Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to stop fearing the future?

Anxiety, anxious, worried.

Anxiety's vicious circle.

Why am I so negative?  I wish to reduce my over thinking mental state, as it won't allow me to function properly.

I'll be praying Salah, and I'm distracted by the foolish thoughts flowing in my head. I can't find peace. Astagfirullah.

I do love Islam, and practice it as regularly as I can and inshAllah I wish to strengthen my Imaan gradually.

I have been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder so this probably doesn't help a great deal.

Examples:

I'll fail one Exam, my mental state will process this as I'm going to fail my degree so I won't try for my next one.

I see a girl take of her hijab, this upsets me so much and I think stupid thoughts like I might as well take mine off.

I get close to someone, they leave me- I feel like I'm isolated and will stay lonely all my life. (currently undergoing heartbreak).

I get random thoughts like who will marry me? Will I have kids? What if I'm struck by poverty etc?

I sit on the train and imagine it crashing.

I can't seem to control my mind.

I've tried calming remedies such as medication and counselling but my mind is always running.

😐 and INSOMNIA has ruined me totally.

At night I will be on the verge of banging my head against a brick wall :/

I understand in Islam hardships come part and parcel, this is probably my trial .

Hence why I continuously make Du'a to Allah that he eases this.

However, why am I sitting here waiting for my next set of troubles?

Why do I feel like I'll never get over these trials and tribulations that life throws at everybody! Not just me!

So why am I not just dealing with it? Why am I bawling my eyes out? Why am I feeling hurt and crushed?

I don't even allow myself temporary happiness or appreciate the blessings that God might be giving me because I wait for something to go wrong because I feel like that's how its going to be if I become religious -I have to deal with continuous difficulties.

Please advise me on how I can give my head and heart some rest ?

~ PureAtHeart

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14 Responses »

  1. Slm. Oh my god..I know exactly how u feel. As I feel the same way. I also suffer with anxiety and have the same or similar thoughts as u. My mind and body cannot rest. People do not understand how hard this can be for an individual. They think it is stress. Well let me tell u something..I do think this is part of our trial /test in this life...its what helps me stay strong. That if it is a test then allah swt is the almighty and he knows exactly what is in our hearts and minds. He is the only one who can truly understand our pain. No doctor, no husband, no friend.. I have been on beta blockers for palpatations at one stage , then anti anxiety meds. It sometimes feels like its taking over ur life..it took me 7 years to get my drivers licence, because I failed the first time I had this intence fear and anxiety everytime I tried again that I eventually stopped trying because the anxiety was too much too bear. And the list is endless. Alhamdullillah I have my licence for 6 months now. I'm not sure what to tell u. But keep strong don't give up hope. These are feelings that don't go away. Anxiety is a medical condition. Its part of our nature. But u can't let it control u. In small ways u can adapt and try to be positive. These crazy thought will always be like a cloud hanging over u. But allah created us this way and he can help us as well. Inshallah u find some peace. Insha allah all sufferers do. Ameen

  2. Also reading quraan. Esp surah yaseen helps ease mental stress

  3. Asalamu alikum,

    my dear sister, one thing i can tell you is. Fear the things you can change and dont fear the things you cannot.

    For example- sitting on the train thinking if the it will crash- you say to yourself- if Allah wills it it will crash whether i am on this thing or not- then it will and there is nothing i can do about it. end of story. We will all die sis, so if you are meant to die on that train due to a crash, you bet you it will happen whether you fear it or not...so stop worrying about stuff you cannot change.

    another example- oh man i failed that test.....okay so what went wrong...did i study enough? did i understand the matiral? Do i need to get extra support with this topic from teacher? ect. Once you know what you did, then fix it for the next one and move on and dont associate that failure with i suck, versus i failed due to this reason.

    I know its easier said than done, but say some due for anxiety when you are stressed, and stop worrying about stuff that doesnt matter. In your grave is it really the end of the world if you are alone and dont have kids versus having good deeds? Dont lose focus my sister on what matters the most.

