Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband committing zina of the eyes and watching horrific things

Glowing laptop computer

Asalamualakum,

I have recently discovered my husband of 2 years (whom I have a small baby girl with) has been watching porn on a regular basis for months now. I discovered this by accident. I am not sure if this is just limited to recently or he has a porn addiction of years previous. He's always been practicing and patient and kind by nature. What's disturbing is that some of what he has viewed is possibly child porn, the titles in search history indicating this and Allah knows I am feeling in an impossible situation. He admits viewing porn but says not child porn and I don't know what to do. I have a baby girl and I don't know if i should be removing him from our lives or forgiving him. Ponography I can maybe look past but how does one deal with potential viewing of porn that involves girls as young as 12?

Please note this is not about not having enough sex and I do not require judgement of our marriage as I believe it has gone far beyond this if he can view material pertaining to children.

Jzk for reading my post and forgive me if anything I have said offends.

Anon87


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31 Responses »

  1. Sister, to be honest with you, I better dont wanna get deeply in these porn stuff as we are living in a modern world and its hard to stop someone from watching porn.. its better to do porn with your (permissible) partner rather than to watch. and all this is your personal secret between your husband. now according to child porn, let me confirm you that child porn do not exist not even on internet... btu the title does... why , because people always tend to see how it look like when they hear about child porn.. going to these child porn link does not meant the person like to have affair with child.. it only attract human mind to see if this is real or not. thats all.

    and again i will tell you, the tittle child porn is being use to attract people to watch a lot . because the more people watch video / porn online, the owner of the website get a lot of money. this is business. and also note that these young girl you see in porn that look under 18 or 15.. are absolutely fake.. they either dress like teen.. use make up and they look for adult girl who have the small body as from from the min legal age to have sex to pretend like 10 - 12yrs girl.. all this just to mislead thing on net.

    again i will tell you, stop letting negative mind ruin you.. talk to him nicely.. never raise your voice.. and try to know what he want.. how he want sex.. there are no restriction in having a lot of whatever fun you want when you are married and as long as both partner agree to try new thing etc and to make their sexual life better. try to have some deep communication with your partner.. and find a better solution

    and please do not let this misleading title affect you. as per the law, no one have the right to upload child porn on internet.. so this is impossible.

    i wish you a better life with your husband. and hope they both end up with a solution and better communication so that they can both live a happy life eternally.

    Assalaam
    from Australia

    • Uzzy ,it seems you have watched extensive porn to give such a explanation.it is not normal .she needs to make sure if he is notvquitting n continue the same better to take divorce

    • Uzzy786: I better dont wanna get deeply in these porn stuff as we are living in a modern world and its hard to stop someone from watching porn........ its better to do porn with your (permissible) partner rather than to watch. and all this is your personal secret between your husband.....

      What do you think is the primary reason men watch porn?
      Is porn some thing very different then normal sex?
      What do you mean "do porn with your partner"? Are you suggesting couple should watch "porn" and copy it? To keep up couples will have to watch latest porn movies.

      To do porn one has to know what porn is? How can people know that?

      A big part of porn is actresses get plastic surgeries to reshape their bodies. Do you also suggest doing porn should also include getting breasts with silicone?

      Men keeps going on and on in porn movies, how can that be done in real life to emulate that.
      Many women may think their husbands are weak and/or are smaller and unable to satisfy them because they will not be feeling the joy which porn actresses pretend to feel.

    • why it is necessary to mention your country in answer where you can simple reply and help the person and you are telling me that i started this topic i m judgmental??
      can you please clarify why it is necessary to mention from Australia what did you want to tell that you are from Australia or what?
      ok i apologize but now tell me how do you know so much about porn now i m asking not judging
      do you watch porn? how do you now so much about it.

      *to be honest with you, I better dont wanna get deeply in these porn stuff as we are living in a modern world
      do you favor secularism? what does it mean modern world. can you describe the difference between modern open minded and shameless society?

  2. Uzzy786: the tittle child porn is being use to attract people to watch a lot . because the more people watch video / porn online, the owner of the website get a lot of money. this is business. and also note that these young girl you see in porn that look under 18 or 15.. are absolutely fake.. they either dress like teen.. use make up and they look for adult girl who have the small body as from from the min legal age to have sex to pretend like 10 - 12yrs girl.. all this just to mislead thing on net.

    Tittle Child porn will attract people who want to watch child porn. It does not matter if girls are under 18 or 15 the intent of people is too look at child sex. Some one who watches child porn may abuse kids in real life too. There are people who abuse kids.

    In Rochdale, UK, sex trafficking 9 gang members were convicted of sex trafficking and other offences including rape, trafficking girls for sex and conspiracy to engage in sexual activity with a child, on 8 May 2012. Forty-seven under-age white girls were identified as victims of child sexual exploitation during the police investigation. The men were all British Pakistanis except for one man from Afghanistan.

