Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Newly married and husband forced himself on me, am I over reacting?

woman worried about her husband's behaviour

woman worried about her husband's behaviour

Salam alaikum brothers and sisters out there.

Searching the Internet for advise I found this website and I hope it will help me either figure out what to do or if I made the right choice. Well here goes this my story..

I just got married to my cousin and during the honeymoon and first night I found out he wasn't the same person that I thought he was. The first time he did it from the back anal. I was so confused I thought this was not how it was supposed to be but I kept quiet and then sleeping with him became so bad.

The 2nd time I begged him to stop but he just bared down on me. But the worst the 4th time 4 times he came to me. The first two I screamed it hurt God please stop just for minute please just for minute I begged but he didn't listen. I thank Allah now every day that I exercise because I managed to push him off me twice. Again after crying myself to sleep he cuddled and pressed himself against me. I told him no am too tired...after 15 min he tried again I grabbed my pillow and blanket and went to sleep in the living room.

Since that day I have not slept with him. I kept strong until I came home from the honeymoon and broke down to my parents. I cant see him touch him or look at him. How could he do this to me I was a virgin, I didn't even have a boyfriend or any relationship. Everyone told me they will be gentle they won't force you... I trusted him. I couldn't even confront him then because he has a temper. He always criticizes how I look, putting down my accomplishments, blames everyone but him for his mistakes, curses and belittles people who he thinks are below him (janitors, maids, waiters). He shouts how I boss him around (I only ask politely if he can go and talk with waiter, can he please call the cab). He is so filled with hate and envy.

I want this marriage to work, we just had a sit down with my father (he knows everything). When I saw my cousin I was so filled with anger of what he did to me I didn't sit near him I just said salam and sat beside my father. I don't feel safe with him or trust him any more. He brought stupid excuses on how I was always on the phone ( cause he never speaks to me) he came up with lies on how I shouted at his mother. And that by criticizing me he was giving me a compliment. He brought up every single argument that we had (and which we solved) and start arguing that I am disrespectful. Yes sometimes because of the heat of the moment my voice rises but I always always apologize for it and say am sorry. Even my apologize are not good for him and throws them back to my face and says he doesn't want them.

I promised my dad that I will make this work that I will give me a chance. I am living in my parents home right now and we decided so that so I can get comfortable with him again and trust him that we go out on dates. And then when things get better I move out.

Please tell me am i over reacting, i tried my best to be the best wife I can some one tell me if am over reacting or doing something wrong? I understand me and him are human and we are not perfect and we make mistakes, I am willing to back down but I cant keep sacrificing and him not meeting me half way.....I am just so scared that this marriage will break me.

I prayed to Allah, I do dua and I prayed istikhara again. My hand is in Allah now and I believe what ever he wishes will be the best for me.

- middleast_gurl

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55 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Let me say clearly: it is NOT normal or loving for a man to force himself on his wife. A new husband might be eager, but out of love for his bride he would stop or adjust things if he was hurting her in any way. He would certainly not come at her harder.

    Not only that, but anal penetration is haraam. This is something he should never have done under any circumstances.

    You say you informed your father of everything and are currently staying with your parents. I understand you want to try to save the marriage, but what did your father think of this behavior? Most men I know would want to beat the pulp out of a young man who hurt his daughter in such a way.

    Quite honestly, the way you describe your husband, I see a lot of red flags for him becoming abusive. He's already emotionally, verbally, and sexually abusive, what's to stop him from losing his temper on you in a violent way? The fact that he looks down on others, and you, makes me see that he is a very egotistical person and seems to care less for your needs. Even if you "save" this marriage, I can't imagine it's going to be the happy one you hoped for and dreamed about.

    I am glad that you are not currently living with him, and I'm glad you are seeking Allah's will with istikhara. Please know that Allah doesn't want women to be treated this way in a marriage, and you don't have to live under such oppression. You have the Islamic right to kind treatment and gentle words, not to mention safety from haraam sexual activities. If a husband doesn't find it important to give his wife her rights, she has the option of divorce.

