Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I think my husband has a sex addiction

LIpstick mark on shirt.

Cheating husband.

Salaam. In the name of Allah the most beneficial and merciful.

I seek guidance on a very difficult time I am facing with my husband and which is similiar to the posts above. I have been married to my husband since January 2012 . I met my husband in 2011 April we met for the purpose of marriage.

We both after meeting each other several times decided to inform family in October time our families met and very quickly arrangements were made for nikkah to be done. I always advised my husband that I refused to enter into any harram before marriage .

My Mother however had bad feelings about my husband and many of times asked me to not proceed . Yet I did .

The nikkah was performed in January with the expectation that the walima would follow in June or July . I was happy with this as firstly saved me from sin and also my husband seemed a genuine honest caring man.

After a few weeks I began to get extremely strong feelings that something was wrong . I looked towards Allah for guidance that Allah if there is something please show me in black and white .

My husband in the interim seemed to be struggling to commiting himself. He would regularly go out with his friends or rush to be with them I found this odd as we were just married and I was living and working away and he had ample opportunity to be with me as his new wife .

However I stayed patient and thought let him go through the transition.

After weeks of prayers I went to his home and found clear evidence .. Wala what I found was harrendous . My husband in 2011 whilst getting to know me was commiting fornication with several women . I called these women and met with them to confirm this they were over 10 women he was contacting just for sex. There were various explicit messages within the phone and meet up arrangements !! I was in shock that I had been decieved so much !

I confronted my husband he always harped on about trust but he had been doing this right up until the day of our nikkah in fact a few days before . What was odd is that most of the women said he stopped after January i.e. after the nikah.

My husband admitted his wrongs .. I left him for time to reflect during this time he begged and cried but it seemed this only lasted a few weeks he then became angry and forceful saying that I'm stopping him from going out or living his life as I said he needs to repent and focus on Islam. He has started praying since the day I found out but his attitude is still arrogant and I feel he still wants to control what he does ie his way. He repeatedly says i have repented and iv corrected myself what more do you require of me.

The dilemma I'm facing is that my husband convinced me that this was his downfall he thought it was ok to do this before the nikkah . But it seemed that he was on a rampage like it was some kind of addiction . The acts and the talk hes had with these women also seems extremely bizarre . I am shocked he was engaging in having intercourse with so many women including phone talk .. I strongly believe that my husband has an addiction to sex.
I'm firstly finding it hard to swallow that this man was commiting zina without no fear of Allah and second whilst he was proposing marriage to me and coming to my home .

I later find out more revelations that after the nikah he commited adultery over the phone with a woman . He not only lied to me again but decieved our marriage . I have also found out that he invited a woman to our nikah whom he commited zina with and one of the women was his best friend's sister . It seems this man has a problem and there were just no limits for him..

He has since he says repented and sought guidance from Allah he has started praying and goes out little but still reminds me he's restricted gets angry at me for stopping him going out reminds me of the wrongs I did like trolling his family and friends .

The dilemma I'm facing is that we are now arguing all the time I have lost total trust in him and have little respect left as the things he done with those women were extreme . What i also find odd is that they were all older than him divorcees or in their mid 40 he admitted he targeted these women as they were easy . I feel he has poisened my bed!

Our walima and ruksati are on hold we are now on a break I found this out in march we have tried to work it out but he says I'm constantly questioning him where he is which I do.

We have been on a break for 4 weeks now and I am still in a state of dissarray whether to stay or divorce this man . My family and friends are strongly suggesting I seek divorce my parents say if I go back to him I will lose their support . I have been praying istikhara but very confused about the signs . I surprisingly still love him and would like it to work but I feel that's just love holding on and I'm scared of divorce . I feel he will say come live with me without the ruksati or walima I feel this will be a big shame on me and my family .

I am totally at loss at what I should do. He has even been down to apologise to my father but instead annoyed him with his arrogant attitude . I do see he is remorseful but I fear him hurting me again and he has betrayed me in many ways already .I also feel seriously that he has an addiction. What if anything can I do about that?

