Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to divorce to be a second wife to this other man but my husband has refused. Please help

And if you be apprehensive that you will not be able to do justice to the orphans, you may marry two or three or four women whom you choose. But if you apprehend that you might not be able to do justice to them, then marry only one wife, or marry those who have fallen in your possession. (Maududi, The Meaning of the Qur’an, vol. 1, p. 305)

And if you be apprehensive that you will not be able to do justice to the orphans, you may marry two or three or four women whom you choose. But if you apprehend that you might not be able to do justice to them, then marry only one wife, or marry those who have fallen in your possession. (Maududi, The Meaning of the Qur’an, vol. 1, p. 305)

I am 28 year old female, get married 5 years before and having 2year old daughter. From very initial days my husband is suffering from weak erection and premature ejaculation and for me thing are getting very difficult to handle. I became short tempered and patient of depration. Few months before i got sexually involved with a married man having 2 kids. I confess my guilt before my husband and asked him to divorce me so that i get married with that person as he is intrusted in marriage but my husband is not giving me divorce. Plz help me out n give me suggestion that what can i do? I am very upset and want to commit suicide as thing are not getting right both of them claim to be in love with me and i want to live a normal life.

plz help me,


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38 Responses »

  1. So let me get this straight, you are the mother of 2 children from your husband, living a good marital life except the sexual part and you want to leave this person for some one who is already married just because he sexually satisfies you better?

    Firstly, you committed adultery, im sure you know you have to repent and you should also realize that you will always be treated as a second wife, which means inferior to the first one.

    Also sexuality lasts for a very limited time and depends on being emotionally happy aswell. You also have to consider how your own children would re act to all of this, the permanent effect this will have on them and not just about what you want in life.

    And Allah knows best.

  2. Have you thought about how that guy's wife will feel? Please save ur own marriage rather than destroy 2 households.
    Ur husband sounds like a nice guy, he has forgiven u for adultery and still says he loves you. How can u be so selfish?

  3. Assalamu allykum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh;
    Dear sister,to add with the two posts above, i would say you are lucky to have a great husband like him instead of giving you a divorce(which it would have shown you how angry he is) he refused and still loves you(i think many would want a husband like him).
    Forget about the married man,am sure you wouldnt be treated the way your husband would treats you.
    You said you learn to be short tempered and patient from your husband,it seems you are not showing the patience you said you had,please and please forget the married man,continue your life with your husband,what of your kids (be a good mother if not it will break there heart).
    You know if you divorce your husband,the married man might not marry you because it shows you would leave him for another.
    I hope you understand.
    You sister aisha

  4. Salaams,

    Sister, I don't think anyone is going to advise you on how to leave your marriage to become the other brother's second wife. Your desire to do so is a shallow, nafsani deception. Do you really think a man who may perform well sexually, but who is clearly unfaithful to his own first wife, is going to make a better husband for you than your loyal husband, who only has issues with premature ejaculation?

    Infertility is grounds for divorce, but sexual dysfunction that can easily be treated with therapy and other methods is not. Your husband has every right to retain you as a wife, and believe me it takes a lot of fortitude for a man to want to do so after knowing how you've betrayed him.

    The solution to your emotional suffering is not to give your nafs whatever it likes. The solution is to do this right thing, which in this case is to cease all contact with the man you sinned with, repent, and work on strengthening your marriage with your husband of 5 years. If you are finding yourself getting frustrated with him, then you two should see a marital counselor together while he is getting medical treatment for his sexual dysfunction. That is the true and vituous path to the "normal life" you are seeking.

    Following sin and temptation to wherever it takes you, while believing your nafs will somehow be satisfied with it, will never lead to anything but a dysfunctional, unhealthy, and abnormal life.

    -Amy Editor

    • i read of a woman who want to the prophet and wanted a divorce bcos she simply didnt want to be with her husband and she was given a divorce. No one no matter how trivial if they dont want to be with someone they should never be forced to.

      • Assalam'alaykum,

        know that divorce must be done with a valid and strong reason. It shouldn't be done simply.

        "If any woman asks her husband for divorce without any strong reason, the odour of Paradise will be forbidden for her" (Ahmad , Abu Dawood and al-Tirmizi)

        Divorce needs a valid and strong reason. If not, then the whole world would start divorcing and the rate would be extremely extremely high by now but good that many people are aware that divorce is allowed but hated and so they remain patient. Allah has encouraged couples on the verge of divorce to seek counselling by calling in members of the family etc, Allah has encouraged that the divorced couple to re-concile if possible etc, this shows that divorce is indeed the very last option. It must not be done just because other man is better or other man is wealthier or other man is handsome or for fun or etc.

