How to tell the family of my ex-boyfriend about my son?
Few months ago I posted a question ("Pregnant by Saudi Boyfriend") regarding my pregnancy and I was left by a Saudi guy after a long term "serious relationship.
Some of you advised me to find out the family of my boyfriend and let him know about the baby on way, so after long days of searching I finally found out an address and a phone of his family.
Asking some Saudis they said that there are not specific addresses and what they do is to send letters or packages by Fedex, write the name of the receiving person, and the phone number, so when the letter or package arrives the office contact them to go to pick what they receive, it this true?
I was planning to send his father a letter letting him know about the situation but I don't know what exactly to say, because I am afraid that he will just ignore my letter and continue the life as if nothing happened. Some people advised me to send the letter now saying that I'm pregnant and in few weeks the baby will born, that I don't expect money from them that I just expect the father of my baby to be involved in his life and name him as he deserve. On the other hand, there are people saying that I should wait until the baby is born to send them the letter plus pictures of the baby. As result of all this advice I am confused and right now I don't know what to do, if I should send the letter now or just wait?
In the same way, I am afraid of what their (parents) reaction will be because for sure in so traditional country this will be such a dishonor for them, more because they are well known in the society, and they are known as a good family that helps people in need as well. I want to believe that they will be good and they won't left his grandson alone and they will be worry about my son emotional health, but on the other hand the dishonor of their family is at stake and probably they would like to keep it in secret and never talk about that, so they just going to forget my letter and act as if they don't receive nothing.
Please brothers and sister, help me with this because I'm struggle of what I should do and how I can do it. I wish to receive some advice as soon as possible because I'll give birth soon.
Allah ybarek lak.
~Maria_us
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Salam ,
This is really sad to read !
I think you should send the letter ASAP ! So they can be ready for the baby and also so the baby's father will make him self ready to be involved in his sons life because u can't just wait until u give birth and then surprise them all with the baby and expect them to be good with u . It will be too much for them and too fast like the news that their son made someone pregnant and there's a baby born already !
I think you should let them know as soon as possible and islamicly they have to be involved in your babys life because its not his fault and he does need his father too .
Try to be really nice in your letter and if you can speak to them face to face that will be even better .
I wish you all the best and try not to stress and feel sad because your baby will feel it
Good luck and inshala your labor will be easy and your baby comes out healthy.
All the best
Thanks a lot.
May Allah bless you
AA;
You said you were living with his cousins, so you know them, and it sounded like he is still here but ignoring you. Did you try talking to him? going to his place? I guess that's a point to start. If that does not work, then go to people you know and they know about you. If all fails, try his family. IT might be better to resolve the issue before you get to his family. As you mentioned what you guys did was wrong, so it might be better to talk to him and at least u guys can claim that you were married already so not to cause issues (or maybe less issues) with his family.
It's is a tough situation you are in and I apologize for that.
May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.
If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.
AA
I've tried everything with him... Also his cousin said they will talk with him because he is not doing right things but at the end nothing is working.... Is a very harsh situation to decide whether or not tell his family because i believe he should tell them not me but his son need him to be involve in his life. On the other hand, I know i'm not gonna be the first or the last single mother. So may Allah guide me to do the best.
salam,
i have some relatives in saudi arabia. theyhave no address. its all thgrough PO box , DHL , Fedex etc.i dont know why it is like that but thats how it is.
may Allah bring ease for you.
I have the PO Box but i want to know the post office work in there. If you can help me i will appreciate.
salam
your story same mine u can find it here..I just go further 1 more step that we were married and I gave birth I told all of them by calling..but my story is sad as u guess everone ignored like I and my son are never exit in this world...now I understand this situation how much is' struggle and torture but be strong and have faith..I also ask more information that if I go to meet his family..the advice I got is not to go bcuz it's kinda dangerous..the father reject family reject and in thier place I just worried about my son's safety..anyway hopefully your story not same as mine..takecare
Hi Warisa,
I completely understand you and i can feel you pain. I'm worry about my son safety as well and i won't do something to put him on risk or danger. If you want there is a group of girls who had gone or are going through this situation, here is the link http://abandonedchildrenbytheirsaudifather.blogspot.com/ if you want to join us, for me have been helpful to know that i'm not alone.
May Allah bless you and your son 🙂
You need to first make a serious oppology to Allah. Making such shameless relations i.e Gfs/bfs etc is itself Haraam. and having sex with Na-mehram is a haraam and very very big sin and crime that u have commited.
you need to do serious Tauba.
Anyways, no one can reverse the time and the mistake that has been made. You should contact them ASAP and tell them everything. You r not alone, He is equally involved in this mistake. Now its his responsibilty and duty to support and do Nikah with you. He should be like a Man.
you should not be afraid of telling them..
