Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He hugged and touched me by force; I didn’t like but he says he is like a brother and I am a baby


Sexual abuse is a crime

Sexual abuse is a serious crime

dear brothers and sisters,

I am having a  problem ,please cure it of a boy loved me(he was my clasmate ),after completing the college only he proposed me ,and i said i dont like love and all, please dont do like this and to me.then later on he changed a lot and said ok i will not make love and all but let we be friends like that .but i didnt believed  him,and just for name sake i said ok..

then he started messaing me daily...i said that dont message me allways ,but he started crying and said "i dont have friends at all now a days im not talking to our clasmates also,and he said im not talking to our clasmates boys and girls also " like that,first i didnt believed him,then i came to know that he was really not talking to any one(since he was my clasmate i knew by means of our mutual frnds).any way i tried to avoid it,but when i was put up in hostel in a place,he was also the place near by me,he is form very poor family,he used to get sick no one cares him,but i used to help me,he will cal me outside to talk,i said i dont like to come outside with a boy,then he said "oh u r my friend,please dont mistake me i want to share my family problems debt probls wit u ,when i shared with u i feel relaxed as though i have a friend to support "like that he used to that time i used to think that "ALMIGHTY ALLAH KNOWS MY HEART THAT IM NOT GOING OUT AS LIKE OTHER LOVERS DO,HEZ JUST A FRIEND AND ALLAH KNOWS IT AND IM GOING TO SHARE HIS SADNESS LIKE THAT".Then he wont have money to have food ,when he cals me out for 1st ring,2nd ring(in phone) i said no,at 3rd time when he called me he he said"im so hungry plz i dont have money"my heart cried a i allways used to go out for helping him (for food) and to make mind free by advicing him for his problems.later on i continued i used to go out only to help him not for roaming here and ther and all.if any reason means i'l go out.

after these things only he used tohold my hands and said u r my friend,like that i said i dont like hatching my hands leave it and all,then he cried" i'm ur frnd ,so u r mistaking me like that" i dono what to say ,if i say no means it will bw something that im thinking bad about him and all .i was totally confused  then my heart used to say "u r not doing wrong allah knows like that"...

but some times he used to hold my hands i used to say no he will then leave ,then he used to say im a baby,and he used to play with me like doing ,as we will do baby to laugh in stomach know like that and all he used to do ,i used to cry dont do this to me and all,but he used to cry that im mistaking him like that,then he by forcefully do and say i used to think u as a baby only but not as a girl and all like that...out of shyness since im a girl i used to say no but he will be doing again and again in my stomach ,i used to say no no,he will not hear my words  ( as brothers and sisters only he used to do),he used to stap my nose and play ( but i allways used to say i dont like this then he will leave but again he will do ,at that time if i fight with him means he used to think about these things for life long time and its only shame to me so better leave it like that,but i used to say i dont like it and again and again he does) i also used to think that allah knows everything ,am not doing wrong allah knows like that and i comforted myself but i used to think that a boy must not toch me,a boy must not touch me like that my inner hearts used to say,i said this to him also,he said iim not like other boys ,u r allways baby to me ,never a grl like tat, TOTALLY HE WAS LIKE A BROTHER BUT I DONT LIKE THESE PLAYINGS AND ALL ,Then only i came to know toching is haram and all...but it was not a wrong touch.....more or ever when he was playing i dont like it and i opposed it , and another day he hugged me witout my knowlege ,i was shocked and said "allah",and asked him to leave he a girl if i figt him for these things then he use dto think of these things allways  like "i  huged her so she fought wit me"e .."i  huged her so she fought wit me" throught n his life time and it will be ashaming on me like that i dont used to make a fight but i used to get angry and say dont do like this ,i dont like it,and all.......a .he onnly did forcefulling himself...Im so afraid now in front of allah....what shall i do friends???please im not able to sleep,im not like a girl who are doing wrong things,loving a boy,roaming like that....but what i need to do for this please tel me please tel me soon,,,,,am afraid of allah not able to sleep please tel me .am waiting for ur replies ,my eyes are full of tears plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,i havent done a mistake but im afraid why?????????//friends plz i feel like crying plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz he says im  like small children and promisng me that i did it play fully like that,and i also behaved as a sister to him only but Is toching in this way is haram ah?plz friends but i dont like tat touch will allah forgive this ...please say friend s...reply to my heart plzzz...



