Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What are my Islamic rights over my husband, he drinks, smokes marajuana & has an STD

"He spends his time drinking and at the bar with his friends"As Salaamu Alaikum,

Please provide me with what I should do. Two weeks ago my husband and I had a misunderstanding. Therefore, he went to the Imam who married us. The Imam suggested that my husband and I should separate for two weeks and then come together to see if we could calmly discuss our issues once some time has passed. We both agreed to this and the Imam asked me if it would be ok for my husband to come to the house to get some clothing. I said yes, because he could come while I was at work.

Well, when he did come to the house two days later, he cleared out the room which was his office, therefore, he took all of this clothes, furniture, everything, as if he's not coming back. In addition, prior to this, my doctor said that I had an STD, which was shocking and I immediately informed my husband of what the doctor said without being accusatory.

Secondly, when my husband returned home from Umrah, he had a blister on his private area, which he stated from using the men's room. We went to see his doctor and the doctor stated that the blister was herpes. Again, I remained calm throughout this whole situation. So last week I went to my doctor and asked her to give me a complete STD testing, so that if there is anything, I can have it placed in writing to give to the Imam, so that he can see for himself.

Lastly, several occasions, I have smelled alcohol on my husband's breath, when he has arrived home late from work and marajuana, all around the house, so much so that I ended so sick, I had pneumonia and bronchitis and my blood pressure was 180/90, I was so stressed out.

So now he does not live with me, I would like to know what my Islamic rights are over him. Should I move out and get my own apartment and is responsible for paying my rent and other expenses and do I have the right not to have sex with my husband if the doctors tell us that he has an STD.

What are my rights over him? What is his duty to me? We do not have any children. I do work, but I do not make that much to cover everything. Should I proceed with divorce from him legally. Please help me.

Thank you.

- Maryama55

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2 Responses »

  1. Dear Maryama,

    the situation you described is not bearable for you any longer. Your husband's behaviour is worlds

    remote from the akhlagh of an Islamic husband, let alone a normal human being. What I don't

    understand is: How can you ask about your right not to sleep with him although he moved out?

    He doesn't live with you any longer, so how can this even be discussed? A husband who has

    a sexually transmitted disease, drinks alcohol and has a blister in his genital region when

    he returns from Umrah has to be kicked out, I'm sorry, but that's it.

    This is crazy, irrational and I would recommend you file for divorce. The state is going to provide

    the help you need, in case your own income is too low. Every difficult situation is better than

    the situation you are in at the moment. Allah is going to help you to get out of that nightmare and

    believe me, you can stand on your own feet. He has to pay you a mahr( in Islam) in case of divorce,

    or, according to the laws of your country, has to pay alimony for you. He has to

    support you if your own income is low. I suggest you inform yourself about the laws of your country.

    Even if he has the obligation of maintenance, insist on your mahr. insist on getting your mahr, it is

    one of your crucial rights and you have to fight for that. You have rights in Islam and your country.

    Good luck sister

  2. Hello,
    Do NOT sleep with him again. He just gave you herpes which is not curable. It's now yours for life. As far as your rights...mahr. In your country I don't know you didn't state.

    It is thankful you have no children in this situation.

    As far as divorce how do you feel with his infidelity? If it were me I would divorce him. I'm buddhist though. In Buddhism infidelity renders marriage invalid once the infidelity has been done. Because he left the marriage of his own free will with such an act. He abandoned the marriage bed. Adultery is the distroyer of all marriage and family harmony. Trust me he did not get it from the men's room.

    You could try to go to the Imaam with your husband once the two weeks are up. Just to see if there is any hope for your marriage.

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