    -Amy Editor

    • Your husband is not a human he is a beast for sure. And sacrificing isn't the right thing, you should leave him.
      That's all I want to say for such a beast.


    SISTER your case is not yet so long, my opinion i guess if you dont feel much better with this guy better try to discuss it with your father,

  3. Salam,
    NO I do not think you are overreacting. You are not a piece of meat. I feel so sorry that you had to feel that pain and especially being your wedding night. It should've been nice soft,romantic,etc. First we're Muslim??? I know your husband knows it is very Haraam. Plus, he's not right to lie that you screamed at his mother. He is acting like "Mr. lil innocent" in front of your father. You deserve him to not treat you in that way. Just stay with your parents for now until you think your ready to go back. Good Luck Salam 🙂

  4. You are not over reacting. I would have been scared out of my wits. You are tough mashaAllah for trying to make this work. Definitely seek counsel before it gets worst.

    “Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you.' `And what is that messenger?' they asked, and he replied: `Kisses and words.”......

    (I know its a hadeeth of Rasulullah PBUH but for the life of me I cant remember the narrator; may Allah SWT forgive me for any bid'ah I may have intentionally & unintentionally created)

    • Back entry is HARAAM!!!. And I mean it is HARAAM HARAAM HARAAM.

      Ibn Kathir provides additional evidence that farj refers to the female organ. In his comment on S. 2:223 and the impermissibility of anal sex, he writes:

      this refers to Al-Farj (THE VAGINA), as Ibn ‘Abbas, Mujahid and other scholars have stated. Therefore, anal sex is prohibited, as we will further emphasize afterwards, Allah willing ...

      Ibn Jurayj (one of the reporters of the Hadith) said that Allah's Messengers said ...

      ((From the front or from behind, as long as it occurs IN THE FARJ (VAGINA).)) ...

      Abu Bakr bin Ziyad Naysaburi reported that Isma‘il bin Ruh said that he asked Malik bin Anas, "What do you say about having sex with women in the anus?" He said, "You are not an Arab? Does sex occur but in the place of pregnancy? Do it only IN THE FARJ (VAGINA)." (Tafsir Ibn Kathir (Abridged), Volume 1, Parts 1 and 2 (Surat Al-Fatihah to Verse 252 of Surat Al-Baqarah), first edition January 2000, pp. 618, 619, 622; bold and capital emphasis ours)

      Muhammad Asad also recognized that the term farjahaa literally meant the sexual area of a woman. Asad comments on S. 21:91 and states:

      "... As for the description of Mary as allati ahsanat farjaha, idiomatically denoting 'one who guarded her chastity' (lit., 'HER PRIVATE PARTS')..." (Asad, The Message of the Qur'an [Dar Al-Andalus Limited, 3 Library Ramp, Gibraltar, rpt. 1993], p. 500, f. 87;

  5. Sister,

    I pray that you think long and hard about going back to this man. I cannot even fathom how you must be feeling! You are not an object, you are a human being...a Muslimah at that. In my mind your cousin knew exactly what he was doing and he knew he would hurt you. He didn't care about you at all, he only cared about himself and satisfying his perverted selfish wants. If he wants to bring other arguments into this mix, it doesn't fly. He can never justify what he did to you by discussing other issues about your relationship. He forced you to have anal sex against your will. He hurt you and he didn't give a dam. I can fully understand your not wanting to sleep with him if ever again. You are supposed to be his wife...a woman whom he will share his life with...a family and so forth. Quite simply, he doesn't deserve you.


  6. I agree this cousin of yours is so selfish who didn't care about your feelings at all only his. Specially on your wedding day that is the worse feeling for any women to go threw shame on him for doing that I feel so bad for you. Specially he is your cousin wow Shame on him for been a realtive of yours he isn't a real man he is something that I can't say on this web sit ..Insallah sister you go threw this pain soon.

