Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband hit me for smoking

Man smoking cigarette

I have a kid and have been married 2.5 years. I smoke and I know it's a bad habit. My husband doesn't like it, and when he found out he hit me and made me swear on the Quran and called me munafiq. But despite everything, I did it again. This time he made me say that jannah would be haram on me if I did it again.

Now I have 3 questions:

1. If I gave kuffara, will jannah be haram on me since he forced me to say the words and I said them to avoid further conflict?

2. Is a person who is regularly in haqooq Allah and most haqooq ul ibad worse than a person who isn't regular in prayer and earns through a way which may be open to debate for haram, or a person who sits at home and doesn't do anything?

3. I am beginning to despise my husband, will it be wrong to leave him?

About myself: I pray regularly and give charity and zaqat on time. I make an attempt to not lie and protect my baby from modern fitnas. To my knowledge I think smoking is one of my few vices.


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13 Responses »

  1. OP: I am beginning to despise my husband, will it be wrong to leave him?

    Is smoking the only reason you despise your husbands? Are their other things about your husband that bother you?

    People smoke because of sever stress. You need to work on that. Giving up smoking is not easy but many people do and feel better after giving up smoking.

  2. Sister,

    Although smoking is a disgusting and harmful habit, your husband hitting you will do nothing short of making you want to pick up another cigarette. If you want to quit smoking, see your doctor. They can find ways to help you stop.

    You might also want to learn exactly how smoking affects not only your body but your skin too. Check out photos of women who have smoked all their lives and see how the habit ages their skin horribly. It's pretty shocking. More than anything...think about how you want to live to see your child grow up and your grand children as well. That in itself should be enough to make you think twice about smoking.


  3. Regarding the above two responses, I really think the issue here is should her husband be hitting her for smoking and declaring her unfit for Jannah.

    The issue of the suitability of her smoking is not the subject of her post.

    Smoking is an addiction. You can quit "cold turkey" but this is unlikely to last.

    Your husband has an obligation to treat you kindly. He is a violent man. He needs help with that. He should never have beat you for smoking, instead realizing that he also has some bad habits that require amendment.

    Please try to quit smoking for everyone's sake - your health and the health of your family. Also recognize that tobacco is a drug and as muslims we do not use drugs.

    However, please also ensure that you are safe. If this man has a history of violence, and you feel that he may beat you again, please speak to a respected family member, imam or elder to act as an intermediary and explain to him his Islamic obligations of treating you kindly and avoiding violence at all costs.

    • Precious Star,

      Totally agree with you...I did miss the point. It is never okay for a man to hit his wife and vice versa. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.


  4. As-salamu alaykum,

    Precious Star said, "The issue of the suitability of her smoking is not the subject of her post."

    Exactly right. Those who are lecturing you are missing the point. You already know it is a vice and I'm sure you would like to quit one day, Insha'Allah, as it's bad for your health and the secondhand smoke is bad for your child's health as well.

    The important issues in this post are:

    1. Your husband has no right to hit you, no matter the circumstances. If you are convinced that it was just a one-time thing and will not be repeated, you might want to stay and work on the marriage, Insha'Allah. Marriage counseling may be in order to help the two of you work out your problems.

    However, if he has been repeatedly abusive then my advice is to leave him, especially if your child is not his (that was not clear from your post). Every human being has the right to live in peace and security, free from abuse and oppression.

    2. It is extremely arrogant of your husband to tell you that Jannah is forbidden for you. That judgment belongs to Allah alone. No statement by your husband and no vow that you make can affect that. It is the right and domain of Allah to reward and punish. No one on earth can control it.

    I won't answer your question about who is better or worse. It's good that you pray and give zakat, and avoid lying and bad behavior, ma-sha-Allah. Keep on doing so.

    Wael Editor

  5. Smoking is not the point here, as others have stated.

    What is the point is that your husband is a violent and abusive person. You need to talk to someone you trust to decide how to deal with this - and you need to be very sure that you and your child are safe.

  6. As-salamu alaykum

    My only question to you is why you didn't tell him that you smoke prior to your marriage? Everyone addressed the issue of violence and abuse but what about the deception on her part.

    • Right. So now it all makes sense why he hits her because he obviously has no other options.

    • Perhaps she was afraid of the consequences of telling him. In some societies, smoking among women is seen as an indicator of loose morals, despite the fact that men smoke with no such stigma attached to it. She may have been afraid that he would tell her family and other people that she is a bad woman because she smokes. Then after the marriage she could not tell him for fear of violence.

      Also, you should not equate deception with abuse. Her lie may have hurt her husband emotionally, but his abuse hurts her emotionally, mentally and physically.

    • Brother Ahmed, how is your question relevant to the problem at hand?
      Hopefully you won't beat your wife if you found out after the nikah that she was a smoker.

  7. Assalam alaikum,

    Let's say hypothetically that you actually stopped smoking--ask yourself, would your husband stop being physically abusive? If he is physically abusive, that is a problem he is struggling with and he will do with or without a reason--but most of the time, physically abusive people aren't going to take the blame, they will make sure the victim knows that they are the reason for the abuse.

    I suggest that you listen to Br. Wael's advice.

    Once you are safe and the issues in your life are resolved, then, of course, you should consider leading a healthy lifestyle for your sake and your children's sake.

    May Allah ease your problems, Ameen.

  8. As if he hasn't done anything wrong in life. Nobody's perfect. And smoking isnt morally wrong. It may be bad for your health, but not islamically wrong. Hes making a big deal unnecessarily. Sounds like a violent man with anger issues.

  9. And yeah, theres nothing wrong in leaving him. I mean, i dont think this is the first time hes hit you.

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