Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How will my broken heart heal again?

lonely alone depression separation divorce loss

"You and your heart are in need of Allah..."

Salaam brothers and sisters,

I recently went through a divorce and going through pain.

I know there are many people whom have broken hearts whether through a separation, divorce or lost someone in life.

I was wondering if people can give tips how to overcome the pain, hurt, sleepless nights, worry and unhappiness.

We are all Muslims and we should try to help each other.

May Allah bless everyone whom reply

Jazak Allah

Help Me.

- help_me

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72 Responses »

  1. As Salamualaikum,

    Sister, you're right. Everyone has some or the other pain. Allah tests us all. We need to have patience and keep our trust in Him. I advise you the same.

    I'll insha Allah mention some duas which will insha Allah help you alleviate the grief you are going through.

    1. In al-Saheehayn it was
    reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when he felt distressed:

    “La ilaaha ill-Allaah al-‘Azeem ul-Haleem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb il-‘arsh il-‘azeem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb is-samawaati wa Rabb il-ard wa Rabb il-‘arsh il-kareem

    (there is no god except Allaah, the All-Mighty, the Forbearing; there is no god except Allaah, the Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god except Allaah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth and Lord of the noble Throne).”

    2. And it was reported from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when something upset him:

    “Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi
    Rahmatika astagheeth

    (O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help).”

    3. It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

    “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

    ‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka
    wabnu (you say wabnatu instead of wabnu) ‘abdika wabnu (you say wabnatu) amatika, naasiyati bi yadika,
    maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw
    ‘allamtahu ahadan min
    khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi
    ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi

    (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son (you say daughter) of Your slave, son (you say daughter) daughter of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’

    - but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.”

    I pray that Allah eases the situation for you and gives you strength to deal them.
    Aameen
    Wassalamualaikum
    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • u r right brother I am in a same pain dieing everyday but I always know Allah is there I lost my love one year ago I still cry it always hurt but I know Allah is there who is seeing me and some day he will going to reword me and u to sister be patients Allah is there

  2. As-Salamou haleykum sister

    As a person who went through divoce, and who is still going through the pain and life changes, I will tell you 2 things: have faith in ALLAH. HE knows best, and maybe this is best for now even though it is so hard for us to understand why it is happening. Also, the second thing is that it gets better with time. Death of a loved one is the most terrible tragedy, however we have to live through it, and we do.
    I have been on this forum with my heart broken in pieces many times asking for advice and duas. I thought that I would not survive the pain. 8 months later, I am here, grateful to ALLAh for all that i have learned and the strenght gathered. Don't get me wrong, I still have very painful times and crying spells, but frankly, they are getting weaker with time.
    Divorce is one of the biggest life changes and an emotional traumatism, get yourself through it one day at a time. If you have issues with insomnia, you can take pills of melatonine (i did) and they are rather harmless. It is a daily fight. ALLAH promised that every difficulty will be followed by ease, i can swear to you that you will see ALLAH's help as you decide to move forward. A great verse that i recite lately is "inna ma achkou bassi wa huzni illallah":" I complain to ALLAH alone for my sorrow and my grief". It does give relief to know that you are submitting your trials to the attention of the Most Powerful and Most Generous. You are in good hands, no matter what you are thinking.
    It gets worse before it gets better.
    Be strong InchALLA,H, and dont hesitate to come here to open your heart. I am forever grateful to the brothers and sisters here who do an awesome work helping people. Professor X, I thank ALLAH for all your good advice.
    May ALLAH bless all

    • Shukran sharing ur experience helps me alot...i feel like im not the only who suffer this kind of pain...

    • I loved a guy more than anything he too loved me I thought but after three years today i get to know it was all fake all false and he just said one thing I can not be with u anymore because I have fallen for someone else i am not a muslim but I believe in Allah I know he is listening to me my cries each night and day i have no idea what should I do I just ask for some relief from this pain i feel each day I was close to him more than to anyone else ever i told my family friends each and everyone about him but today i have got no answers at all i have lost my parents trust because of him , how can someone change so suddenly the man left me with no self respect i lost my dignity my should crushes down .I begged him to stay but he just took a day and moved on a happy life with other girl who is also a muslim and knew all about me and him we were in a live I. Relationship for three years I can not understand what is wrong I read Quran it says things which clearly are not respected by him or her at all , why is this so i trusted him he even lied me on name of Allah is this what i deserve for loving someone for fighting from all for his love changing my believe i had since childhood I am lost completely lost

      • remember sister... when something is gone it is GONE... because.. allah has stilll something better.. than what has gone.. keep pateince.. trust ALLLAH.. ul get a very good spouse.. may be tat guy ws not good .. soo good want to replace wth a better guy

      • Dear Sister,

        I have come from a place very similar to yours, where I was led to believe that I was creating something for the future only to realise that my partner was putting on a show and didn't really love me.
        May Allah make it easy for you to accept that you deserve better than that, you deserve more than someone lying to u and pretending.
        Turn to Allah - he will guide ur bleeding heart and Insha Allah bless u with the very best this life has to offer.
        Stay strong -- cry if u have to, be sad if u feel that way but Allah will remove this from u in the long run

