Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband doesn’t talk to me

woman worried about her husband's behaviour

Assalam O Alaikum,

I and my husband had our Nikkah done in March. I am still waiting for Rukhsati (wedding). Next day he left for his work in a foreign country. He used to call me on my mobile. He applied for spouse visa but was rejected; he applied several times after that but was refused every time. Now he says that he wants a wife who can live with him over there and can enjoy intimacy in halal way. He said that he can’t live a bechelor life as he comes home after 6 months; he told me that he is becoming desperate over there. We are having crazy fights because I said that he can do rukhsati at least but his response is that; for rukhsati he has to do Shadi (full wedding) and once Shadi (full wedding) is done, he won’t be able to leave me.....

Now he doesn’t talk to me as such which makes me sad. I want him but he says that if I get a spouse visa then it’s fine otherwise he won’t marry me.



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9 Responses »

  1. AA;

    It is a tough position to be in. Since there was no full marriage, then it is not a very bad situation still.

    Please be patient, ask him to try again, both of you and who ever you know pray with pure intention that ALLAH fix that issue. And isnallah things will work to the better no matter which way would that be.

    May ALLAH help you, bless you, and guide you to the correct path.


  2. I faced a similar situation with my husband who lives in the U.S and I am still waiting for my green card, but to cut the wait and our time apart, I applied for a tourist/visit visa and I am with him here now. Maybe you can do that as well. Which country is he in?

  3. Meer, first of all you need to understand that you are married. The nikah is the marriage. From an Islamic perspective, you are husband and wife, fully.

    The rukhsati, which is the "farewell" or leave-taking between the bride and her family, typically takes place at the end of the wedding reception. This is a cultural tradition, not a part of Islam. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, but it is not an Islamic requirement and it does not affect or enhance the legal status of your marriage in any way.

    So you both should stop worrying about the rukhsati, because the rukhsati is irrelevant. If your husband intends to leave you, he must divorce you properly, as you are already married.

    Here are some ideas:

    * Can your husband get a work visa in a different country, where it might be easier to get you a spouse visa?

    * Instead of a spouse visa can you try to get a job in the same country as your husband? And you can be together that way.

    * Can you possibly get a student visa to the country where your husband is?

    If none of these are possible, and if your husband is unwilling to return to your home country to live and work there, then I'm afraid that I do see his point of view. A marriage where you cannot be together is kind of pointless. But do try some of the solutions that I suggested, maybe you can find a way, Insha'Allah.

    Wael Editor

    • i talked to different people working in his office, they say that there is no visa issue based on eyes. ur husband is lying to u.the people i talked to say that people themselves and their wife have weak eyesight are living n working there.
      when i told this to my husband his response was Why would lie about it. now i don't know whom to believe. because if people are right but my husband deny it and willnot bring visa himself, if my husband is right then ultimately i will not get a visa
      what to do?

  4. as wael says it.i did try for different visa of work/ visit/ student and have asked some friends to sponsor my visa as my husband can't. then my husbands response is that what ever i do i can't get a visa n even a friend sponsor my visa i will not be able to live with him, as the company will not approve of it.

  5. now i am 100% sure he is lying.he told me he did this as he doesn't like my nature, he thinks my nature is like i want everything to be done my way,this he hate... what ever the case he should have told me right away and not lied to me.he has been doing this drama for past 7 months. now he said he will get me a visa.but now i am bit shy of this relationship. he says he is not interested still he will do the rukhsati.but i don't want this. i want true love and not compromise.and everyday i will live a doubtful life, he might lie to me again.and after rukhsati it might be difficult to go back. ilove him but i don't trust him. what should i do?

  6. now i have made up my mind. i am not marring him. imean i dont want to do the rukhsati

    • This is a man who wants visa to come and and live with you, there are very few marriages that work like this, usually all they want is a visa otherwise over 80% of marriages are such that you move into a new apartment or you move into where your husband is. You should be applying for a visa to live with him if my understanding is correct.

      VISAs are trouble and you can only blame those people who have sham weddings which make it all the more difficult for genuine people.

      • yes, he did all this thing just to get a marriage certificate and secure his job at the company.
        i don't know why did he do this drama. he could have got any girl from village and easily got a marriage certificate. why he wasted my 3 yrs?

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