I found that my husband is having an affair with another woman
As salamu'alai kum brothers and sisters,
I am not sure where to start as I'm very much mentally disturbed. It's been 18 months into our marriage and my husband is cheating on me. I got married in May 2011 and in Dec 2011, 6 months after our marriage, my husband found a Slovenian girl on Myspace and started chatting with her.
We had gone for the first time to Pakistan in Feb 2012 to my in-laws. Instead of spending time with me and visiting his relatives, my husband used to sit at home and chat with this girl all day and night. I used to ignore it thinking it's just normal chat with his friends. We came back to Dubai and one day I was using his PC. He had forgotten to log out his messengers and went to gym. All of a sudden this girl came online and I could see my husband and this girl chatting. (My husband has Blackberry package, so from the gym he was online).
I then checked his email and found that he had been dirty chatting with this girl for the past 3 months and had sent his nude photographs to her. He told her that he is single and that he would travel to Italy just to meet her and stay 7 nights and 7 days with her in Venice. He was also trying to get her a visit visa to Dubai and also trying his visa to Italy and Slovenia.
When I put forward all these things....he started saying that he did all this as his friend told him to do so. I spoke to his friend and he said he did not tell him to do such dirty things. My husband than swore on Quran that he will not dirty chat anymore.
- naz0
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Salamis sister
May Allah bless his mercy on you. Sister we all make mistakes but the lesson is that have we learnt from our mistakes and made true Taubah for it. I totally understand how your feeling however sister he has sworn on the Holly Quraan. Sister give him another chance and in this bother chance work on the space that's grown between you. Sister dont let any shaitaan come between you.
Sister read your namaz, do ziker pray to Allah swt and Inshallah your husband will never leave your side. Be his best friend, so close to his heart that even when death comes he wouldn't know who's heart is it that hues ment to be stopping
Jazakallah
Salam I with my husband 15 years my marriage life I have 3 kids with him I found my husband cheting me about nearly 3 years he with nather woman from morrocco he go every aftar 3 month to see her If i ask him anything he shout on me and he didn't say anything to me now i don't what to do now
I pray Allah keeps your marriage till eternity ameen
Don't let anger take the better of you
he will cheat as always and probably has, but before anything is said upon him try find some proof he actually cheated seems like u found proof he is going to do something. and settle this matter before it gets out of hand and i hope everything goes well sister.
I don't mean to be rude, but your husband made me lol - and you actually believing his really, really...I mean REALLY lousy explanations to his behaviour is like...beyond me. Shocking. You actually asked his friend if he had really asked your husband to send this girl naked pictures of himself on his behalf? Sister...are you serious? Your husband is a liar, and it seems like he thinks you're - pardon my French - dumb, too. Because he gives you the dumbest, most unbelievable (like in the literal sense) explanations, and you believe in them.
First of all, it's not normal for a married man to have female friends - and it's definitely not normal that a married man spends more time chatting to his little "girl friends" than with you, his wife, and his family. It's just not! Not to mention, that's it's actually not halal for him to have unnecessary contact to women that are not his wife, mother, sisters, daughters or aunts.
2nd of all, if my husband had given me the same explanations to his filthy chats and nudity pictures...I'd have seriously slapped him over his mouth out of pure offense of my intelligence. Him lying about what he has done, and even using his friend as a false alibi, just signals that he has no remorse of his haram and immoral actions whatsoever - he's just a player and a womanizer. And he's going to continue to be, because you basically tolerate his behaviour and believe his illogical explanations.
If I were in your shoes, it'd be hard for me to remain married to a man who not only betrays me, but also insults my intelligence by giving me childish, nonsense explanations. I'd kick him out of my house.
I totally agree with Adina! Chances are if your husband didnt feel the guilt in those 3months, enough to stop, he would have continued these emails if it wasnt for getting caught! Dont be taken for an idiot, sis!
I salute you Adina. I will never allow a cheating husband to belittle me. I deserve an honest loving husband, as I am an honest loving wife. If there is anything useless in my marriage, I will let it go for the sake of Allah. I would never want to be depressed over an insan. How poisonus it is to be in a marriage that is going in circles and having insecurities. You will not be able to think about the more important things. You will be stuck with this dunya. Believe me my sister, your heart will tell you the truth. Pray to Allah for guidance. To guide you. If your husband is bad for your dunya and akhira, may allah show you. Ameen ya rabb
salaam sister,
I feel for you, as my husband cheated on me with a Polish woman.