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14 Responses »

  1. As Salamualaikum,

    Sister, you are being trapped by the Shaitaan. Thank Allah that you are being alerted on time.

    Just recall whatever has happened. He first wanted to have you as a friend. When you denied, he cried and won your confidence. He then called out with him and justified it by saying it is unlike others. He then began touching you, holding your hands and so on, and justified it with reason that you are just a child. And he also gave a reason that he does not think of you in a wrong way. The next level was hugging you. On your surprised state, he said you were just a child and he only has a good intention. Thats is!!!

    The obvious next step will take you closer to a HARAAM physical relationship which is very much disliked by Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala. If you continue your interactions and relations with him, you will fall further into the pit prepared for you by the Shaitaan.

    Touching a non Mahram with purpose is Haraam in Islam. He may NOT do it for any reason. You need not think that denying him will make him upset and he will be depressed. Because, you would be saving yourself from the Anger of Allah by denying. In the process, if he feels bad, this is not something under your control. All you can do is do Dua to Allah that He Helps him. You need to cut all contact with him and move away from him. Make it clear to him that you do not wish to even talk to him because Islam does not allow it.

    If he cries and tells you that he has good intentions, then know that it could be a took of Shaitaan. Don't believe him. Even if he is true at this point, it will surely lead to a fitnah in the future. This is why Islam does not approve relations between non relative members of the opposite gender. If you wish to save yourself from sin, you should pay heed to the warning against Shaitaan and save yourself from the Anger of Allah.

    Don't worry, you weren't aware that it was a sin. So, insha Allah, The Most Merciful Lord Will Forgive you. Even if you were aware, then your Tawbah will erase your wrongs insha Allah. But resolve not to repeat them. According to a Hadith, every son of Adam sins. But the best of those who sin are the ones who repent or do Tawbah.

    Just do Tawbah and keep away from this guy, whatever he feels. If if creates any problem, then I suggest you to involve any of the elders.
    May Allah Forgive you and Protect you from the traps of Shayateen


    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  2. You said "i havent done a mistake but im afraid why?"

    This is because your heart knows that it is wrong. So, just hope from Allah that He Will Have Mercy on you and move ahead, before any major sin is committed. Consider this as a warning.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  3. Salaam little sister.

    I am going to post a story - it is true. And I want you to read it very carefully because its very important you understand it, OK? It is about gender interactions and the trouble they can get you in. We want to help you before things get worse InshaAllah, OK? Here is the story. Once you have read it think about it for a while:

    There were three brothers from Bani Israel who were called upon to go on Jihad. These three brothers had a sister who did not have any one else to be taken care other that by them. They did not know under whose care could they leave the young woman. Then they thought that the most reasonable place to leave her was with the Abid (worshipper) because he was the most trusted man in town. Barsisa, the Abid was a man who used to be in a monastery devoted to worship of ALLAH.

    So they went to him and said, ” We are being enlisted to go on Jihad and we want to leave our sister with you. We trust no one in town but you.”

    Barsisa replied “Audhu billah, get away from me.” This was an Abid who was not married and he did not want to deal with these problems.

    The brothers said, “We have no where else to leave our sister but with you. We don’t trust anyone else.”

    So Shaytan came to Barsisa and said, “If u don’t accept, she might be left with somebody who might not be trustworthy.You have to step-up and take this responsibility.”

    So Barsisa told the brothers, “Leave her in the empty house.” (which was seperate from the monastery where he was staying). The brothers then left her there and went on Jihad.

    After that, Barsisa the Abid used to leave food at his doorstep and the young woman had to come out of her house and walk all the way to take the food from his doorstep. Barsisa never used to leave from his monastery. Barsisa had never met her and they were not seeing each other. Days passed by like this.