    • How are you now sister

  3. My dear Sister,

    I understand and feel your pain. Remember that what you are experiencing is part of a Greater Divine Plan, so there is reason behind it, it will not go in vain. You will feel pain and sleepless nights but it will ease with time. Use this time to come closer to Allah and busy yourself with family and friends. Allah, the All-Glorious, says: 'Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest'. (Qur'an 13:28)

    Brother Waseem has mentioned some beautiful duas. Insha'Allah you will also find this book helpful: 'Don't be Sad', you can access an e-version at this link: http://www.dont-be-sad-alqarni.com/

    Please also read our series on 'Morning and Evening Dhikr', you will find some supplications and dhikr there that will be soothing to your heart insha'Allah: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/dua-in-islam/morning-and-evening-dhikr-part-1/

    May your pain be an expiation for you, aameen.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Salam dear sister, a couple of months ago I was facing a similar situation of sleepless nights and depression due to a separation that went on for a month I was so determined to give up on my 14 year marriage, however I didn't allow shaytan to defeat me .I prayed day and night asking Allah swt for his help and guidance. Alhamdullilah my life and marriage have taken an opposite turn for the better and I thank Allah swt for this everyday. Have faith in God and he will not let yoh down.

    • Sister "It works",
      I am happy for you, may Allah (swt) reward your for your prayers and bless you with happy, prosperous, fulfilled life; the one Allah (swt) wants us Muslims to live for which HE (swt) has promised the Jannah:).

      Muhammad1982,
      Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  5. brother ,
    asalamalikum,

    when i feel mreally low. i just open Quran randomly and start reading the translation , invariably i find that iam reading a verse where allah is giving some instructions to deal the situations.

    i dont have any friends or elders to advise me when im struggling, but alhamdullilah Allah has gven us Quran and sunnah to deal with our problems in this world and hereafter.

    when you feel that the whole world around you is so much messed up and you cant rely or trust on anybody and the pain inside is just too much , just open quran and start reading it. inshallah such feelings will start to disappear.

    and i always keep saying oh Allah make it easy for me. then i started to memorise surah Al-duha and Alamnashrah. i find that it helps the hart find peace. its like a console from Allah.

    listening to lectures from suhaib webb website and yasmin mugahed website helped as well.islamic sunrays website is also great , brother wael has very kindly let us share peices of his life and to me personally it helped a lot.

    May Allah make it easy for all of us.

  6. Sorry to hear what your going through! It's really hard to rebuild you life,emotions and put behind memories and any connection to that person and the past
    Majority of us will face some sort of depression in life due to hardship,martial break up etc but what you have to understand is that your not alone and some of us have faced the same situation and come out stronger! But it takes time! No over night miricile will heal your wounds, you have to feel your pain! What your thinking speak about it,write it down don't bottle things up!
    When I went through my break up with my ex I just wanted the world to swallow me up I felt empty,lost all sense of my self! I Cried cried and cried! I wasn't myself couldn't,eat,sleep! But Since that day I prayed prayed an prayed asked Allah for forgiveness guidance and most of all never to leave my side! I have became dependent on my Allah as they say when the world pushes you on your knees your in a perfect position to Pray! Feel the prayer and closeness to Allah, read why things happen in life from the Quran,Hadith! This website actually helped me alot! I have a large social circle I closed my self from my friends de activated my Facebook etc mainly as I wanted the people who mattered around me only and I wanted to de clutter my life! Which I have and mashallah I feel so much better! Yes I think about him a few times a day rather than all day but soon the love goes as whatever is in your kismat will happen! But it all takes time to put pieces back together and rebuild!first start with understanding your not alone Allah is by ur side but you have to help your self first!
    Pray and keep Prayin inshallah time is a healer, cliche i know but trust me and all the women who have been heartbroken there is light under the tunnel! Just never loose faith

  7. Dear Sister,

    I'm currently in the same situation as you are, and it's hard. but as Allah (AWJ) promised,
    that in every hardship there is relief. In his remembrance is where we find serenity.
    If we believe in Allah everything that will happen to us wether good or bad is good for us and Allah alone knows.

  8. I am so sorry to hear this inshAllah you get through it. I am so disturbed as it seems only
    women seem to suffer deeply from seperations, and only women seem to struggle to hang on to the marriage. Reading through all of these posts I have not come across one male going through a heartbreak,
    or suffering and struggling to keep a relationship together. It takes me back to a question I cant let go "why do us women suffer so deeply in marriage?" are we the only ones who love and care? Who put our hearts in the relationship?
    The fact that you care so much emotionally means you were probably a great wife, its his loss
    dont let it burden you my dear sister.

    • Trust me I am a guy.
      I fell in love and thought i was going to get married to this women. She came of as perfect but then as time went, i realized was very young- she wanted to party and follow her friends around. I did everything for her. I was all about her we already planned our wedding in our minds. She said she could never live with out me.
      Then she left because she was no longer in love.... Like i was nothing to her.

