Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am born muslim, my husband converted just for marriage

I have realised, marriage is not just about Love. I should have chosen the Love of Allah first.


I am a 30 yrs old female born muslim, recently married to a catholic guy. We met here in Saudi Arabia as we both working here. I practiced islamic way but not perfectly but atleast by following it, likewise performing umrah all the time Alhamdulillah. Now during our meetings I met my husband as a good guy. We both fell in love each other and got pregnant, and such so we got married in our country. My Parents no doubt that they agreed, my mom is converted but my father is a muslim, even family of my husband agreed, but I condemned my parents to be strict that should tell my husband to study islam but instead they told that it depends to your husband on what he wants.

In our country, in our clan, my friends have a common interfaith marriages but their husband was very good muslim after converting. I never thought this would be hard for me as ever and burden carry it in my heart. We came back in Saudi Arabia to resume our work, before I got delivery I told him we will go mecca. He said,"ok"but when he told to his elderly sister about it, her sister threatened him "if you will go you can't come in our home" and now he changes his decision. I cried and I told him information as a whole about islam and in mecca itself, we only argued about the religion.

After my delivery of our first child "my son" it is a bundle joy for us, my husband is responsible for everything and a nice guy with a good deeds, never drinks alcoholic and never even eats swine, as I told him not to do so he agreed that whatever i want to do to my son, its up to me, even done the Aqiqah for my son. And during my salah i kept dua that he would accept muslim by heart, after Salah, I am thinking so hard, I cried up looking to my son that when he grew he might be confused if I still keep it like this.

Currently I planned to go to Masjid Alharam in mecca for umrah with my baby but my husband refused to go. How can I perform if we don't have a mahram? Astagfirullah this is now my burden and now I told him if you don't want to go at least study Islam before we go, still he refused but he said it will take it slowly, but how it will take it slowly when he himself even refused to read to watch videos about islam. How will I teach him if he doesn't want atleast an interest?

He will sleep if I let him listen, he wonder why I cried to much because of this? He is so ignorant, I am not happy at all. Now I realized love isn't the only happiness but to accept my religion and if he loves me he seeks God through me. I know somebody that could teach him better than me, the dawaa group in here but still refuses.

2nd thing, is when we go home for vacation we go to his family as they want to see my child, but they served swine to their meal. I am alarmed now for my future son and children. I want to save him from hell fire hereafter and realized how islam is. He is still the father of my son but if it still can save it i will save it but if happens to be difficult I'll chose God than him. He has his long friend who is a muslim and a saudi but he tried also to convinced but not enough because of language barrier.

I am upset also to his friend, because he told me to take it slowly but when can we know when we die? Anytime! So my convinction: it is just for me as a wife to have an ultimatum for my husband? That I won't stay to their family with my baby when we got home in our country until he will have interest and study to dawaa center? Is this the right thing to do?

I am very sad. I am not happy at all, this is not right but anyone can help me and suggestions?

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13 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    You say your husband converted, but I guess what I missed in the body of your post is what exactly he did to convert. Did he say shahadah, and then since that time all he's done is live life like he would have before? When you say that "my salah i kept dua that he would accept muslim by heart", are you implying that his conversion was not sincere? Sister, as far as I know, a sincere conversion is the ONLY type of conversion. Someone who is not converting with sincerity isn't really converting at all, and it seems that is possible since there's not much "proof" that he was sincere based on his actions or interest in Islam since then. If he in fact did not convert, then your entire marriage is invalid and thinking about whether you should remain married is moot.

    If you believe he might have had an ounce of sincerity at conversion, then there's still hope. You need to ask him what made him convert. Was it only for you? ( I would seriously question if that could be counted as sincere or not, if that's the answer he gives you.) Or, were there actually some things about Islam that attracted him, and he's just having an immensely hard time moving his lifestyle in that direction?

