Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband did not mean divorce but said so in a fit of rage. Am I divorced now?

domestic violence

Assalamu Alaikum,

I have an issue that needs to be answered thoroughly as it does include many details. I understand the issues of divorce in Islam quite clearly and do know the consequences of them.

I have been married to my husband for two years now, whom I respect, love and admire dearly. Our marriage has been a complete rollercoaster because of family members from my side, but regardless, we have both stuck together and will not give up on neither our marriage nor our love and devotion for one another.

Recently, we got into a heated argument, and I will admit that I did things to provoke him throughout the argument. When I did and said things to provoke him, my intentions were never divorce, I just am a bit hardheaded and do not give in easily. Anyway, he told me IF I gave him our Visa debit card, and IF he doesn't go book a ticket (to leave) after I give him the debit card, then I am divorced.

Once, I did give him the Visa debit card, he did try to withdraw money, there was no money in the Visa and he did NOT book a ticket. He has been in a daze since this happened and wants to know if I am considered divorce. He did not intend divorce, he was angry and said things in a state of rage that he does not even remember. He keeps asking me to repeat what he said so he can have a recollection and interpret whether I am divorced or not (although thats not what we want). Please advice.

Also, throughout our argument, he swore oath not to use our online brokerage account. He said that I would be haram on him like the account would be haram on him if he uses it. Again, he did not mean divorce, he was in a state of rage and did not want to use the account at the time being. He has not used the account since. I have searched online and have come to the conclusion that he can give a kafaarah, if he breaks the oath, and I would not be considered divorce. Could he go back to using the account, give a kafaarah for breaking the oath, and I would not be considered divorce? Please advice. Thank you!


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2 Responses »

  1. Walaykumsalaam Nhamad,

    It seems as though you both need anger management therapy and also to learn to respect one another.

    Regarding the divorce issue, please consult with a qualified Mufti/Imam. We are not qualified to answer fiqh related questions pertaining to marriage and divorce.

    SisterZ Editor

  2. And also regarding the oath your husband took, Allah said in the koran '''ALLAH WILL NOT PUNISH YOU FOR WHAT IS UNINTENTIONAL IN YOUR OATH, BUT HE WILL PUNISH YOU FOR YOUR DELIBRATE OATHS; FOR IT'S EXPIATION FEED TEN MASAKIN (needy persons), ON THE SCALE OF THE AVERAGE OF THAT WITH WHICH YOU FEED YOUR OWN FAMILIES, OR CLOTHE THEM OR MANUMIT A SLAVE. BUT WHOSOEVER CANNOT AFFORD (that), THEN HE SHOULD FAST FOR THREE DAYS. THAT IS THE EXPIATION FOR THE OATHS WHEN YOU HAVE SWORN. AND PROTECT YOUR OATHS (ie dont swear too much). THUS ALLAH MAKE CLEAR TO YOU HIS AYAT (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) THAT YOU MAY BE GRATEFUL....., And regarding your marriage, i dont think you are divorced because he did'nt say it intentionally and he did'nt mean to divorce you, and Allah judge someone according to his intention... What i know about divorce is that the person must say it willingly and intentionally,. However you should ask ulemas or shieks that are qualified in this aspect.. Allah knows best... And more over, the talaq (divorce) must happen three consecutive times before you would be haraam for each other, but if it is once or twice, you still have chance of been together.. In this case, you have to stay for 3 months under his roof (ie together) until your iddah (waiting period) is over. Keeping in mind that there would be no relationship btw both of you.. And if he dicide to workout the marriage before or after the iddah is over, thats fine he just has to call off the divorce., and if not, immediately your iddah is over, you must part your ways and you can look for another husband..

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