He is from Pakistan too.But he left me and went to her , I doubt he is happier now.
They had haram relationship for years, he never told me before marriage.
So sis try to build the trust talk with your husband and let him know it hurts you and it is against islam.
And then what?
ASSALAMALAIKUM
CAN A VAGABOND BECOME A SAINT ?????????
CAN A WRONG PROMISE OM QURAN-HAVE ANY EFFECT OR REL RESULT-
PROMISE IS ONLY TO BE MADE WITH THE NAME OF ALLAH NOT ON QURAN IT IS INVALID-
NEXT A PERSON WHO KNOWS THAT HE IS DOING SOMEHTING WHICH IS ONE OF THE GREATES HARAM WHICH ATTRACTS STONING OT DEATH FOR FORNICATION AND AT THIS AGE HE ACTS AS IF HE IS A 18 YEAR OLD BOY-
IT IS VERY HARD TO GET HIM ONLINE TO ISLAM AS THIS TYPE OF TASTE AND EXCITEMENT ONCE HOOKED CANNOT BE REVERSED UNLESS REAL REAL AUTHENTIC FEAR OF ALLAH WORKS IN HIS HEART A PAKISTANI OH MY GOD IT IS NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE THEY ARE BORN ADAMANT AND I THINK HE BELONG TO SOME GREEN DRESS CODE SECT WHICH IS THE LEADERS IN HARAM ACTIVITIES AS HERE IN OUR CITY A IMAM OF A MOSQUE WITH 4 CHILDREN ORGANISES A HARAM HALALA AT THE AGE OF 45 WITH A GIRL OF 21 YEARS HE GOES FOR A HONEY MOON AND PROMISES TO REUTN BACK AND GIVE TALAQ BOOKS TOUR TICKETS TO A COLD PLACE CALLED OOTY IN INDIA-
WHEN THE TORCH BEARERS ARE LIKE THIS THEN IMAGINE A FREE BIRD OF THIS HARAM SECT [A BARELVI OR WHAT EVER BIDDATHI GRUOP MAXIMUM PAKISTANI S ARE FROM THIS CLAN AND LIVING IN DUBAI EARNING A HANDSOME SALARY ONCE BITTEN-ITS OVER HE IS NOT BE TRUSTED FULLY AND MONITERING PERSON 24X7 IS IMPOSSIBLE-
HOPE FOR THE GOOD BUT FEAR IS THE KEY-IF HE HAD FEAR OF ALLAH HE WOULD HAVE NOT DONE THIS IN THE 1ST PLACE-
BE ALERT DONT TRUST FULLY-
REGARDS
Sister I'm so sorry to hear your story . I will be so honest with you and I will tell you about my own experience and why most of men like to have relations with Western women even if it's haram . Me personally I was in this kind of relations and thanks to god I finished it . I'm 25 and I was with a Western girl . Men think that they can satisfy their needs . Especialy sexual needs . As you said your man was having a dirty chat .
So my advice to you sister and forgive me if I'm crossing the limits but believe me it's for sure what your man wants .
Most of men they like girls with a beautiful body and with a sexy cloths . They like to see them and have relation with them but they won't marry them .
So sister . He is your husband so be for him what he want s at home . Its halal as long you do that to him . Be like his girlfriend at home and treat him like a first Love of A 17 years old . Try to make him love you and make him can't wait to see you .
Sometimes change your dressing way . Your look . Send him love sms sometimes . Sometimes talk to him in phone and make him back fast to you .
I'm sorry but I swear I'm trying to tell you what really men wants .
Also remind him that you are his halal wife . And God don't allow other relations with other women .
Make him feel you are his lover . Cuz generally men feel bored cuz they know they have a wife at home with the same look same dresses same talking . Be his girl . Make him feel that .
I hope you understand what i mean . I wish you happiness. Hold in your man . God bless you .
Brother,
I have heard this disgusting excuse from men a million times! Do you not understand how utterly disgraceful this sounds to women! Women are not objects for men to satisfy their desires. Marriage is not just about sex! There is no excuse for cheating!
