Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband has conceived a child with his mistress

LIpstick mark on shirt.

Am I wrong? My husband cheated on me with a woman & conceived a child and continued to cheat. He hasnt married her & he admits that she's not good wife material for him & that it wouldnt benefit me. She has made a sexy calendar & sent him sexy pics of herself to my husband.

She's very disrespectful.

Is my husband responsible for this woman? This is her second child from two different men. I have so much hate I'm trying to pray away. I feel so alone now. I'm by myself A LOT now and he can't support me emotionally or spiritually or mentally.

Help please.

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19 Responses »

  1. Haliyma, As-salamu alaykum,

    What your husband has done is a terrible betrayal. It must be very painful for you. Now it's time for you to make a choice. Your husband is clearly not an honorable man. His character is not good. You can stay with him, and try to persuade him to change. Or you can leave him.

    It's understandable to hate the mistress, but you have to face the fact that your husband was not forced. He made his own choices. He is responsible for his own sinful behavior.

    Personally, I would never stay with someone like this. If it were my home, I would pack his stuff and leave it on the doorstep. If it's his home, I'd pack my own bags and be out the next day.

    Wael Editor

  2. Simple, leave him, he isn't good for you, staying with him will emotionally destroy you.

    What he has done is a major sin, and he is likely to be trapped, a mistress doesn't simply own his body but his soul, and asks for commitment and worship, without which she would not entertain him. A man with a mistress is a slave to his desires. I could go on and on.

    He clearly isn't practising Islam,If you love him,..and you are a practising Muslim this is equivalent to marrying a non-Muslim, I am sure you love Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) more than your husband, and you care more about the hearafter, therefore if it is possible for you, leave him and remarry.

    If you cannot, ask him to leave her, and ask him the same questions above, does he love her more than Allah? and does he love this life more than the next?

    Also, play surah baqarah while he is around, she might have him under a spell(black magic), and see how he responds towards you and in general.

    personally I would advise you leave, because it will be extremely difficult if not impossible for you to separate him from his mistress.

  3. your husband is just as bad as that women
    he says that the women isn't very good wife material yet he cheats on you
    if i were you i would have left him by now he doesn't seem like very good husband material!!!

  4. You have a choice to leave him. Your husband has a disgusting and un-islamic behaviour. . .

  5. I often give detailed replies, but this is simple: divorce him.

    By the way, I'm not sure if he is under a spell, but he evidently was transformed into a jacka$$.

  6. He has given birth to a haraam child!!

    I would advice you to get away from him, that iiligitimate child is a burden upon your husband and his mistress, so leave them to deal with this great great burden in this world and the hereafter.

    Inshallaah leave him.

    • The child is not the burden or haraam. No child is a burden or haraam.

      Instead the 'sin' of zina is the burden and is haraam.

      SisterZ Editor

      • That's exactly what I was about to say i can't believe some brothers see children as a burden i mean we all came from our mothers womb!

    • @AAZ Since when does a man give birth?

      Brother, you're understanding of some aspects of Islam is devoid of compassion and mercy in many of your replies. You seem to have an affinity for subjugating women and children to viewpoints that the Holy Prophet never recommended. In the case of an adulteress, the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) never accused that woman of having a haraam child. Haraam actions in fornication, but not the child, itself.

      The idea that a child could be haraam is more akin to those religions in which they believe that children are born with sin, which is not an Islamic precept.

      • Abu Dawood in his Sunan 4/39 and by Ahmad in al-Musnad (2/311) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
        “The illegitimate child is the most evil of the three” meaning more evil than his parents. The scholars who classed this as hasan were Ibn-Al-Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah in al-Manaar al-Muneef (133) and Muhammad Al-Albaani in al-Silsilat al-Saheehah (672).

        ofcourse the child is free from the sin of his oppressive parents
        as mentioned in al-Haakim (4/100) with a strong isnaad related by mother of believers ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The illegitimate child does not bear any part of his parents’ burden of sin. ‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another’ [al-An’aam 6:164 – interpretation of the meaning].” (al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 2186)

        the scholars of tafseer [muffasereen] and of hadeeth [muhadditheen] have reconciled between these two ahadeeth by saying that


        the haram child does not have all the rights a halaal child would.