      I suffered a lot. Sleepless nights, trying everything, but nothing seemed to work. I lost faith.
      I kept trying to get her back and she kept saying no. This was causing me more anxiety.
      I started questioning everything - checking out horoscopes, loosing trust in women, trying to network and meet new people. I hit a real low - i kept thinking about it non stop. I lost concentration at work. I spend hours reading self help books, and advice columns.

      But today - I learned nothing in life is guaranteed and I am spending way to much time being sad about this.
      So today i decided to fully commit to god - to change my ways. Nothing else worked, I am not fully in control of everything.. I have been patient for so long, i have faith then i loose it. I am trying way to hard to get married and it seems like it's consuming my life. My mom has asked me to go home and get an arranged marriage...

      Solutions to help:
      Try new things - get involved with the community even if you have to go out alone
      Pray - read about how the shaytan whispers in your mind
      Remember that this life is temporary
      Cut of all communication from ex's (no social media) including her mutual friends
      Try to make new friends
      Write about your issues
      Be Ok with being alone - remember allah is with you

      • Good thoughts, jazak Allah khayr.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I am going trough the same thoughts and sheme as you. been with a girl for almost 3 years, we were also talking about marriage and I was the king for her, now I'm nothing. broken up for more than a year now, cant forget about it till now. it has been a nightmare, I get into depression and continuos thoughts so deep I almost faint. a lot of times I wish to die, so just this thoughts stop. she has suger coated her talk for three years

      • Have faith in Allah and in sha Allah you will come across someone who would make you forgot your sorrows don't jump to conclusions and do not commit yourself if you are not ready .

      • I cannot believe I am reading your comment in 2016 and I can relate to every word you said. I think is harder when you have a strong bond with another person and clean thoughts and plans and then you are being left like you never existed. Bless you, me and all the people in the world with more faith and strength. I hope Allah will give you who you deserve same for all brothers and sisters.

        PS: you always have the chance to work and dedicate your life in working with people, being the voice for those who are scared to speak out. I believe this will give you more peace, love and comfort than any person.

      • Asalamwaleikum Bro,
        The same thing happened with me. M a girl of age 20. Tomorrow he is getting married at 7 January and unfortunately we live in same building. He always stay in front of my eyes he ditched me. I know it's 2017 now. Nd u had heart break earlier I just wanted to know r u k now? How did u overcome it. Please remember me in ur dua.

      • Please let me know if you have moved on . Coz m suffering from the same

      • Wow brother just talking about it is the most difficult thing a human being can do your post got me tearful.you don't know how strong you are until you place yourself where people can see you ...keep your trust in the Lord you will be amazed to find out what alllah has planned.. in few years or few months and last but not least good man gets good woman so if your relationship did not work with that person maybe allah is saving you from disaster...

      • OmA readin this felt like i was readin my own story besides i got married and everything that you said followed..its like i am so scared to get married or even get know anyone again... may Allah make it easy for us. Ameen

      • As salaamu alaykum..... jazakh Allahu Khairan ur post is really n eye opener ....right now m also going in same ship .... In sha Allah vll try ur solutions tip to get rid of everything negative

      • Brother contact me on ***** we need to talk... I'm going through the same thing I would like to know how you got over it

        • Tawfiqah, please do not post your private contact info as we do not allow it. The brother can offer any advice he has in the comments here.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalama Alaikum, it is not true, maybe women post their experiences and maybe men do not, I visited this forum because I too have been on the verge for 4 years of divorcing my wife and been searching for the light at the end of the tunnel.

      For 4 years my wife has cheated on me, I have 3 children, the youngest is 2 years old. I have been patient throughout and now I do believe she has mended her ways and stopped.

      However, I am putting on a happy face hoping I will forget, I have forgiven her but I find it difficult to forget. I was a well respected person in my community and I had lots of friends, I was kind hearted and down to earth, a simple person.

      Since 4 years ago, the lies, the betrayal, the affair, the bad vibes, my heart and mind have taken a pounding, so hard that I now have bad feelings eminating from my heart, I even become somewhat arrogant and began hating people around me. My heart has now started to heal again but I now find that few people respect me and i have to avoid public places so I do not bump into old faces, to save embarrassment. Who should ever have to go through this? If they have not done wrong?

      Jazakallah for reading.

      Allah Hafiz

    • Asalam aleikum. Thank you all for your insightful reflections on relationship difficulties. In response to my sisters post maybe its the brothers macho approach to the affairs of the heart that see so few of us post our heartbreak accounts. I am.currently going through a marriage crisis and feel us drifting apart. There is no one to speak to and I find myself stressed unable to sleep. We have young children which makes things more complicated. Allah is my ear in my quiet moments and I pray things turn around but if not I will accept his will and pick up the pieces of both me and the kids

  9. asallam everyone, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I am going through the same. its a tornado of feelings spinning around in your head, stomach and chest. its on the tip your of eye lids when you sleep waiting to peer out the image. first thing you wake up and last thing on your mind before you go to sleep. the emotions make a home in your throat and grow into a ball.

    Please Allah give us patience to deal with this test and make getting close to you easy for us.