My hudband was double my size never made any effort fir me. I sometimes thought i wish he was skinnier and fit and wore nice clothes i expressed this to him too but he didnt care! Now i didnt cheat or look at other men! So why should men do that??? Marriage is to safeguard you from zina. Husband and wife have to help each other not just the wife turning into a porn star for husband! And if you wanted your wife to dress a certain way you need to communicate this to her clearly not start cheating. Women are not mind readers.
And if you were more attentive towards prayer and remembrance of ALlah then you would have no time to think about your carnal desires and you will be content with your wife! A women has more duties in this wirld besides entertaining her husband. She has to cook clean pray look after kids etc.
There are a lot of muslim women who go through great lengths to satisfy their husbands but the husbands still cheat??these men are greedy they want more, a loving caring pious wife is not enough!
Ditto Sister Sumaira! I'm glad you're scumbag husband has left because he clearly doesn't deserve you. We women tend to tolerate so much because we're taught to compromise and sacrifice. What people forget is the we can use these lame excuses as well (e.g., we cheated because our husband is fat, we cheated because he doesn't groom himself, etc) but for some reason even if these factors exist we overlook them and remain loyal (the majority of us that is). The most ridiculous excuse I hear time and time again is that men are too weak sexually but for some reason in all other domains they're "the boss". It's time men man up to their capabilities and we women stop making excuses for them.
-Helping Sister
Spot on!
brother khaled
i agree with that bit which said that women should put in some effort into dressing up and looking beautiful for their husbands but to what extent?
The main aim of any humanbeing is to please Allah and a husband is a means through which she pleases Him. To a practicing muslim woman just saving her marriage with a flirt is not as important as pleasing Allah.
wearing shorts or revealing dresses all the time at home is neither possible in pakistani joint families nor practical for some1 who prays 5 times a day besides where did Allah s.w.t say that a man can commit zina if he is married to an ugly woman or some1 who fails to excite him? Brother i had a long argument on the same topic with some1 who openly blamed muslim women for their husbands' porn addiction and adultery. Can you believe that? this man actually confessed that he almost went to see a prostitute although he was married to his sweetheart and nowhere in his comment i felt that he was genuinely ashamed. he was audacious enough to rather blame his wife for his weakness and his message to all us muslimas was to get all geared up to compete the pornstars if we wanted our men to stay faithful. as if our husband's emaan was solely our responsibility. To top it all he was shamelessly talking like some encyclopedia on sex and thought his trivia was important knowledge. can you imagine the audacity with which he was arguing with such ideas on an islamic website?
ill just tell you in short what i told him brother.
i think he was too arrogant to agree with me but i'll share it here anyway.
we dont follow the philosophy of the hedonists. our main aim is not to live for base pleasures. A muslim man must find ways to feel satisfied with his wife if for some reason he cannot then he should know he has other options within the folds of islam . Adultery is a major sin. there is no excuse for it so blame games may work with his wife in his home but not with Allah s.w.t.
Naked women are everywhere so as a muslim YOU learn to lower your gaze to save YOURSELF from hell fire.
A simple wife will not be answerable or punished by Allah s.w.t for her Zani husband.
Dajjal is on his way, if we fail to guard ourselves from smaller fitna around us now then we will surely fall for his false heaven and ruine our akhirah forever.
May Allah guide our muslim men and women to the path of those who please Him.
So, Khaled, let me get this straight: YOU cheat on your wife, and...she not only forgives you, but she's making it up to you, too? Wow.
I don't think there's anything wrong in a wife dressing sexily for her husband, writing him love notes, giving him massages and basically giving him the positive attention that will make him feel valueable, satisfied and appreciated in the marriage - in fact, I think it's wives' duty to do what they know will make their husbands happy and pleased (as it is husbands' duty to please their wives equally!). But I find it absolutely disgusting when a man cheats on his Muslim wife with Western promiscuous women, claiming the Western woman has all the sexy qualities and the capability to sexually satisfy, that his Muslim wife does not possess - but then says he would never actually want to marry Western women. So...you want to marry a good virgin bride, but you in actualty want to be with a slut who's been around the block 50 times. Yeah, that makes sense. Marrying someone you don't want, and commit sins with the type of cheap woman you do want superficially. Bravo, well done!
I've never understood why (Western) promiscuous women are percieved as more sexy, sexually liberated and more capable of sexual satisfaction than, say, Muslim virgin wives - I'm so angry that this is even a very common perception Muslim men and women in today's age have on sexuality: the more sex partners and different experience, with different people, you've had, the more hot and...acrobatic and fun you are in the bedroom. WHY? I don't at all think, "more experience = better in bed" - I actually get really sick by the thought, because what I think when I hear of promiscuity is, "HIV, AIDS, Klamydia, Herpes...someone's left-overs". No, thank you, and goodbye.
