Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband does not change his clothes or wash himself

unwanted houseguest, lazy man, too much tv

asalaamu alaykum have been asking for advice previously on this site which assisted me a lot so here I am back again.

well I met my husband a few years back. he was not really a person who would take care of appearance in terms of clothing, could care less if it's washed, clean clothes or steam to wear or clean shoes. so thought maybe cause he left home @a young age there was no one to advice or guide regarding cl.eaniness etc.

I then took it upon myself also as his wife to assist and do the laundry etc, try and advise now and then what to wear how and what occasion, of which he would accept and do but obviously knew he was just doing it to please or let me be quiet. the complaning about the way he looks as it created attention towards when we out shopping or so i would feel ashamed being seen with me as it's a reflection on me being a bad wife not taking care of her husband which is untrue. i always used to see people reaction based on my husband's don't care image. as see him bathing everyday but can wear same clothes for a week.

even in our neighbourhood I feel ashamed of everyone knowing he's my husband but they came to know when he was involved in an accident on a road not far from our house and one of the boys knew him came to notify us. he was in the hospital for a week which also the reflected on me as his wife - whispering and disgusted looks from the nurses. as i could see him for the first time after the car accident they gave me his bags of clothing which consists of three trousers, three t shirt, a jersey and jacket and six pair of socks, and oversize shoes which is all the clothes he worn on that day and most days wearing like that.

i was sad upset, embarrassed but waited for him to recover then speak to him about of which i could see effort in trying to take of himself in an image way but then it just goes back to carelessness after a day or two so now. i have given him an choice to change for the better in taking better care of himself or we split up. maybe the he'll realise something.

please give me advice how to deal  with this situation as i don't know which approach or action to take anymore. apologies for giving too much detail,  hoping for an Prompt reply jzk.


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3 Responses »

  1. My husband is the same way.. He's a mechanic and comes home covered in oil and black stuff... Our first few months of marriage I got fed up and told him I will not sleep in our bed together as long as he doesn't shower. He was angry at first but showered and I never had to ask him again.. I purchase his clothes and gave away / threw out the old and ugly ones. I also bring him to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face.. It's a lot of work to keep on him but slowly he has become more cleanly on his own. Try being gentle and brining him to do these things because its better for his health and as a Muslim. I even soak my husbands feet and clip his toe nails lol but I try to use these moments to show that I'm a caring wife.

  2. you care about your respect and image too much. what if your mother or father in dirty clothes walking with you being shown, would you feel the shame and guilt i hope so. your image is more important than loyalty in a relation. what kind of illogical thought that you want divorce just because he doesn't change his clothes. you csnt handle your husband. if you are a woman you can handle him. you can advise him but i think you hover over his head all day long giving him instructions and now he is used to it.
    miss, marriage is not fun and entertainment take it seriously. sometimes you have to compromise i know you are right in your demand. every one should be clean but do one thing whenever he goes to washroom for bath hang the new clothes there and tell him that you have hanged the clothes for him and they are cleaned and washed, the dirty clothes should be left on the washing machine or basket where you keep dirty clothes for washing.

  3. Sister there is nothing more appealing than the real life experience explained by sister aamina. Masha Allah sister, May Allah bless you and family. Prophet of Allah (s.a) said that A women died while her husband is fully satisfied with her company, will enter into Jannah. And jannah is not something easier sister.

    I opine post marriage, husband and women are 1 soul of 2 bodies. It wife who requires constant support from husband throughout life and vice versa. It should never be one way. I believe if a women is clean she can make her husband clean which depends on her approach. Let me tell you sister, MOST CONTENT IN THE WORLD IS THE ONE WHO HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE. One who believes finding pleasure other than what he has will never find the pleasure. Like wise in marriage, Your pleasure is in your husband, be him a dusty man or clean be him a poor or rich. I hope there is a joy sister aamina enjoyed in serving him with maximum gentleness and bringing him back to normal. Talk to him nicely, never threaten him like the way you said above. Go with him and be gentle while trying to convince him. Never give up and get angry becs of his negative response. Take swabr (patience) and make dua to Allah. And never mind too much of what people talk about you and family bcs history had its curse........

    When sayyidina Yousuf (a.s) got severe illness for 20 years. He had ulcer in entire body and stench coming out of ulcers had its impact on other people and they expelled him out. Meanwhile his wives left him except one who served him for all 20 years. Finally she got back her husband with much more glamour and young looking healthy personality.

    Pray for all of us sister. I am islamic knowledge student and i just drawn analogy based on what I learnt in dawa college, I really dont have any marital experience hence I am sorry if my words were kiddish for you.

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