Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband hasn’t approached me for sex.

Wedding night bed

Assalamoalikum,

I got married 3 years ago, and my husband hasn't had intercourse with me yet. He fulfills his desire by oral sex through me. Whenever I demand my rights, he says "there is a problem with you, that's why I lose concentration and cannot fulfill your rights", but he always demands oral sex. What should I do?

-confusedsoul

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16 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    RIGHT QUESTION-
    RIGHT ANSWER TALK TO YOUR MOTHER AND SEE IF HE COMES TO DO HIS DUTY AND FARZ THEN CONTINUE OTHERWISE YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO CHOOSE YOUR LIFE AND THE DECISION IS VALID IF YOU GO ABOUT ANY OTHER PROPOSAL AS ISLAM DOES NOT ALLOW TO DO-OPPRESSION NOR FACE OR SUPPRESS YR LIFE WITH OPPRESSION-TAKE THIS ONE INSTANCE FROM HADEES YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THE DEPTH HUSBANDS DUTY AND THE POWERFUL RIGHTS OF WOMEN ALLAH GAVE-

    JUST LITTLE NEGLIGENCE AND PROPHET SALALAHUALAHAIWASALAM IMMIDIATELY TOOK THE ACTION
    BECAUSE THERE IS NO CHANCE OF BECOMING WALIS AND SAINTS IN ISLAM NEITHER NEGLIGENCE-
    ENTERTAINED FROM BOTH PLAYERS CALLED COUPLE-

    Celibacy and Monasticism is Forbidden. Islam is totally opposed to monasticism and celibacy. Uthman bin Maz’un was a close companion of the Prophet. One day his wife came to the Prophet and complained, “O Messenger of God! Uthman fasts during the day and stands for prayers during the night.” In other words, she meant to say that her husband was avoiding sexual relations during the night as well as the day. The Prophet was angered. He did not even wait to put on his slippers. He went to Uthman’s house and found him praying. When Uthman finished his prayers and turned towards the Prophet, he said, “O Uthman! Allah did not send me for monasticism, rather He sent me with a simple and straight [Shariah]. I fast, pray and also have intimate relations with my wife. So whosoever likes my tradition, then he should follow it; and marriage is one of my traditions.”

  2. It is your right to also get your sexual needs met.

    Talk to him about it, because he is the problem. Maybe he is sexually naive and doesn't know what to do, but tell him to figure it out because you are unhappy.

    There are many resources, such as books that are appropriate that he can use to work on his skills in the bedroom.

    If he doesn't meet your needs is he a good husband? Do you want to have children with him? Is he attracted to you? These are questions I would sit down and try to talk about it.

  3. You and your husband needs to see a sex therapist. Looks like your huband has erectile dysfunction.From what you say, he seems to get a partial erection not strong enough for sexual intercourse. I don't think it is you who is causing this.

  4. Salaams,

    Three years is entirely too long to wait for sex. I would not have personally waited that long. Honestly, if my husband acted like that, I would suspect that maybe he's not attracted to women, and gains pleasure from imagining me being a male during the oral sex. Even men with erectile dysfunction TRY to have sex, and otherwise enjoy a woman's body. His aversion to you is unnatural and unfounded.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. The first thing that came to my mind was that he might be attracted to a men...

    • I thought the same thing too, but again I think he would have preferred anal over oral. If he is having oral sex with his wife and has never requested for anal, then it seems he isn't interested in men either.

      Also, if he had never had intercourse with his wife, then it doesn't seem like the problem is from his wife. If he had it with her before and then complains about it, then the problem might be from the intercourse.

      His case seems very strange.

      To the OP:

      1- Has your husband ever requested for anal sex before, and you refused it or something?
      2- What type of male friends does your husband have? What do they look like? Are they religious? Does he spend much time with them?
      3- Is your husband religious? How often does he engage in religious activities?
      4- What happened in the first time/night when both of you met after marriage? Was he interested in intercourse, and then changed his mind?
      5- How did he come up with the idea of oral sex?

      However, the best way to know the problem is to ask him to tell you. As you said, he said, "there is a problem with you, that's why I lose concentration and cannot fulfill your rights"

      • Anal sex is haram!

        Issah you should know that.

        • Lol-I know that Brother. But I have seen a post on this website, where the Muslim husband requested for anal sex from his Muslim wife (despite it being haram), so I wanted to know if it's the same case here. Like maybe, if he is interested in men, then he is having oral because he can't get anal or something. The case seems very strange, so I was just curious, that's all.

        • Ok. I will do that next time InshaAllah. JazakAllahu Khair Akhi.

  6. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    WHAT EVER THE REASON 3 YEARS IS TOO MUCH TO BEAR AND THIS IS SHEER OPPRESSION BY THE HUSBAND AND HATS OFF TO YOU FOR YR PATIENCE-
    ENOUGH IS ENOUGH I HAVE GIVEN ABOVE THE HADEES EXPLAINING THE PROPHET SALALAHUALAHAIWASALAM EXPRESSING HIS POINT-
    REGARDS

  7. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    This is very strange and unnatural. His comment about losing concentration makes no sense. There is more to this and I would say a lot more is going on his mind. You do not have to continue to live like this and prolong this suffering.

    May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

  8. Hello Sister,

    I have read your mail and I think your husband needs your support for intercourse, he's lacking with self-confidence and somewhat man power problem, I am not sure but its only a doubt so better i suggest regain his confidence because a woman can do, if you love him and you love to be with him, if the man feels shy or any-such than instead of discouraging him better encourage his self-confidence and don't forget to take help from Allah, inshallah Allah will sort of your problem as you desire.....ameen

    Regards
    Sayeed

  9. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    I FORGET TO SAY THAT CONSUMATION OF MARRIAGE IS DEPENDENT ON SEXUAL INTERCOURSE AND THIS IS VERY SERIOUS MATTER-AND THE RESULT MAY THE MARRIAGE ITSELF MIGHT BE IN A VERY DANGEROUS POSITION....
    And he has to live with her honourably. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning)“and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]

    It is not right for husband and wife to break their relations for such a long time. If there are differences, then they should try to reconcile as soon as possible. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) urged Muslims to reconcile their differences within three days. The one who begins the reconciliation receives the greater reward and blessings from Allah.
    According to the Qur’an, ila’. [In Shari`ah, ila’ means that the husband swears that he will not have sexual intercourse with his wife, either for an unrestricted period or for more than four months.] Allah says, “Those who swear that they will not go into their wives, the waiting period is four months. Then if they go back, Allah is surely Forgiving, Merciful. If they resolve on a divorce, then Allah is surely hearing and knowing.” (Al-Baqarah: 226-227)

    WILL LET YOU KNOW MORE AUTHENTIC POINTS SOON-REGARDS

  10. Sister,

    Three years is three years too long! The next time your husband demands oral sex, just tell him when he fulfills your needs, you'll be happy to fulfill his!

    Salam

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