Just because a woman has had 20+ different sex partners, doesn't really make her more capable in the bedroom than a woman who's only ever been intimate with her husband - in fact, I think a woman who's completely devoted to just one man is more likely to be better at sexually satisfying than a promiscuous woman is...because a virgin directs her entire attention and love to just ONE man - while the slut shares herself between 50 men - she can't possibly devote 100% to each man. They just get 2% each.
And...pardon me for being a bit direct, but a lot of Western men, who are married to these Western women who have been really promiscuous throughout their unmarried life (and sometimes even in their married life, too), complain about their sexlife. Even more than Muslim men with virgin wives complain about their's. Western men often complain that the sex they have with their promiscuous wives is boring, the wife holds back sex (often through blackmailing), the wife lets herself go. The Western wife is often way more unwilling to have sex with her husband than she was when they were not married and had zina sex, outside of marriage. In fact, a lot of Westerners regard marriage as something that literally destroys your sexlife - so they prefer zina sex to marriage. So, yeah...obviously, the tons of sexual experience these promiscuous women have had with different non-mahram men don't count in their favour - they too have major problems satisfying their husbands.
"Cuz generally men feel bored cuz they know they have a wife at home with the same look same dresses same talking . Be his girl . Make him feel that" Exactly the same for women!!!!!!!
"I'm 25 and I was with a Western girl . Men think that they can satisfy their needs . Especialy sexual needs"
Really????If Western men are married to a Western girl and like you say they can satisfy their sexual needs, why do their husbands go to some other women and pay for sex then???
"Most of men they like girls with a beautiful body and with a sexy cloths . They like to see them and have relation with them but they won't marry them "
Who said muslim women or non western women do not have beautiful/sexy bodys???lol
just because a women has sex with many man before marriage doesnt mean she has a beautiful body it only means she doesnt have any selfrespect 🙂
Excuse me brother but why do you think only men want this???thats what women want as well, just because some of them do not say it doesnt mean they dont want it.
We want a men with a sexy body/muscle as well , someone who is good looking,smells nice, makes compliments,flirt with his wife and dress nice as well!!! not someone who comes home after work and sits on the sofa and stuff his face like a pig.doesnt shower everyday,doesnt shave,doesnt ever visit gym or doesnt do any kind of sports to keep fit, doesnt use perfume,is fat and doesnt dress nice for us!!!trust me thats not what a women wants!!!we want a sexy hubby as well and if you as a man wants a women to be like that ,you should do the same for her as well.in islam men and women have to look after themselves in a marriage not just the women!!!!!!!Its not womens duty to do so,they both have to look after themselves.Just like our prophet Mohammed sws did look after himself. No where in Quran does it justify men or women are allowed to cheat if the women doesnt look after herself!!In fact in sharia law he wouldnt even live by now if he did zina whilst he was married!!!!!so this sister doesnt need to tolerate this and stay with a zania. After his lame excuse it only shows how much he really doubts her intelligens!!!There is no sign of regret either!!!
Allah says in the Quran:
Women impure are for men impure and men impure are for women impure; and women of purity are for men of purity and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness and a provision honorable.
So sister please save yourself, you do not have to stay with a zania. Be grateful to Allah , He showed you his true colors, do not wait until you have kids with this man or until he gives you some disease!!! (not that you should stay if you had kids with this man in fact i think its one duty to leave as you do not want your kids to take an example of a zania)!!!
Agreed.
Brother this way she is going to waste rest of her life. I know someone who forgave her husband for this kind of act, and 19 years on he is still caring on with one after the other. His wife tried all these you have suggested, but again being a muslim we have limits as we live with families, sons and daughters if we start wearing such things even at home what our children going to learn. On the other hand those women they go to they live by themselves they have no believes they can walk around naked we housewives can never compete them. Its better for her to leave her husband at this stage as she doesn't have any children yet.
May Allah give her courage to decide.
Dear brother.
I did all what u said that a man need. I did everything for my husband to satisfy him by all means. I know he is my husband and for him there is no parda between. But still he gobe to bangkok with his friend to enjoy and i have seen his dirty pics with sluts
Now tell me brother what should i do.