I have had a few dreams that he is continuing these acts even now and i question him using devices to contact women for zina. This is why i strongly feel that he is actually addicted to sex and the traits i have read on the internet seem to fit .

I have also had  other dreams I have pushed him to a Talaaq and he is crying .

Please give me guidance as to whether it would be wise to continue with this marriage or go ahead with living with him at the detriment of my respect . And whether I should live with him without a ruksati or walima . And whether my husband is likely to be addicted to such sinful acts which will mean I can not continue.

Jazak Allah
- Samiya

Wael's Response:

Sister Samiya, As-salamu alaykum,

You already know this man is not going to change. As you said, you found evidence that he had phone sex with a woman after his marriage to you.

Maybe he has a psychological issue - a "sex addiction" as you said - or maybe he is simply corrupt. His arrogant attitude would seem to indicate the latter. Sometimes I think that the West has become so distant from God, faith and objective morality that they have labeled every sin as an addiction or a disease, when the truth is that some people are just bad.

In any case, this is not a man you can trust to be faithful.

Have you had sexual relations with him yet? If so, then I suggest that you get yourself tested for sexually transmitted diseases, as it is quite possible that your husband is carrying something.

Listen to your parents and divorce the man. I realize that you have feelings for him and that you are scared of divorce. But divorcing him will save you a mountain of heartache down the road. Imagine that you stay married to him, you have a child or two, then you find out he is still cheating on you (very likely). Wouldn't that be infinitely worse and more complicated? Get out now while you can.

Wael Editor

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33 Responses »





  2. Salaams,

    Sister, I just want to say that whether the man is corrupt as brother Wael suggested, or has an addiction as you are wondering, you need to know that YOU can do nothing about his situation. If he is to change from whatever state he's in, it has to come with him. Please, please don't buy into the illusion that if you stay with him, love him well and work with him he will change. If he wants to change he will, but that is an entirely separate issue from what you deserve and need.

    For every man who is untrustworthy and adulterous, there are many more who are sincere and faithful. You don't need to waste your time on the one who is stuck in quicksand (by their own choice) when you can have your choice of those who are walking around on solid ground. Those are much more worthy of your concerns and care, and would much more appreciate you wanting to preserve their hearts and security.

    -Amy Editor

  3. Salaam brothers and sisters of Islam

    My husband is saying that the zina was commited before our nikkah as he was stupid or currupted I like to think . He now is making me think that he has repented he did cry for two weeks beg for forgiveness this is when my compassion as a human came out . My heart softened . I thought if he repents from the sin and does not return to it is that enough ?

    The phone sex happened after our nikkah but before I found out his cheating behaviour .

    I am torn everyday I find it difficult to get out of bed . I cry everyday .

    Since he has been to our home he changed his number I can not even speak with him he says we're on a separation ! Seperation after I have forgiven you I feel this is merely an excuse for him to have freedom . As I have become very insecure and ask where he is or who with .

    I feel him not allowing contact has confirmed that this man is selfish of his own needs . I have since heard he is still going out and enjoying himself . While I have been suffering day in day out.

    He has shown signs of repentance he was or seemed to be remorseful since I found out but does it simply take a few months for him or in his case a few weeks to build up your wife's trust . I feel he thinks I'm a bad wife for telling my family and his .. I was in a state of dissarray compelled with emotion over what I found .

    Before this I showered him with utter respect love and kindness even his family and friends adored me they said you have found such a lovely girl but he ruined it now his family are saying I'm bad to the community .

    I'm in pain and all I do is pray I think I know the answer it's finding the strength to do it as I'm heartbroken.

    Doesn't it take two people to save a marriage particularly when one has wronged the other partner so much ?

    • Salaams,

      Sister, you are right. Is does take two people to make a marriage work successfully, and to save it if it is failing. However, it doesn't take two people to fix one broken person. It takes that one person changing themselves with Allah's help.

