accepting my decision to be with my current bf , he became my real best friend, offering me to be my brother. Btw, after my decision to be with my recent bf, I expect a lot of things from him but he couldn't do it. So , I contacted my ex to do it for me cause I really don't know how to do it by myself. My bf never show me that he is worth to trust. His phone always on silence mode everytime I am around. I found so many ladies picture in computer and phone. He told me he is honest and loyal to me. Then 1 day my bf found out that I was still contacting my ex which is he don't know that my ex was doing his responsibilities like bank in money for my mother and sister who studying abroad. My ex knows that I love my bf so much and he supporting by giving advices. We never had any intention to be together again and continue the wedding.

    Since my bf found out about what happened behind him, he always telling that he don't love me, he don't trust me... It's not one time actually happened.. A lot of time. But I swore, it only because of my family. I am always crying because of my ex. I love him so much and I can't live without him.

    Actually, so many times I decided to stay away from him, since even my trust is so tiny and almost gone for him because of what he did to me too... But because of love till now I deciding to stay... Keep on breaking my heart everyday... Hoping for something that I knew won't happen... But I don't know until when.. I can't open my heart to any other man.

    So for you, you have all the choice.. U can stay if u believe that some magic might happen.. Insyaallah by doa, pray and action, one day he will realize how much u love him and need u in his life. This is what I wish too.

  8. @nora
    Asalam alikam
    I think that loving someone is not gunnah having physical relationship before marriage is gunnah . U girls that are in love and ur boyfrnds that love u r very lucky for one reason that u both love each other . There r a lot of girls that love boys more than they love anything but they can't tell them that how much they love them . Can't the boys see their love . Isn't it hard to love someone cry for them , pray for their happiness , miss them , take care for them and they don't even know . But I guess that's what love is . Love has a lot of colors . So please if u love someone tell them .

    • how are we supposed to tell some one that we love them if they offer complete salat and fear Allah. I am a boy and i am in this problem. I have already posted a question and got comments
      And what should we do if we miss them every single day pray for them like our own blood sister and brothers and care for them and love them and make dua for marriage in every single salat.
      The women i like: i dont want to make a harram relationship with her i want to marry her. my age is not much what i really want is that i want to complete my studies and continue family business and then marry her. will she wait for me during all this time. please please help

  9. You are not to blame for anything! He liked you precisely because you were hard to get. If he was truly disturbed by your behaviour, he would have broken with you much sooner and if you changed, he would have been very happy. Obviously he was attracted by the fact that you were hard to get. Now that you showed him you really love him, he became bored. He doesnt find you interesting anymore. He has a problem, not you. You were just a bit immature but now you grew up. If he truly loved you, he would have loved you twice more because you changed for him. Do not feel guilty!

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