We had married since 10 years and hav three children 2 girks one is 9 years and other is 7 while son is 5 years old.
I want to case khula. What would u advice brother
Salam I know wat r u say ....I tell u my story I married last 11 years recently I know my husband have affair with my best old friend....even they doing zina last 3 years in hotel..room....I have to daughter ....I have seen nude pictures in his phone and...even they made porn movie....I have seen all pictures and movie....now I beat that bitch women....and I tell everything her mother...her mother support me.....her bday my husband send flower and cake ....front of me..by I was thinking..send by her husband....I m just telling these man r so bad they ..even some women..they don't care wat r u thinking wat r u feeling...they do fun with u and feeling....and my husband also bad chat with other women's....and he always locked his phone...by chance I saw his code.....so I oper I was shocked....and u know wat he doing this things with very smart way....he always show me love...and behaving like he is very busy man.....even now he behaving with me very nice...but u know wat he still cheating with and I know...so sister if yr husband doing chatting so much...that's is a very big sign he have affair....
Sister,
I feel really bad for you. My husband also cheated on my. He was constantly talking to other women when i caught him he said sorry he will not do it again. I kicked him out for a while and he got family involved and cried he will not do it again and he will change into a good person so i took him back and prayed loads to ALlah that he changes. But after a couple of weeks i saw text on his phone as i was suspicous and kept going through hid phone. Then i got calls from his girlfriend he was seeing after work!
I think most of the time its once a cheater always a cheater. They don't change thier ways! Men always cheat on their wives as they know that we are weak and emotional. We will tolerate this behaviour and forgive them everytime!
My husband has left now as he wanted to have mistresses and carry on with other non islamic behavoiur and i was not allowing him to sin so he left! I feel peace now as i am not living with a cheating gambling so and so and having to cry everyday and worry who he is with wvery night!
Muslim women need to grow a back bone and teach these scumbags a lesson. If you still love him then involve family and shame him in front of everyone keep the evidence and show to everyone so he will be ashamed. If he truly is sorry then he will have to share all his social networking sites with you and you take full control of his mobile phone and internet. He has to earn your trust now. Dont let him off the hook easily. Also please get yourselves checked for aids! Justin case
Inshallah Allah brings you happiness and give you strength.
I know this wouldn't be the humble thing to do but I can never forgive someone for cheating, period. I don't care if I have 5 kids or 1 child. Divorce should be our last resort as it is the most disliked halal thing in Islam but cheating are valid grounds for seeking divorce.
If you can find it in yourself to let go and forgive your husband then perhaps your marriage can be salvaged. If not, I'd suggest you cut your losses and move on. You haven't been married for long and if there are no children in the equation, that's even better. What disturbs me the most is that he has the audacity to project the blame on his friend, subhanAllah. The least he could have done was fessed up. How can one forgive someone if they can't even come out clean? He owes you the truth.
It's despicable how now a days people have no regard for relationships and institutions like marriage. May Allah swt protect us from such evil and fitnah, ameen.
-Helping Sister
Must men's are liers I hate them all,I found out my stupid husband is cheating on me when I told him he swore on Quran he never had anybody. I cry day and night he promise that he will never hurt me and we have a 1 year old son I can't live without my baby. Now two days ago he didnt come
Home till 4 in the morining he said he was working lier. Again he said he was working and that
I'm a lier and if I leave him he will take My son away for good. He pray and fast I think that Doesnt matter they do not love Allah pleas Allah forgive me for saying this. But they shouldn't pray and fast. I'm tired of him I just can't do
Anything because I love him too. Sister your not the only person who is going threw something like this.
Very sorry to hear about your predicament. Your husband does not deserve to be in this marriage. May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.
salam sister,
your post has angered most people here and i can see some very sensible yet angry comments in your support.
its a shame that within 6 months your husband finds a virtual love interest and looks forward to materialise things between her and himself. i can imagine how it must have devastated you. you are his young bride, i wonder what excuse he has to look away from you so soon ( not like others who cheat later in life have very sensible excuses but this is too much too soon.)