  3. OP: What's disturbing is that some of what he has viewed is possibly child porn, the titles in search history indicating this and Allah knows I am feeling in an impossible situation. He admits viewing porn but says not child porn and I don't know what to do. I have a baby girl and I don't know if i should be removing him from our lives or forgiving him. Pornography I can maybe look past but how does one deal with potential viewing of porn that involves girls as young as 12?

    If your husband searched for child porn or teenage porn frequently that means he wanted to see these things. I don't see how can it be related to not having enough sex.

  4. Uzzy786: Sister, to be honest with you, I better dont wanna get deeply in these porn stuff as we are living in a modern world and its hard to stop someone from watching porn.

    It's actually easier to prevent photography from being viewed in this age. Where the porn industry has taken strides, parental control software hasn't fallen behind. There are several programs that I have used to curb the addiction of someone I know. In addition, there are search pages that filter out all adult content and only produce safe results. If the OP's husband wants to break the addiction, I suggest the sister to download parental control software onto his computer and to not give him access to disable the software. Programs that I use at home are Qustodio and K9 Web Protection (both are free) and the only web search engine I use is k9safesearch.com. This will take care of most sites but be careful, sites like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Youtube, VK and etc, also contain pornographic content, so you should block access to those as well.

    I would say that your child is in danger from your husband since he watches pornography, especially videos that involve possibly underage girls. Pornography rapes the mind and warps relationships. I remember reading a forum once where the user watched so much porn and needed help because he began having urges to have sex with his sister. Similarly, there have been instances of men watching underage pornography and being aroused by sex with minors. Since your child is the only minor close to your husband, it puts her at risk of sexual abuse.Your husband needs to be stopped now.

    • maiqbal: I remember reading a forum once where the user watched so much porn and needed help because he began having urges to have sex with his sister.

      Are you saying if some one watches too much porn he will develop urges to have sex with his sister?

      • I have no definitive proof of that but only anecdotal statements made by people who have watched pornography. However, porn sites are responsible for molding the sexual urges of individuals who watch them. As a result, I have seen the rise "incest porn" categories on websites that I have flagged for one of the parental control programs I use. In addition, pron also leads to increased instances of sex addiction which is powerful and can force people to demand incestuous relationships.

  5. Your title says that your husband commit zina but your story did not say anything about it. Instead, it says about your husband watching porn.

    Watching porno is NOT a zina. Watching porn is a sin, but it is NOT zina. Moreover many people have many kind of porn interest. People have secret fantasy which they can not share with wife. Watching child porno does not always mean that he will jump on a child in real life.

    Watching porn is a sin. It could be an addiction such as smoking and alcohol. If your husband become alcoholic you will try to cure him, You will try to make him get rid of the habit. Same way, help him to stop watching porn.

    But the way you are acting now , is making the problem bigger. He did not cheat you. Help him to get rid of the sin.

  6. Assalaamualaikam

    We have a duty to protect our children, so I think it is important to take some action to ensure your daughter is safe. I would recommend that you and your daughter go to stay with relatives nearby or have your husband move into a hotel, while you and your husband are trying to sort this out and decide what to do. That way you have some peace of mind about that, at least.

    If you have access to the computer, get it to make a list of the files pertaining to the pornography (you don't have to view them or see pictures to do this) and keep it safe. Alternatively, jot down your own list of the titles that concerned you.

    Talk to your husband about what he's been doing - why has he been watching these videos? how long has this been going on? does he want or need help to stop? What is his explanation of why some of the titles suggest young children might be involved? If you believe him then the two of you can look into getting him help and tackling his pornography habit. We've published quite a few posts on overcoming pornography addiction, so a search of our archives may inshaAllah help you find some tips on this.

    You mention that the material he's been viewing could involve girls as young as 12. That's really worrying - do you mean that the material is labelled "high school" or "student" (sometimes used to market material involving adults pretending to be students but of legal age), or does it clearly mention pre-teen or adolescent ages? A 12 year old will look very different from an adult, so if the pornography is clearly marketed as involving girls in this age range, then I'd be concerned that it could well be child pornography. If this is the case, you need to think very carefully about your next steps. Depending on where you live (and the laws in your country of residence), watching and possessing such material may well be a criminal offences (e.g. in the UK and US). The most appropriate course of action may well be to go to the authorities (the police, social services) and tell them about your concerns. You could give them the list of files so they can check. They may then want to investigate further - this would probably involve questioning your husband and taking away the computer for testing.

    We all have a responsibility to protect children from abuse and exploitation, and child pornography needs to be eradicated. In my opinion, keeping children safe needs to be the priority in these situations. Watching material involving the abuse of children contributes to their ongoing abuse, so this needs to be stopped.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • For Allah sake dont spoil her relationship. All men watch porn its a fact. Don't try to be angel just behave like a human being. If this sister divorce her husband because of your words then what? Will she stay single forever? Could she find a guy not watching porn? Will that new guy treat her daughter as his own?

