Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I was pressured to marry my cousin but he does not love me

Aslam o Alaikum,

I 25 year old Muslim girl; doctor by profession. My father died in a road accident when I was only 1 year old. I have no brother & sister, since then I lived with my mother under custody of my grand parents. My mother is a teacher; she lived in a village with my grand parents.

My mother sent me to live with my maternal uncle & paternal uncle home in a nearby city for my studies. My aunty & uncle love me a lot; as I am grown up, they asked my mother for my proposal to marry their son who is 7 years elder then me but the boy dislikes me. He want to marry with our relative girl whom he loves; the boy gave certain conditions that I refused to marry him. Any way, my grandparents and uncles forced me & my mother alot so that we agreed and I got engaged with him but my fiance didn't show any response.

Many times he created such circumstances that I want to break this engagement but my uncles said that he will be OK after marriage. No one listened to me and we got married a few months ago; my husband and I live in a flat in a different city.

He didn't show his love & concern for me; he used to spend time in office, playing games & watching tv & with laptop. After two months I came to know that my husband is still in contact with that girl & my husband want to marry her. Even just before marriage they both went to my uncle and told him that they want to marry by any means via correct marriage or by nikah. I asked my husband about this he said that so what if I marry her; I asked him why he spoiled my life?

I don't understood what can I do now in this situation. No one is there to help me except God.

Please give me solution of my problem,

- honeysahar

Tagged as: , , , , , ,

6 Responses »

  1. I try to be pretty empathetic to people's problems, but what is this non sense that you felt pressured/forced? I felt pressured in college to go out and club, committ zina and drink, but I stood up because I believe in my faith and the values it teaches, among them there is no compulsion in your relationship to God let alone any other human being. This is ridiculous. Take control of your life and if you can communicate and contemplate this situation to strangers on the internet, do it in front of your parents and uncles. Marriage is not a joke, it is a LIFELONG committment. Ponder this last sentence.

  2. Hi sister hope you are fine.I am very sorry that you have married in this forced way.indeed the act of forced marriage is something that is not good not fruitful because its foundation is corrupt and whatever stands upon a corrupt foundation shall eventually falter and will not have a good ending. Aisha R.A reported that a girl come to her and said (my father married me to his brothers son in order to raise his social standing and i did not want this marriage (I was forced into it)Aisha R.A said to her sit here until the prophet s.a.w comes.the prophet s.a.w came and she told him about the girl the prophet s.a.w sent for her father then he gave the girl the choice of what to do she said (O messenger of Allah i have accepted what my father did but i wanted to prove something to other women)so forced marriage is not allowed and it will never have a happy ending.Allah the most high forbids the act of forced marriage.(O ye who believe ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will .nor should ye treat them with harshness that ye may take away part of the dower ye have give them except where they have been guilty of open lewdness on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity.if ye take dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. it is not fitting for a believer man or women WHEN A MATTER HAS BEEN DECIDED BY ALLAH AND HIS MESSENGER TO HAVE ANY OPTION ABOUT THEIR i suggest that seriously you have to discus this with your family if you see that your marriage can never continue with him then you have to divorce it is your right to choose what you want because a marriage without love can never continue and ask Allah to help u and choose for you a true husband that loves you.

  3. Dear Sister,

    I find it really sad when parents and relatives choose not to listen to their children when it is time to choose a life long partner. From reading your post, this man made it crystal clear to all that he wanted to marry a female relative yet it seems even his own parents chose not to listen to him. You said yourself that he would create situations so that you would end things with him. From the outside looking in, it seems he did what he could to discourage you in the hopes that you would not follow through with the marriage yet through the pressures of family on both sides, here both of you are...married and miserable.

    My heart goes out to each of you really. Marriage is supposed to be a union of two people who will share a life together, plan together, have a family and laugh and share memorable times throughout their lives. It appears that neither one of you wanted this marriage and that you both are very unhappy. This man deserves to be with the woman he wants to be with and you deserve to be with someone you want to be with and someone who wants to be with you in return. You each deserve happiness in your lives. My personal view on the matter is you should end things amicably as neither of you need to live a miserable life at the expense of your health, well being and overall...happiness.

    There need be no hate or ugliness from either of you...part in peace. Wish one another happiness and most of that neither of you share at the present time and from the sound of things...never will.

    May Allah bless you both...Salam

  4. I just don't understand why parents force their children to marry a particular person! Its in conflict with Islam and results in the destruction of two peoples lives, as well as distress for the family. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. You have recieved some good advice.It seems your husband did try to prevent this marriage from taking place because his heart was elsewhere, but I guess he should have been more adamant about it to prevent ruining both your lives. Whats done is done, I would suggest you openly talk to your husband about this and see if he is willingly able to give this marriage a try. If not, it probably is best to part ways for both your happiness and his. Allah swt is the best of planners. Make dua to Him and ask Him to make things easy for you, and give you peace.

Leave a Response