  7. Hi!

    you definitely need to take things slow. I am an asian too. I don't know any normal, respectful guy doing such a crazy thing. When it comes to sex, you both have to be comfortable. I think it is very nice of you to think about giving him a chance and trying to save this marriage. However, it is very important to know your husband and his personality. I hope he does not have any issues. I know your family is on your side but its your life. He does not sound good to me however, it is hard to come up with a conclusion from one side of story. Please remember that if a guy loves you he will never try to hurt you. Even he hurts your physically or emotionally, he apologizes and try to change himself.If he repeats again and again, he is not a good guy for you. Whatever he did to you is not a mistake.................

  8. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    You say you want this marriage to work. My question is, why?

    Your husband - who is also your cousin, eww - forces perverted sex on you, shouts at you, criticizes you, curses, is filled hate and envy according to you, and is generally arrogant. So why would you want to spend your life with this man? Do you really feel he is a good choice for a life partner?

    Wael Editor

    • Marrying cousin isnt disgusting and 'eww ' its permissible in islam and understandable.

      I agree why do u want to give him a chance?. It is a big risk, now is ur chance. Do istikhara and think does he really deserve a chance ?

      Hope everythin goes well for u sis, u r not overreacting at all, in fact, ur hardly reacting to it. He abused u in many ways, yet ur giving him a chance... Mashaa Allaah u r very strong, but have does he appreciate u ? Does he pray ? I doubt that he will even pray, if he doesnt pray then certainly leave him.

      • I know it's permissible. But it's unhealthy and overdone in the Muslim world. Eating fish with cheese is permissible too, but it's bad for the digestion and I wouldn't do it.

        Wael Editor

      • marrying your first cousin is halal and good if it is done rarely like it was done during the time of the sahaba, but now unfortunately, the indo-pak community literally force their children into marrying their first cousins, which causes the gene-pool to be very very limited and spreads all sorts of diseases around in the community.
        many many pakistani children in uk and canada have rare genetic diseases as a result of such practice.
        in fact i would advice every south east asian person to marry as far away from their relatives as possible.

    • Eww for him being a cousin or him forcing himself on her?

      • I think the brother meant an Eww for him being a cousin. lol.

        I know its permissible to marry a cousin in Islam, but its an Eww for me too. I have many cousins but to me they are like my biological brothers. So a double Eww Eww for me. lol

        (No offense or pun intended to anyone, just my personal opinion).

        • Yeah same here I have so many cousins marsallah all my age, I just couldn't marry any of them because we all grow up together , there like my brothers lol.

  9. Asslam alekum wa rahmatullahi barkatohu,

    You have feared is who is right you, your husband, your family or anyone u want to find solution. you may be confuse to what to do and who’s you have to believe so make simple for that first only try to believe Allah SWT with your heart and to be honest not only say yes I believe if you believe then find the solution according to Islam, Quran Sharif, and Hadees, make some effort in your own ways, and do everything only for seek of Allah. No one is know what is good for you or bad for you, None has the knowledge of the unseen but Allah SWT.

    I don’t have much knowledge about Islam but may be my words help for you

    In Islam not once but many times and times it has been mentioned to be kind to women.

    Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said:
    “He who displeased Allah for seeking the pleasure of people, Allah is displeased with him and those people are also displeased, for pleasing whom he had earned Allah’s displeasure. And he who pleases Allah, although by it he displeased people, Allah is pleased with him, and also those people whom he had displeased for pleasing Allah become pleased with him. Allah makes him splendid and his speech and acts in the eyes of others beautiful.” [Tibrani]

    Try to know the meaning of life who we are and why we here? We are Muslim and we are here to worship for Allah SWT.
    So whatever we do is only for Allah SWT talk, eat, walk, read everything we do only for Allah SWT.

    A good marriage may be a blessing or a curse. It depends on whether it brings you towards Allah or away from Him.