      • she is not spoiling her relationship whats wrong is wrong ok if you watch porn dont defend yourself here maria and uzzi or uzma sister you are taking it lightly you both girls are porn addicted creatures.

        especially you uzzi you are describing everything as if you are a porn star. you know everything, i m glad you have alot of info on this. what kind of choice do you have "porn"?. can you prove it right to watch it...... infront of your own family i dont think so. stop watching it. it leads to masturbation and desire of sex, you can end up having sex with a young male reproductive creature you can become pregnant and may become a stain on your family's name : you will regret after having sex coz its wrong. dont defend it. keep silent try to control yourself.
        miss your husband have a habit if he wants to remove it it all depends on him if he doesnt he is accountable for all his deeds whether small sin or big sin or whether any immoral behavior etc may Allah forgive him. be patient and try to have discussion with him if he doesnt leave. you just remain silent. he is not gonna harm her daughter be positive. atleast he is loyal to you isnt enough? most men are not loyal

        • Hi Lorelei,

          I think you have been brainwashed to a point where you know only 1 - 10 and you are not the type of person you can try to know what is after 10... if someone is saying 11.. you will say its fake.. and stop judging other as poras if like some east people.. stop being over reacting .. be realist . next time you reply, please bring me some quranic verse with reference for everything has been mentioned is forbidden, if something has not mentioned.. it meant it either forbidden or allow. and be careful for every translation you find on net. just post whatever proof you have and i will translate it for you word to word since i understand arabic!

          and another advise is try respecting others opinion.. no one's opinion is better than any other here.. our mission is to help other the easiest way possible. and our first solution is to save a marriage relation from any danger rather than breaking someone's life.. dont forget one day it might be our turn but i dont wish it happen. learn to respect others.. it doesnt meant if someone else's opinion look far from what you have been brainwashed meant wrong!!
          Thanks You.

          • i am not brain washed. you are brain washed by western media and culture thats why its okie for you . the fact is that you are from east as well miss uzzi if you have got green card it will nt change your complexion and race still you are an Asian be it an Australian Pakistani or wherever from you are bangladesh or india no body will accept you as an australian. secondly i am proud to be an asian and eastern.
            about Quranic reference here it is ๐Ÿ™‚ miss over confident

            Aa`raf 7:33] Say, "My Lord has forbidden the indecencies, the apparent among them and the hidden, and sin and wrongful excesses, and forbidden that you ascribe partners with Allah for which He has not sent down any proof, and forbidden that you say things concerning Allah of which you do not have knowledge."

          • @Lorelei

            Again i will tell you, you judge people too much.. you already know who i am .. asian or pakistani.. indian or banglesh,. please judging someone is another sin.. so please let me confirm you that i have born and raised in australia.. my parent ..grand parent are all from australia.. hope you get that point. and i dont believe in the media and stop blaming me that i have been brainwashed by the media. You sound like you have a personal frustration..

            Regarding the verse you have mentioned below have nothing to do with the topic. i don't know where you have got your knowledge of islam.. either from your parent or family background where you trust blindly.. secondly , you do not understand arabic,, else you would quote me in arabic and translate it word to word rather than copy paste from other people's opinions regarding translation.

        • Excuse me. There is atleast three people on here that need to concentrate on this poor woman's issue not some disagreement. I know I disagree with Marias view on things for sure but pointing fingers saying how they are awful or pretending to be western but actually middle eastern. Why did anyone need to bring race into the conversation? Totally not appropriate.

          • uzzy you judged me first by saying i am brain washed watch your words first.by shouting you cannot win the argument my dear sister i m not impressed by your nationality. now let me tell you i ama humble pakistani and my grand grand grand parents are from Makkah, Saudia Arab ๐Ÿ™‚ Alhamdulillah i read Quran which is translated by shah Abdul qadir the first gentle man in the sub continent to translate it in to urdu so im pretty sure he is not a liar or illiterate . you are over confident and i claim these verses have to do with porn do you think it is not indecency ? its a zina of eyes pornography watching porn is not allowed in islam at all even if you are married you cannot watch porn you know why ??you cannot watch anybody having sex . you are allowed to have sex after marriage cox its our need. watching porn is not your need any kind of vulgarity is not allowed in islam if you are arabic you are not superior to me in any aspect . i have my full fledge opinion i claim you can go and do whatever you like , will not end this debate its haram its haram and its haram i will never say its halal coz you speak arabic meray pe ehsan ni kiya i consider you nothing but a human who will be accountable for her deeds. Pornography is vulgarity

          • I understand both of your frustrations and am quit capable of understanding the whole situation and can concentrate well. The main objective is to help the sister in need. Let's just forget our differences and not judge. I do not agree with some views on here but what is the point in judging anyone? It is Allah's job not ours.