    One day, Shaytan came to Barsisa and said, “Somebody might see her when she is walking out. So rather than have her leave from her house. You need to carry it and leave at her doorstep.” So he started leaving the food at her doorstep. This happened for many days.

    Again one day, Shaytan came to Barsisa and said, “You can’t just leave the food at her doorstep. Somebody might see her when she opens the door and she is very beautiful. You would have to take the food and leave it inside her room.” So Barsisa would go and knock on the door. She would open and he would walk inside and leave the food there. That continued for a while.

    Then again one day Shaytan said, “You can’t leave this poor woman alone without giving her any company. Nobody is speaking to her. So she may be feeling very lonely and that might lead to haram. So why don’t you go and talk to her from behind the door.” Barsisa liked the idea and so for a while he would sit outside and just talk to her for HOURS. Slowly and slowly the relationship was building up and Shaytan was finding it easier to drag him to the next step.

    Shaytan then came and said, “You can’t just sit there talking to her, people might see you. You need to go inside, just sit in another room without looking at her and talk to her.” So for sometime that is what he did. Slowly she started getting closer to him and everytime they got more and more close to the extent that eventually he comitted zina (fornication) with her.

    So the Abid, the worshipper who devoted his life to service in the monastery comitted zina. Because of that, she became pregnant and delivered a boy.

    Then Shaytan came to Barsisa and said,”Now when the brothers come back and find out that their sister has a child you are going to be in big trouble. The only way for you to put an end to this issue is to kill the baby.” Barsisa followed the advice of Shaytan and killed the child.

    But it didn’t end there. Shaytan came to him and said, “Do you think that this woman will keep the secret after you kill her own child? The only way out is to kill her.” So Barsisa killed her and burried both mother and child in a certain location inside the house.

    Later the brothers came back and inquired about their sister. Barsisa gave some reason and said, “She had passed away and this is where she is burried.” Saying that he pointed to a false grave.

    Then Shaytan went to the brothers and made them see a dream. In that dream they were told that Barsisa killed their sister and the proof was that she was burried in a different location (i.e. under the rock inside the house).

    When the brothers woke up they started talking to each other and found out that they all had seen the same dream. They thought that there must be some truth in it. So they went and uncovered the grave which Barsisa had pointed to and found it empty. Then they went inside the house and found the rock as mentioned in the dream. On digging underneath the rock they found their sister’s dead body along with that of the child.

    So they went to Barsisa and forced him to disclose the secret of what happened. He went ahead and told them the whole story. The three brothers took Barsisa to the king’s court and he was given punishment of execution.

    While Barsisa was being dragged to his execution spot, Shaytan came to him and said, “Listen Barsisa I am Shaytan and it was me who was in communication with you since this whole thing started and not your inner thoughts. Now I can get u out of this trouble if you want. I am the one who put you in this trouble in the first place and I can get u out of it.”

    Barsisa asked, “What should I do?”

    Shaytan said, “Do sujood to me and I will save you.”

    Barsisa did sujood to Shaytan (i.e. committed shirk) and as soon as he did so, Shaytan ran away and Barsisa was executed.

    Sara Editor

    • This is beautiful reminder. I hope the sister saves herself, before anything wrong happens.

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • I want you to think about what led this extremely pious strong man towards firstly zina (pre-marital sex) and then onto bigger sins (murder!) and finally shirk (worshipping shaitan - audhobillah).

      Little sis, it was shaytaan that did it. But look at how he did it.. He didn't come to Barsisa and say 'do zina with her'. Because Barsisa would have just said 'Astaghfirullah'. What Shaytaan did was more sneaky. He gradually and slowly led Barsisa towards zina - leave the food at the house - talk to her from outside, go in and talk to her until they started liking one another - and it leads to more.

      This is how he tricks many of the sons & daughters of Adam - which is why we must be careful from the start little one. We must guard ourselves well.

      Another thing to think about is how shaytan tricked him. He knew Barsisa was nice - and Barsisa wanted to help others. As Muslims we should be nice and helpful. But Shaytan used this against him.

