Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband doesn´t work. Should I leave him?

prayer, dua

Allah is 'Al-Mujeeb' - The one who responds

Well my story is sort of long but here it  goes........I´ve been married to my husband for 7 years now,  I have 2 beatuiful healthy kids humdiallah. It all began when I wanted to get married to him but my parents didn´t want to accept due to the fact that my dad wanted me for my cousin overseas, therefore there was a lot of difficulties we had to face but we got through it and we got married.

After 2 months of marriage finding out I was pregnant, my husband started hanging out with the work crowd and so he went of the track completly to the fact he became abusive physically and emotionally and very controlling. Thank god for my family that they got me out of there so I left him but I still loved him even after all of the pain he put me through but it doesn´t end there........

We got back together after about a year I had given birth to my first  child and my family stopped talking to me because they thought he will never change, but  did change humdiallah , my biggest problem is that he doesn´t work and he is always in my face, we are always fighting, I always pray to god to wise him up and guide him so we don´t end up a broken family for my kids sake, it gets to a stage when I just want to leave, I feel that life hasn´t given me a break , I always put my faith in Allah. 

What should I do?

cheapera


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5 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    You said you don't want to end up a broken family. I hate to break it to you, but if you are always fighting then your family is already broken. That's not a healthy environment for kids to grow up in, and it could be more destructive than being divorced, because they are learning abusive and unhealthy ways of communication by watching you and your husband.

    You said he has changed. Tell me more about that. How has he changed?

    Also, you mentioned physical abuse. What kind of physical abuse was it? Is it still occurring?

    As far as your husband not working, why is that? Was he laid off? Is he looking for work? Who is supporting the family?

    I have not advised you yet because there are too many unanswered questions about your situation.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. As salamu alaykum sister cheapera,

    I´ve found this hadiths and verses from the Quran that may bring some light to what you should expect from your relationship with your husband.

    The husband must treat his wife in a respectable and honorable manner, as Allah (SWT) says: "And live with them honorably." (Holy Qur'an, 4:19)

    "And they (women), have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, But men have a degree (of responsibility) over them." (Holy Qur'an, 2:228)

    Allah's Messenger (SAWS) said on the occasion of the farewell Hajj: "Verily, you have rights over your wives and your wives have rights over you." (Abu Dawud)

    As for the common rights between the spouses, they are the following:

    +++Love and mercy: Allah's words: "And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy." (Holy qur'an, 30:21)

    This would also be in fulfillment of the Prophet's words: "The one who is not merciful will not be shown mercy." (At-Tabarani)

    +++Mutual trust: Allah's Messenger (SAWS) also said: "None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

    +++Good manners: This includes kindness in dealings with each other, smiling at each other, good and noble speech, respect and regard for one another. This is the "honorable and good treatment" that is ordered by Allah (SWT) in the Verse, "… And live with them honorably." (Holy Qur'an, 4:19)

    This is the fulfilling of the advice to treat them well that is found in the words of Allah's Messenger (SAWS):"I advise you to treat women well." (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

    +++Loyalty and Honesty.

    You can read the Quran and get in touch with the complete Verses, see how they touch you Heart ,...

    Doing wudu and your salat will bring Peace to both of you, insha´Allah. Please do your prayers, seek for Allah(swt) guidance and you will find Hope in your Life, insha´Allah.

    When your husband get upset, please don´t fight back, "Audhu billahi minash shaytanii rajeem", look for refuge in Allah(sawt), encourage him to work and take care of the family in a respectful and loving way, I am sure he will have some good qualities for you to stay with him.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. god helps those who help themselves!! This means prayer and ALLAH ALLAH alone will not solve any problems- each person has to do what is needed to improve their current situation and overcome difficulties.
    All the people offering advice on this site- please dont just say pray and think of ALLAH and it will go away- we all know that this does not simply happen no matter how god-fearing someone is.
    Faith is a useful tool to live your life by but is not the enabler of how your life will turn out. When I read the responses on this site- it looks like people expect that prayer and waiting for Allah to solve your problems is good enough and blind hope even in the cases where there is clearly none is ok.

    Advice is beneficial only when it is constructive and helps the person move forward - dont think prayer alone will do that despite how "glorious" your faith or religion maybe.

  4. does not matter if he works or not the only thing that matters is he abusive if you are not being hurt by him emotionally or physically you should be fine im with someone who doesnt work he does his thing i do mine as long as you have time for your self to do what you want to do but if he is there slapping you or the kids around or if he is constantly calling you names that is being mean and nasty and you dont need him. not all husbands treat their wives with respect they are not capable of doing such as far back in ancient times we females have been their slaves but there comes a point that if he is capable of doing any bit of harm you need to leave.
    mine does not work, cook, clean up, or do anything i dont mind cause i love him as long as he lets me have free time to my self i work i pay most of the bills (he is unable due to health problems (only 33 and has had one heartattack already) so if you love him love him for who he is and not what he doesnt do

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