    Marriage is a commitment and relationship that starts in this world and will continue Insha Allah in Paradise Together.

    If Allah knows this guy is best for you then to make your marriage with him easy. And if Allah knows this guy as a husband is bad for you then turn you away from each other and remove the love you have for one another.

    You never know what Allah has in stored for you in the future

    The Prophet Muhammad (sws) said, "Trust in Allah and tie your camel." In other words, have faith in Allah, but also take worldly precautions. Do your best to avoid needless problems and complications in life, then accept the results as Allah's Qadar

    Marry a man who is trying his best to practice the deen and treats her and others with respect and care in my opinion A Muslim woman would just want a good Muslim husband. One who can guide his family in the ways of Allah and help them grow in Islam. She would just like a good, respectful, God-fearing man that follows his deen that could make a good husband and father.

    try to think in all ways is that he is good husband or father and you know him more than us, you feel it’s safe you children in his hand and his guidance is worth for them.

    Anything that happens to you pleasant or unpleasant is something that was written down for you by Allah when you were in the womb of your dear mother that you would never avoid

    And we will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives (relatives, children, husband, wife, father, mother etc die) and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient. Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.""..2.155-156.

    “To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return.” (Surah Al Baqarah 2:156)

    Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “There are three who are entitled to Allah's assistance: the one fighting in Allah's cause, the slave seeking to earn his liberty, and a person getting married to preserve his chastity.” [ Sunan al-Tirmidhî (1655) with a sound line of transmission]

    "And whosoever is conscious of Allah, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has sent a measure for all things." (Quran: 65/2-3)

    I don’t know him but according to you he is done haraam thing, there is many reason the shaitan misguide him but you know this person more than us if you think this person is good for your deen and you make him right path then its good, and if it’s hard to make this then you move on don’t think its difficult.

    Allahumma Tufiltuf bi fi taysiri kulli 'asirin, fainna taysirra kuuli 'asirin 'alaika yassirun
    O Allah! Make easy for me every difficult thing, with Your special favour and Kindness, for it is easy for You to make every difficult thing easy.

    Pray 5 salat do zikr of Allah read Quran and everything is done with your heart and try to understand every word may Allah guide you Sirate Mustaqeem.

    Allah forgives me if any misunderstanding and mistake is done by me.

    Allâhumma infa‘nî bimâ ‘allamtanî wa ‘allimnî ma yanfa‘unî.
    Oh Allah! Make useful for me what You taught me and teach me knowledge that will be useful to me

  10. I believe the OP is Arab. Sister, yup leave him leeeeavee hiiimm. You are newly wed, and your husband started it with somthing Allah hates and forbids. Nope not a good sign of a great husband. He went on to do things which is totally against Islam. It'll most certainly just get worst.

    Do salat al istikhara. All the best.

  11. im not sure but iv heard ur nikkah breaks / becomes invalid when u hav anal sex wid ur husband as it is something haram .but im nt sure about ur situation bcuz he did it forcefully... can some one clearify if her nikkah is still valid ?

    • Her nikah is still valid. Anal sex does not invalidate nikah. You heard false info. She can ask for divorce though as her husband is a faasiq ( evil doer ).

  12. I seriously would not stay married a second longer with this type of man and he has actually raped you. Your parents might have benefited out of this marriage and that's a FACT because it was family end off. What did you get? Did you get any respect?

    Like you said you was one of the decent women, and marriage is supposed to be based on love and respect i do believe you was too trusting to the point that you made your parents happy and forgot about what you really wanted. I really feel your pain your story relates to someone i know the same no difference whats so ever. Do you really want to stay with someone who will just use you and not even acknowledge you as a women or how you feel? I honestly think you are not overreacting, in fact you know what happened was wrong and what really shocked me about your post was that be is a very hateful person as well and not only that he is clearly using you and then takes it out on you, do you even want kids with this sort of person where the environment will do you no good other than cause you more harm than good?