i dont know what you think but this husband of yours sounds like a compulsive flirt or zani. excuse me sister but those men who send naked pictures to strange women are nothing less than perverts. Reading about how shameless he can get and how much he can lie, i dont think he has that basic emaan or fear of Allah s.w.t to keep his Quranic oath. i dont think you should let him slip away so easily coz if he has a history of indulging in dating with random people and having sex with them then this habit wont die easily. you will have to be prepared for shocks of such kind in future unless he gets smarter.
you MUST discuss this with your family and get their feedback. if you still want to stay in this marriage or think that you should give him another chance then you should involve both the families. make sure he realizes that behaviour of such nature will have strict consequences.
if i were you i would have divorced a dirty husband like him as quickly as possible. Not only to protect myself from the STIs that he is bound to gift me from his slutty friends but simply coz i have way too much pride to hang on with a non practicing, zani husband who has no regard for me or the chastity which i have offer him... besides i would like my liar to put in some more effort into his stories.
Well
Most would like to see your marriage off just because they think that your husband is a liar.
I think most people have got to learn to be patient, kind and generous.
Divorce is not a good option. No wonder in old times people were tolerant and forgave to progress forward.
That's why there are many divorces even in Muslim community.
Please follow the Quran and Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and you will be happy in this world and hereafter.
Just play around with your husband more often and pray to Allah.
Thank you
Only you can define your life.
Assalmu alaikum
I want to share my problem and want suggestion because I'm not able to share my problem with any one. I got married in 5 February 2011 xactly after one week when we are going to honey moon I came to know that my husband have a gf.... I can't show in front if him that I knw about his affair .... I can't even told tiny parents even after year we have a baby boy , he talk to her regularly n even many times in a day, he doing lunch with her daily in an office, 5 sep 2012 I left her home n came to my mother home after a lot of fight ....he doing lot of promises bla bla that he can't in touch with her anymore then on 5 jan 2012 I was back to his house , he was quite change but after few dayz I came to know that he iz still in touch with her :(. Now the current situation is that he told me about her n said that u can't left her at least when she is not getting married.... Because we are together since ten years so it's difficult to left her alone 🙁 I'm very very mentally disturb 🙁 no words to xplain my pain 🙁 help me plz give me some suggestion how my husband left her 🙁 ???
Fatima khan, your husband is a cheater, a liar and an adulterer and he's not going to leave that other woman. Consider the reality of the situation and decide what you want to do. My advice is that he should take the other woman as a second wife. Although if I were in your shoes, I would probably walk out the door and never return.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam sister,
I'm sorry to hear about what your going through. I Understand your pain. Myhusband did the same except I didn't find out until about 8 months into the marriage, and even then I think I only know the apex of all the dirt my husband has been accumulating. He had been sending flirtatious messages to women about 3 months into the marrisge he was sending flirtatious messages to women and then him and his family fooled me into thinking he was goojg on a business trip only for me to later find out he had committed zina whilst he was there - they kicked me out of the house when I found out and tried to blame me for the marital breakdown!!
With re to what some people are saying about making yourself look attractive for your husband , well I don't 100% agree witht that - like someone said we are not objects and it's not an excuse to go and cheat with someone, you talk to your wife and let her know what you want. I'm attractive and take care of myself, I always made an effort for my husband and always smelled good and had make up on etc because I wanted to attract him. Sorry for the info, but sexually I spoke to him about what he wanted and how I could turn him on etc and then I did it. But guess what it didn't work! He neglected and criticised me until I believed there was something wrong with me. He would stare at other women in my presence and then become angry if I confronted him about it. He would even hug and text his sis in law - I told him I didn't like this but did he listen? No! Because he didn't care.
Additionally I have a friend who is beautiful absolutely gorgeous, and guess what her husband cheated on her too! And you know what his excuse was - your too beautiful guys look at you when u go out so I thought you would be cheating on me that's why I cheated on you lol!!! This goes to show u could die for men like this and it would make no difference because they simply don't care about anyone but themselves. They will have a million and one excuses for their nasty behaviour.
Your husband also doesn't care. I know it's hard very hard but if I was in ur position I would get rid of him before he hurts you any further. There is no guarantee that even if u give him another chance and he claims to have changed that he won't go back to his old ways. He will probably be more careful and secretive about things in the future making it harder for u to find out. Also imagine the mental strain of constantly thinking about where he is who he is with etc it'll make you go crazy. I'm seperated from my husband but even then it's sometimes so difficult to think he is with another woman evenrhough I have no solid evidence for this.
