Islamic marriage advice and family advice

my husband cheated and then he reformed, but how can i trust him?

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

elsalam 3alykom:

i am married since 7 years and have 2 kids. i discovered that my husband betrayed me so i got a nervous breakdown, and when i faced him he confessed, accusing me of neglecting him and that he got collapsed and weak. so i talked a lot with him and agreed that he has to be closer to God more than this as i feel that his love for me isnt enough to keep him from doing it once more.

He is not that far from God. we did omra twice and he prays but sometimes he misses prayers so we moved on and agreed to open a new page giving much time to each other because he used to work a lot and also doesn't have time to spend with me.

i know he regrets what he did. actually he cried when he saw me devastated, but the problem lies in me as i feel no security and that if he did it once he can do it again,. even if i give him attention and his needs, because neglecting him isn't an excuse for betrayal. so he is able to do such thing if any problem came up between us.

also the subject itself makes me in a deep depression when i recall it. the image of my husband with another woman drives me crazy.

i pray and ask God to help me pass through this crisis; and i read also quran; but any small thing that passes by reminds me and makes me in such a sad mood. i need your advice please as i did everything in my capability to move on with my life. thank you anyway for this site that allows people to communicate in el takwa.

- Zeina

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6 Responses »

  1. Zeina,

    It is not right what your husband did. I sometimes feel that we are loosing our moral compass as a society and as Muslims. Everyday, when I read a newspaper or turn the TV on, I see another celebrity has been caught cheating on his or her spouse. In the West, it seems affairs are very normal and to be expected. It just a matter of when the affair will happen. Marriage is something that is no longer taken seriously and this includes the Muslim community. Everything is disposable. Changing social values of a society is very hard, but changing our individual values and actions is always possible. Perhaps your husband sees these indiscretions in the media and thinks he can get away with this behavior too. Perhaps not.

    Of course, this does not help your low feelings and your feelings of anger. You have asked for strength and I believe in time you will receive it, just keep praying. Also, to improve your mood you may want to consider some physical exercise as it will raise your spirits. Also, perhaps there are some interests you would like to pursue. Taking some courses can help you constructively take your mind off your problems. Helping someone less fortunate than yourself can help with low feelings as it is doing something good and helps take your mind off your troubles. Stay on the right path no matter what your husband does. He will answer for his indiscretions. You will have to decide whether you wish to work things out with him or to leave.

    I am in a very similar situation right now. I know how hard it is You are not alone. I felt like this only was happening to me, that no one else had these problems, but I found out I was wrong. Also, you are right, this is a very helpful site and we ladies need to stick together.

    Fatima

  2. asalamu alaikum,

    hi how are you? after reading i can tell life must been a struggle, you been married for 7yrs so for the sake of your marriage and family just give him another chance, help him, find out whats really bothering him and if he really regrets what he did then i think he will try to make amends.

    ma salama

  3. Selam!

    I think you should consider a future without him! Do you really want to spend your whole life wondering if hes cheating on yo every time he leaves the house? Many men who misses their prayers are most likely to be in bed with a women who doesnt pray. Lets be honest here. Just try to get him intrested in his religion, if this doesnt work out, i think you should leave him..
    Its not easy bcus you have kids, but IF I were YOU, i would leave him, im not a person who puts up with these kinds of things.

  4. Zeina I am is Batak Woman and Im is Muslim, in My Culture The Woman Must be Strong, So I Think What You Do is Wrong (You To Weak), He Was Doing Adulterers He Have Sin, LEave Him and Find Some Better Man Than Him.

  5. dear brothers n sisters,

    i know this post has been posted very long ago. but recently i experienced this situation too. im married for 2 yrs n i do not have a kid yet.

    i found out my hubby having an affair with a woman.

    my situation is such that i married a foreigner. he is very into privacy n space.
    i had a sudden thought to open his locked bag n i checked his thumbdrive. i saw old marriage deed documents in his thumbdrive n i also saw a local contact info.

    when i checked, this local address is his affair address.

    after confrontation, he said he was married n is divorced. but he was scared to tell me that before we got married thinking that i wont accept him.

    i have been going thru hardship cos he is a foreigner n i could get him a proper living/job in my country. i have been supporting him for 2 yrs. he helps out at my parents shop for pocket money.

    but finding that he had afair with another woman despite all my efforts, its kills my heart.

    he begged me for forgiveness n says that he wanna tauba n change our life from now.
    the gal that he had afair with loves him so much too n keep haunting me.

    as i hv been lied to many times, now i dunno who is telling truth n who is telling lie. i dont know how to judge if my husband has trully reformed.

    i understand how sister zeina feels. when u have been maried to a man n lived ur life with him, esp she havng kids... its hard to go for divorce. the whole divorce is detest by allah. and its a very painful procedure.

    in my situation, everyone is saying leave him, n start a new life. but i dunno why my heart keeps saying what if he has truly reformed n why not give a chance for him.

    i hv been praying for guidance but each time something else happens n distract my thoughts, mind n heart.
    im so lost. pls dua for me to be given the best solution to my problem.

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