    This is one of the reasons i am against marrying in the family and also an arrange marriage where a lady barley gets to know the person. Your husband is not a real man and he dont deserve you, you need to stop thinking about everyone else and think about what you want, trust me i am talking from an experience sometimes things happen for a very good reason, its just not meant to be and i believe this man is a physco, selfish controlled freak he dont care about you and men like this dont deserve a woman.

  13. Your parents know everything and still want you to go back to him and all this on your honeymoon, spousal rape is not to be taken lightly, his behavior with you is disgusting the man has serious issues you are his wife made hala for him and he does that to you, end this sister before this becomes your norm its your future happiness at stake i know what i would do in your place spit at him and leave,

  14. Dear Sister,

    I just re-read your post again and I just have to emphasize on the fact that your husband has violated you in such a horrible manner. There is no excuse for rape and even worse is that he has also violated the Islamic sharia by taking you in the most disgusting and abominable way. Back entry is HARAAM. (I know I am repeating but want to stress on this fact because the behavior is an abhorrence). I don't think this is a small case and I truly believe that you need to seek counsel from an authoritative figure other than your Wali. I pray that Allah SWT will make this easy for you. Ameen

  15. In my opinion " cousin marriages " is recommended and never " eww ", regarding the health problems related, I've heard from many arab doctors here in middle east that, the birth related defects of cousin marriage are all exxagerated. Defects can happen to anyone infact. Cousin marriage is considered incest in western world and media especially but it makes me wonder why then many states in america, europe etc accepts cousin marriage.
    If cousin marriage is "eww" for some, make yourself aware of the fact that humankind/humanrace started from inbreeding. Our father and mother is Adam and Howa. We are all their kids in a way, we are all brothers and sisters in humanity. So therefore no matter who you marry, the inbreeding continues. ( you can't say its different, coz I can't see the difference ) So is this "eww" ? I dont think so. Infact I would never say "eww" to somthing that has Islamic history, for example, is the marriage between our prophet (PBUH) and his direct cousin sister Zaynab RA 'eww' ? Similarly, is the marriage between Fatima RA and Ali ibn Abi Talib RA 'eww' ?
    I highly doubt that anyone of you would think so. If anyone of you dislikes ' cousin marriage ' then dislike it but dont say its ' disgusting' or 'eww' or 'incest' because its practised by the noble prophet of Islam and the sahabas. Its still strong in mid-east, asia etc.

    • I never said disgusting or incest. Those are your words. I only meant that I personally find it unpleasant. And it is a medical fact that it's unhealthy, especially when repeated in successive generations. It brings a statistically higher rate of birth defects. It's a fact.

      The fact that we are all brothers and sisters in humanity is irrelevant. After so many thousands of years, we have become quite genetically varied from region to region. That genetic variation is healthy, and it's good for our children. When we limit ourselves to a narrow circle of family for marriage, we poison our own gene pool.

      Furthermore, this practice of marrying consistently within the family leads to tribalism and xenophobia. And we see this in certain cultures in the Muslim world that practice this habitually. They are constantly at war with other tribes, they have narrow minds and narrow ways of thinking. They consider anyone outside the family or clan to be suspicious or untrustworthy. That is not the attitude we need in this Ummah.

      As for the Prophet (sws), there were times when he did something just to show that it was allowable. For example, he once did the prayers at the very beginning of their times, then the next day at the very end of their allowable times, to show the acceptable time ranges. But that doesn't meant that we should delay our salat to the end of the time. In fact the Prophet (sws) urged us to pray at the beginning of the time. So sometimes a thing is allowed because in cases of necessity it may be unavoidable. But that doesn't mean that it should be common practice.

      You should really try to focus your comments on the subject presented by the poster, instead of getting hung up on one word or phrase.

      Wael Editor

      • Oh no brother Wael, those words are not directed at you, and you're not the only one who's against it. I just said it generally, I heard people call it disgusting and inscest and i'm just bringin it up. Not directed to anyone here tho.