      I think where you are getting caught off guard is in his claims of repentence. Repentence is much, much more than crying, feeling sorry, and regretting what was done. People who never intend to change can do that much, because they like to have their cake and eat it too. You can't gauge someone's sincerity just off of an emotional display. True change takes time to reveal, and it is characterized by a complete absence of the qualities that led to the initial sins.

      In your husband's case, there are several flags that I see which tell me (and others, most likely) that he may not have really repented:

      1. He became angry at you for not trusting him after he "apologized", even though he was the one who broke the trust.
      2. He expresses the desire to have the freedom to "go out and live his life", even though it is not proper in the context of marriage.
      3. He is still arrogant, even though he was not the one who was wronged.
      4. He wants to be in control of what happens, even though by virtue of his choices he relinquished the right to that.

      Sister, repentence is a lifelong thing. It doesn't "run its course" within two to three weeks, as though it were a common cold. A truly repentant husband who had broken his wife's trust on this level would look more like this:

      1. He would never get upset for you feeling mad/sad/betrayed/hurt/mistrusting/etc about what he did. He would understand the severe impact his choices had on you, and validate your feelings about the matter. He would accept responsibility and blame for having been the one to cause this, and feel that the least he can do is apologize for what was done over and over each time you mention how badly it affected you.

      2. He would no longer want anything to do with "the single life". He would be relieved to be out of temptation's way, only having to focus on making a happy home with you. He would spend as much time as he could with you, talking about building your future together as a couple. He would see his "wild past" as a shameful thing, and have no desire to go back to those days.

      3. He would approach you with humility and respect, hoping that perhaps one day his devotion will help him earn back your trust so he can keep you. He would never talk down to you, and especially never try to shut you down if you needed to talk about what happened so you can work through it. He would know this is necessary to mend the lost trust and allow you to take the time you need to heal. He would ask how YOU are doing, instead of telling you what you need to do to make him feel more at peace.

      4. He would understand that he cannot control the consequences of his actions. He would realize that losing you would be a very real possibility, and encourage you to do exactly that if it's what is best for you in the long run. He would not want things to turn out "his way", because in the end he cares more about you than himself. He would know that he could live with himself better going forward if he encourages and respects your needs and wishes, than trying to secure his own interests.

      Unless your husband is the shining example of what I've outlined above, you can presume his repentence is only skin-deep. He's already admitted to being manipulative by "targeting the older women" who he commited zina with; so I wouldn't put it past him that all the crocodile tears etc are just a ploy to confuse and subdue you so he can maintain his game at your expense.

      Sister, don't be fooled. A repentent person is to their old self as white is to black. He seems dark gray, at best. You deserve blinding white, girl.

      -Amy Editor

    • Women be brave there are a lot of good man around. If u let go off him Allah will return you a better. Let me tell you about my self I am a man. And I am some what in his position I have addiction, but that is not only addiction, but a sin. So if you are pure you don't deserve some one like me. You deserve better. And if he stops the zina he is commiting then Allah will give him also what he deserves. But you don't need him. He may slip several time after marriage. Will you deserve it?


    • brother Ali,
      are most men so horrible? when i see these posts to me it seems like majority of men are just using women like tissue paper , no respect , no mercy ,no love . just all lies..... nothing else. so disappointed!!!

      • God fearing strong believing man would fear Allah and save himself for his wifey.
        And strive to attain jannah with her.
        trust me sister its only a minority of brothers who are like this their are plenty of brothers who are pure out there you just have to keep looking.

        • thank you sameerah for you reply .its just seeing all these posts every day and seeing how these simple , honest, god fearing muslim sisters and brothers too are being taken forgranted just breaks my heart and hope.

  5. Assalamu alaykum sister, please listen to everybodys advice here and to your parents. save yourself from him before its too late for you.