    The point is, its good to think about the future, but stressing is not. Rely on Allah for the things you cannot control and work hard for the things you can.

    And my darling, insomnia, i know that is painful - I have to deal with it as well. But you need to get off your bed, and do something really really calming or takes alot of energy for you to do. For example, for me its takes me alot of energy to read quraan, so yes i get up and read. I read 1 or 2 pages and I am out like a light because reading arabic is a difficult task for my brain. Or i listen to quraan on my phone. Make dua, you dont have to read from a script, just sincere dua from your heart in your own language is good too.

    Also, if you like novels, read and read and you might sleep.

    And depending on your living situation if you share a room or not and are able to leave it- then you can also turn on the ligths and do tasks that you wanted to do in the morning- homework, ironing, packing lunch, etc- i know its crazy- but its something to do rather than just sit there and kill your head with endless thoughts.

    Hope that helps.

  4. salam.

    You have lots of questions i dont have answers to except one. Before praying salah do dhirk, inshallah, this will help you focus in your salah better or read quran. do either for about ten minutes.
    And when you seem to over think/imagine things happening try to deliberatly pull your self out of it an do dhirk or try talking to Allah. You can tell him anything you want, you can make dua, you can complain, you can thank Him, you can ask for forgiveness. ANYTHING, He always listens 🙂 and i would recommend you buy a pocket size quran and leave it in your bag so you can take it wherever you go and when your in the bus/train you can read and inshallah you wont imagine the train crashing lol you'll be too absorb with Allah's words and advice. Inshallah.

  5. Asalam alikum sister,
    Im in same situation as you. But sometimes i am able to stop myself before i get negative and ruin my whole day.I just think about some of the best days ive had. Or most times just smiling, even when ur sad helps to get me through until im actually happy. The most helpful things i use are my memories of the Sunnah. If im thinking about greeting everyone i meet, like it says in one sunnah, or just putting on my right shoe before my left, like like it says in one sunnah, then it really helps to guide my daily life, instead of overthinking.
    Insha Allah this helps

  6. Dear sister exercise helps a lot with anxiety! It releases a chemical in the brain that reduces stress,eat well,take vitamins especially b6 and b12,(on a full stomach) it tends to cause nausea,learn meditation,try to focus on one day at a time,take each day as it comes,catch yourself when u start to obsesse and over think things , helping others is a great way to get out of ur own head and focus on something positive ,keep up your prayers and expand ur Islamic knowledge, you have the power over your own brain with Allah help your will feel better

    • And also limit caffeine only one or 2 cups of coffee or tea a day ,and not past 5pm or so,also having chamomile tea in the evening is good, avoid television like the news or disturbing things at nite,avoid opening mail w bills and such that mite keep ur mind to busy. Hope this helps 🙂

  7. Assalam O' Alaikum Sister ...

    I know exactly how you feel. I go through it every day...it's difficult...and sometimes you wish someone could just understand how your head feels so heavy with all the thoughts...

    I hope I can be helpful with all what I am going to tell you...these are the things I try for my self....suggestions given above are also great ..see whatever works for you..

    1) Sometimes we do not appreciate what Allah has provided us with....because even though we have knowledge of it....we do not really get to see...what others suffer from. That's why when I am feeling horrible because of the way I am....not able to concentrate in prayers etc.....I usually come to either this website and read what problems others are going through...and it suddenly lightens my heart and makes me feel grateful for everything else in my life...

    2) Friends who enter and exit my life...yes it's crushing...it hurts...but then I keep reminding my self....that there was a reason all these people left...it's because Allah wants to show me....that at the end of the day it is Him and only Him by our side. He is the friend who teaches us good and bad about life by creating the situations we experience in our day to day lives. People Allah introduced us to ...the ones who stayed..were the ones Allah believes will help us become a better person..and the ones who left..He knew they could only damage us.....Remember: your worst experiences are your best teachers.