        • It's very important to understand the explanation given by the scholars. If you look at children born in the ghetto to young, single mothers, you will see that many of these children end up dropping out of high school, using or selling drugs, or joining gangs. So in that sense we can see the meaning of the hadith. However, the child is not inherently evil. Many children born out of wedlock will overcome their circumstances and go on to become community leaders, teachers, and even convert to Islam and become good Muslims.

          So I think you should refrain from quoting this hadith as I think many uneducated people will misunderstand it, or if you do quote it then make sure to put it in context. Otherwise people will misunderstand and think the child is evil by nature, and this is very dangerous, because people may then abort the child, or even commit infanticide.


          • I always always post the explaination of the mufassirs with it so no one misunderstands it, and i always post the second hadeeth prooving its innocence.

            It just prooves onething for sure, the concept of a haraam or illigitemate child or child of zina exists in islam.

            I dont why, but many muslims nowadays are ashamed of certain aspects in their religion.

          • This is exactly the problem. It does not at all prove the things you said. Certainly the concept of a child of zinaa exists. But find me anyplace in Quran or Sunnah where the phrase "haraam child" exists. The problem with using this phrase is that anything haram should be stopped or eliminated. So it suggests that the child should be eliminated. It is a dangerous phrase. I am not ashamed of any aspect of Islam - I am proud of this deen. However, I am worried about people who take Islamic ideas out of context and use them to abuse or harm others.


        • @AZZ

 know the rest of us have access to google, right?

          If you're going to do a copy&paste job, then include all of it and it's interpretation and dissection by the scholars, not what you decided to select. The context requires more than the layman's level of knowledge and ability to classify it within its' boundaries.

          What Muslims are ashamed of are others who only seek to bolster their argument while not understanding everything within context.

          There are some ahaadeeth that condemn the illegitimate child, but most of these ahaadeeth are da’eef (weak) and are not saheeh (sound). It was narrated by Abu Dawood in his Sunan (4/39) and by Ahmad in al-Musnad (2/311) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophets (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The illegitimate child is the most evil of the three” meaning more evil than his parents. Among the scholars who classed this as hasan were Ibn al-Qayyim in al-Manaar al-Muneef (133) and al-Albaani in al-Silsilat al-Saheehah (672).

          The scholars interpreted this hadeeth in a number of ways, the most famous of which was that suggested by Sufyaan al-Thawri, who said: it means he is the most evil of the three if he does the same action as his parents did (i.e., zina or adultery).

          This was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah, who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is the most evil of the three if he does the same action as his parents did – meaning the illegitimate child.” Although its isnaad is da’eef, it was interpreted in this manner by the salaf, as stated above.

          This interpretation is supported by the report narrated by al-Haakim (4/100) – with an isnaad of which al-Albaani said, “It may be regarded as hasan” – from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The illegitimate child does not bear any part of his parents’ burden of sin. ‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another’ [al-An’aam 6:164 – interpretation of the meaning].” (al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 2186)

          Some scholars said that this hadeeth is to be interpreted as meaning that there is some evil in most illegitimate children because they are created from an evil nutfah (sperm drop), and usually nothing good is created from an evil nutfah. If a good soul comes out of this nutfah then it will enter Paradise. This hadeeth is to be taken as a general rule to which there may be exceptions. (See al-Manaar al-Muneef, 133).

          Hence Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “If an illegitimate child believes and does righteous deeds, he will enter Paradise, otherwise he will be punished for his deeds just like anyone else. The punishment is for the deeds, not for the lineage.
          Rather the illegitimate child is condemned because he is expected to do evil deeds, as often happens. By the same token, good lineages are regarded as praiseworthy because such people are expected to do good deeds. But when a person does a deed, then the reward or punishment is based on that, and the most noble of people before Allaah are those who are most pious. (al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 5/83).