  10. salam alaikum wi rahmat Allah wi barakatu,
    I too have been dealing with heartache and depression/anxiety... my husband of 13 years has left me for a non muslim woman. The worst part is this has happened before, he cheated on me with a non muslim woman, I found out and left him with our two kids, I suffered heartbreak for the first time, had trouble sleeping. Migraines and swollen eye's from crying all day, well he stayed in a relationship with that woman for 3 years... eventually I made myself so busy with work and my kids that it didnt hurt so bad anymore, I completely shut him out.. well thats when he took notice and after 3 tears he called me out if the blue crying his eyes out asking for forgiveness. We began to talk and a year later we decided to give our marriage a second chance... I moved back and things were great for a few month's, he prayed, spent time with the family and was amazing, then suddenly things began to change again. He spent more time with his friends and began neglecting the family again, he began becoming so concerned with his weight and looks, I actually felt him slipping away again little by little... everything he promised he fell back on... and his friends became his #1 priority. Well I found out he had been sneaking around with another non muslim woman... in fact he is with her now.. I left again about 3 months ago and I cant stop kicking myself for letting him back in my life. Its just that I love this man with everything in me and I so wanted to believe everything he told me. So now here I am again starting all over job searching and doing my best to be a good role model to my kids, because he is so lost and it breaks my heart to see just how far gone he is. Im also afraid fir my two sons because they are at a very influential age, and he is not hiding the fact that he is with this new woman... I pray and make dua everyday for him to find his way back to the right path, but as time goes by his actions only get worse... so sad, and im forever broken hearted...

    • Faten, do you know the story of the frog and the scorpion?

      The scorpion needed to get across the river and asked the frog for a ride. Frog says, "You might sting me." Scorpion says, "You can trust me. If I stung you, we would both drown." Scorpion hops on the frog's back. Midway across, the scorpion stings the frog. Frog looks at him as they both begin to sink. "Why would you do that? Now we're both going to die." Scorpion says..."I can't help it. It's my nature."

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Wael, thank you for the story.. I understand the moral and I know I should leave him be and live my life. I just dont understand why it is so difficult for me after everything He has put me through.. I guess I just know what a good man he is capable of being and my heart just wont give up hope for him. In sha Allah I will be strong and Allah will guide for me the path that he sees fit for me, because he knows what is best for me and I do not. May Allah heal and bless the hearts of ummatt Mohamed SAWS... ♡

        • I just dont understand why it is so difficult for me after everything He has put me through..

          I guess I just know what a good man he is capable of being

          Dear Sister, Assalam alaikum,

          It is these two things that you wrote which indicate why you can't let go--you are willing to suffer the majority of the time because of holding onto those few good moments.

          As for his capability of being a good man--isn't it hurtful even more to know that he can do better and continuously chooses to hurt you? Please recognize that he makes the choices he does and he is in control of his behavior.

          I suggest that you get counselling and also strengthen your reliance on Allah swt. Allah swt is the ultimate source of peace.

          May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

    • Salam alaikum I am going through really bad depression at this point in my life please tell me some duas that will help ease my pain and heartache. I lost my sleep can't concentrate on my work I am medical student very close to graduate but lately I cant concentrate on my studies because of my bad marriage i come from the family where we were always thought no matter what happens in life if you are married work through it divorce is just not an option. My husband had betrayed me lot of times in past but I don't believe in divorces. I always prayed to Allah to make him a better man. I was married for 9 years my ex husband is Arabic and I am originally from Pakistan but raised in states all my life. I don't know much about other Middle East culture everyone in my family, friends had warned me about these Arabs how they treat their wife's like door mat. But I didn't believe it till I went through it and seeing it with my own eyes how these people really are nothing but hypocrites. They pray 5 times a day and screw with people's life I pray to Allah everyday to punish these type of man he betrayed me not once but too many times. I blame my self for it because I allowed it him to do these things to me. Four years ago he left me and my 7 month old boy for another female then came around after 9 months. During that time while he was gone for 9 months I prayed, prayed to Allah please send him back open his eyes make him realize whatever he is doing is wrong as a husband and as a father. Finally, one day he calls out the blue. I was so happy I felt like Allah listened to my prayers my husband was my world to me I took him back even though my family had warned me not to make that mistake again but I believed in my prayers. My husband sweared on Quran and on our son he will never leave us no matter what happens. I cut my self out from everyone who said negative stuff about him I really believed his words especially when he sweared on quran and (Ameer) our son I thought my life was so perfect I am with love of my life but I was in a dark once again. After 3 years passes by he left again I still remember that day he said to me I love you and he kissed our son bye said I will be home soon it's been 4 months he never came back. My son asks about him everyday I have no answers for him I don't even know what to say all I do is just break down in front of him. I searched for him everywhere came to know he is living a life of a single man sleeping around with different females. I am so sick to my stomach and still till this day I don't know why he did us like that I have so many questions with no answers. I am so disgusted by him I pray to Allah now for him to never come around us before I used to beg for him now I beg to Allah to give me strength to face this humiliation he put me through. I am so bitter till this day I know deep down inside my heart this man has turn my life upside down. If you know any duas or amal I can do everyday so I can find my myself back please let me know.

