Husband keeps friendships with women and watches pornography
Assalamu 'Alaikum,
Nine months ago I found out my husband has been talking to a single female friend privately. He was constantly texting her and when away from home he was always calling her secretly. Their texts on an average day were 20-30 and the phone calls lasted at least 20 mins. I asked him to quit talking to her and I even called her to ask her to quit speaking to my husband. She obliged by this and respected it. Then a few months later when they were not talking anymore my husband got into her email and was looking at her pictures one of which was a nude photo.
This almost caused our family to split up. Now just recently he has been talking to a female coworker again and he was looking at her pictures. How can I get him to stop doing this? I keep telling him this is like lusting after another woman. He has also been looking at pornography. This is so disgusting and he is committing a sin for doing this. I do not want my children raised in a household with this habit. I am losing all patience with my marriage. How can I reason with him to quit? Also, he lies about all of this. I told him we never know when we are going to die. It will be better to repent. What if this was the last thing he did before he went. Please help me with some suggestions. I have showed him ayats from the Quran and Hadith on this matter, but he is not even listening. Thank you
-sohurt
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may Allaah be with you, ask a scholar whether you should leave him or not
Sister sorry you have to deal with this behaviour, ask him what he think's he's gaining from all of this and is it worth losing your family over, respected once lost is so hard to regain, it seems you catch him with ease i dont no what that says about him if he is careless about your feelings or just does not care if he gets caught, i dont no how old he is but this is childish behaviour point all of this out and that his children insha'allah will one day be grown and what a horrible thing to no about your father if this causes a break up. i hope all goes well for you sister.
Assalam O Alaikum sister "Sohurt",
I am sorry for the sufferings and pain you are going through due to your husband's haram activities. Sister, this is very common case here on this forum which a lot of married sisters suffer with. I would request you to please take a look at the advices given by brothers and sisters of knowledge to the sisters in the posts below. I hope you find some peace, solution, strength and courage to deal with this situation Insha Allah. May Allah (swt) help you in these trying times by providing means for your husband to realise his wrong doings and repenting to Allah (swt) for his sins.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/husband-meets-women/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/affair-because-mean/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/husband-cheated-forgive-him/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-does-not-make-me-feel-loved-during-intimacy-and-i-dislike-his-habits/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/think-my-husband-is-cheating/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/husband-conversations-woman/
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Assalam Alekum sister,
Life is way to short to put up with a man of his caliber. Give him an ultimatum...a time frame if you will to get himself in order. He has no business looking at porn let alone sneaking off talking to another woman! He either stops for the sake of your marriage or be done with him. You deserve better, that you should know.
Salam
Salaam,
This is something that you have already confronted him time and time again and he has failed to do so. This is disrespecting you and your family. You need to have an Imam or some religious leader intervene/counsel both of you and see if he is willing to change and if he is, then forgive him and give him a chance and move on. If he starts up again... well.. then YOU should know what to do. At that time you either accept it or LEAVE him. Meanwhile, pray for strength and slowly move on... Let us know how things are going -- Keep us informed, do not keep us hanging,... wondering... Be strong and good Luck !!!
Great article on how watching porn changes your brain and your life. May Allah protect everyone from this "disease" that destroys singles (who therefore keep sleeping around with different partners and cannot find the "perfect" person to marry - the biggest social problem of our times) and married peoples lives!
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/ummah/men/how-watching-pornography-changes-the-brain/