          It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah: “If an illegitimate child dies in Islam (as a Muslim), he will enter Paradise, and his being illegitimate does not have any effect on that, because that was not due to his own actions, rather it was the action of someone else. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

          ‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another’

          [al-An’aam 6:164]

          And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

          ‘Every person is a pledge for that which he has earned’

          [al-Toor 52:21]

          And there are other similar verses.

          With regard to the words narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), ‘No illegitimate child will enter Paradise,’ this hadeeth is not saheeh. It was mentioned by al-Haafiz Ibn Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat, but it is one of the ahaadeeth that were fabricated against the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). And Allaah is the Source of strength.”

          With regard to the ruling on marrying one who is illegitimate, none of the reputable fuqaha’ have stated that this is haraam. However there was some difference of opinion among the Hanbalis as to whether such a person is compatible with a woman of good lineage. Some of them said that he is compatible with her, and othesr did not agree with that because that will be a source of shame for the woman, because he will be her guardian, and that would also affect her child. (See al-Mughni, 7/28).

          (al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 34/282).

          Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a man who married his daughter to a person who was apparently illegitimate – what was the ruling on that? He answered as follows:

          “If he is Muslim, then the marriage is sound, because the sin of his mother and the one who committed zina with her does not rest on him. Allaah says ‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another’ [al-An’aam 6:164 – interpretation of the meaning]. And there is no shame on him because of their action, if he adheres steadfastly to the religion of Allaah and develops good characteristics, because Allaah says

          ‘O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah is All-Knowing, All-Aware’

          [al-Hujuraat 49:13]

          And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, when he was asked who is the most noble of people, ‘Those who are most pious.’ And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If a person’s actions make him less worthy than others, his lineage will not make him more worthy.’”

          From Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/166.

          And Allaah knows best.

          Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

          • Professor X, Jazak Allah khayr for posting this detailed information.


          • There is no way that the first hadeeth is weak, because it is mutawaatir, it has different chains of narration, and everytime another chain is found, it raises its authenticity.

            it is found in the musannaf of 'Abd al-Razzaq ibn abi Khuzaymah, from Ibn 'Abbas [may A l l a a h be pleased with him]
            "“He is the best of the three parties.”

            It is found in al-Haakim by Abi Hurairah.

            It is found in Abi Dawud by Abi Hurairah.

            It is found in Ahmad By Abi Huhairah.

            Some these ahadeeth are defective, but they support eachother, making the matn a strong one.

            As for the interperatation of the hadeeth, there are many explanations on that.
            No one here has said being a child of zina is a sub human, or he is condemned to the hell fire.
            But onething which is for sure, is that the label of being an ibnu zina, will stick with him for the rest of his life.

        • This is the most ridiculous statement I have read in recent times. Of course, more ridiculous and damaging than the similar statements from so-called scholars stating women are property, debates about education of women, encouraging women to stay with drug users or alcohol drinkers. An infant is pure. It does not matter who his or her parents are. A newborn born to an unmarried woman bought into a family that loves and cherishes him or her, raises her or him up in Islamic in a household of acceptance, love and intelligence will more than likely grow up to become a responsible adult, a loving parent and devoted spouse, a good human being. There are countless men and women who are horrible people, evil, unkind, doing illegal things who are born into the best families where their parents were the best of people. I would rather my son or daughter marry a kind, devout "zina" child than an arrogant, racist, sexist, prideful, hypocritcal non-praying. person whose parents were married. The so-called titled is antiquated in this modern world, where a child can grow up and with proper training, do wonderful things and no one would care who his parents are. Please enter the 21st century.

  7. Sisterzii, Miah, ProfX

    I cant keep on comming back to the subject of the concept of "illigitemate" "haram" child.
    there's another post you can look at.

    But onething which is for sure, is that A l l a a h punishes fornicators using their illegal children.

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