  6. Salaam

    I have applied to the shariah council for divorce . I still feel unsure though but what has helped me is Amy's response and brother Ali's .

    Amy he does not show or display any of those signs above in fact quite the contrary he displays anger when I ask where he is . He displays resentment when I ask him questions to the point where he has now no contact with me .

    I have spoken to the shariah council and 3 imams have reviewed my case they were shocked with the things .

    I really don't know what I'm holding on to am I mad ?
    He says to the shariah council that he has repented but I ask really what has he done he is back out with his friends and going to places again .

    Rather than placing me as his top priority . I have to see him tomorrow and I feel he will get me in his wrath again
    I'm so scared about divorcing and whether I'm making the right choice.

    • Salaams,

      In addition to what feedback we've given you, the imams' reactions should be telling to you as well. Just because something is difficult and confusing and even painful, doesn't mean it's not the best course of action.

      I suggest you make istikhara. If you have any questions about how this should be done, read our article on the front page about it. If I were you, I would not do it with the question of whether or not leaving the marriage is a good idea (I can't imagine anyone advising you to stay and try to work it out), but rather ask Allah to reassure you that the guidance He has already given you by so many various means (your family, the imams, your friends, us, and possibly others you've not mentioned) is truly best for you and ask Him to make the way easy for you.

      In the meantime, I suggest you avoid all contact with him unless it's a dire necessity. Is there any way you can accomplish whatever needs to be done tomorrow without having to see or speak with him? My worry for you is that he will just try to put a head trip on you and that will only make it more difficult for you to sort all this out. If it's unavoidable and you have to see him, at least take some friends or relatives who support you and have your best interest in mind along with you, so that if he starts any trouble they can get you out of there before it gets too complicated.

      -Amy Editor

  7. Assalamu Alaikum,

    Sister Samiya, get out of the marriaga as fast as you can. Do not even listen to what your husband will try to tell you. cheaters have no truth to tell. Sister Amy had a good analysis for the behavior of your husband.

    Remember, by divorcing your husband you are saving yourself. As other mentioned, things get complicated when kids are involved. Allah showed you signs, take heed and ask Allah to help you get through this.

    May Allah ease your pain and bring happiness in your life.


  8. Sallam

    I have taken your advice and avoided him today .

    I have been praying intensely .

    I am usually very strong minded I'm an educated woman but it seems that is little when it comes to matters of the heart .

    I have been praying istahara since ramadaan and slowly I must say I am getting stronger .

    The imams say let us speak with him and see whether he is truly remorseful as he protests .

    He says he has repented but I am not convinced.

    This is why it seems Allah has taken me to this course I filled my application for faskh of nikkah ( dissolution of my marriage) Allah knows best .

    He has a meeting this weekend with the imams .

    Please pray for me I that I get strong and Allah protect me .

    • May all praise be to Allah our Lord, and may peace be upon His Messenger Muhammad SAWS;

      Insha'Allah, may Allah comfort your unrest and clarify your understanding in this matter. May Allah help you eat well, sleep peacefully, and strengthen you to follow His guidance until He has brought you to a resolution. May He give wisdom and discernment to the imams so that they may judge this matter according to truth. Amin.

      -Amy Editor

      • dear Samiya,

        already good advice has been given from people with more understanding of this matter. i really feel for you , i have been thinking of you through my night shift. inshallah i will go for jumma prayers in a while and specially pray for you. may Allah make it easy for you and you take a decision with no regrets.

        look after yourself.

  9. sister samiya, i am so sorry you went through this.

    1. whether he repents or not is between him and Allah and has nothing to do with the bettermint of your marriage.

    2. you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. EVEN if he manages to stop his relations, he will always be thinking about it and it may cause problems for you. he may even resort to other things like pornography or asking of you to do unislamic things etc.

    3. Allah has saved you from him by showing you the signs BEFORE your ceremony and before having any children. This is the best time to get out before getting pregnant, catching a disease or ruining the rest of your life. Divorce is imminent with a husband like this so better to get out before involving children and more years of your precious life.

