Husband accused me of adultery; I don’t know what to do?
Salaam,
Let me start by saying I am 36 years old. I have been married 3 times. My first marriage was at 14 yrs old it ended in 3 months my 2nd marriage was at 15 it lasted 7 yrs until he died. I have now been married over 10yrs and my husband accused me of adultery with a non muslim because he says he feels that I am different. He went overseas for 8 months & didn't support me financially so I had to get a job he didn't like that he wanted us to lose the house and for me to go live with parents. Now, he lives in another state and comes to see me every 7months & sends money when he feels like it & I am living with parents and rented out the house. Now he says just admit what you did, but I didn't do anything with anyone. I love my husband very much but I can't get divorced I just don't think my heart can handle it.
He has kids from a previous marriage but I have no kids. When he comes to see me he checks my cell phone bills & calls all the numbers & nothing but he says I know your a bad person I can feel it. If you weren't bad I could see spending my life with u but now I can't. You are not worth even spending money on. He reminds me that this is my 3rd marriage & no one will want me & I will be old and miserable & he will marry again in a heart beat & people will make fun of me saying I just love getting married. All I have ever wanted is love and respect and to be a mother & that hasn't happened. what should I do?
Wasalam,
Heartache.
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My dear sister, Asalaamualaykum,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. One thing I want you to understand is that just because you have been married three times does not mean that you are a bad person - not at all. Sometimes situations come our way that bring us extreme difficulties and they are beyond our control, and it seems that perhaps this is what has happened to you. Allah tests us all, some with their health, others with their wealth, their children, their marriages, their friends etc. For you, your test has clearly been through your marriages.
If what you are saying about the behaviour of your husband is true, then he is grossly mistreating you. He does not live with you, does not financially support you nor does he want to, he puts you down terribly and accuses you of adultery - so what do you love about him Sister? I know you are so tired my dear, you want this marriage to work because you feel you deserve something should go your way now, you want to be a mother and perhaps you feel people will point the finger at you if this marriage fails. Am I right?
It doesnt matter what people think. It only matters what Allah thinks and how you feel. If this marriage is making you miserable and is not fulfilling your most basic rights - you have a right to move on. If you were my own sister, I would say the same thing to you, infact I do say the same thing to my own blood sister. You have a right to be loved and cared for as all of us do. Do you know that Khadija(ra) was divorced and then she re-married at around the age of 40 years and that to the best of men - our Rasul(sws), and he was only in his mid 20's. You could ask your parents to intervene and speak to your husband about his behaviour, but do you really think he is going to improve? I doubt it. My dear sister, I know you just want to find happiness and peace - so ask yourself, is this marriage really giving you that? Please read the following story, I think it will help you come to a sound decision:
http://www.iqrasense.com/community-sharing/recovering-from-a-bad-marriage-breakup-a-personal-story.html
May Allah give you strength and sabr and guide you to a path that will bring you happiness, contentment and lightness in your heart and nearness to Him(swt), aameen.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
xxx
Hazart khadija was divorced ? I thought she was a widow . Are you sure ?
You may be right. I'll check and get back to you here inshaAllah :0)
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam dear sister
dont lose your life with this guy
life is to short to live
life is race try to win it
try to fix the problem try live by happiness every one has problem in her/his life but we must have SABER paitent please talk to your hasband and tell all your story to him if he not feel that u are a good woman then leave him and live alone with your parent
but try to be happy
no one is giving to us happiness we should make our life full of happiiness
thanks
salam sister,
I'm so sorry that you are going through immense difficulty. i pray with all my heart that Allah makes it easy for you. Sister, what you must realise is that your life is your own, and its only going to give you want you want, if you put effort into it. Don't let a man, ruin your very existence. I can tell from your letter that you have given up on life and that's not right my dear sister.
Rise up against your adversity, turn to Allah in earnst and seek His help in your affairs. You are a woman, a muslim, and therefore powerful. You have to convince yourself that you will go out into the world and find happiness for yourself, you don't need a man who does not love you, so what if its the third time. You have not done anything wrong so why beat yourself up about it.
Stand up to this 'so-called man' and tell him what you want from this marriage. Don't show him any sign of weakness. Tell him of the wrong he is doing by accusing a chaste woman of such a big sin as adultery. Does he even know the punishment he is incurring upon himself. Remind him of this. I do have a feeling that his threats are empty, why does he not divorce you if he really wants to??? He know he has this hold on you where he continously says one thing and watches you suffer and at the same time is not man enough to fulfill his own responsibilities.
Speak to your parents, his parents, have a sit down and discuss the issue. If nothing comes of it then walk away from him, show him that your assertive and not afraid of anything except God.
Your still young and insha-allah have your whole life in front you. set yourself positive goals and go out and achieve them. Don't, dear sister wallow in misery for man who is not worth it. Become indepedent, and see how your self-confidence grows.
I pray that Allah makes it easy for you. take care.
I agree with Hafsa.
This man will continue taking advantage of you if you continue behaving meek and weak. Such men thrive on submissive women. The second you stand up to him and show him that your happiness does not depend on him, it will shake the ground he walks on.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor