Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband beats me, and I am now fed up

Daughters in Islam

Daughters in Islam

assalam o alaikum

i just seen this site today.

i was reading one hadith book and i read something about husbands rights then i searched the wife rights and find this site so my problem is also big for me ....

After 12 year of marraige life and having 3 daughters MASHAALLAH, i decided to leave my husband weather he is giving divorce or not..he been beating me on purpose without reason on little things nutt shell he has like an addiction of beating after month or two..he doesn't drink he prays, he is very nice and religious in front of everyone if i tell anyone they don't trust that he can do that..

There is so much things to say but i can't explain everything here i was feeling guilty that i might doing wrong after all these years staying in this situation now im giving daughters are growing now they r like acred all the time his main problem is to whatever he sayi have to say yes..and i dont have to say no even its wrong he keep calling me names he hates my parents no reason its just i sponsor them and they got here..

I told him few days back if he keeps doing this im going to he is telling me when u decided now u have to leave and u will learn the lesson how u will survive..but i know ALLAH is there for me. my daughters want to stay with me im not a working women. plz pray for me and also tell me if i'm doing wrong im really tired of fights and getting hurt. sometimes he tell me that he will kill me and he will get married again. and he is going to have a son.

All my pregnancies he wanted a son but daughter came he love them but also he blames that u r the one who wants so many kids now u r resposible for them MAY ALLAH give me saber very much upset, i tried two days back "plz keep me" because when i think of ppl i get scared what they will say why i left my husband and weather my daughters will get married or ppl will tell them u r the daughters of the mother who left her husband..

But when my daughters see their father baeting me they say mama plz leave from here ...but i know i can not provide them the luxuries they got from their very much upset and double minded just keep asking ALLAH SWTA to help me and if im wrong plz keeep me on right path..plz tell me what should i do???


~ laraib

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5 Responses »

  1. Ohh my sister trust me I really feeling for you, you sound so innocent and have no right over your husband I am sure he started to treat you like this since you having daughter because he wants son! How stupid! But in some culture we follow that sadly. But if he is that religious he should fear Allah that without reason he is torturing you. But no use.

    If the husband has been physically abusing the wife for the past so many years, and the wife has borne her hardship with patience only for the sake of preserving her children and her family; she will indeed have her reward for her immense patience in the Just Court of Allah Subhanah, and her abusive husband will have a very severe accounting on that Inevitable Day!  Even though it may seem that the husband might get away with his evil deeds in the life of this world, Allah is our witness, if he does not desist and seek repentance for his evil deeds, he will have a severe accounting for his deeds in the Presence of the Lord All-Knowing All-Mighty on that Inevitable Day of Judgment!

    Respected Sister, if after being sufficiently warned, your husband does not desist from his evil oppression and beatings, you have two lawful options in Islam:
    Bear his unjust oppression with patience with the conviction that justice will be served and you will get your full and due retribution in the Presence of your Lord Most Just, Most Supreme on that Inevitable Day of Judgment; and thus save your marriage.

    If you cannot bring yourself to bear the unjust oppression of your husband in the marriage, you are well within your rights to initiate a divorce proceedings against such an evil and impious husband….and if what you have related is indeed true, there would be absolutely no blame or sin upon you.

    Sahih Muslim Hadith 6251     Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
    Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Do you know who is a ‘muflis’ (abjectly poor or one who is totally bankrupt)?’ They (the Companions (r.a.) of the Prophet (saws)) said: ‘A ‘muflis’ amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth.’ He (the Prophet (saws)) said: ‘The ‘muflis’ of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakah but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others, unlawfully consumed the wealth of others, shed the blood of others, and beat others. His virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account (of his mis-deeds), then their sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire!’

    Il don't know which country you live but if it's Europe then inform to police.

    Sister I don't know how far you studied, if it's possible get a job so that you can afford your daughters and your expenses. I suggest you to move, share this with your and his family take suggestion.

    One more thing,See the Movie"Without my Daughter" true story about this Woman"

    May Allah bless you and your child sister.

  2. Dear Sister, Walaykumsalaam,

    Regarding the marital relationship: Allah(swt) says in Surah Rum 30, Ayah 21: "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." And in Surah an-Nisa, Ayah 19: “and live with them honourably.”