        If what you say is 'true' and logical, i.e, If divorce done simply because the woman doesn't like to be with her husband , then it is possible that she may do it over and over again untill she is trully satisfied with her choice. So doesn't it sound like she is a bad woman or a s*** ? What if others follow this rule ? What would happen to the ummah ? It doesn't make sense now does it ? Therefore, for those who wish to marry has to have a commitment to be with their spouse forever and it must not be a trial ground. Divorcing must be done with a valid reason for man and woman. ( Im not at all talking about the OP though it may sound like)

        Anyways, regarding the hadith you've clued, I believe its this you're reffering to-

        Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The wife of Thabit bin Qais came to Allah's Apostle and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I do not blame Thabit for any defects in his character or his religion, but I cannot endure to live with him." On that Allah's Apostle said, "Will you return his garden to him?" She said, "Yes." (Book #63 , Hadith #197 )

        She (Habibah) was the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shimmas. The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) came out one morning and found Habibah by his door. The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Who is this? She replied: I am Habibah, daughter of Sahl. He asked: What is your case? She replied: I and Thabit ibn Qays, referring to her husband, cannot live together. When Thabit ibn Qays came, the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said to him: This is Habibah, daughter of Sahl, and she has mentioned (about you) what Allah wished to mention. Habibah said: Apostle of Allah, all that he gave me is with me. The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said to Thabit ibn Qays: Take it from her. So he took it from her, and she lived among her people (relatives). (Book #12 , Hadith #2219 )

        Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: Habibah daughter of Sahl was the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shimmas, He beat her and broke some of her part. So she came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) after morning, and complained to him against her husband. The Prophet (peace be upon him) called on Thabit ibn Qays and said (to him): Take a part of her property and separate yourself from her. He asked: Is that right, Apostle of Allah? He said: Yes. He said: I have given her two gardens of mine as a dower, and they are already in her possession. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Take them and separate yourself from her. (Book #12 , Hadith #2220 )

        ( Sahih Bukhari, Sunan Abu Dawood and Malik Muwatta )

        Therefore, there seems to be a valid reason for this divorce.

        And Allah knows best.

        • OK you have your opinion and me mine and that won't change Allah swt doesn't want any woman to be miserable for her life and to fear punishment. Sorry that explanation isn't logical its actually hilarious so people should stay in marriages in which they are miserable? Brother get your head out the clouds

      • You r right. I have heard about that incident too. What amazes me the most is the fact that when men r stuck with sick, weak or sexually disinterested women, they make a huge deal out of it and they get all the support from every direction to help them with the second marriage or a divorce irrespective of the fact whether they have children or not..but if a woman opens her mouth even in front of her mom then she is asking for too much. "Divorce? Just because ur husband cant have sex or cant make u happy. So what if E.D? He loves u?". Wow ! First of all how do ppl guess that he loves her? I know about women who cry coz they r stuck with men who have such a huge ego they wont even c a sexologist. They r in and out of the bed in seconds. I mean it. Within seconds. And God save the woman if she is some1 with a heavy appetite for it. This is how the zina comes into the picture. When masturbation is also not an option u have to pack ur bags if ur husband is self centered and u cant wait for heaven. There is NO excuse for zina. JUST QUIT!!

  5. This is appalling! Are you in your senses! To base your life on sexual gratification is outrageously bad.

    No point asking you whether you have any concerns for your child with your evil behaviour and carnal desires being the only thing on your mind. What destruction you have caused.

    You thought about suicide you say? Are we supposed to feel sorry for you? Are you not the least bit ashamed?

    There are people in genuine need of counselling and advice out there but all you want to do is fulfil your animal lust and have that desire sanctioned.

  6. you dont seem bothered by the fact that you committed Zina :/ which is a major sin. Your lucky to have such a forgiving husband. I think you should try to work things out with your husband.