        I'll just have to agree to disagree, but some of us who got married to our cousins and when others call it 'eww' its very offensive. 'eww' can mean yuck or disgusting etc. Not nice indeed. Freedom of speech should take other lives into consideration,

        and bro, I didn't start the offtopic subject, others did, you can check. I just argued back as it is offensive as half of my extended family got married to their cousins back home and they're fine with great kids and 'eww' discontent me.

        Sorry for the misunderstanding though.

        • to brother wael and others on this 'eww' discussion we have started.

          please be careful of the words you use. i found it offensive as well like brother Ali. i agree with Ali's comments.
          many of my firends and family have married their cousins and they are happy with fantastic genes.

          so please if the concept of marrying your cousin seems unpleasant for you because you have been broughtup in a society that frowns upon it , then just say you personally would not like to marry your cousin . your preferrence doesnot give you permission to say 'eww'.

          You should really try to focus your comments on the subject presented by the poster, instead of getting hung up on one word or phrase.

          brother wael , dont you think you also went a bit further by bringing this cousin marriage eww thing yourself . i think you are being a bit hard on brother Ali .

          • Oh, give me a break. I don't need permission to say "eww", lol. You guys are making too much out of it. Let's move on.


          • permission comes from no one but Allah.

            brother Wael , your reply so abrupt and boastful. may be you were in a bad mood.

          • I think we are really going out of topic here but just to clarify and also to add something to the effect of the slang word 'eww' used by both brother Wael and I (I dont think neither of us meant any harm. So if you scroll back up you would see that I did say that I meant no harm or pun intended to anyone).

            The word 'eww' is an expression of finding something unfavorably. For instance, I like my fries with spicy buffalo sauce instead of ketchup. Trust me, its an 'eww' for most people as the taste is unfavorable to others. Yet I dont expect everyone to like how I eat my fries. And yes I have had my Sister use the word 'eww' whenever I eat fries w/ buffalo sauce :).

            Anyway, I am not trying to downgrade the context behind the word 'eww' that both brother Wael and I used in the case of a cousin to cousin marriage....its just that we used a slang word to express our thoughts on what we find unfavorable (personal opinion).

            So let us not take this out of proportion. As I stated earlier, I meant (and am pretty sure brother Wael too) did not mean to cause any harm to anyone. I dont see why we cannot express our thoughts freely.

          • facts are facts akhi, when cousin marraige become prevalent like in some muslim countries, the gene-pool, diversity is restricted and that causes problems.

        • no worries sister. eid mubarak. hope you are enjoying eid.

          • Thank you friend.

            And Eid mubarak to you too and all others. Al7amdulillah I am enjoying it and hope the same goes to you and everyone else.

  16. I am sure we all know cousins who are married i know i do, when i asked them about it mainly they did not grow up together or even meet before they were arranged to marry by the families, i have grown up with most of my cousins and could not look at them in any other way and the ones that i meet when i go abroad well they just look like my father or uncles or brothers that would be my ewww factor,

  17. dear sis,

    when i read your post , i was horrified!!!! honestly horrified!!!!

    i dont know how you managed to live with this man so far. im really impressed with the level of patience and imaan you are showing.

    i know everyone is saying that you should leave this man. i also think the same. but i think it can be a bit difficult thing to do if you yourself dont think that you have tried your best.

    if you think that living at your parents house and then trying to see if things between you and your husband improve will bring any good to this marriage then go ahead , give it a try, if it doesnt work and most likely it wont then you know that you have done your best. ofcourse do istakhara , inshallah you will reach the right decision.

