Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband does not want contact with me or our daughter

Husband is going astray

My husband and I have a daughter, and it has been 3 years since our marriage. He is working in Saudi Arabia at the moment. Since day 1, he has not supported me or my daughter, he had promised me that he was saving money for me and would send it to me on Eid, I asked him for the money he had saved in the month of Ramadan. He created a big fight, and is not contacting me since then, I also found out that he had relations with other women on the internet. His behavior with me is very worse, uses abusive language at me randomly. After some time passed in our marriage he started creating fights over no reason, my in laws want him to support them, but not my child and I.

I need help with istakhara as far as how to perform the prayers. To find out his loyalty in this relationship or whether Allah will give him hidaya, or will he be the same all life. Do I have a chance that he will ever change? Or should I proceed with separation or divorce? He did not even care about the blessed month of ramadan, or if the eid is coming.

I stay in the USA and take care of my daughter since day 1. I want myself to seek guidance from Allah in this matter that if he comes to me to live in the USA, will he have honest intentions or will he divorce me after just taking advantage of the US visa?

He has threatened me in the past that he does not love me and the only reason he is with me is because of our daughter. Which I believe is not even true, I think its only the visa. Because it has been many days, he is not even missing his daughter, half of the Ramadan month has passed, he is not contacting, because then he knows I would ask for money. If he loved me or his daughter, then he would avoid the fights and bad language, even the bad acts on the internet with other women, this is basically zina.

Please tell me how to perform Istakhara I have never done it before, and tell me a strong dua, or tasbeeh that changes him or gives him hidayah, if I find out from Istakhara that his intentions are safe.

Sometimes, I think that Allah has given me only one life and I do not deserve his bad behavior and worse habits and absolutely no financial support at all, but then I rethink about my daughter having to live without a father. But how good of a father is he? If he cannot be there for her in her bad times, and cannot love her? Please help, and guide with any best suggestions. Waiting for a reply soon.

Thank you and JazakAllah

Hope you have had a good Ramadan and the best Eid 2015.


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4 Responses »

  1. OP: He has threatened me in the past that he does not love me and the only reason he is with me is because of our daughter. Which I believe is not even true, I think its only the visa

    Have you applied for a Visa for him? If yes, you need to call immigration and stop the process.

  2. Assalamualikum sister,

    Please DO NOT give him spousal visa. He is using you, you have clear signs that he is not interested in you or his daughter. You need to divorce him while you can now before u waste any more of your life on him.

    This abuse will get worse after he gets his visa. He will divorce you after he gets what he wants. Make lots of dua to Allah swt to give you someone better, give you all the goodness of this world and the thereafter. Have patience. Allah has better plans for you.

    Im suffering badly after 10years of marriage. So take this advice from someone who already went through this. I have 2young children boy 4years old and a daughter 7years old. He got his british passport and used my income to support himself. Now he got a good job, he left his marriage and his kids. Now he is building his new life getting married to someone from his own country and bringing her here in UK. So much injustice he did. He has no remorse, no conscience. I pray that Allah gives these men severe punishment in akhira. Don't be in my situation. Be wise.

  3. Dearest Queen2b,
    Istikahara is not going to give you an answer - it will give you the strength to make the decision that you feel is right for you. By praying Istikhara you will not receive a message from God about your husband's intentions.

    Your husband's actions have made it clear that he does not wish to be a husband and father to you and your daughter. People don't change. He has not taken his responsibilities to you seriously. If I were you, I would take steps to create a new life. You have given this marriage a chance. You have been a single parent, the only parent this little girl has known, so perhaps it is time to embrace it and devote your energies to her rather than to salvaging a lost marriage.

  4. Sister,

    If your husband tells you that he doesn't love you and is only with you for the sake of his daughter, who needs him? Reality is, he is neither a husband to you or a father to his child. He does not support you or his child financially or otherwise. If you are worried about your daughter, don't be. She will do just fine with a caring and loving mother in her corner.

    You are correct when you state that you have only one life to live. So why spend it the way you are? Putting your life and the life of your daughter on hold for a man who neither wants you or appreciates you? Move on.


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