    3) Try helping people...for example...u go out to have dinner....pay the waiter something more than u would normally give..smile at him/ her....it gives momentary hapiness and ur mind stops racing...if you cannot help someone financially...it's okay...do something else...like I give the plates back to the waiter myself...clean my table...tuck the chars back in...so I save some work for someone else 🙂

    4) Exercise was a good tip I saw above!! yes...try it!!

    5) try letting ur mind float into things u like doing...

    6) Marriage...yes...it worries me too...most of all I don't even believe in myself...because I think may be I just won't prove to be good enough..may be i won't be the perfect mom, wife, siter-in-law or daughter-in-law......but then I think...there must be a reason why Allah created me....no purpose at all? That isn't possible...it's my Allah...He loved me enough to create me...place me in the right home...He does have some plans for His creation....and plus if He has created me...He would have created someone for me...

    7) Every time your mind begins to race..and it pops up with all these questions....try providing yourself with a logical and POSITIVE explanation...it will calm you down momentarily...

    8) ...and if nothing works....then just come back to this page...or think of me! :).....that there is a girl out there...whose mind is racing just like yours is....and she is also trying to fight her way through....

    Hope I was helpful 🙂

  8. Dear sis,
    Don't worry.. read the article in the given link. It will make you feel better In sha allah. May allah grant you goodness in this world and in the hereafter. Ameen..

    http://www.everymuslim.co.za/index.php/articles-menu/islamic-medicine-menu/1176-islams-treatment-for-anxiety-and-worry

  9. Aslamu alaikkum sister,
    Do this dhikr as much as possible.la ilaha illa anta subahanakka inni kunthu minallahlimeen.
    Esp when that anxiety attack starts....
    It has helped me a lot...and still helps....

  10. Assalam alai kum wr wb, i don't want to give lecture to u or say u tht i haven't gone through the phase but i want u to understd tht u shd take few things lite like take the matterial success or failure lite if u really want to thk is thk then thk abt how to achieve heaven try to offer 5 time salah daily dayly offer quran it may be just a verse with meaning and try to feal happy by thkg abt the miracles of allah. Try to spread love with family. Teach anyone around u any one good thing. Pls pls don't over think on any issues else than ur fariz .k. Try to take matterial things success or failure lite and try to thk it is how Allah want. Think positive that Allah is rahimul rahimine and he loves his servent 70 times more than our mother he will protect if we will be obedient to him by not doing sins then u see life wil be coll and happy. One more thing i would like u suggest don't be in tht kind of group or circle who is richer than be in tht circle who is less or as u r tgis will not lead to comparison then which lead's to jealous then sadness. Thk u

  11. Salaam, I hope you are coping just fine, after all this time, Ameen. I just wanted to say that I can understand a little of what you were going through, I hope InshaAllah you have found your coping strategies.
    I am a born Muslim, & I tend to just read the arabic version of the Quran which is wrong, I listened to the translation of Surah Muhammad (well I accidentally typed in Surah Muhammad in YouTube instead of Surah Fajar) I think Allah wanted me to listen to it, because I was feeling low yesterday & I was going through this website
    Looking for an answer. Surah Muhammad is so beautiful you have to listen to it with the translation. Allah says in the Surah
    'I AM WITH YOU ' I felt so emotional... While listening to this beautiful Surah, the Quran is certainly a way of life, we just get off track sometimes. In this day & age there are so many distractions for us, but we still try & do the right thing & that is where Allah will reward us, Insha Allah. I urge you to listen to Nouman Ali Khan's lectures on YouTube, he is very inspiring. He is a young guy & we can relate to him.Also he has a free app on playstore "Bayyinah Tv" this will give you the full lectures. May Allah ease everyone's difficulty Ameen.

  12. https://islamqa.info/en/25778
    This article is of The whispers of the Shaytan.

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