  18. asalam alikum
    Marriage is a beautiful institution , and must not come to an end as we know that Divorce is allowed but not appreciated in Islam.
    i believe , you should talk to him about your intimate life. Your parents, Us, Your Friends or who so ever you tell this to, would not be of any help. Its you who can pave the path of eternal happiness. Try talk to him, tell him what you want out of this marriage, make him realize that being muslims, anal penetration is considered to be filthy NAJIS
    InshAllah, you will succeed in convincing him. dont ever think of ending a marriage this soon. try work out things.
    Allah Knows Best*

    • Salam brother Mehak,

      You are absolutely correct, marriage is a beautiful institution least it is supposed to be. This sister has waited her entire life for a brother of character who would take her hand in marriage and begin a journey together to discover one another, body and soul. This brother took his wife to bed as if she was a common whore. What he did is inexcusable and I honestly cannot even imagine as a parent that her own parents would even consider her staying with this dirt bag. Her dreams of a beautiful wedding night crushed because this brother thought nothing of the woman he had taken to be his wife and mother of his children. Whether she chooses to stay with him or not, she will always remember how he disrespected her and thought only of himself on their wedding night. No memories of slow learning and, just a dog taking what he wanted with no concerns for her well being! He is the lowest form of a human being and I for one think she can't end this marriage soon enough!


  19. I totally agree with Sister Najah. You have shown so much patience and forbearing, and are trying to make this work, for the sake of everyone. But are you thinking of yourself?

    Sister, please think of yourself, this man has forced himself upon you in a way which is haram. What makes you think he will not do it again. He may be acting like Mr Inncocent now, but what if it is an act to get you back.. You really need to think of everything before you return to him. It will be harder to leave such abuse when you have children or have started to take it for granted and normalised his treatment. I am not married, but marriage is meant to be something beautiful, where two muslims grow spiritually in their love for each other which then strengthens their love for Allah SWT.

    I do believe people can change. But this man, your cousin, has shown NO consideration or compassion for a young bride. You were not even denying him you were only asking for a minute. Even now he is showing bio remorse, just giving excuses for something that is UNJUSTIFIABLE!
    This is really upsetting me that you went through this....

    When considering what to do please don't take every message literally, I know I am not being neutral because I am so horrified and I am trying to be neutral but I can't. Your parents want what is best for you, but one of the problems of marrying a cousin is that when things don't work out, the solution isn't always so clear due to fact there are so many family members who may get offended...

    Do what you think is best for YOU, but know that in Islam this method of intercourse is forbidden, and this level of abuse towards ones wife is something which is heavily frowned upon. (I won't say forbidden as I can't remember the exact words of a hadith I read once)

    My message is probably not helpful to you sister, but I just want you to know I am thinking of you, and making dua that Allah guides you to what is best.
    Salaam. Sara

  20. he had anal with u islam as long as i know....when a husband do that to his wife he will be divorsed right away and can never remary u are not married...i dont think u told everything to ur father...otehr wise leave him......

    • Salaams,

      The information you gave is incorrect. Even though anal sex is a major haram, engaging in it does not effect a divorce. I am not sure where you heard this information, but you should always research things like this before assuming they are true. Also, there are no cases of divorce in which a couple can "never" remarry. Even if 3 talaq are given then a couple can remarry if they both remarry and divorce someone else. Unless this sister had a formal divorce as per shariah, she is still married to her husband.

      -Amy Editor

    • Salaaam Hadija_1234

      Dont give wrng directions....... no where its mentoined in islam that the moment your hudbands has anal sex with you its a divorce... Unlessyou have a formal divorce as per shariah, you are still married.


  21. One line Quote for you sister from my side:

    Just Leave that Satan and Start a new life. May Allah gives you strength and patience. Aameen

  22. Assalamu ala'ikum,
    I understand your problem. It is the rudest way he behaved with you. Indeed he sexually abused you. There is no mean to forgive him as I think he does not cares for you. These man's behaviour doesn't normally change but its upon you. If you think you can forgive him then you should. Because you will be no happiest person to stay away from your hubby. All I know is that marriage is a farz that you have completed but looking at the condition I don't think it will work. I think a husband and a wife should share each and every moment but really don't mean that sex is the only thing in married life. I think that sex is wonderful and the most enjoyable thing but only when both agrees. Forcing for sex is a crime and indeed a haraam in Islam and when the question is on anal sex I don't agree with it. But its upon you to decide whether you should continue your relationship or not. I can only suggest that you should look whether he changed or not. If he really loves you, he will feel guilty on his mistakes and will definitely appologise to you and if it happens you can no doubt continue your relationship but if nothing changes, then its on you to decide.