    • asalam alakum sister,
      I am so sorry to hear of your distress and somehow feel that you kindness towards him is perhaps your biggest problem. Quite often we treat people we love with kindness but we should make sure they deserve it first or else we will be disappointed and feel betrayed, however, not all is lost, any good you have done in this life Allah swt may reward as He is the Most Merciful and Compassionate. Please sister stop looking at human beings to fulfill your emotional needs and ask only from Allah in future. If you do something good then make sure it is for Allah's sake and not to gain love, recognition, etc from His creation as the whole thing is very fleeting and will inevitably lead to heartbreak unless we are of the same intention.

      Your partner sadly is so immersed in this Dunya that my advice to you (if you wish to accept it of course) is to save your children by teaching them the right conduct. Forget yourself and your partner and do the right thing by focussing on your children before it is too late for them as well!
      I pray that Allah makes things easy for you.

      Your sister Nin

      • Nin, with all respect your comment to the sister above is very insensitive. Her husband left her and her child - it is acceptable for a woman to expect things from her husband as it is acceptable for a husband to expect things from his wife. Saying 'stop looking for humans to fulfill your emotional needs' in my opinion is wrong - why did Adam AS ask Allah for a spouse? By saying such things belittles human nature and needs which we were given by our creator. I really pray Allah gives Sonia another mate who will love and care for her and in the meantime makes it easy for her ameen.

  11. salam I m here to discuss my problems...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  12. Ameen ya rabb. May Allah ease all our difficulties in sha Allah ♡ thank you Saba, I know I need to stay strong and stay close to Allah. The only thing that brings me inner peace is prayer, for that is the time we are closest to Allah SWT ♡

  13. Assalam Alaikum my dear Sister's and Brother's,

    I have been through the situation of being divorce after spending time of 2yrs reason was his first wife came to know that he married. Its going to 1 yr since we r divorced but honestly i cant forget my ex husband. I need dua please so i can move my life forward.

    Shukran.

  14. hey everyone m 19 year old...
    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  15. I have been decieved by a guy who i fell in love with. I obeyed what he asked of me. He kept on breaking his promises. I thought of letting him go..i deviated from Allahs path for him...havnt done physical sin alhamdulilah for which hes after.. the thing is when i ignore him n try to forget about him he comes back in my life and breaks my heart again..makes me wait and doesnt appear.. i cannot let go of him...what should i do? I am v sad and heart broken.

    • Break off all your contact with him. Change your phone number and deactivate your social media pages so he cannot contact you again.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  16. I was in a 10yr relationship with a man i did everything for cooked cleaned went to work and still made time to take care of him and my 2 daughters who he helped raise From the ages 4&10 to 14&20 now he left me two months ago he made up so many excuses why He needed space from we need to get ourself together to he needs his own place And prior to that he was always mad about something for no reason so after he left I found out on Facebook that he was in a relationship with some girl younger than me it broke my heart I cry everyday he just picked up and left me and my kids his family for someone else and it's killing me inside that I waste 10yrs on someone who could just drop us like we was trash or something and he never called or anything we accumulated so many Bills I'm in debt when he left he said we would still help me but all that went out the window he's buying the new girlfriend Michael Coors bags and take Her out to eat every night and I just feel like my life is over it hurts so bad I can't eat sleep I'm stressing my daughters out I pray and pray and read I just want this pain to be over so I can move on with my life I think about him everyday and how he told me he loved me up til the day he left he texted me from work made up of argument about Facebook so he could leave something he wanted to do for months because he was with the girl for months behind my back but that was just hes excuse to leave he don't even pick up the phone to call my daughters it's like we never exist i gave him all of me and I lost myself in the
    In the process I just want to feel whole again

    • I notice this post was from 2015,
      so I'm gonna ask u sister, how are things with u now ? any update?
      I'm asking coz I have been with my wife for 10years and we have 2 boys.
      I have commited some things that are haram towards Allah swt and towards my wife, I've betrayed her but I have regretted it so much, I cry coz of what I've done, for hurting my wife, sad and broken coz she doesn't want to forgive me 🙁 and I might be facing a divorce and that's a terrible thing to happen to anyone, I don't know where my life is heading, I mean i am losing my 2 boys and the love of my life 🙁

  17. Sis,

    take comfort from the fact that we are all to return to Allah, this pain is not forever.
    Depression and hopelessness are kufr. Allah is there for us all in our bad and good times.
    Please remember HIM.

  18. Salamalaycum my dear brother and sisters...Happy ramadan to all muslim...

    • Wa alaykum as-salam dear sister, and happy Ramadan to you. I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. Please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  19. Salaam,

    Reading these comments have been so comforting to me, even though I too am going through a devastating breakup, I have been through breakups before and I always found a better happiness after, and I am sure this time will be no different. Allah knows best.

    I really make duah that everyone can return to Peace. You must find out what your happiness is, and choose that for yourself.

    Reading this shows me I am not alone in this kind of pain, and it helps ease my burden.