    4. If you stay married to this man, you will live the REST of your life in doubt, there will be no trust, and the both of you will be fighting everyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyydayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. if you love him now, surely you will hate him then. Also if you bring children into the mix, all they will see is mother and father fighting and the nasty secrets of their father.

    5. In marriage, Allah tells us to chose the best of deen. Sadly and with his ex saddiction and arrogant and abusive attitude, this is not the best of deen compatible with you. You are not doing yourself any favour by staying with this man.

    So sister feel rest assured that you did the right thing by seeking divorce. Your marriage would have been based on distrust, dishonor, lies and no love at all. you would have just given yourself a life long lesson in torture and mashallah you came to this website and everyone is giving you sound good advice before its too too late.

    May Allah make it easier for you and keep you strong and bring you a god fearing man in the future who will love you and no one else.

  10. Salaam brothers and sisters of Islam

    Sister R , Amy and others who have posted

    I am so hurt right now I had to
    See him today was unavoidable ortherwise my brothers would have had to go and then I feel there would have been huge rows.

    He hasn't seem me for over two months and he completely started having a go at me .
    Shouting swearing saying he's changed and repented and it's my actions after his repentance that have got his here . I said to him his actions changed now he doesn't trust me he's saying as I have told family and also stopped him from going out !

    I'm so angry and upset . He then said to me that me going to the imaams is my family pushing me .
    He said for the last month he's been living his life and without any stress.

    I'm so angry he doesn't even see that he is the cause of this mess .

    He thinks that immans are going to advise him he shouted at me so much that it has confirmed what a horrible man he is .

    I hate him. He then said make sure you call me when u go home

  11. Once a cheat always a cheat.

    Your relationship is based on lies, betrayal and no respect for you as the wife. My advise to you is leave while you can because you deserve respect for yourself and why should you be treated like a doormat it really makes my blood boil when someone chooses to hide behind a curtain rather than be honest. The evidence you found was enough to show you he is a rat and dont care about his actions he is an experience LIAR FACT. The facts are he is a lair and a cheat and your relationship isn't based on anything, you deserve better and I hope you find the courage to leave him, may allah always be on your side inshllah

  12. OMG watchout for STDs . be careful

  13. Salaam brothers and sisters

    I Have been to the shariah courts my process of faskh of my nikkah has started the immams say unless he agrees to repenting agreeing the conditions placed by the immams and going to jummat they suggest divorce is the best option.

    He has already missed two appointments lets see if he attends the third . He advises me he wants the marriage to work but under his rules ! ( shocking I know)

    Thank you for the strong words of all it has made me stronger and ready to go through this .

    Please pray for me

    Allah for everyone's advice
    Sister Samiya

  14. Dear Samiya sister
    I think I am a lil too late in responding back to your post but nonetheless I can try to reach out if there is still any doubts in your mind..
    I will share my experience with you here to help you look at the situation more logically
    I was married in a similar kind of situation where my husband now Ex was into all sorts of relationships and drinking alcohol before our marriage ... And one thinks he will get better and stop but even if they stop for a while such men cannot hold on to one woman and eventually either push their wife into doing all haram things with them and if the wife doesn't comply they just don't stick to that marriage... I have been through with such a man... Where I was being pushed into his perversions and when I didn't comply he abandoned me... But Allah is all merciful ... I now know it was for my betterment... Men addicted to sex and having multiple partners can be a pain to your heart and soul both... And of course a health hazard... I would say you seek guidance from Allah don't ignore the signs and signals ... InshaAllah All that's best for you will come your way
    Stay blessed
    Your sister in struggle

  15. SALAAM ,all I am quiet surprised by everyones response , in this day in age, that sex addiction cannot be cured. Has anyone heard of HYPNOTHERAPY? , its therapy that focuses on the subconcious mind, focussing on the core problem ... The core problem maybe abuse when he was younger etc... But Sisters and brothers in ISLAM it is CURABLE!!