  7. As Salamu Alaykum Sister,

    I pray allahs mercy & forgiveness on you both. You for engaging in adultry with this brother which might cause fitnah, and to the brother for not only disrespecting his muslim brother but for also allowing shaytan to move upon him in the manner of even noticing another brothers wife. I believe that had you tried to work it out with your husband through counseling/communication the two of you could have possibly come to a solution to fix the problem in your relationship. You and this brother have truly crossed the line. Should your husband find it in his heart to forgive you, I think it best that you sit and think about how you are destroying your family for physical gratification. Sister, the normal life is working on problems when they arise, not running for a temporary fix just to please yourself..... Kuda Hafiz

  8. We are not here to juge you, only Allah can. I know when your feeling low and unhappy you are vunrable, people can see this and use this to there advantage, this man has clearly taken advantage of you and your suituation, just beacuse your unhappy you are willing to put this on another inocent woman, imagine how you would feel if what your doing with a married man happened to you. Be a mother to your daughter, girls learn from there mothers examples would you want this life that you are living for her? How would you feel if another woman started messing around with your daughter's husband?
    Now I am going to give you something to think about,sorry if this is harsh!
    Sex is not everything when your in your 60's and can no longer perform, would you not want to share your life with a man that loves you, respects you even after what you have done? Would you not want to do all those little things that mean more than anything in the world at that time of life, being with someone that knows you so well they can finish your sentience off for you? Just having someone that truly loves you and wants to take care of you! Being there for your children together helping them through this confusing life.
    I hope you do what's best for you and your family.

  9. You obviously have not thought this through, and if you have then I feel very, very sorry for your children and your current husband.

  10. Sister please repent for your sins and do not return to your desires it will only lead to a huge fitnah.

    If you love your Husband and want to remain with him then you need to cover your sins and discuss his conditions with medical experts. However, you both need to start being honest with each other and communicate your true feelings so you can begin to feel open enough to try different way to achieve sexual gratification.

    Visit they are a Muslim company a may be able to provide some adivce and products for you and your spouse that can offer solutions for you both. They have a number and email address on the page so contact them.

    Also be careful about your actions that allowed you to become close to that strange man who you fell in love with. He would hate it if any man touched his current wife but he took advantage of your situation and indeed shaitian is an enemy.

    Finally Sister you have to increase your self-esteem you should want better for yourself then to be an adultress women striving to marry an adultrous man do you really want to stand before Allah with this label?
    Have you reviewed the punishment of the adulterer in the hell fire? Seek Allah's forgiveness, cover your faults, and do not return to the sin and strive for Jannah.

  11. Wow comments are rather harsh...this lady has stated she has suicidal thoughts...the last thing she needs is you people commenting harsh stuff at her...anyway sister my advice to you is: you need to think about your husband..the lovely stuff around you both...your child...your past memories with your husband... Apart from the bedroom problems there's more to life. There's men who can't have children your very lucky your husband gave you a child...after thinking about the good memories with your husband then put yourself in your husbands shoes...and think imagine if you had a slight problem and your husband cheated on you...not nice right? What goes around comes around... I'm nobody to judge maybe the other guy has some good qualities other then being good at bed...but remember if he can break his wifes heart the mother of his children then why can't he do it with you? Anway sister do istakahara and allah will guide you to the right path

    • @realistic............... thanks for being polite atleast. my family is also abusing me because of my desire of second marrige because like all of you they think that my husband is a very nice person but i dont know how can i explain it to you people his behaviour as a husband toward me. he ignores the sexual part as it dosent exists and behave so normal, warm and romantic infront of others................ 'slight problem' is not a true defination of what i am sufreing. i feel so lonley.......

      • as salam o alaykum sister

        I hope things are well at your end.
        I am really sorry for what you have been through five years.My advice to you is to repent for what you did and stop contacting that man.
        Allah is most forgiving.
        and about getting married to that man, Think from the perspective of his first wife.How hurt she will be if she comes to know this and if you marry her husband and think about that man he has deceived his wife.He can deceive you as well in future.You will never be able to trust will always be afraid of him getting involved with other woman.
        similarly he will never trust you and respect you as well.since you betrayed your husband and he will think that if she can leave her husband for me then she can leave me for any other man.
        Also think of your daughter.when she grows and that man's first wife or kids from first wife tell her that your mother had affair with this man whilst married and she left your father for that man.This will be too difficult for you to make her understand your problems.
        You are justified for your need of intimacy.You don't need to stay in a marriage which does not fulfil your needs.
        I think the best solution for your problem is that you seek divorce from your husband and then ask your parents or friends to find a suitable spouse for you.
        Dont marry that man.Sleeping in bed and living life are too different things.

  12. Good advice realistic

  13. i have comitted sin and i am very upset for that i always ask my husband to forgive me and pray from ALLAH. my husband remained on medication from last 5 years alomost but nothing worked out. he is very kind and nice person but as a husband he come to me after months.... and that were mostly un sucessfull attempts. even after secrifising 5 years with a hope that he would be better still i m selfish?