    Furthermore a beautiful description of the closeness of the two spouses can be seen in Surah al-Baqarah, Ayah187, where Allah(swt) says: "they are your garments and you are their garments." Our garments protect our honour and keep us warm and safe - literally this is the role of one spouse to another. What better a description could one find than this?

    And the Prophet (sws) said: “And treat women with kindness, and treat women with kindness.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5186; Muslim, 1468. Also: “You never spend anything but you will be rewarded for it, even the morsel of food that you lift to your wife’s mouth.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6352; Muslim, 1628. And: “The best of you is the one who is best to his womenfolk, and I am the best of you to my womenfolk.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3314. ***And the Messenger of Allah(sws) never hit any of his wives!


    Regarding our offspring, Allah(swt) says in the Quran, Surah 42, Ayahs 49-50: “To Allaah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He creates what He wills. He gives to whom He wills female [children], and He gives to whom He wills males. Or He bestows them [both] males and females, and He renders whom He wills barren. Indeed, He is Knowing and Competent.”

    This is a reminder to all those ignorant people, that Allah(swt) decides whether we have sons or daughters, not 'us' humans. Furthermore, that there is no humiliation in being granted a daughter, SubhaanAllah if only people understood the blessings they could reap from raising a daughter well! The Messenger of Allaah(sws) said: “He who is involved (in the responsibility) of (nurturing) daughters and is generous to them, will have them as a fortification for himself against the Hellfire.” (Al-Bukhaari & Muslim)


    So Sister - I want you to realise your self worth. As a Muslimah, you are not only permitted to stand up for yourself, but you are encouraged to stand up for yourself. No woman deserves to beaten by her husband physically or verbally, it defies the entire purpose of marriage! If the one who is meant to be like a garment to you treats you like this, where is your protective garment? There is none, as he is has ripped it away by causing you harm.

    Remember, you are not only a wife, but you are also a mother. Your daughters are young, they are growing up and watching you as their role model. They are learning about what 'self importance and dignity is' through your actions - and at the moment, all they are being taught that it is acceptable to be abused - is this what you want? I am more than sure that your daughters will be happy to sacrifice their material luxuries in exchange for the return of for your safety and dignity. If you show your daughters you are mentally strong enough to take care of them by yourself, they will feel confident. If you slouch about and show them you cannot cope - they will not be able to cope either. After ALLAH(swt), Sister, YOU are their strength and their direction.

    I am not suggesting that you divorce your husband. I am suggesting that you remove yourself from harms way and seek protection for yourself and your daughters. At the same time make it clear to your husband that you do not deserve to live this way and will not put up with being abused physically or emotionally any longer. Tell him, if he wants to continue living with you, you will only consider this if he realises what he is doing is unacceptable, and takes positive steps to change himself, perhaps by taking anger management classes and seeing a marriage counsellor. If he shows no intention to change, move in with your parents, with a friend or into a refuge - as perhaps this will push him to wake up. If you are in the UK, you could apply for a council home, you could approach the police, a women's refuge - there are so many organisations there to help you - but only if you want to make a positive change in your and your innocent children's lives.

    If your husband still shows no signs of change, then it is for you to decide whether you want to leave him for good or not. And remember this Sister - you were not created by Allah to be subservient to anyone but Him(swt). By allowing your husband to mistreat you, you are being subservient to him instead. Furthermore, if your husband is praying outwardly, but abusing you at the same time, then clearly he is not praying as he should be praying. If he was, just as a painting beautifies a blank canvas, so would his ibaadah have seaped through his heart purified and beautified his actions. There is no point in turning heads to the east and west in Salaah, when our hearts are full of malice and filth. We must purify our intentions, correct our relations with our Creator and with His creation, only then are worthy of being called Muslims! So not become confused by his 'outwardly actions of praying'.

    Insha'Allah you will do what is best for you and your daughters - because you deserve to live with happiness and dignity.

    SisterZ Editor

    • sallam

      sister a wonderful post i had alot of anxiety regarding marriage however for your post i do understand i ahve rights and I will have full faith on God inshallah and I wont be reluctant to marry anymore.

      Allah hafiz

  3. No sister ur not wrong men that hit women end up killing her 🙁 a lot of sisters going through the same thing sister they always teach to stand by ur man but not like this hitting is not right May Allah help u

  4. Believe in god. He will provide. It's right to leave him. Go to a half way home. There's places for abused woman and child. Go there he will dare not touch u der.... Counsellor

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