    • He's not a sex addict, give me a break *sigh*. He's just a lustful woman chaser and an arrogant plonker. His behaviour clearly signals that. If he truly believed HE is in the wrong for committing zina, then he wouldn't get mad when his wife asks him a question that is her right to ask - especially considering he's done a great job at losing her trust in him. If he understood her position to HIS harams, he would be very understanding as to why his wife wants to know where he is. He also wouldn't be missing appointments with the imams if he repented and truly believed he has a problem - nor would he tell his wife that he wants to play by only his rules - which probably means that the imams need to mind their own business so this jerk can continue having sex with women that aren't halal for him...and not have a "nagging wife". He needs to come back to real life where this is just not tolerated by any sane person with the tiniest amount of self respect.

  16. Asalamwalaikum Samiya,

    Some guys put an act on to seem like they are so caring, honest, lovable etc. but what you have witnessed which has been going on behind your back and maybe right now aswell. If you think he is a sex addict and no matter how hard he tries to make you believe that he has repented and started to pray, shaitan can always and easily lead him back to the path which he was on depending on how much of an addict he was. If you have been getting confused istikhara signs, dreams then you should follow them as Allah could be giving you a sign of getting out of the situation before it's too late? I understand that you have alot of love towards him and feel attached but sister is this what you want? You may think you'll slowly trust him again but what about the doubts and signs you are getting? You should alway's listen to your family because end of the day they are the ones who brought you up and want the best for you from their heart. The decision is yours in whatever you may wish to do but I hope Allah saves you from this situation and shows you the right path and may your husband be guided onto the right path In Shaa Allah Ameen

  17. Leave him.
    May Allah help you. Ameen

  18. bismillah

    As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

    i am writing this in the hope that it may help someone, inshaaAllah. I will outline what has happened first. then some advice.

    I hope everyone is well, and I pray that Allah holds us firm to the deen.

    My Addiction
    I am a 40 year old male, i pray 5 times a day, i am easy going, laid back kind of a man. who deals with his responsibilities, and extended responsibilities.

    I have been introduced to masturbation at the young age of 7. By my older brother (9 years older) who is not a good person. Showed me magazines and molested me. We are a practicing muslim household, other that my older brother.

    As it was instilled in at a young age, i used to look for pornography magazines from alley ways which we have in places in the uk.

    Also as i grew, this disease grew with me, i started to steal magazines to fulfil my desires. I would never look at my relations or family with that intention ever, or any muslimah.

    But, unfortunately i had picture memory. That i could recall images back. it is a disease of the heart, which was instilled in me by my elder brother.

    Masturbation was a regular thing, sometimes 10 times a day. Other than that i, never commited adultery. I would not engage with the opposite sex. I would not goto discos or anything like that.

    The battle was within me, i would leave it. Come back to it stronger. There was no end. I couldn't find an end. i was loosing a battle, and i was fearing that Allah was going to punish me, and send me to hell for eternity.

    The Wife
    I have been married for 19 years. I am still attracted to my wife, and love her a lot (maaShaaAllah). This all stopped at the time of marriage. But, i had left some magazines which i had forgotten about. Under a drawer. Whilst my newly wed wife was cleaning, she came across them. Confronted me, and never forgave me. Brought it up all the time. for the last 18.5 years has never trusted me again. kept reminding me of what i had done.

    Even though at times, i had stopped as she had reminded me. Then the urge would be to go back.

    The hardest for me was, when she wasn't tired, unwell, or on her monthly cycle.

    My wife has been negative in way, and positive in ways. She said whenever i want to do it i could. But this hasn't always been the case. Sometimes inbetween one cycle we would only do it once.

    You see,i just don't want to do it, i want to enjoy it and take my time(make love as they say). Some times i have just done it. i have advised my wife i need to do it atleast 2 times a day, for 2 weeks, then 1 a day after that. which did help.