          • dear angie, miss uzzy said that i am brain washed what is the meaning of being brain washed please concentrate and i would like you to read these lines said by her in the following please

            stop judging other as poras if like some east people.

            i think you have been brainwashed to a point where you know only 1 - 10 and you are not the type of person you can try to know what is after 10... if someone is saying 11.. you will say its fake..
            translate it word to word rather than copy paste from other people's opinions regarding translation.

            she is continuously blaming for judging others, she claimed i m brain washed plus she is so much over confident that she can do anything i think sister uzzy doesn t need anything as she is perfect and she knows word to word of it she does nt need guidance and she is perfect in her knowledge miss uzzy i salute your knowledge

          • Do not worry you are not all to blame. I wish you all would just be nice to eachother. We should be here to support eachother not bash eachother. And as for offending me none taken because I know myself and what I'm about and Im here to help and be nice. Nothing elese.

  7. Dear sister
    Sorry to be that straight forward but you are over reacting. I guess all men watch porn movies. If you are thinking of leaving your husband for watching porn you are going to make the biggest mistake of your life. Will you find a man in future who does not watch pornr. Will that another guy who is not biological father of your daughter more trustworthy for you? Stop behaving childish or else you will destroy your life. You are blaming him of a sin which he never did. Don't you know if he is not doing that sin you will be sinner in the eyes of Allah.take things easier let him realise he isn't doing good but do not blame him for committing zina and intentions of abusing his own daughter. Fear Allah

    • Watching porn isn't a sin?

      • @Angie,

        watching porn is a sin.. its not only porn.. watching anyone having any intimate moment is a sin..
        but doing like porn with your partner is not a sin as long as both enjoy it and as long as they are not going to sexual intercourse directly without foreplay.

        • Not every man watches porn .This guys who is watching child porn is double sinner n can do any thing in life ...better you directly talk to him n if continues this then take divorce.

        • I actually knew porn is a sin. I just don't understand why some are acting as if it is no big deal it is a huge deal in my opinion and I know Allah would not approve of this husbands behavior one bit. He needs to stop before he ruins the marriage and warps his mind. If anyone wants to know I am totally a white weterner and proud of it. I have good morals just like any other race. I am married to a Muslim that does not watch porn ever. I would never accept porn to be involved in my relationship with my husband. I give advice like I would do for myself and that's how everyone should give advice.

    • Dear Maria,
      No, it is not a fact that all men watch porn...and it is "zina of the eyes," which is certainly an evil to be avoided. Even worse, however, is that many women who appear in pornographic videos or photos are gravely exploited and may even be victims of trafficking and coerced into (oftentimes brutal and humiliating) sex acts. Imagine now that the same thing is inflicted upon a young child. Google these issues to understand that porn is not in any way a benign industry as it is often portrayed and glorified. Divorce should not be automatic for couples in this situation, but it is an issue that should be discussed and resolved. We are Muslims. Let's not normalize porn or make it sound like the wife here is unreasonable.

  8. Salam Alaikum Sister,

    I would say to talk with him about this in peace first. Tell him why does he do this, and what is going on etc. Ask him for how much time he has been doing it. most probably he has been doing it even before marriage, and he is addicted to it. That does not lessen the sin itself, but in modern time this disease is very common. And there are many people, muslims and non-muslims who want to get rid of this addiction. You may also ask for some good advice from from this group

    https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimNoFap/

    Many Muslims married and singles there best to leave this addiction. You can also get some useful advice from them, because they have been involved in those kind of things, so they may also give some useful advice for you problem. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Not all men watch porn! Make him choose you or porn. Try to spice up your sex life as well.

  10. 1. When you say: La ilaha illAllaah - wahdahu laa shareeka lahu - lahul-mulku wa lahul-hamdu - wa huwa 'ala kulli shay'in qadeer. [There is none worthy of worship except Allah alone. He has no partners. To Him belongs the Dominion, to Him belongs all praise and He is capable over all things] a hundred times a day.

    The evidence is what has been reported in the Saheeh of al Bukhaari and Muslim from Abu Hurayrah (ra) that Allaah's Messenger (saw) mentioned the above words and then said: "He will receive the reward of setting free ten slaves, a hundred good deeds will be written for him and a hundred bad deeds will be erased from him. It will be a sanctuary from Shaytaan for him on that day until he reaches the evening. No one will come with something better except one who increases beyond that".

    ENCOURAGE YOUR HUSBAND TO DO THIS. Shaytaan is clearly to blame for this. Things such as porn are made entirely by the devil to tempt the innocent.

    Also. If you want to 'help' someone. Don't spoil it by bickering about pointless stuff. This person is seeking helpful advice. Not strangers having a type war.

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