Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband cheated on me

cheating affair husband

I was pregnant and had delivery in november. My husband had to go to another province because of work. He came back after 2 weeks and we were having a normal life. After delivery I found my husband's behaviours totally changed and he was mostly either very upset or very happy. He is a business guy and most of the time he is occupied with work.

One day I found lease papers of an apartment with girl's name on as as his Girl-Friend. In that month my husband used to go to another city once a week for night stay. Every time he told me he is coming back I was noticing he is coming earlier than expected time. One day I asked my husband about that girl since I also found few email however I didn't tell him about lease paper at that time. My husband was really furious at me and he hit me and also told me that he will divorce me if I will call that girl and said she is just a business acquaintance.

I found my husband very worried all the time so after one month when I thought he is not angry to the level that he can divorce me I told him that I have seen that lease papers. Once again he said the same thing and said he needed some work from her and instead of giving her salary he signed lease so he can show as business loss and can recover his money. In his email I also found a flight ticket for some another girl which he took to another province. He said same story about her too

I have 2 kids with him and we had love marriage. I know my husband loves me a lot. Now he said that in order to prove himself right every time he will go anywhere for night stay he will take me with him and also said that he hasn't done anything that he is guilty for. He spends a lot on me if any time I ask him to.

I am very confused. Also the girl he took apartment for is a proven lesbian. I love him a lot but not sure if he is trust worthy .This thing happened only in my pregnancy and 40days after delivery. Before this he never went anywhere alone for night stay. Should I forgive him and move on? Should I contact that girl to find out? Sometimes I think that the thing which is hidden I am not sure about so I should leave this up to Allah. Please respond.

hina786


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6 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    I smell a rat. Something isn't right at all here. For the woman he leased an apartment for...how is it proven that she is a lesbian?! I think your husband is just telling you something to make you back off and not ask him further questions.

    I definitely don't understand why your husband would hit you for asking him questions about what is going on especially since he leased an apartment for another woman! At this point, there is nothing to forgive him for because you do not know what is going on if anything at all.

    Do you have any of your family members near you that you might seek some help and support from? From your post, it appears that your husband may have some women on the side but that's just a thought and not necessarily so. However a leased apartment for one woman and an airline ticket for another...I'd be asking questions and lots of them!

    Salam

  2. Forget it and everything if he is not any suspicious activity now.
    Dont need to find out whats hidden. If he does something again then you should stand up for yourself but not for now

  3. The bigger problem to me is that he hit you when you asked him questions. Is this how he deals with conflict? It's completely unacceptable and you need to make that clear.

  4. Assalamualaikum

    healthy relation is based on love , trust and honesty ..........if you feel something is wrong then he has to answer to your questions , and it is mater of your relation get your elders involved in it if you are not able to solve this issue .....he has to help you solve this issue and just cant ignore ....speak to him or tell him you want to invite that girl for lunch or need to meet her or need to speak to her ....................... it can also be a mere misunderstanding sometime

    jazakallahukhair

  5. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    Situations like this are very delicate, and it can be tricky to know how to respond to them. So let's look at what's clearly wrong in the situation you've shared:

    1. It's wrong for a man to hit his wife.
    2. It's wrong for a man to provide financial support for a non-mahrem woman, except in the form of charity.
    3. It's wrong for a man to have unnecessary interactions with non mahrem women, even if they work together there has to be a high level of adab in dealing with the coworkers so that no limits are transgressed.
    4.It's wrong to accuse someone of something without adequate proof.

    In your situation, there are several things going on that blur the boundaries. I don't know what his business is, or how his explanations would factor in to being in favor of his honesty or not. But one thing I do believe, is that husbands who are God-fearing and truly cherish their wives will have no problem being transparent enough to answer any questions that a confused wife might have, to renew her sense of security with him and also to uphold his own honor. I also believe that such husbands will go out of their way to avoid situations that would come back on them in a questionable way, or that have the potential of tarnishing their reputation.

    I think the best course you have to go forward is to clearly outline your expectations to your husband. You have every right to request him to:

    1. not to strike you under any circumstances
    2. To avoid all contact with non mahrem except when it cannot be avoided, which any reasonable person should be able to judge such an instance.
    3.To set up his business in such a way that he can offset his losses or manage his business finances in such a way that no female employees, coworkers (or any other female) are directly attached to anything that he is attached to (such as plane tickets and leases).

    These are reasonable requests for any wife who has honor, and wants her husband to show that honor. If he doesn't agree to these, or does agree but violates them, then you have to decide if this is acceptable to you or not. Me personally, I would not be comfortable with it. I think the boundaries of Allah are clear, and in a marriage two people who fear Allah won't even go close to testing them. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who wasn't as committed as I was to avoiding fitna, but that's just my personal sharing. You have to make those judgments for yourself, as far as what you are willing to accept or not in the name of love.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. OP: One day I found lease papers of an apartment with girl's name on as as his Girl-Friend. In that month my husband used to go to another city once a week for night stay.......... One day I asked my husband about that girl since............ My husband was really furious at me and he hit me and also told me that he will divorce me if I will call that girl and said she is just a business acquaintance........... Once again he said the same thing and said he needed some work from her and instead of giving her salary he signed lease so he can show as business loss and can recover his money. In his email I also found a flight ticket for some another girl which he took to another province. He said same story about her too

    Your husband was staying overnight in other provinces and has an apartment with another girl's name as his girl friend. One does not have to stay overnight to have a sexual relationship with another woman.

    Your husband should have told you every thing before signing the lease or before taking another girl on flight. You found out about these things on your own. When you asked him, he beat you up and threatened to divorce you.

    If he had nothing to hide he should have told you , you can talk to both girl about any thing.

    How do you know the girl who signed lease with him is a lesbian? Is she a Muslim? She could very easily be a bisexual..

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