    But unfortunately, wifes health wasn't too good. Soo, had to stop. I managed to control my self for 2 to 3 months sometimes. The worst, and the most vulnerable i was (to the shaitaan waswassah and my desires), was when i was constantly declined, for what ever reason (health/tiredness). Sometimes, he wife would just not wanted to. Said in the morning, and i knew it wouldn't happen.

    i have been patient, and have never forced myself on her.

    The other thing was, that if i didn't have sexual relief from the wife, or masturbated. It would make me grumpy, and would complain all the time, advised my wife that it makes me grumpy. When she wasn't well for two years, i would still be nice even though i was dieing on the inside.

    I have said many times, i need another wife, but unfortunately cannot finance two households. Also know that i can treat both women equally if i had the finances. Also have thought of how to keep it as one large family rather than two families.

    My Battle with the shaitaan and his games
    the shaitaan is patient, and picks you off. When i look back at it, i can see the shaitaans games.

    Like the story of the pious man, the 3 brothers and the sister. Basically, the shaitaan, didn't make them do the sin off adultery and murder straight away, but a bit by bit slowly slowly.

    My case was, he was destroying my morals, and my deen. Also instilling the fear that i would never be forgiven. to give up, Allahs mercy. Alhamdulillah i asked Allah to help me.

    as i would be impure, the shaitaan would say: you are unclean if you have a shower your mother will wonder why you having a shower multiple times a day. Soo would end up missing my prayers (astaghfirullah). soo he would win.

    I always am repenting all the time, and end up doing it again.

    How i started to deal with the issue (easier said than done)

    What ever the shaitaan likes, i did the opposite. What i needed to do as a muslim i started to do it, or did more)
    1) Ask Allah to help you, in sajood with this matter, after you have said subhaanAllah 3x atleast
    2) Keep clean (shaitaan hates cleanliness)
    3) Keep yourself perfumed (shaitaan stays in smelly places, i,e, bathroom)
    4) Every time, and image of nudity comes in my head, i say aoozobillah
    5) When the urge arises, to go on filth, i pick up the quran.
    6) increased in optional fasting
    7) Phone the wife, and talk to her (not even sexual talk)
    8) Encouraged wife over time, to make it more interesting in the bedroom.
    9) After every prayer, read the 3 Kuls once, and Ayat ul kursi once., Fajr and Maghrib, do threefolds.
    10) Remember, and do dhikr as and when you can. Always ask Allah to forgive you and make you stronger.
    11) Always stay in wudhu (wudhu is a protection)

    My brothers and sisters, this has taken a long time for me. First of all, you want to accept that you want to address the issue. the problem is sometimes, because you enjoy it and don't want to address it (fully).

    But Alhamdulillah, i am stronger. But has taken me along time. I have been battling this for 22 years. But seriously addressed it this Ramadan. Didn't do anything on the evening, then fell short after Ramadan for a bit. But Alhamdulillah i have come out stronger than ever before. As has been away for a few weeks. Looking forward to her coming home. InshaAllah with Allahs help, this is now finished.

    Allah says, ask me and i will give you. Soo ask Allahs help.
    Remember the prayer purifies you, and the quran purifies you.

    Advise for the wife
    1) Don't keep reminding him as it reminds him to do the sin. Not that he committed a sin. It does not help, but leep an eye on him.
    2) be patient with him if he is a god fearing person. who isn't involved in physical adultery. Or even going out with women
    3) Most displeasing thing to Allah is divorce, also that is the shaitaans ultimate goal. Soo don't please the shaitaan. Try to work it out. InshaAllah it will sort out. As it has for me.
    4) increase in sexual activity, try being adventurous but within the folds of what is permitted in islam. i.e. different positions and rooms of the house.