Thanks for your advice. I already repent and of course i don't feel proud of what we had done. Now i want to do right things for my son.
may allah make it easy for you sister i will pray for you be strong
Thank you Brother Mohamoud
I'm in a similar situation apart from my son is 14 months old and has never seen his father. His father is Pakistani he left when I was 4 months pregnant he tried forcing me to have an abortion I recently heard he has moved back to Pakistan so now my son will never c his father I don't know what to do I was goin to speak to his uncle but can't seem to find him please help
Asalaam alikum,
Is there any way you can contact people at his masjid that he formerly attended in your country to find his whereabouts? Usually, there will be someone who knows someone if he or his family members were active in their community or known by others. Can you contact his friends in your area, maybe try facebook or twitter to find him, as well? Was there a frequent business establishment that he often visited or did he live with roommates where people would know his location or at least, steer you in the right direction?
Dear Ella,
Can you please go to this blog http://abandonedchildrenbytheirsaudifather.blogspot.com/ there is my personal e-mail... In that way we can talk and i can help you as much as i can.
I will look forward for your e-mail... And don't lose hope because God won't leave you alone.
I hate spoken to a lot of mosques in my area but have had no luck and his friends are not very nice people and won't help me I have been looking for well over a year now maybe I should give up now I don't think I'm getting anywhere and he obviously doesn't want anything to do with his son
The last thing to do before giving up is to petition a court for child support. That way if he is in your country, they can find him and hold wages for your child, or if he re-enters, hold him accountable for such. This is of course provided that his name is on the birth certificate as the father's child. If not, you can still petition a court for a DNA test so that wherever he is or if he comes back into the country, he'll have the court order to answer for in a family court, which is a binding order.
Also, have you tried contacting a Pakistani consulate or embassy?
Salam Professor X,
I'm going through the process that you are mentioning now... I went to the court to send him a request for DNA test to pay child support because he came back to US few months ago.. Also I contacted the person in charge of all the students in US who said that she will help me, that they also will require him an DNA test, then tell his family, and after all he has to pay Child Support... So please pray for my son and I... May Allah bless you
Walaikum salaam,
To pray for you and your pure son is a privileged opportunity, Sister Maria.
Alhamdulillah, it is good to know that you are pursuing the legal process.What many people, including women, do not realize is that failure to pay child support can result in any income or assets he has in the United States being garnished for child support. If the father fails to answer the court, they can issue a subpoena for appearance. The court will, of course, give him some time to respond, but in the worst cases, and this make take some years, parents who do not pay child support can be imprisoned for failing to do so. Since these men are riding a visa as entry into the States or other countries, this can be a legal obstacle for them if they ever apply for citizenship. The judgment alone could interfere with that ever happening and if he still refuses to pay, could result in criminal detainment.
Having said that, contacting U.S. Immigration in your case Maria, as to file a complaint against him when you have your court order for child support would be a timely move. You'll have to file out the appropriate paperwork and perhaps forward it to a INS or Homeland Security office. This should act as a serious wake up call for this man.
His name is not in the birth certificate when you register your child the father has to be present if not they put the father as unknown I jus think there is no point anymore I have cried over him for too long and if he can do that to his own son why should I bother
Asalaam alaikum,
It's ultimately your choice to stop pursuing the issue, but doing so would protect the rights of your son. That is my main reason for mentioning it. Forgive me if I have caused you distress in thinking about it too much.
No you haven't I am very grateful for your advise. I just don't want to cause any problems with my family but I wanted my son to know who his dad is at least and for him to acknowledge that's he has a child
Dear Ella.... I know you don't want to cause problems between you and your family. Of course they will try to protect you and your son for any bad things can come but at the end is your choice to decide what to do for the sake of your son... I know is very difficult to go through all this alone and more because all the people give you advices and at the end you don't even know what is the best to do. I do believe your son has the right to be known, and I guess the point of professor X was to tell you that also your son has the right to receive at least financial support from his father because nowadays is not easy to raise a child alone and paying all by yourself, and also because what your ex had done to you and your son is not right. Be strong and please contact me if you want to talk more. Don't feel bad for all this, be glad because you have the blessing to be a mother of a lovely child, and because you are strong enough to give to your child all the love you have inside.
Hi maria... Will you send me your email again For some reason it's not letting me open the link thanks
Hi,
sorry for the delay... i can't sent you directly my e-mail address because if not allowed in this website, that's why i sent you the link and then you have to go to contact information and you will find my mail. This is the link http://abandonedchildrenbytheirsaudifather.blogspot.com/ or also in https://twitter.com/#!/AbandonedSaudis. I hope to got news from you soon
I really hope that since these postings you did not contact those people. Honestly as long as they know the baby is legally the fathers and no longer yours unless his parents and family want to save face. You could virtually bring very big shame to the family and cause more harm than good. I hope you read about custody laws before you make any rash decisions.
Do you know how serious this can be? Just please take my advice and stay clear away from him and his family. Do you know what honor killing is? Please all of you that are in this situation.....stay clear away. Seriously....do your homework! If you want to know more I can tell you but Im saying this with great compassion so please dont misunderstand me. I too am Muslim but we can not deny what is reality here when it comes to KSA. You will be shown no mercy and they will only look to you as a whore because you were not married. Thanks God that you are in the U.S. because you do not want to know what would happen if you were there seriously. Be proud that the children are granted the freedom of opportunity and let that be that. I am sooooo serious. Let the people alone there. I dont know how to warn you enough. Not for you but also for your children.