My husband had an extra marital affair. How do I get rid of him?
Extra-Marital Affairs
salaam,
4 yrs back my husband had an affair with his cousin.
I was pregnant at that time . 2 years after his affair I got to find out that he was sleeping with his cousin. I slept in 1 room n he slept with her in next room at that moment it never came to my mind that he was sleepin with her; he never confessed to that yet. Now, recently, I found out his sleeping with another married lady.
What do I do when I confrnt him?
He says that its a lie. Recently, I said to him to divorce me because, I can't take it any more. I have kids but he doesn't want to divorce.
All this has affected my health really badly please sum 1 tell me what can I do. I love him sooo much but now I am ready to let go. I can't take it anymore. I think about killing myself, but when kids came and say "mum y r u crying" and hug me it makes me more weak, why doesn't Allah give me death rather than all this pain?
Now I don't even like him touching me, and he tries to act normal
~ ill fated gal
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AsSalamualaikum,
My sister, you are not ill fated. Allah is testing you. And Allah only tests those that He Loves.
Allah is The Greatest of all. He is always with His believing slaves. You just need to trust in Him and hope from Him, that whatever happens in your life, Allah will reward you for it.
Regarding your husband's sexual relation with other women, I have a question.
Did you see him while he slept with another woman? If no, then you might have mistaken. Do not jump to any conclusion, until you have enough proof.
But if your answer is yes, then you need to talk to him and tell him that you have seen him with that lady on bed (or whatever you have seen). Make it clear.
If he is ready to repent, then you should probably give him another chance.
But if he tends to repeat his deed, or is denies what you saw, then he does not deserve you. You should probably part from him.
You asked for divorce and he did not agree, right?
You can seek a Khula by approaching the Qaadhi. Take help from your father or any make relative of yours.
You can alternatively ask the Qaadhi to annul the Nikah (faskh). Ask your father what you should do and proceed accordingly.
If you do this, insha Allah, he won't have any choice but to part from you.
I pray to Allah that whatever is good for you happens.
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
It seems like u think every man is innocent, and I never see any calling u out on it
Asalamoalikum sister,
I’m sorry to hear about your pain. I pray that Allah swt gives you the strength to overcome this trial and eases your pain, inshAllah.
Before I give you my two cents into this situation, please note that I’m going to give you some extreme advice; some people may not agree with it. This may partly be because there are certain things I can compromise with but some things are just unacceptable for me. Cheating and abuse are those two things.
Your husband’s behaviour is despicable. He should be ashamed of himself for sleeping around with his cousin in the next room in your mere presence. I am however shocked that you did not find it awkward that he was sleeping in the same room with his cousin. If my husband were to do that, I’d be the first to walk in and question if he were sane or not.
Since you have caught him cheating again with another woman this time around and he is not accepting his fault, instead he is denying it; you need to ask yourself is he really worth it? I understand you have children and it’s not easy to make such a huge decision (i.e., if you should stay with him or divorce him), but you need to realize that his behaviour will eventually take a toll on the children and that’s something they do not deserve. They came into this world by your husband and your choice and they deserve to be loved unconditionally. It is your duty to protect them and this includes protecting them from any emotional turmoil.
I suggest you have a final discussion with him and give him an ultimatum: either he changes his ways, accepts his mistakes and sincerely repents, including maybe taking some family counseling/therapy, or he’s out the door. You need to be strong for your children.
You’re a beautiful Muslimah and I’m sure a great mother as well. Exercise your Islamic right to say no and don’t let this man walk all over you. If he can’t change his ways, then I suggest that divorce would be the best option.
I always say, it’s better for a child to live in a single-parent family in harmony then in a two-parent dysfunctional family. They will never view the world in the same way again.
Stay strong sister.
-Helping Sister
Hi sister
I have read in a number of Islamic websites that having extramarital relations or sleep with other lady is permissible in Islam for man. Muta marriage is one thing that represent one night stand now a days is it true???
I m confused my husband also have affairs and always look for non Muslim ladies to have fun. So for him it's not sin according to Islam??? Confused....
This is not correct. Extramarital relations are haram, period. No exceptions. As for mutah marriage, is it allowed by the Shi'ah scholars but in Sunni Islam it is prohibited.
Your husband is cheating on you and committing a major sin. It's that simple.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister i also need to confirm this.. He was actually sleeping with his cousin within ur knowledge n u had no objection to this?? A man n a woman together in a closed room!! Sister if u knew they were together then im sorry to say that its ur fault that u let it happen.. Human nature is weak n if a man n woman r in this situation sumthing is bound to happen.. Dont raise ur eye to this.. Islam has forbiden a man n a woman to be in privacy or even friendly talk for a reason..
What happened is history.. In my view the only solution is get a Khula..
May Allah bless u and ur kids with lots of happiness and success.. May Allah guide u out of ur misery..
The behavior by your husband is despicable.
He will be punished for it in the hereafter.
But what makes a man stray?
Lust .. Yes if he was alone with a female then that would play a part.
You were pregnant and he had carnal desires and in certain situations they can take over.
However does he love you? The fact that you say you love him and he tries to act normal.