      "Somebody might see her when she opens the door and she is very beautiful."

      Every step Barsisa took towards zina he did thinking he was doing good - out of sympathy for her. This is something Shaytan played with: she is lonely all by herself - talk to her etc..

      So do you see dear little sis how its so easy to fall into these traps. Shaytan makes you think you are doing something good by helping this guy, meeting this "lonely" guy and being his "friend" but it's not. Shaytan is deceiving you and so is this guy. Do not fall for it

      Sara Editor

    • What a horrifying story. But it shows how one little sin leads to the next, cascading until one is lost.

      Wael Editor

  4. Also sister - there is another point.

    The fact that this guy is being 'forceful' towards you is worrying as well. Any even half respectful decent man would not do something deliberately knowing it made you uncomfortable. Especially touching.

    It doesn't matter what the intention is
    - whether you are his "sister" or "like a baby" it's still harassement and it's still wrong.

    Please keep away from this man. You say since then he has tried to hug you. How long will it be before he tries to kiss you/worse. Protect yourself dear little sister.

    Let me let you into a secret:
    He said:
    "oh u r my friend,please dont mistake me i want to share my family problems debt probls wit u ,when i shared with u i feel relaxed as though i have a friend to support "

    He is not your friend, he is only using his problems as an excuse to get near to you and lead you towards haraam. He does not care about you, only about using you for himself. I am sorry if that is harsh dear sister but you must realise this. You are worth so much more than that - you are a beautiful God fearing Muslimah so be smart and keep away.

    Because you are beautiful and you have a sound, soft beautiful heart, I know you want to help him. I do know how it feels to have a guy ask for help or anyone - and you want to help them no matter what. I struggle with that a lot. But sometimes when we help certain people we can cause harm to ourselves. Five years back I went through the agony of having to ignore a friends calls because he let slip to someone his real intentions. It was difficult because he needed help anyway but I had to protect myself. Alhumdulilah Allah saved me. And actually it was the story of Barsisa that made me open my eyes which is why I have shared it with you.

    So keep away from this guy - no matter what he says. He can make friends if he wants to. There is nothing you can do to help him - he can help himself and organisations can help him if he really wants. Change your number and your details and ask Allah to save you from him and forgive you if you have committed mistakes in ignorance. Allah has put this fear in your heart so rest assured He loves you and nothing is better than His protection.

    -If you cannot avoid this guy if he is at your school/work then consider reporting him
    -Never ever be alone with him and if you go out take someone with you just in case he turns up to annoy you.
    -Change your number.
    -Never meet up with him at all.
    -Dont meet with any non-mahram guy alone - if you have to do it have a mahram of yours present (so e.g. your dad or mothers brother etc)

    If you need any further advice sis, your welcome to comment on this post - as it's yours.
    May Allah protect you and all those like you

    Sara Editor

  5. Assalamu alaikum Wa rahmathullahi Wa barakathuhu,

    We begin by praising Allah, The All-Powerful, The reward giver, the giver of suffering and punishment.

    Sister, u have to realise what he is doing is haram(with emphasis). Satan is influencing u to feel sorry for this abomination of a human. Don't feel sorry. Say that it is haram and leave, say the ayatul-Kursi to dispel satanic whispers. TALK to someone you TRUST(mom, dad, bro, sis). Ask help from them if u can't stop this boy on ur own. Plz, be strong, if u can't, ask for help. Ask dua from the Lord to give u strength(mental strength). 🙂 He knows best.


  6. i agree with all the above, sister stay away from this guy this is very horrifying what this guy is doing is actually befriending you to do haraam. You know it is wrong, change your number or sim, and tell someone at home whatever you do dont suffer in silence his is all wrong.

  7. if some one kisses u at face and neck ,whats the punishment?

    • Did you allow them to kiss you? In that case you committed haram. The punishment is up to Allah. Just make tawbah and don't do it again.

      Wael Editor

  8. why cant you cut all contact with him hes using his crocodile tears to blackmail you

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