    Shukran

  20. Al. Salam warahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,

    I am a Muslim male (27 years old) and I got married to a girl last year who was a 'muslim'. It turned out that she was in the marriage for her own reasons... it lasted 2 months. I was desperately in love with her... she didn't love me. In fact I strayed from my Islam in the time I was with her so much so that I committed stuff during marriage that was haraam... it was to take a few steps back Islamically to get her to accommodate her thinking that we would later walk the patb of Islam together. That didn't happen (Iblis made my thought of accommodating her at the espense of Islam seem fair to me...).
    Anyway I was heartbroken and developed bipolar disorder... but now I'm doing good alhamdulillah... My theory is that Allah wants us to realize that we get infatuated by can burn us... I gave up my Islam for that girl .... but Allah made it so that He showed me the error of my ways... The tranisent lover entered and broke my sanctuary and left.... Now Allah has entered the ruins and is rebuilding it stronger and reclaiming it and purifying it. He is showing me the true love.. eternal love.. for Him... Alhamdulillah. . I'm getting married once again in December. .''A man doesn't have two hearts in his chest''
    Wassallam

    • Brother were you diagnosed by a qualified medical practitioner for your bipolar disorder? If so you should be completely honest with your new wife about your condition. Unless bipolar disorder is medicated properly it can do a lot of harm in a marriage. I'm not saying that is what caused your first wife to leave you, but often people with this disorder don't see how their mood disorder impacts on their spouse. Please be careful don't ignore it and become a statistic - 90% of marriages with a bipolar spouse end in divorce. Get proper treatment this doesn't go a way it gets worse with time.

  21. Assalamualaikum,
    Sister, I understand that it's a difficult time to go through, in fact I am myself going through this. The way I am dealing is through prayer and reading Quran. When you establish connection with Allah, pain seems to diminish. When you make a dua, share all your problems with Allah and ask him for help. Ask Allah to do what is best of this World and the world hereafter. May Allah do best for you us. Ameen!

  22. Assalamualaikum wr wb,

    I feel your pain, how tough to be able to sleep in nights, and how to get up in the morning feels your eyes swollen, yet you still have to be deal with a lot of people (which in this case, must not sense your sadness).

    Hang on, time will heal.
    If you cant sleep, means Allah giving you more time to talk with Him. You can do Witir or other sunnah.
    If you cant eat, give spare of yours to others who need it. Then you can see more smiles amongs others and how lucky we are.
    If you cant smile yet, you can take wudhu and try to get more positive activities with you.

    Just remember, you are not alone 🙂
    Allah and His angels will always guards us, so we can get through this life under His Guidance.

    Hope everything will get better for you and your family. Aamiin.

  23. Assalamu alaykum.

    I've been going through the same thing. I've been in a relationship with my ex for two years. Everything went so well. We had a few problems but generally everything was good. I was so in love with him. he made promises about having a good future with him. But only days after our second anniversary, he changed too suddenly. After having a big fight he didn't want to talk to me. He dump me and he didn't even give me a chance to fix things. I got so depressed I feel suicidal. I coudnt sleep at night. I coudnt eat right. I lost weight drastically. I get anxious waking in the middle of night because i was too scared to be filled of thoughts about him. My heart palpitates in hearing the mention of his name. And everywhere i look there are pictures of him because he is a well known figure in our city.

    I started watching lectures of yasmin mugahed and mufti menk from youtube. Alhamdulillah it helped a lot. I realize i loved him too much and i forgot about Allah swt. That was probably why Allah swt took him away from me. I take comfort at the thought that it was a mercy from Allah swt. And i hold on to the thought that when you make Sabr Allah swt will reward you for it. Verily, with hardship there is ease. Things i learned from these lectures are: guard your salah, make sabr and remember Allah (swt).

    I still feel sad most of the time. My emaan goes up and down. But I know Allah will never forsake me. He is close and He hears everything my heart says. I know He will give me a good future. Everything happens for a good reason.

    All of you who are suffering here, I pray that Allah swt grant us all relief and that May Allah swt grant us partners whom we will live in tranquility with in this world. Ameen.

    • I feel your pain..
      after I posted my comment, I read what u had said and realized that we are going thru a similar pain.

  24. I need help.

    I am a guy who is going thru a divorce, I have 2 kids with my wife, I've been with her for a very long time, and I've commited a big sin, I've betrayed my wife, and I think I am losing her..