    Musaddique Farazee

  23. i agree with sister in islam. you should take this seriously and educate him and make him know that anal sex is haram. and focus on your relationship, if he can't treat you properly don't waste you time. as he blamed you for yelling at his mom, and mistreating you during honeymoon. think it over.

  24. Dear Sister and others,

    I carefully went through the our sister,s article. This is a lesson for all Muslims around the world. I think her husband must have addicted with some bad behavior such as watching sexual movies. This may end up with the practices which can not be applicable to the modest ladies. In those sexual movies, ladies and gents involved are prostitutes (zaniya). It is your option and right to leave him. But, at the same time, this kind of people should treated and rehabilitated in the Islamic way. He must be mentally sick now.

    If you want to start a new life, you have to forget about him and don't assume other gents also in the same way.
    May almighty ALLAH pour his blessings and mercy on you and your family

  25. Ya allah sis ds is really wrng evry girl they dream of their frst nyt n nelve it vp lead a bettr relatn....Anal......n its strictly prohibitd..... Sis u knw its a great chalenge to make a egoistic persn a good man....we fully understnd ur pain n ur stand but sis i tnk he need a help myt b he myt nt cnfess but he need it i guess both of u should share ur problm n lnw wata d real misunderstndng or d wrd dats making a prblm in ur solutin may b both of u vl cme to discvr smtng out of it n yap both of u have to ignre each othrs negative pnts n remain happy...may both of u renain happy tgtr

    • sultana, please write your comments in standard English. This text speak is hard to understand. Furthermore, to tell her to ignore each others' negative points is ridiculous. How do you ignore someone raping you?

      Wael Editor

  26. This is wrong. He will be punished from god

  27. I think cousins will not be married. Suddenly I open this website yesterday. But aim shocked to hear this.

    • Cousin marriage is allowed in Islam and in some other cultures as well. That doesn't mean it's always a good idea. People should show restraint and especially avoid successive generations of cousin marriage, which can dramatically increase the chances of birth defects in the children.

      Wael Editor

  28. Assalamualaikum, sister please reply to me once. I am in the same condition. I really want your help.

    • Salam alaikum. I am in the same boat. After the 3rd time I packed up all his stuff while he was out and told him it's over. Now he has returned to Malaysia. I have asked for a divorce but he refuses. He says I can't divorce him ever.

      He lies and tells sad stories to brothers to get money off them. He steals from shops and never prays. The verbal outbursts were sooo frightening and I was scared to have sex with him.
      Plz tell me how it went with you. Inshallah you have found true love now.

      • Dear sister. Your husband will never change, in time he will demand other things. Then one day you'll wake up a broken women that will believe that she's at fault for not giving in to his demands. If been there and there will never be any happiness for you with this man.

  29. Dear sister

    I feel your pain. I cried. Don't settle for such a man. Honeymoon and marriage itself is a wonderful experience and special. What he has done is haraam.

    I personally think you are better without him. Any man who disrespects a woman in this manner does not deserve to have a woman in his life.

    You have a whole life ahead of you. You can still move on without him. I wish you all the best. X

  30. Your Husband is not a good man, Actualy anal sex is totaly haram and wife should not give permission of this at any cost you should first try to warn him otherwise it,s better to leave him because he is not a human, his act are like animals (May be he have the habbit of gay sex).
    you are muslim you need to study quran and hadith for better beleif and knowledge about islam.
    You should pray to allah in namaz (If you not pray namaz then try it make it your challenge to pray 5 times so it becomes easier for you)
    and married to a good person.

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