    (which reminds me, the desire that the people off Lut, that it used to overcome them. I know what Allah is saying. You do not use logic at the time. You don't care at the time. Its like being extremely angry that, you lose control. It is exactly the same thing.) Alhamdulillah i have already dealt with my anger issues, from when i was 13. Found when i was 18, i was in control and level headed all the time.


    Oh Allah help us all, and protect us all. Our muslims families. Oh Allah, give us righteous offspring, and the offspring righteous wifes/husbands. Oh Allah help the muslims around the world who are suffereing. Aameen

    If I have made any spelling mistakes, or said anything wrong please forgive me. If I have said anything isamically wrong, May Allah guide us All. If I do find that I have said someone wrong, I will come back inshaaAllah and edit the post.

    An Anonymous brother with Ex Sex Addiction InshaaAllah

    • I am the same case with little variations. Dear Brother you are great. You shared your experience for other people guidance. Stay blessed.

    • Asalamualaikum Anonymous brother with EX Sex addiction, Thank you for your courage to come forward. Thank you for giving advice based on your own experience and for reiterating that we should not let Shaitan win! I wish your post was on its own and not linked the sister who is married to a very bad man.You are a really good person by including your wife and only her in what you desire. Keep well and continue doing what is right on your journey....slms

  19. I realy fell bad for you coz is hard for u to deside yes easy to say anyrhing and very hard for ur mind to axept it coz clearly ur in love with him. But this maight be the hardest setuation that u faced u will bee remembring this guy all ur life trest me its very hard at first but afer a whil u will feel less confused about the disision but this guy will in ur mind for a very very long time but eventually it will go away but it takes time and u must find another guy if the guy u gonna find please you and totaly the other way around than ur previous husband dream come through most probably u will forget ur husband quiq and u will be glad about the disision. Well I had the same problem well I finished with hime forcing my self. 3 years letter I still remember him but im happly re merried aother muslim strict islam afraid of allah for his reaction in daly basis so alhamdulila life ismuch bettet. Howver you should listen to ur mother finished with this guy you cannot change him unless hi ready to chenge. Anyway mosy of us we dont wanna listen to our mum but allah said ad well our mother our wely they see things best for us than coz remeber sumel.. umm sumel...umm three times. My sister finished with this guy and listen your mum.... its going to tough but one day by day it will hill it self... inshallah may allah help you and extra azkar in daly basis will help you to get over it more quickly. .. good luck

  20. sister
    please realise he is a sex addict and needs help. I know this as I too am married to a Muslim sex addict and he thinks he can cure himself. Well he cant I have read over 100 books, looked at medication, even been to sex addicts meeting and meetings to help me try to live with better with him. All conclusions show it is a medical condition that needs to be addressed by a 12 step group. My husband refuses to go as he says he will cure himself...for me I now need to divorce him. However in his defense I have not been able to find any specific 12 step groups in UK for Muslims - perhaps if there was such a group our husbands may be able to reach out for support form other Muslim addicts who have used the tools of the 12 steps to support each other in recovery.
    If anyone knows of such groups please let me know.

  21. Assalamaleikum,

    Dear Samya ,

    I am in the same situation as you are or even worse . Please advise me what has happened since in your life ? Have you divorced him or has anything changed for the better in you marriage??


  22. Ive been with my husband for 15 years. He has been cheating on me for many years. I discovered a phone in his car with over 100 girls numbers. I didnt confront him but instead tapped his car. I was suprised to hear what i heard. Everytime he would go out even to do grocery, he would stop any random girl and take her number to link up later. And on weekends go out pick up drunk girls snd you know the rest. I was heartbroken. I had been loyal to him and how could he do this. I was pregnant at the time. I did leave him but he repented and said we go do umrah and start fresh and made loads of promises. But after a few months he started again. He cant stop. He repeats the same pattern again even thou i ring him constantly to see we he is and doesnt go out chilling. Any opportunity he gets he will try ot with anyone. Im telling you men with a addiction will never change ever no matter how much they love you. All this suffering and heartpain is from allah because he tests who he loves.

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