    Right now you are making deductions and assessments of his state by what you observe. I'm not saying observations aren't worth anything, because actions do speak louder than words. However, for many converts becoming a "deeni" person doesn't happen automatically or easily. A lot of converts have to fight and fight with their nafs just to adopt the smallest of changes in habit. So because that can be the case with him, it is better you talk to him and try to get a better understanding of what is going on in his mind and heart. If your best attempts to have a meaningful conversation fail and it seems he doesn't want to talk about it or gives vague answers, it may be that he is not wholeheartedly trying to be Muslim, although he may still trying to be a good husband.

    If it turns out like that, be clear with him. Tell him that the marriage is only valid if he is sincere about this for his own sake and not yours. Tell him that you cannot continue in a situation where you don't even know the status of your own marriage and could possibly be living in zina, and that you need him to give you a straight answer about where he truly stands with Islam. If he claims to be Muslim, you have to take him at his word and try to have sabr with the process of him getting his life aligned with Islam. If he cannot affirm that, then I would err on the side of caution and go ahead and assume the marriage is invalid, and remove yourself from the home or have him leave.

    -Amy Editor

    • Amy, I read the sister's post twice and I don't see where she said that her husband converted to Islam. As far as I can tell, the husband is Catholic and never converted.

      Sister yumihayaam, if I understand your post correctly and your husband is not Muslim, then your marriage is invalid and you are committing a sin every day that you sleep under the same roof with him. It is absolutely forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man, for all the reasons you are experiencing.

      Marriage to a non-Muslim will not allow you to fulfill the duties of your religion properly. It will create problems in raising the children and lead to inevitable conflicts.

      Your duty as a Muslim is to immediately move out of the house, or ask your "husband" to leave. I put that in quotations because in fact he is not your husband. He is only the father of your child.

      If he agrees to convert to Islam, you must have a proper Islamic nikah (marriage) before he can be considered your husband.

      If I somehow misread your post and your husband is actually Muslim, then you can ignore what I have written.

      Wael Editor

      • Agreed Wael, I detected the same thing...I think the idea came from the title of the post itself. Perhaps that may need to be adjusted if it is in fact inaccurate.

        -Amy Editor

      • Isnt the title said that her husband converted? Or is it the editors who made it up?

        Didn't she said,
        "In our country, in our clan, my friends have a common interfaith marriages but their husband was very good muslim after converting."

        So I think she means that her husband converted.

        Please do not be so harsh on this sister and other sisters with the same problem. It's not that easy, and sometimes, being too straightforward might not be the best approach to invite people to know more about Islam, especially a new muslim husband.

    • Salam. I have similar problem. Is there contact or email that I can sent text to discuss about this? Thank you so much

  2. Salaam,
    I m 20 yrs old muslim girl. I m in love with a hindu boy n want to marry him but my parents are not in my favour, they say it's not possible for them to send their daughter in a hindu family. But my partner says, he is ready to change his religion, actually i ran through his mails few months back and i saw he has joined some sites like, i love and others related to islam. He once told me that he has this special kind of attraction towards islam since childhood and now he has no problem in changing his religion. But i fear, if he changes his mind in future. He says, he so in love with me that he'll never change and i've faith in him too but some where my heart is scared. He promises me that he will offer namaaz and everything else. Please help me people, i am in a dire need of your suggestions.

    • Seher, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. In the meantime I'll give you a short answer: if this boy has always been so attracted to Islam, then why has he not converted before this? If he does it now, it will only be for marriage, which is not a sincere conversion. I agree with your parents, this is not a viable match for you.

      Wael Editor

  3. Okay well all you can do is keep pressuring him but do it in like little steps. You can start playing the recordings of the quran SOMETIMES in your own house. Like every Friday and if he asks why? Then say Friday is a special day.

    Read Namaz 5 times a day and quran. Become the almost perfect muslim yourself.
    Read the quran in translation first and then tell him about the things listed in it but like 1 story a week or something.

    I don't really understand, did you guys have pre-martial sex?

    • Summiya, we Muslims do not ask questions like that. We should never ask someone to expose their sins, or make an assumption or guess that they have sinned.

      Wael Editor

  4. Leave ur nonmuslim husband & pray to allah for someone better

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