Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Caught husband hiding porn on his phone

Woman holding mobile phone

Salaam everyone,

I've been married to my husband for a year, and I've never felt depressed like this in my life. The first couple of months were fine, but slowly I started to find things in him I didn't like. The first thing was his extreme interest in anal sex. He kept forcing me to do it with him, but I kept refusing...until one time we were having sex and he did it to me out of nowhere during intercourse.

I was in so much pain. I was yelling at him to stop. I was crying, but he wouldn't stop until after he was done. I was so depressed, angry, scared and sad. I didn't talk to him the rest of the night. The next day he apologized, and I accepted his apology, but I was still hurt. To this day I get really depressed about it. I don't want to sound as if I am whining, but I feel like it scarred me, and every time I think about it I cry.

What hurts more is that a little while after that he was interested in anal sex. Eventually he stopped asking me for it. Then one day he was acting very suspicious with his phone -he kept hiding it and smiling at the same time. Something told me to grab his phone and I did. I found so much porn, also pictures of women's backsides. I've never had low self esteem in my life, nor was I ever depressed.

A couple months passed and I am still hurting. I think I am unattractive. I have really bad depression, and I always suspect he is doing or watching bad things. I was happy before I got married, but now I feel like a different person. What's killing me is that I still love him, but I hate the things he's done to me. I don't want a divorce because either way, as I feel like I still won't ever be happy. Please, I need advice.

-muslima1120


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7 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM-ANAL SEX LEADS TO FATAL DISEASE AIDS-
    DONT WORRY THERE ARE MANY DANGERS- WHICH PROVE -SHOW THIS COPY TO YOUR HUSBAND -ALLAH HAS MADE THE MOST DISASTERIOUS CONSEQUENCES FOR THOSE WHO GO FOR ANAL SEX-
    PLS NOTE THESE IMPORTANT POINTS TO CONVINCE HIM THEN INSHALLAH HE HIMSELF WILL SAYS-HE DOES NOT WANT- The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) cursed the one who does this: "Cursed is the one who approaches his wife in her rectum" (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 2/479; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 5865).
    The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) also said: "The one who has intercourse with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her rectum, or who goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what was revealed to Muhammad." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1/243; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 5918).
    It is known that this act is forbidden even if both partners agree to it. Mutual consent to a haraam deed does not make it halaal.
    "If you find someone doing the deed of the people of Lot, then execute the doer and the one to whom it was done." reported by Ibn Abbas, Book of Legal Punishment, Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Book 17, Hadith 40 [Number 1456], Hasan.[26]WHY CURSED-SEE-
    Complications:The virus hides in nerve endings and reoccurs STD Information Chart-Common Sexually Transmitted Diseases...
    Conditions And Diseases-Pain Anal Sex-Perianal Abscess-Small Lumps Near Anal Area?Incurable STDs
    1. AIDs ..................(virus)
    2. Genital Herpes .. (virus)
    3. Genital Warts .... (virus)
    Painful blisters itch, redden the skin, form into groups and ulcerate.
    GENITAL WARTS (HPV)
    Bacterial Sexually Transmitted Diseases/COLON CANCER AND RECTAL CANCER/Abscess/Anal /Cancer of the Anus/Cancer of the Rectum....Anal Fissures

    The list of conditions in the Diseases contagious from anal sex group includes:
    Sexually transmitted diseases - some STDs.-Chlamydia,Genital herpes,Genital warts,Gonorrhea,HIV,Pelvic Inflammatory Diseases...
    Anal cancer is a rare type of cancer. The anus is where stool leaves your body when you go to the bathroom. It is made up of your outer layers of skin and the end of your large intestine. Anal cancer is a disease in which cancer cells form in the tissues of the anus.
    Symptoms include bleeding, pain or lumps in the anal area. Anal itching and discharge can also be signs of anal cancer. Possible treatments include radiation, chemotherapy and surgery. Your treatment will depend whether the tumor has spread, and on the type, size and location of the tumor.
    HOPE THE ABOVE RESEARHED DISEASES ARE SUFFICIENT FOR HIMN TO UNDERSTAND THAT HE IS INVITING THE WRATH OF ALLAH-
    PLS PONDER ON THESE DISEASES WHICH ARE INVITED BY THE ACT OF ANAL SEX ISLAM DOES NOT SAY ANYTHING JUST LIKE THAT THERE SCIENTIFIC REASONS BEHIND ANY PROHIBITION-
    REMEMEBER THERE ARE TWO COATS IN THIS WORLD-
    1]THE BLACK COAT[LAWYER] ANY DISPUTE OR CIVIL OR CRIMINAL CASE CAN BE WITHDRAWN OR CANCELLED AND SAVE YOURSELF FROM THE TORTURE-
    2]WHITE COAT[THE DOCTOR]THIS IS THE MOST WORST AND DIRTIEST HANDS IN WHICH A PERSON LANDS AND NEVER COME OUT OF THEM EVEN IF THE PERSON DIES THE ORGANIZATION OF THIS GROUP HAS TE BE PAID IN LAKHS AND MILLIONS TO BRING THE BODY OUT OF THE PREMISES-
    HEALTH IS WEALTH-
    One possible interpretation of “health is wealth” is that being free from illness and pain has a richness of its own.
    It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.
    DO FOLLOW ISLAM BE HEALTHY AND RIGHTIOUS SAVE YOURSELF AND SAVE THE FAMILY FROM DISEASES-

    PLS SHOW THIS TO YR HUSBAND

  2. As-salamu Alaykum, Sister,
    You are newly married, and your husband's behavior is highly disturbing at a time when love and romance is usually at its peak for a married couple. He has set a very bad tone for your relationship by violating you sexually and openly enjoying porn in your presence. You may feel emotional about this relationship, but I would say get out of the marriage and cut your losses before it becomes harder to leave later on, especially if you end up having children. I do not say this lightly but believe that men who do such vulgar things rarely change. It would take a lot to convince me that someone like this even cares about changing. If he shows sincere regret and remorse, that is one thing, but it seems like he has some type of unhealthy obsession with anal sex and does not understand how vulgar this is. By all means, show him the evidence that it is haram and totally unacceptable but don't expect this to make a genuine change in his outlook or behavior. In the meantime, you should try to understand that this has nothing to do with how attractive or worthy you are. You did nothing wrong, and you certainly deserve much better than to live a life filled with sorrow and doubt.

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum sister muslima1120

      I agree with A

      I personally wouldn’t suggest any woman to accept to take such a responsibility of changing such a man (as you can’t really tell if he will ever change or not). This could be even worse if children are involved and he didn’t change. She may be in a pain forever, but still stays with him for the children’s sake or for something. May Allah forbid this, and may Allah guide him!!!

  3. sister salaam

    i cannot belive this he has raped you then just thinks ok to say sorry get out of there as quickly as you can he will not change

  4. Salam ,

    Sister talk to him and confront him, that's unfair, that he adores Porn over his wife. Then he will probably understand his mistakes. And you both should make you beautyful for each other...

  5. sister:
    You have two options.
    One to try and talk to him and give him time to change.
    Porn is a disease and sadly so many men are into it.
    But, Please do not have children or you will be caught with him for the rest of your life.

    Second, is to leave him. This man has rapped you and this is just too much to bear with.
    If you think you can forgive him and talk to him well and good.
    Third keep praying to allah to show you the right path.
    Ask for help. Do istikhrah. If this man is good for you ALlah will make things easier for you and vise versa
    We are here for you.
    Stay strong.

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