    i am drowning in pain, sorrow, tears and alot of thinking, good thing about all these is that it has changed me as a person, it has made me want to be more faithful with my wife, it has made me hate these females who are family destroyers, I look at back at my life with full of regrets,
    but I am powerless now to keep my wife by my side, but I still hope everyday, I still hope that someday me and her would still be together raising our two boys, this pain has also brought me closer to Allah, I do believe this is a punishment coz of my major sin, and I pray every day better than I have done better, I pray on time, make dua for my pain, I make dua for my wife, that me and my wife don't separate, but Allah knows what's best for us, I also believe that this might be a test from Allah, to test my patience, my imaan, how I would react towards Allah if I was put thru pain, pain seems like it's just a word, but for those who experience pain would really know the meaning, I feel so hurt that it hurts my bones, I feel weak, dizzy, barely eat, losing weight, never smile anymore, I smile but u know the fake kind? the kind of smile that hides tons of pain inside your heart ? the kind of feeling u have in the middle of your chest that never seems go ? the pain that increases and subsides ONLY when u sleep? the kind of pain that you start wishing u wanna keep sleeping, maybe die ? coz u prefer death and going to Allah is much better than this world we live in? I feel that now, I feel like I wanna die not suicide but have a death by Allah's will, have a good Muslim death, when I am praying or doing something good, the feeling of wanting to die coz you are done with this world and it's pain, that u are now a soul with Allah knowing there is no better place to be than with Allah, maybe I'm thinking the wrong way that may be wrong towards Allah, it's just a thought that comes sometimes but I never plan to commit suicide,
    I'm just so hurt i don't want to lose my wife I love her so much but she's also hurt coz of my betrayal, a mistake I've done and learned from it very well, but I guess it's too late for me to save my wife, I don't truly know anything, but all I am asking for is Allah's help, and maybe a good advice from any one who reads this, can give me some comfort words, I know and believe Allah will bring ease after such pain befalls someone, I have no doubt Allah exists, infact one day I was in the Philippines, with my wife visiting her grandmother's grave, and as I looked up in the sky, I saw the name Allah in Arabic written (have a pic if u need to see it) (after the dreams I had of Allah)
    i knew it was a sign for me to show me that he is there, he also spoke to me in my dreams,

    story of the dream, it was about december forgot what year maybe 2013 or 2012, anyway those days and for a long time I've been astray, away from Allah, away from prayers, close with alcohol and evil sins, one night I had a dream that it was the end of the world, judgement day, I was just in the middle of no where looking around me, were just disasters, and all I could think about in my dream was "oh god, it's the end and I haven't even repented my sins, I haven't even prayed and it's already judgement day? I was panicking full of fear and then I looked up on the sky and prayed "ya rab please give me a chance to pray, to repent" and after I've said that, I woke up, I woke up with full of goosebumps, my hair were just standing even after I've wet my arms coz soon as I woke up I took a shower for ghusl.. my body was wet but my body hair was still standing and the goosebumps didn't go for awhile, I was shaking, the feeling was just crazy good, hugely relieved that I was given a chance to wake up and have the chance to pray, I finally did wudo and prayed, I remained praying and after a week I had another dream, a voice from the sky, told me "stay with your prayers that's it" in Arabic, then I woke up.
    therefor I believe in Allah 100% ...

    but I'm so heart broken, altho I know Allah knows best and whatever we go thru in life, is coz Allah has willed it, and there's always a reason..

    May Allah help us all.

    • Its been almost two months since I last posted my comment and Alhamdulillah I have been doing good, amazingly.

      Tawakkul. Rely everything in Allah swt. Have a good opionion of Allah swt and good things will happen to you. And remember that there is no might nor power except Allah swt. Only he can change your situation. Always have a good opinion of him that He will remove you from that situation. Wallahi, i have been a pessimist my whole life. I was afraid of being disappointed so i always thought of everything negative. And what happened with my life? My life was wretched. It is true that whatever you expect of Allah swt, that's exactly what you will get. So brother, think positive about your future.

      And now i try to be optimist all the time. I have faith in Allah that He will pull me through. Allah is sufficient for us. He is the best disposer of affairs.

      • Assalamu alaikum, Jazakullah for that perspective, Zee.

        "Have a good opinion of Allah SWT.." is something I haven't considered because I was thinking that my pain was His Will, whether a punishment, a curse, etc. Ie. something I deserved.

        I'll try to incorporate this perspective, because yes my pessimistic attitude has changed my fortunes around for the worst.

  25. Assalamualaikom brothers and sisters!
    I need an advice so please take time to read my story.

    Me and my girlfriend were been together for almost 9years and suddenly we're broke up a couple of weeks ago, she broke up with me because her parents forced her to get married to someone else that she doesn't want but she said she has no choice because if she does not agree her parents will abandon her and they try to scared that if she still continuing our relationship her family they might be kill me and she's been very afraid and worried about me so she decided to accept the marriage arrangement, I love her so much and I don't wanna lose her I feel so empty and hopeless I made a lot of du'as that may ALLAH(swt) bring her back to my life and don't let her family to do such as thing that she doesn't want to do I'm crying, begging to allah every salah(prayer) it is very hard for us to accept it but she said we should move on and accept what ALLAH's wills but I couldn't get over or move on with her, because I love her so much and I want her to be my wife here in dunya(world) and in the hereafter in jannah(paradise) in shaa allah.

    Brothers and sisters in islam please advise me what am I supposed to do to move on and forget her? I feel so sad and depressed and at the same time hopeless thinking that it's too late for u.

    Jazzak allahu khairan.

  26. Although this is a post from a long time ago but i just happened to come across it. From my experience i would say have COMPLETE faith in Allah swt. He has powerful huge armies and never underestimate his power or the power of dua because when u keep asking for what you want there is no way he will not give it to you and just in case you dont get what you asked for he will give you better than what you wanted and make your heart at ease that you will end up thanking Allah swt for whatever trial you went through! I am going through a trial myself i ask you all to make dua for me as well. JazakAllah.