  14. Sister best thing to do is to talk to a imam or a scholar about your issue...if you don't feel comfortable discussing this issue face to face with them then go onto this website (just type it into google and it will come up) tell them about your issue and ask them for what are your rights in islam as a wife regarding this issue you have between your husband...the response you will get will not be opinions but pure islamic advice..all advice is provided by scholars on that website

    and in terms of the other guy do istakahara as that is the best guidance you will ever get in terms of wanting to marry him...

    another thing I'm not 100% sure but I have heard that in islam if your spouse doesn't fulfil your desires then you do have a valid reason for a sister don't let your family abuse you..and don't feel upset because your not in the wrong...just like every men women too have desires that need to be fulfill...lifes to short...none of us know how you feel and how your relationship is with your husband...your the one who has to wake up everyday with him and if your not happy then make a change...anyway best of luck and my prayers are with you.

    • Salaams,

      I was just curious, do you know anything about that website you offered?

      In case you didn't, I think it would be good to clarify that that site is affiliated with a particular shaykh of Naqshbandi tariqah. I personally am well-acquainted with the site, and that being the case I think it may not be the comprehensive source of information that many are seeking. A most objective response from that site will be given according to Hanafi madhab, but of course not everyone follows that. A more subjective response will be given as spiritual advice from Shakyh Hisham Kabbani or one of his representatives, and some folks may have varying opinions about him or not value his view on things to want that type of feedback.

      I just thought it would be good for others to know this so they can make an informed decision as to whether that site contains what they truly are seeking or not.

      -Amy Editor

  15. And another thing your post automatically makes people feel sorry for your husband...maybe that's why you got such negative you don't need peoples opinions because
    Most people haven't experienced what you have experienced..what you need is Islamic advice

  16. Salamunalaikum,

    I think you should have a heart to heart discussion with your current husband and explain to him what you are missing.
    Your husband doesnt have to do everything himself, he can sexually satisfy you by other means (i.e. if he has a low drive or does not get aroused.)
    It is your right as a wife to be provided adequately if your husband is able to.
    You have mentioned that he is a kind hearted person - hence i can assume that he will have a good open heart about this and will put in effort to fulfill your needs which in turn will make you happier more devoted and less deviant wife.
    I suggest you should ask him to seek advise from an expert on the matter so he can be involved in pleasing you without having to worry about his own performance.

    It really isnt a good enough reason to even consider something like divorce - you have a complete family, a good atmosphere to bring up good muslim children.
    You really need to cut off all contact with the other guy (COMPLETELY) and give a full on 100% shot to your husband to figure out ways to satisfy your urges. IT is really quite simple and there is nothing non islamic about it.

    I wish i could say more details on here but perhaps you can ask your husband to post a note here and i will be more explicit - but i am sure as grown up adults you understand what I mean here.

    From the information you have given - I would never advise divorce on these grounds at all.

    Please take 2 steps back - contemplate and do what is best for you in this life and the Aakhirah.

    Allah swt knows best.


  17. ASA alone..

    i am a nurse so i have seen what you are experiencing. Sexual dysfunction is not always treated with therapy especially if it is a neurological issue and not just psychological. Sexual dysfunction in this manner does result in infertility..Men marry 2nd wives all the time because of sexual insatisfaction with the first wife or infertility or sexual issues and they are always supported for their decision..when a woman does it.she is automatically negatively labeled.

    LOOK you were wrong for commiting adultery and to ALLAH swt alone you have to repent NOT to anyone here on this board.I am not here to judge you as we ALL make mistakes..Look outside of the sex..this man cheated on his first wife and he may do the same to you..If you want to divorce bcos you are unhappy with your current husband outside of the lust you feel for the second then so be it. It is your life.The prophet had a woman come to him that simply wanted to divorce her husband bcos she just didnt LIKE him..and she was given the divorce. Look outside of the sex..what is more important to you? if this man never appeared that you had an affair with..would you still want the divorce?

    i am a second wife and have been for over 2 years..i have four children and am pregnant with my fifth.Being a second wife isnt ez..however when you start off ON BAD you think this marriage would be blessed by ALLAH swt???? Come on.? My marriage started with my husbands first wife permission before he even proposed..and he gave me a nikah and walima and we didn thave contact until after marraige and he has been equal to me in all form but STILL there were bumps in the road..and yous tarted on an affair...?? Think outside of the emotions and with your mind...