That shows he is ashamed. He cannot talk about it as he knows he was wrong.
However as you say you have found he is sleeping with another married woman..
Is this because after the first incident you have been cold to him.
He wants your love but you knock him back?
Affairs should not happen, but a married woman is a woman your man cannot go to at anytime.
You can find out exact times and confront her to get to the truth.
Sometimes men have female friends. Yes I know it's forbidden.. But the world we live in is not the same.
Three is a culture clash and an MTV gangster mentality.
But the worse thing I have read is the advice to get divorced.
Ask your husband to give you one divorce. He has three. That gives you a break apart and it gives you a chance to go back if things can get better.
Marriage is also a test.. It's so easy to have a mills and boon perspective on these matters.
You will never get 100% with anyone settle for 80% and live with it
Half of what u say is right on but if a man is cheating then that's not accepting 80%, that's accepting a very high risk of getting a std, living in extreme emotional pain (only the betrayed know how that feels), damaging children if there are any involved etc.
It's true no matter who u get will have faults but adultery is not a fault, it is an extremely selfish act and if the Quran has put such heavy punishment on it if caught then that goes to show its not something as easy as just accepting that 80%! It's a major sin and one where a divorce is absolutely allowed if there is hard proof.
Sister I feel ur pain. I'm having a hard time with my husband. He drinks and smokes weed, duesnt come home often. It hurts me a lot. He's been sending ladies text messages and having private meetings, going to strip clubs, night clubs, holidays to Dubai, turkey, morocco. In Ramadan I went to Jordan to visit his family, and he said he could not come cz he had work. Wen I got back he was sun tanned and stunk of booze. He said no it was hot here n he got burnt. After further searches I found out he went to Spain and saw him in pictures with alcohol in his hand and about 20-30 women in bikinis in a pool in the back ground. I went away again and I found out he went to Brighton with two of his female workers. I'm tired and in stressed. I can't get over it and don't know wat to do. I suffer from depression and I'm losing my hair now. Alhumdulilah I'm a revert. We have 3 children. I have been with him for 12 years. And it's been a real test. With the grace if Allah he has made me strong. I do not think of divorce. Allah will guide me abd my children. I am alone all day. I do not see him and he does not call to even ask how his children are. He now has not seen them for two weeks cz he says he busy. Every day I wake up with a pain in my chest. But I will give u advice. If u say he is cheating I suggest you be careful. There r many diseases n aids out there. I know this cz my sister is HIV positive n her husbsnd n 15 year old passed away from this. I too lost my brother from this last year. My advice is to look after urself and ur children n pray that Allah will guide you got the right path. Listen to Quran, read Quran to strenghthen you. I don't know you but only you can fix this situation.
Dear Fatima,
I am reading your message after almost 3 years. I hope that you are much better in your life now. I would never have tolerated a husband like him. Our Prophet (Pbuh) treated his women with respect and dignity. The name of woman is mentioned in equal times to that of man in the Qu-raan. I'll pray that you find solace, in whichever part of the world you might be.
Dear Fatima
I'm also facing almost same problem. In my case I caught my husband when he was planning to meet a lady and asking me to get my clothes ready because he has very important meeting. Actually I was checked his email ( sorry for that) and I know that he had planned a date. I tried to not say anything to him but I couldn't stop myself. I burst out that I know you are going to meet a lady. But he kept saying you are accusing me and Allah is going to put you in fire for accusing your husband. Than to proof myself I show him his own email account and all conversations. It was the only thing I showed her but there were also more ladies on what's app as well. He didn't go on that day and said its just time pass and started blaming me that it was all because of me but actually I had 2 weeks baby at that time and she was premature.
Anyways for my kids I said sorry and asked him to stop everything after that I tried my best to available fo r him any time he said but than I noticed that he started to search fo ladies. Than again I reminded him that it's sin but he didn't stop he said I m not touching them it's just on pics but I read his msgs like I m free on this time and not interested on chatting just sex for fun no commitments and like this at all.
His point is that it's not sin for me it is. He has his own deeds I tried my best to stop him but can't go for separation because he loves his daughter so much and very responsible in every aspect.
I just want myself to stop checking his emails and phone but I can't control myself. Give me some advise how to keep myself calm while sleeping with a man who always tried to look out for fun and not keep a check on him.
It's so automatic that even I feel regret because knowing everything hurts me a lot than keep my eyes close.
Regards
Sallumalaikom my sister,I'm a recent revert .I have become very devoted and most pasionate with Islam.I'm so disgusted and traumitised to see such brothers in lslum ,go against their beliefs ,of our holy Quran and still live life as though its their own ..How can they call themselves true Muslims ,if they do not appreciate Allaha's(pbah) creation and just follow his instructions,as dictated by the Quaran .My sister ,Allaha (pbah) is in control and as long as you have Imaan, only miracles will happen for you,in due time.Insha Allah the biggest test is for your husband.We should make duas for him.Allah will note abandon his people who have IMaan.So have subber, your prayers will soon be a answerd,ten times more than you arsk ..Millions of us true Muslims,make duas for people like you,in our Sallas.We believe in a true Allah(pbah) .So now you will see his power,subahanalla .Salamalaikom.