Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Hurt by my family

Muslim girl in hijab on a magazine cover.

As per my previous inquiries in my previous posts, I was confused about retaking my medical college admission test. My parents let me take it the first time due to my intense desire to be a doctor but they were against it and wanted me to do architecture instead. After spending a semester in another city, i just couldnt forget and get over the fact that my dream was over. More over, I hated it so much there,and i was unable to cope with the requirements of an art school and was failing in the courses. I was also very depressed in the hostels as i had never prepared myself for this.

Living away from home was hard. I regret not making my time at home worthwhile, for not spending enough time with my parents and after completing a five year degree i would be married off. this really made me upset and the fact that at a hostel i was to only think of myself, look after my needs only, and not have anyone else in my life.

At that time,my parents agreed that i could take the semester off and retake entrance exams for engineering as well. Though i was hesitant, i agreed to trying for engineering too only so to avoid the constant debates to convince me out of my desire to persue medicine.

Now that ive returned home,things are not like i imagined. My sisters and my parents have labelled me as ''the one who is doing nothing' ..'what are we going to tell people now' they say..the constant nagging at the hands of my sister has become so frequent that every time we have a disagreement,she hurts me by making statements like,'no one wants you in the house' and 'why did you come back' and 'no university wants you and you will get no where'.. i hoped to be consoled and motivated by my family but instead they say 'why you left architecture' and they are not hopeful about me getting into some other university and field..

i have always gotten good grades till my intermediates and they have forgotten that.. i made one mistake and now they make me feel like im worthless.. even so they say that marriage is more important than education. we have this annual scholarship thing where my parents apply for their children but only 2 children a year..and without telling me my parents apply for my other sisters on their transcripts while not for me on my high grades in my intermediates and when i ask about it,they dismiss my questions.what did i do wrong?

i feel so useless and worthless.I SLEEP excessively for no reason.I skip prayer now and dont even feel guilty about it. ive lost confidence and ive lost my connection with Allah.AND I feel so alone and helpless.what should i do?


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5 Responses »

  1. You need to first decide what you want to do? Medicine or engineering?
    You are already enrolled in architecture.
    Your heart seems to be in doing medicine. Go for the entrance test again and stop focusing on the past. Past is bygone.
    Make a plan and start studying for it. For now, force yourself to study and force yourself to pray. Do a lot of zikr and astaghfar and with time worship will become easy Inshallah.
    Sleeping, being aimless and running from reality will not help you. Infact, you will only waste your years, will age and never come out of this regret. And then it will be time for you to get married! Or else you will miss the age for that too. I have read your previous post, so I know your opinion on marriage.
    Your parents are worried for you and they are probably looking at things with a different and much wiser perspective. They love you. But, if you keep focusing on your one so called failure, you will feel worthless yourself without anybody meaning anything wrong/hurtful. Go for the test again, if it is meant to be for you, it will be. Otherwise, it will just be a bend in the road. A time to change focus and priority.
    And you know how it is with sibling arguments.
    Forget about what others will say, do not focus on scholarships. Just concentrate on medical entrance exam.
    Do write in to let us know what became of the exam. All the best! I pray for your success.

  2. You're a grown woman. You're feeling so upset because you're letting your family make your life decisions. Please, you were meant for medicine that much is clear, you have one life, Allah gave you a mind that is intelligent enough to pursue medicine that is a blessing. Live your dream, then get married. Do medicine, go out and do what it takes, start praying, ask Allah to help you with your aim and become a happy self assured person, you are not your family you are an individual get out there and live 🙂

  3. Aoa. Are u there? So, what became of your entrance test?

    • I did istikhara before taking my semester off,and my heart was still inclined towards medicine,i took that as a 'green signal' from Allah and prepared for both engineering and medical entrance tests.I Scored enough marks in the engineering test to get into government universities and my merit was falling in fields such as electrical,chemical,software, but that too in cities other than my home town.My parents were happy that i had other options now,but i was still determined for medicine only and gave the test so i would have a backup.I Prayed profusely to ALLAH, literally begged HIM to give me chance, and did astagfar for my preparation was good,and i was scoring enough marks that i needed to get into the best college and i was hopeful this time,having done a levels,the entrance exam had always been hard on people like me because it did not favour our syllabus and study techniques,but i moulded myself,i learned their ways,i gave the test nd it went okay.I Wasnt feeling like it went 'great' but i was still hopeful.The answer key was to come out the same day and i had to check my mark sheet on my own,i prayed so much ans said to Allah that now i cant do anything and i put my trust on YOU and leave everything on you.I Scored below my expectations,but atleast it was enough to get me somewhere,when i told my mother,she didnt give a big reaction,she said that i would score much higher in practice,but then i said i was happy and i prayed to Allah to not let me go empty handed and i did want to be unthankful.The official result was to come out a week later.And my parents told everyone who asked that i had a safe score and would get in.although i would tell them to not tell people because of such thing as nazr. in spite of all this,i dont know why in my heart i was not at peace i was agitated and something was desturbing me like i couldnt believe it was actually happening,my dream was coming true,on some days i would feel like i should have scored higher ,but then id immediately apologize to Allah if i was being ungrateful and would tell myself to not worry,then when the official result came,i read surah fatah before opening my result,and was astonished that my marks had gone that moment ,i just felt everything had stopped and i began to tremble has i ran to my mother.i immediately said that they must have calculated wrong and that i had done it so many times how could it be,my mother started crying ,and ispte of myself being so upset i told her to have faith and asked her to stop.She said she is crying because my wish couldnt come true.i dont know how i managed to compose myself in that moment,but i having relived the same day twice,feeling so broken for the second time,it was just heartbreaking.My aggregate is now borderline.And though it is within merit according to the previous years to make matters worse,for the first time in history,in 18 years, a record breaking number of students have scored immensely high and the merit is expected to go up,and i wonder why it had to happen now? why this time? is this fate again,stopping me? nothing can be said until the merit lists come out,till then im just helpless, and all i can do is pray,everyday has become so difficult.i feel depressed all the time and try not to show it infront my parents,but when ever am alone i cry so much.I checked my mark sheet wrong,i checked it after reading nafal and while sitting on ja namaz.I READ SURAH FATAH and began to check in ALLahs name and thanked him after every correct response and i wonder i was blinded still,and given this false hope for an entire week.i was on the moon,i dont know why this happned and i dont know what GOD has planned,all i know is that i wanted this life for me,i didnt care how much i was dicouraged.i didnt care about money or anything else.I cant even imagine myself doing anything else.

      • Assalamu Alaikum Sister ashapple!

        I am glad you replied. It is obvious that you have done your bestest to achieve your goal. You have done all that was humanly possible for you. But, you must remember, results of our endeavours lie with Allah alone. Whatever is best for you will happen. Trust Allah SWT. He Knows better than us.
        Allah SWT loves us 70 times more than our mothers. He does not hold back any goodness from His believers just to tease them. Of course, we all have our trials but, through it all whatever happens is for our best.
        Your final result is yet to come. While you have a passion for medicine, you even seem to have a natural talent for engineering. As much as I know, you seem to be getting into the choicest engineering fields: architecture, electrical engineering....
        As I understand, you will be a success whichever field you get into. Have Faith Sweety! Allah SWT will grant you the best and your dedication & commitment will be an asset wherever you go. May Allah Bless You Always!

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