  18. Dear sister ,

    Please repent and seek help from Allah .. Allah will surely guide you .

    May Allah forgive our sins and grant us paradise . Ameen.


  19. Do you read before commenting ? Are you trying to overlook facts ? Don't jump the gun. What 'illogical' explanation I gave ? All I said was, for person to consider divorce they need a valid reason, thats it, nothing more. Is it illogical ? Lol. What I find illogical is that, divoce can be done simply as you've hinted. Imagine if your husband divorced you simply, would you call that fair ? Imagine if you married a man and suddenly he divorce you because with no reason whatsoever, its islamically not right now is it ? Divorce needs strong ground. Period.

    so people should stay in marriages which they are miserable ?

    Did I say they should ? If yes, prove it.

    Nyways I just showed some more hadith relating to the incident you brought up about Thabit Bin Qays and his wife that their divorce is done more than just 'simply' lol.

  20. I understand from this woman's letter that even though he is a good husband, after five years of being sexually ungratified, it has led her to depression and sin.

    For people leaving horrible messages, this is not what islam is about. Allah forgives those who ask for forgiveness.

    Sister, I think you should talk to an islamic counselor if you can get a hold of one, and an imam. I don't think this forum is the place to go.

    You should seriously consider using other methods with your husband to gratify you, including 'toys'. Your husband is willing to keep you even after your transgression which shows how much he loves you. Try and work to keep this marriage, but if you feel that you can't, consult an imam about what steps you can take?

    • I really like how you have worded your answer. Unfortunately a lot of Muslims these days forget that Islam is a peaceful and forgiving faith. It's a shame so many Muslims are aggressively driven in wording their answers, and when many non-Muslims enter these forums to educate themselves about Islam, they are put off by the manner in which Muslims speak so negatively towards their own brothers and sisters, let alone members who are not a part of their faith. Lets not forget that none of us are in any position to judge anybody. Allah swt alone possesses the ability and right to do so. So I request everyone to please display sensitivity and patience when wording your advice. Jazaak'Allah Khair

  21. I thought that we are not allowed to imitate the kuffar. So isn't using sex toys immitating the kuffar? and also seeking different positions wearing provocative lingerie etc imitating the kuffar?

    I do not understand why people are judging the sister so wrongly for wanting to divorce in regards to no phisical relation. I thought divorce on these grounds are allowed since one of the main reasons of marriage is to enjoy a phisical relation in a halal way with your spouse and to save people from zina. This is the reason the sister has committed this sin in the first place. If she was gratified by her husband she would never have looked at another man!

    The sister has fallen into a bad situation and committed a grave sin. If I had a penny for every man I heard of leaving his wife for simple reasons such as not being attracted to wife or wife has turned fat or not enough pleasure etc etc I would be a millionaire now...

    So why do people think it is ok for a man to divorce his wife for no good reason but the wife is not allowed to divorce for her marital rights not being fullfilled?. I understand it is not the husbands fault but it is not the wifes fault either as Allah has given us these urges and given us marriage to fullfill them. The husband has forgiven the wife and wants to stay with her as he knows that any women he marries will have the same problem and leave him therefore he doesn't want to leave her.

    Woman by nature are more emotional, loving, caring and very patiently bare all trials and tribulations. I have never heard of any Muslim women divorce for 'simple' reasons.

    If a man was in this situation he could marry a second wife but a woman cannot have two husbands together, therefore she has to divorce him and remarry, there is no other way.

    Sister please consult with a good imam before making a decision and make sure you choose someone that will satisfy you emotionally too. You need to decide whether the man who commited the sins with you is a good person to spend the rest of your life with?

    • I agree! This sister should seek divorce because 5 years is a long time without having no physical intamacy from her husband. Its true men divorce women for simple reasons with the support of family and the wider society!

    • Sumaira ,

      Will you have sexual relationship with other man if your husband has erection problem ? The kind of thjing you are defending here .

  22. @Sumaira

    As salam alaikum Sister Thanks for your comment,

    I think your reply was regarding the website I suggested Awliya' Home Parties.

    They are a Muslim company and they do not sell haram products non permissible "sex toys" and no porn or nudity. I asked the owner myself. The company was started by a Muslim woman who worked in health care for years. She used to teach Islamic Studies in the masjid and assist with women's affairs.

    They do carry products like all natural erection pills, prolong sprays and creams and constrictive rings that will help a man keep an erection. Even some Doctors suggest these type products for ED patients and so have Islamic Scholars.