At the end of the day the decision is yours, discuss it with the families see what they suggest, see how his family handle it. Bear in mind when u make ur decision that your husband is a liar, Cheater and possibly an aldulter - sorry if I offend you - and people like this won't stop once they start!
Salam
@ bucks
I feel so depressed after reading ur story 🙁 I think all men are same 🙁 I also feel like that a day came when he got married with her n I can't do anything:( now I have a two baby boys if he got married then what can I do? I also discuss this issue with my husband too that u'll marry her one day but he said trust me I can't do this ever ? Is he list or not? Now a days he is very good with me but still In touch with her. That women show herself so needy n alone in front if him.
Not all men are the same sister Fatima - the men in my family for example treat their wives with respect, they forgive shortcomings and don't find solace in other women. Not all men are the same. I do understand that it's harder for you to leave because you have children with him and so you have to think twice. I guess it's good that he is treating you well. If you want to stay with him then be patient and try to keep his attention focussed on you. I always find it difficult to say this but for men like our husbands I guess you have got to play a game with them to keep them attracted to you. Be sweet and charming so that he misses you if he is with the other woman, do things that will make him think about you if he is away from you. Look after yourself and look attractive. Don't be needy, make him think you are ok with him but don't be cold. Anyway I don't know if any of the above makes sense but ultimately what I am saying is that you try to divert his attention back to you and only you without him realising.
Or the other option is that he marries the other woman too, and gives you both equal rights. But I know that will be very difficult for you.
Also keep praying to Allah SWT that He guided your husband and helps your husband overpower the devil.
I have been in this situation.my husband has an ex fiance and he is in constant contact with her. I felt disappointed but I didn't let anger or depression kill me, I have started to make his life miserable. I don't take any orders from him now, since I was lucky enough to save all evidences of this affair I keep on black mailing him from time to time. I know this sounds unislamic but I gave him the best years of my life, sacrificed my career ,left my parents to settle in U.S. besides giving him beautiful kids. I don't deserve his lame excuses and flings from his past. Since in North America women have lots of rights and after divorce all the finances of a man are divided between him and the ex-wife, it's not easy for a Pakistani man living here to destroy his hard earned wealth due to divorce. That's the only thing that has Kept our marriage intact, eventhough I don't want to live with my cheater husband, but I am living because I don't want my kids ending up in mental illnesses. I have kept my home really a peaceful place it's just that my husband is getting a tough time for being such a loser!
Dear Sister,
If you love him and I know he hurt you really bad and trust is something hard to gain once it is broken. But he swore to Quran and only for that I think maybe you should give him a second chance.
Encourage him to spend his time listening to the religious talks, reading Quran and praying that will insha'allah make him into a better Muslim and ultimately a better husband. Some men who pray and do good deeds still fall for women outside of marriage unfortunately and that is still wrong! But believe in Allah and things will get better.
I am also having a similar issues.
I am in the middle of thinking whether I'll stay OR i'll go...
I've devoted my 6yrs of my life serving my husband.
I pray 5x a day. I took care of our house & children.
I have taqwa Allah. I did everything that will make him happy.
I guess I am not yet enough for him...
I am feeling depressed now...
Hello I am an American convert for 4 years and I am married to an Arabian man and have a small daughter. I'm sorry to say but Muslim men don't always s cheat with American women or Western. My husband has been having an affair for over 5 years with his muslim girlfriend from college who is married with children. She still lives in the middle east and follows him wherever he goes! I am afraid to live in th e middle east for fear he might do something stupid and I will be left alone to take care of my daughter in a foreign country. I HAVE BEGGED ALLAH TO HELP ME but my patience is running low. It's a miserable situition and I wonder what I did in my past to deserve this ! It has definitely put a hole in my marriage.
OP: Hello I am an American convert for 4 years and I am married to an Arabian man and have a small daughter. I'm sorry to say but Muslim men don't always s cheat with American women or Western. My husband has been having an affair for over 5 years with his muslim girlfriend from college who is married with children. She still lives in the middle east and follows him wherever he goes! I am afraid to live in the middle east for fear he might do something stupid and I will be left alone to take care of my daughter in a foreign country.
Did your husband get his citizenship thru you? How long have you been married to this guy who has been having an affair for 5 years? How do you know that woman is married? Who is she married to?
Please be strong sister , we are not meant to enjoy dunya! Allah will reward and bless your children for your patience. May Allah be with you