  27. Assalamu alaykum.

    Taqwa of Allah. That is the solution to our problem. Pray to Al Jabar, the One who mends everything that is broken.

    May Allah swt grant us relief from sadness and depression. I hope there is a community for sisters going through this so we may comfort and advise each other.

  28. Don't worry insha'allah your pain will heal through time..I'm broken as well..I lost the person I loved the most we were about to get married and suddenly he changed his mother said no for me..I'm in a deep pain i can't sleep at night i haven't ate anything since 2days may Allah grant me a righteous spouse please pray for me!!! -Noorin

  29. Assalam o aleikum,

    Divorce and seperation is never an easy process. I know because I am going through one right now. But what keeps me going and standing is knowing and believing that no matter how tough the situation is, its not bigger than Allah's love for you. Believe and know that Allah loves you and He will pull you through. The biggest comfort is in the comfort of dua. Make a rule for yourself to make time for dua everyday and know that Allah will accept it as long as its not against someone.

    There is one very powerful dua for all the things you mentioned. Try reading it with Sincerity.

    Its" Allhumma inni aoodokia minal hammi wal huzni, wal ajzi wal kasli, wal jubni wal bukhli, wa aoodobika min zalaatidaini wagala batirrijal" "OH ALLAH I seek refuge in you from grief and sadness, from weakness and from laziness, from miserliness and from cowardice, and from overcoming by debt and overpowered by any men(i.e.others).

    Reciting surah muzammil every night with translation puts peace in your heart too, because it was revealed at the time of prophet (peace be upon him) being understress.. If you cant recite then just read the translation.

    I hope Allah makes it really easy smooth for you. And gives you happiness and peace of heart. Ameen

  30. Hey my dear brothers and sisters
    I was in a relationship for 7 long years
    I imagined I related each and every aspect of my life with her....
    I loved her from bottom of my heart
    She was my everything my happiness my life My duniya.....
    One day she opened up and she informed to her parents about our relationship....
    Then her Mother said NO because Im just 2 inch less height then her
    Can u imagine what is happening with me..
    I don't even understand how-how can u reject me because of height....
    Her mother said me what people think when u both go out....
    I don't understand ar we living our life to satisfy others are we living for other
    I have read I have liserned people saying that your mother is your well-wisher....
    How can a mother blackmail...Her own daughter
    How can a mother do this to a own child to stay away from the thing which was her happiness......
    I request all PARENTS please " DON'T DO THIS " we are Muslims we should have humanity.
    I wish I would have born 2 inches more than her....
    But im happy with my height my colour my parents my friends....
    It was just a bad dream....
    I trust Allah I look forward to happy life
    I will be happy without her.... Because I trust ALLAH.
    She left 7 years relationship for her mother.
    I will move on as soon as possible because I m blessed by ALLAH...Insha Allah I will prove her mother what I can do with this height......
    It takes time bt I must prove her wrong...
    Lastly I request people
    Don't show
    Colour height weight money
    Different please...
    I wish what happened to me should never happen to my brother's and sister...
    Pls make dua for me..
    Thanq u.....

    • Salam Mohammed,

      It's tough to go through what your'e going through now. For this reason that parents can say no, it is better to propose officially instead of pursing a 7 year relationship. Her decision isn't really about you, it's about the grand kids and her dauther's future. This world is unfair and has prejudices against shorter people. So why not get a different guy for her that meets the prejudices of this world. This way she can ensure less difficulty for her daughter and her grand kids.

      Other than that you should see relationships as an open market. Sure she said no because her daughter is shorter and she's worried about the future. But there are other daughters that may not be getting married because they are too tall and no one will marry them. There are other women that aren't getting married for various ridiculous reasons just as you could not marry this girl. So I recommend you not take this personally, you're just one candidate to her and she said no. Move on with life and see if you can find a better match. Good luck.

  31. I want to scream n abuse n go to the end but I can't finDDDDD it nowhere! I've been praying reciting quran reading the translation crying in salat like a LOSTTTTT baby.....since the last ashrahhh of Ramadhannnnnnn..............but it doesn't heal I have fallen sick again!!!!!! PLEASE TELL ALLAH TO HEAL MY HEART OR BRING ME BACK WHAT I DREAD SO BADDDDDDDD!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!

  32. Assalamalykum,
    I am also goung through vry hard time, can't express how much pain I am feeling, i came to this page where I can find d solution for my problem, even some of my brothers n sisters r goin through the same, I am feeling so depressed n sad after break up, it's been more than a year, I still come through it. M too depressed and feel like to suicide but I won't bcz I trust allah. That one day he will heal my heart
    This s d worst situation and tym wr person go through ths,
    Let's pray for each other to Allah
    Allah we beg you to help us in this situation

    • Brother i am in the same position. Wife cheated in me for last 2 years. She left me and say there is no man even though i caught her phone logs and hotel visits through credit card. She took my son and now i haven't see him for 2 months.

      Right now i am heartbroken. Miss my son. Marriage was 7 years .

      Right now just make dua. Pray.

      Thats all im doing. The thought of remarrying i dont want.

      Brother i feel ur pain.

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