    The owner will tell you her business is about saving Muslim marriages. She consulted Imams, students of knowledge and scholars regarding her business and the products. She only has students of knowledge who consult with the major scholars to teach the companies consultants.
    When I read the sisters comment above It seemed to me that her husband really loves her but has a medical condition and she simply can't remain in a situation that her physical needs are not met. This is definately a grounds for divorce but if she loves him and that is the only problem he can get a lot of help for that.

    However with the other man she must make sure not to "run out of the pan into the fire".

    She must ask herself real questions like:

    Will Allah be pleased with both of them?
    Is she choosing a religious husband with good character?
    Will they have a relationship built on the fear and hope of Allah?
    Will she trust her husband if he has to travel or stay away for long periods of time?
    Will he be a person who will be concerned about her emotional well being?
    Is he a womanizer or openly intermingle with woman causing suspision?
    Does he have a history of lying?
    Would her wali approve of a married man who commits adultry on his wife?

    She must ask many question before deciding to marry a new man she does not know, so what about a man with whom she already knows the answer to these questions ?

    Or how about other questions like:

    Will she expose their secret to the first wife if she gets angry?
    Will he ever have an affair on her ?
    Will the exhusband expose her if she leaves for another man?
    Will she be ready to give her two year old daughter to the father when she gets remarried?
    If she keeps the daughter would she really want her daughter to be around a man who could not guard his private parts from illegal sexual acts when he had a wife? (That's the scariest question)

    How much respect did he show his first wife... and how much respect will he give her .

    So it comes down to it, the question is how much does she love herself and will she protect herself and her little girl from the possible harms. This is not judgment of her as an individual it is giving her some food for thought.

    She may not have to remain married to her current husband but she needs to make a very real choice this situation.

  23. Again, ridiculous for the sister to be condemned for seeking sexual gratification! It is absolutely her right to an satisfying sex life

    Incidentally this is a perfect case in point of what happens if sexual gratification is ignored for EITHER party, it leads to, or certainly opens the door to, Zina

    To the original questioner, my honest advice would be to try and sort sex life with ur own husband...get him to join a gym, maybe get testosterone therapy if he has libido issues, experiment with halal sexual toys with him, get I'm to see a doc re: his issues

    • I couldn't agree with you more,

      without a shadow of a doubt the sister committed a grave sin in adultery, and of course this must not be trivialized in any way shape or form,

      HOWEVER, everyone has the right to sexual gratification, and it seems this sister has suffered for a very long time in this regard, i wonder what advise members of the forum would give to a man in the same situation? a second wife perhaps........

      Dearest sister in Islam please please repent sincerely to Allah for the sin you have committed, it is a abominable sin sister, but Allah's mercy is greater then it, try your best to fight the evil whispering of shaytaan in taking your own life, that will lead you into the hell fire my sister and eternal misery.

      You know best, in regards to weather your needs have become so starved, you could possibly fall into the same sin again, if it is so, then sister divorce this man and remarry to save yourself from Allahs wrath, you do not need your husbands permission, nor will you be a 'cursed women' for divorcing your husband seeing as not being sexually satisfied, especially for the period you have advised, is more then a valid ground for a khula, you may petition for a divorce yourself.
      IF you feel you have the patience, and do not fear repeating said sin, work with your husband to see if there are any alternatives that could address his sexual inabilities and be plentiful in your dua, this would be better, like i said you know best sister.

      it is a very bad idea to think of marrying a man who you know to be a shameless adulterer, what kind of life do you consider such a man will give you?
      Do you think this man is the sort of role model you would want for your children? Sister you must think of them also.
      Do you think he is only cheating with you? sister it is naive to think that such a man, only stops at 1.
      if he loved you sister, he wouldn't of committed Zina with you, knowing full well, that you would be responsible before Allah for this most reprehensible sin, i'm certain he has told you he loves you, in order to continue with this affair, unfortunately men who don't fear Allah DO promise women their hearts and the world, until they have had their fill, and what then sister? you will have more problems in your life then those you have right now.

      sister break all ties with this man and turn back to your lord, he loves you, repent to him and he will forgive you, make dua to him and he will guide you.

      I love you for the sake of Allah sister, please fear him in whatever choice you make going forward.


  24. It may be difficult but the right way to do it is to apply for divorce. Almost every country has a law to let a woman seek divorce and circumstances are obvious. It takes some time, a few months to an year. Court may ask for a medical examination of the man. Once the court pronounces divorce, she is free to find another man, be that second person she slept with or someone else. Good luck!

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